Anonymous wrote:So my initial thought was no I wouldn’t pay for this or let her pay for it. Then it occured to me that I have paid but in a different situation. I am white with short fine hair usually in a pony tail. DD is black and has gorgeous natural hair. I do not have the skill set for the styles she has requested so we pay for her to go to a black stylist every 2 weeks to get braids, twists, or whatever she wants. For me it’s part of the price we pay in raising a black daughter. Hair matters to them.

When you say hair matters to "them," who do you mean? I hope you don't mean Black people, because hair matters to everyone, per the OP. This is a different example. You are paying because you lack the ability to do your daughter's hair in a style appropriate for her hair type. The op's daughter wants to change her hair type.

It's ridiculous and probably damaging to enable this focus. She's 12.

Anonymous wrote:She should get a Japanese straight perm or similar. I get these and I’m Asian with straight but frizzy hair.

Stop it. This would ruin her hair and look terrible as her hair grows out. She needs to come to terms with having curly hair and learn to work with it- both for curly styles and how to blow it out herself

She should get a Japanese straight perm or similar. I get these and I’m Asian with straight but frizzy hair.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My girl has gorgeous, naturally wavy (sometimes frizzy) long, dirty blonde hair. She is envious of my very fine poker straight hair and is always lamenting she didn’t get my type of hair. She wants to have her hair professionally washed and straightened every week. It’s $50 not including tip. She says she will pay for it. I feel like this is excessive and I can’t imagine ever asking this of my mom at the same age but she is almost 13 and makes her own money babysitting and dog walking and if this is how she wants to spend it, the only thing I have to do is drive her to and from the appointments. I’m wondering who would try to talk their tween out of this and make her realize what a long-term financial investment it is to try to discourage or just let her do it because it build her confidence and makes her feel good about herself?

What race is she? This can do long term damage to her curls. There are treatments that can get it smoother and then wash out over time. Try haute Feng Shui in Tyson’s.

She is white.
-OP

Anonymous wrote:My girl has gorgeous, naturally wavy (sometimes frizzy) long, dirty blonde hair. She is envious of my very fine poker straight hair and is always lamenting she didn’t get my type of hair. She wants to have her hair professionally washed and straightened every week. It’s $50 not including tip. She says she will pay for it. I feel like this is excessive and I can’t imagine ever asking this of my mom at the same age but she is almost 13 and makes her own money babysitting and dog walking and if this is how she wants to spend it, the only thing I have to do is drive her to and from the appointments. I’m wondering who would try to talk their tween out of this and make her realize what a long-term financial investment it is to try to discourage or just let her do it because it build her confidence and makes her feel good about herself?

What race is she? This can do long term damage to her curls. There are treatments that can get it smoother and then wash out over time. Try haute Feng Shui in Tyson’s.

No way. She can do this when she can drive herself there. That’s too much of my time for something like this.

Even to use her own money, I would say that she needs to first truly try the curly girl method or whatever things are out there now and learn how to do her hair, use a straightener to do her hair. She should know how to do her own hair and be comfortable with that. (Assuming she’s not black; I would pay for that, as another PP said.) I might say yes to once a month at this age.

Having her hair done all the time will give her a complex, or a bigger one than she has. She has to figure out how to be comfortable with herself.

Where is your 12yo getting $200/month?

Just spend $200 on a keratin treatment that will last for months instead of doing every week.

My worry for a 12 year old is that she will then avoid being physically active - swimming , etc for fear of ruining her hair. That’s just so young for that.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dyson airstraight is garbage. 10 passes on each section of hair to straighten it is horrible. A good flat iron does a significantly better job if you want sleek, smooth straight hair. But, it's all damaging to hair. Your DD should learn how to properly care for curly hair. Yeah, her hair is most likely curly.

Just get the Revlon blow dry straightener. Weekly hair appts and/or a $500 hair tool for a 12 yr old is insane. Have you all lost your mind?

Can you link it? There tons on Amazon.

This one

https://www.amazon.com/Upgraded-Volumizer-Negative-Anti-frizz-Straightener/dp/B09VGXRKN9/ref=sr_1_2_sspa?crid=73OUCDGDPZEV&keywords=revlon+hair+dryer+brush+blow+dryer+brush+in+one&qid=1688330013&sprefix=Revlon+%2Caps%2C149&sr=8-2-spons&sp_csd=d2lkZ2V0TmFtZT1zcF9hdGY&psc=1

IMO it does a better job than most of the salon blow outs I’ve had. But I would definitely instruct her to use a regular hair dryer first and rough dry her hair (kind just shake hands through hair as you blow dry) until most of the water is gone. The Revlon tool works better, faster, and is less damaging if hair is slightly damp vs very wet. When I was her age I would have died and gone to heaven for one of these.

As a teen I used to shower at night (since I played sports and got sweaty), let my hair dry a little, then sleep with it in a bun. In the morning it was still slightly damp and perfect for blowing straight in a lot less time.

+1 we love this dryer! My daughter has thick curly hair and gets great results from this. In a way I think she’s embraced her curls more now because she feels like she has options. She only does the dryer about once a week, but it’s fast and gives her another style that she likes. She uses a heat protectant spray, which of course is not as good as avoiding drying but her hair is shiny and healthy so far.

Asian girls have been getting straight perms since the 90s. Look into them.

I always had very frizzy slightly curly slightly wavy hair as a teen and preteen and my mom had absolutely no understanding of what it was like to take care of and have that hair type. I was self-conscious and I hated my hair and wore it in a slicked back bun for years. I would have loved the opportunity to have done something about it but that was never an option.
If she wants to pay for it I would let her but I would not supplement paying for other things that she would typically pay for with that income. So she would typically pay for a movie tickets with her friends. I would not offer to do that if she spent it on hair. Straightening. I think it's a great time for her to prioritize what's important to her and to see if she has the funds to do it.
I think also getting her some product and styling tips would be great. College, I met a girl with my hair type and it was a game changer. I love my wavy hair now and it is controlled by three times a week washing and the products I use. I get compliments on my hair all of the time and if I had better information on how to handle my actual hair type in high school I would have been a lot happier and less self-conscious.

Anonymous wrote:I would discuss pros /cons and if she still wants to I would do it but I would charge her a $3.00 taxi fee or charge in chores for my time. It could get it out of her system and a great money management learning experience

,

I agree it's a total waste of money re the hair and super high maintenance (for both of you) but I like the above philosophy.
I think more than $3 though - gas, your time...
The danger of course -- with a kid dedicated to her looks, as tweens/teens are -- is that she will NOT learn the lesson and keep doing it!