Anonymous
06/28/2023 18:56
Subject: Elected not to have kids early, why the animosity?
Anonymous wrote:I’m in my early 30s and a director at a large, fortune 100 firm. In a long term relationship, my husband is active duty military. We elected to wait to have kids and it seems like the snide comments I get have increased lately.
Things like ‘DH and I are taking a long weekend down at the beach’ are met with ‘wow must be nice to not have kids, we could never do that’ and when discussing my evenings things like mentioning i read a book by the fire pit(obviously not turned on) just get crooked eyed comments.
Am I missing something or do people genuinely dislike others having control over their lives?
You don’t think they have control over their lives too? Of course they do. this is just your way of saying their choices are inferior. That may be why they don’t like you. It’s quite ironic though since you are quickly losing control of fertility options at your age. You are not in as much control as you think.
Anonymous
06/28/2023 18:35
Subject: Elected not to have kids early, why the animosity?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I’m in my early 30s and a director at a large, fortune 100 firm. In a long term relationship, my husband is active duty military. We elected to wait to have kids and it seems like the snide comments I get have increased lately.
Things like ‘DH and I are taking a long weekend down at the beach’ are met with ‘wow must be nice to not have kids, we could never do that’ and when discussing my evenings things like mentioning i read a book by the fire pit(obviously not turned on) just get crooked eyed comments.
Am I missing something or do people genuinely dislike others having control over their lives?
Honestly; some of the details you shared in your post are pretty strange / random…I wonder if you’re coming across as weird or socially awkward in person. If a coworker said the ‘read a book by the (turned off) fire pit’ comment to me, I would probably respond the way your coworkers do because I am polite and it’s obvious that that’s the kind of validation you’re looking for
Regardless, if you DO want kids don’t want toooo long or you might be the one feeling like you don’t have control over something in your life!
It’s weird to you for someone to tell you they read a book by a fire pit and include that the fire pit was not turned on? This is what you think people say to obtain validation?
This sounds like smalltalk to me. Wow, people really like to read into random statements.
Anonymous
06/28/2023 18:27
Subject: Elected not to have kids early, why the animosity?
Anonymous wrote:I assume this is the active duty military people making comments. This is its own weird culture, but yeah they have a lot of kids early.
+1. Are you in the DMV? Meet the rest of us. Early 30s without kids is unremarkable here.
Anonymous
06/28/2023 18:24
Subject: Elected not to have kids early, why the animosity?
Anonymous wrote:I’m in my early 30s and a director at a large, fortune 100 firm. In a long term relationship, my husband is active duty military. We elected to wait to have kids and it seems like the snide comments I get have increased lately.
Things like ‘DH and I are taking a long weekend down at the beach’ are met with ‘wow must be nice to not have kids, we could never do that’ and when discussing my evenings things like mentioning i read a book by the fire pit(obviously not turned on) just get crooked eyed comments.
Am I missing something or do people genuinely dislike others having control over their lives?
Honestly; some of the details you shared in your post are pretty strange / random…I wonder if you’re coming across as weird or socially awkward in person. If a coworker said the ‘read a book by the (turned off) fire pit’ comment to me, I would probably respond the way your coworkers do because I am polite and it’s obvious that that’s the kind of validation you’re looking for
Regardless, if you DO want kids don’t want toooo long or you might be the one feeling like you don’t have control over something in your life!
Anonymous
06/28/2023 18:20
Subject: Elected not to have kids early, why the animosity?
Hm. This sounds honestly more like an issue on your end (…are you hoping to have kids someday, and feeling self-conscious / worried about waiting? Your title is confusing.); these are pretty harmless throwaway comments. No one actually wants to trade lives with you, they’re just kind of saying something to say something. You know, the way people do with coworkers
Anonymous
06/28/2023 18:07
Subject: Elected not to have kids early, why the animosity?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Sound like your own insecurities on waiting.
+1
I feel sorry for you and would never be jealous. If you have kids you will be out of sync with your peers, professional and through your kids. You also may have trouble conceiving. You might be mistaken for grandma on grandparents day (this has happened several times at my kids private school). There is a trend for upper class women to have all their children by their early 30s - so you basically pinpoint yourself as MC, no matter how successful you are in your career.
If you never have kids, that's your choice. My kids, although they are work, have made my life so rich and full. I cannot imagine having a life this fulfilling without them. There is not a substitute for me.
Ok OP, this is a helpful example of what judgment DOES sound like, very different than "I wish I could have a couple's weekend!"
+1. Also made me vomit a little in my mouth.
The best part for me was “pegged yourself as MC” because that’s the most insecure thing someone could write….as if people are generally just really hoping someone doesn’t think they are MC.
Anonymous
06/28/2023 18:06
Subject: Elected not to have kids early, why the animosity?
Anonymous wrote:Meh. I'd probably try to make a neutrally pleasant response to news of your kid-free exploits, but don't expect me to be good at pretending I'm interested in your dog. It is not a person.
Also, and this is more of an issue for people in your personal life than your work life, understand that we (parents) have serious obligations that engage our time and money. Unless you're personally providing elder care or battling cancer, there is no comparison to anything in your life.
I have kids and I am intensely interested is your dog.
I also want to hear about all of your travels and I want you to give me recommendations.
I also want to talk about my kids and I want you to at least pretend to be interested.
I think that if we don’t have the same lives it doesn’t mean your issues are not comparable.
Anonymous
06/28/2023 17:39
Subject: Elected not to have kids early, why the animosity?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Sound like your own insecurities on waiting.
+1
I feel sorry for you and would never be jealous. If you have kids you will be out of sync with your peers, professional and through your kids. You also may have trouble conceiving. You might be mistaken for grandma on grandparents day (this has happened several times at my kids private school). There is a trend for upper class women to have all their children by their early 30s - so you basically pinpoint yourself as MC, no matter how successful you are in your career.
If you never have kids, that's your choice. My kids, although they are work, have made my life so rich and full. I cannot imagine having a life this fulfilling without them. There is not a substitute for me.
Ok OP, this is a helpful example of what judgment DOES sound like, very different than "I wish I could have a couple's weekend!"
+1. Also made me vomit a little in my mouth.