Anonymous
Post 06/26/2023 10:11     Subject: Why are UMC people cold and unfriendly?
Related to the people talking about social bonds and community--Statistically, Middle Class people (real middle class, not DCUM middle class) are much more likely to regularly attend church than their upper middle class counterparts.

Anonymous
Post 06/26/2023 10:11     Subject: Why are UMC people cold and unfriendly?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I have come across this interesting phenomenon where the UMC young professionals I come across in their twenties and thirties are sort of cold and aloof. They aren’t very friendly and do not go out of their way to befriend you.

In comparison middle class people are so warm and friendly. As are the upper class people.

Why do you think this is?


I disagree with just about everything posted here. UMC people are not friendly because the do not have time to be. If you are rich you have time. Poor you have time. MC -- not much time but some. UMC are pulled in so many directions at the same time that they simply don't have time to be friendly with everyone.

If you are UMC through work your work consumes 12 plus hours every day. Then add in kid activities.

When I am going through my day I am thinking about maybe a half dozen things at work and with kids and spouse. No time for you sorry to say.



Absolutely ridiculous. You can be busy but friendly and kind.


OP is complaining about people not wanting to be their friend. You can be cordial and polite but not really have more time for people. The day is only so long and there are other priorities. OP said people aren't going out of their way to befriend them. Why would they? They are busy, as several have noted. That doesn't make them unkind.


Sit down. People aren't clamoring to be your friend.
Anonymous
Post 06/26/2023 10:10     Subject: Why are UMC people cold and unfriendly?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I have come across this interesting phenomenon where the UMC young professionals I come across in their twenties and thirties are sort of cold and aloof. They aren’t very friendly and do not go out of their way to befriend you.

In comparison middle class people are so warm and friendly. As are the upper class people.

Why do you think this is?


I disagree with just about everything posted here. UMC people are not friendly because the do not have time to be. If you are rich you have time. Poor you have time. MC -- not much time but some. UMC are pulled in so many directions at the same time that they simply don't have time to be friendly with everyone.

If you are UMC through work your work consumes 12 plus hours every day. Then add in kid activities.

When I am going through my day I am thinking about maybe a half dozen things at work and with kids and spouse. No time for you sorry to say.



Absolutely ridiculous. You can be busy but friendly and kind.


Sure you can. But why would you? It is kind of fake to be friendly and kind when you could care less about someone.


Only in this are is it "fake" to say hello, in passing.
Anonymous
Post 06/26/2023 10:09     Subject: Why are UMC people cold and unfriendly?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I have come across this interesting phenomenon where the UMC young professionals I come across in their twenties and thirties are sort of cold and aloof. They aren’t very friendly and do not go out of their way to befriend you.

In comparison middle class people are so warm and friendly. As are the upper class people.

Why do you think this is?


I disagree with just about everything posted here. UMC people are not friendly because the do not have time to be. If you are rich you have time. Poor you have time. MC -- not much time but some. UMC are pulled in so many directions at the same time that they simply don't have time to be friendly with everyone.

If you are UMC through work your work consumes 12 plus hours every day. Then add in kid activities.

When I am going through my day I am thinking about maybe a half dozen things at work and with kids and spouse. No time for you sorry to say.



Absolutely ridiculous. You can be busy but friendly and kind.


OP is complaining about people not wanting to be their friend. You can be cordial and polite but not really have more time for people. The day is only so long and there are other priorities. OP said people aren't going out of their way to befriend them. Why would they? They are busy, as several have noted. That doesn't make them unkind.
Anonymous
Post 06/26/2023 10:07     Subject: Why are UMC people cold and unfriendly?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I have come across this interesting phenomenon where the UMC young professionals I come across in their twenties and thirties are sort of cold and aloof. They aren’t very friendly and do not go out of their way to befriend you.

In comparison middle class people are so warm and friendly. As are the upper class people.

Why do you think this is?


I disagree with just about everything posted here. UMC people are not friendly because the do not have time to be. If you are rich you have time. Poor you have time. MC -- not much time but some. UMC are pulled in so many directions at the same time that they simply don't have time to be friendly with everyone.

If you are UMC through work your work consumes 12 plus hours every day. Then add in kid activities.

When I am going through my day I am thinking about maybe a half dozen things at work and with kids and spouse. No time for you sorry to say.



Absolutely ridiculous. You can be busy but friendly and kind.


Sure you can. But why would you? It is kind of fake to be friendly and kind when you could care less about someone.
Anonymous
Post 06/26/2023 10:06     Subject: Why are UMC people cold and unfriendly?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:People who need other people often have stronger social networks by necessity. People who give each other rides home from work,
watch each others kids, help each other move, loan a pick up truck, etc. When you don’t have a lot of money, you develop an informal economy where you barter for services.

Who do you hear worrying or complaining about childcare, days of school, etc? It’s often UMC moms because they don’t have a network of people to help out. When I was a kid, I didn’t go to extended day. My mom paid a stay at home mom on our street a small amount to walk me to the bus with her own kids each morning. We also lived in a place where the dentist, the woman who cleaned our house, our mechanic, the manager of a local restaurant we frequented - all were parents of kids at my school.

I am now in a position that I can pay for a lot of services. I don’t know the women who clean my house. I don’t know where my hairdresser or dentist live. I don’t need to - nor is it considered rude that I don’t know their kids names. I am friendly and connected to my neighbors, my coworkers, parents at my kids school or their activities and sports teams. I am not outgoing with people outside those groups. I like to think I am courteous and polite, but I am not asking your dog’s name or trying to figure out if your grandmother went to high school with my uncle.


How interesting! It is this exact phenomenon because of which UMC people have their own little subculture if you will. They feel they do not need to extend basic social curtesy to people around them as they can pay for the services they need. There is no need for unnecessary socializing.

How fascinating


DP here. I found this (bartering amongst poorer people) to be true in the DC/MD/VA area.

In other areas, UMC people are friendly to each other. If you come from an area like this, and you move to this area, the social norms in this area tend to not make sense to you, and you are left wondering "what's their problem, they have nothing to be snobby about". People from certain areas tend to think that UMC in this area are the clowns - easily impressed (with themselves).
Anonymous
Post 06/26/2023 10:04     Subject: Re:Why are UMC people cold and unfriendly?
Anonymous wrote:This is true in my experience. I think it's cultural and also the types of jobs people have. UC people who have jobs are usually in roles where their success depends partly on charming lots of people - CEO, lobbyist, law firm partner, etc. - those people tend to have a decent amount of charisma and do well with people. They get used to glad-handing and that crosses over into their day-to-day interactions.

MC people often have service-type jobs or teaching or nursing or otherwise work in environments with a lot of human interaction. So again, they are used to interacting with lots of different types of people successfully.

UMC folks often have email jobs where they don't see a lot of people except on Zoom meetings. Plus they are busy and stressed and striving so they don't have time for new friends.


Very true in my experience! Some of my UMC engineering and policy wonk type peers can come across as rude but they are actually socially awkward. But I also know UMC people who are as were described previously in this thread. The previously MC- social status conscious striver types. They have no manners and are simply rude and obvious in their social climbing calculations.

CEOs and executives or rich people with sales jobs are different. A combination of being secure in their status and privilege and the social skills needed to do those public facing jobs, makes them come across as friendly and charming. They usually also don’t have the chip on their shoulder than the striver UMC types do.
Anonymous
Post 06/26/2023 10:04     Subject: Why are UMC people cold and unfriendly?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I have come across this interesting phenomenon where the UMC young professionals I come across in their twenties and thirties are sort of cold and aloof. They aren’t very friendly and do not go out of their way to befriend you.

In comparison middle class people are so warm and friendly. As are the upper class people.

Why do you think this is?


I disagree with just about everything posted here. UMC people are not friendly because the do not have time to be. If you are rich you have time. Poor you have time. MC -- not much time but some. UMC are pulled in so many directions at the same time that they simply don't have time to be friendly with everyone.

If you are UMC through work your work consumes 12 plus hours every day. Then add in kid activities.

When I am going through my day I am thinking about maybe a half dozen things at work and with kids and spouse. No time for you sorry to say.



Absolutely ridiculous. You can be busy but friendly and kind.
Anonymous
Post 06/26/2023 10:03     Subject: Why are UMC people cold and unfriendly?
Anonymous wrote:I have come across this interesting phenomenon where the UMC young professionals I come across in their twenties and thirties are sort of cold and aloof. They aren’t very friendly and do not go out of their way to befriend you.

In comparison middle class people are so warm and friendly. As are the upper class people.

Why do you think this is?


Are you poorer and they are?

Richer people can feel elitist, or feel guilty, both of which have the same effect of make them uncomfortable with poorer people.

Anonymous
Post 06/26/2023 10:02     Subject: Why are UMC people cold and unfriendly?
Fear.
Anonymous
Post 06/26/2023 09:59     Subject: Why are UMC people cold and unfriendly?
Anonymous wrote:People who need other people often have stronger social networks by necessity. People who give each other rides home from work,
watch each others kids, help each other move, loan a pick up truck, etc. When you don’t have a lot of money, you develop an informal economy where you barter for services.

Who do you hear worrying or complaining about childcare, days of school, etc? It’s often UMC moms because they don’t have a network of people to help out. When I was a kid, I didn’t go to extended day. My mom paid a stay at home mom on our street a small amount to walk me to the bus with her own kids each morning. We also lived in a place where the dentist, the woman who cleaned our house, our mechanic, the manager of a local restaurant we frequented - all were parents of kids at my school.

I am now in a position that I can pay for a lot of services. I don’t know the women who clean my house. I don’t know where my hairdresser or dentist live. I don’t need to - nor is it considered rude that I don’t know their kids names. I am friendly and connected to my neighbors, my coworkers, parents at my kids school or their activities and sports teams. I am not outgoing with people outside those groups. I like to think I am courteous and polite, but I am not asking your dog’s name or trying to figure out if your grandmother went to high school with my uncle.


How interesting! It is this exact phenomenon because of which UMC people have their own little subculture if you will. They feel they do not need to extend basic social curtesy to people around them as they can pay for the services they need. There is no need for unnecessary socializing.

How fascinating
Anonymous
Post 06/26/2023 09:57     Subject: Why are UMC people cold and unfriendly?
Anonymous wrote:I have come across this interesting phenomenon where the UMC young professionals I come across in their twenties and thirties are sort of cold and aloof. They aren’t very friendly and do not go out of their way to befriend you.

In comparison middle class people are so warm and friendly. As are the upper class people.

Why do you think this is?


I disagree with just about everything posted here. UMC people are not friendly because the do not have time to be. If you are rich you have time. Poor you have time. MC -- not much time but some. UMC are pulled in so many directions at the same time that they simply don't have time to be friendly with everyone.

If you are UMC through work your work consumes 12 plus hours every day. Then add in kid activities.

When I am going through my day I am thinking about maybe a half dozen things at work and with kids and spouse. No time for you sorry to say.

Anonymous
Post 06/26/2023 09:50     Subject: Why are UMC people cold and unfriendly?
They have anxiety and might be on ssris. That could give them flat affect
Anonymous
Post 06/26/2023 09:50     Subject: Why are UMC people cold and unfriendly?
Because some of the down to earth friendly UMC people generally present to people as MC. That's why. You wouldn't know they went to Harvard and have "UMC" jobs and their house in a "MC" neighborhood and average car are all paid off and they're set to retire early.
Anonymous
Post 06/26/2023 09:45     Subject: Re:Why are UMC people cold and unfriendly?
This is true in my experience. I think it's cultural and also the types of jobs people have. UC people who have jobs are usually in roles where their success depends partly on charming lots of people - CEO, lobbyist, law firm partner, etc. - those people tend to have a decent amount of charisma and do well with people. They get used to glad-handing and that crosses over into their day-to-day interactions.

MC people often have service-type jobs or teaching or nursing or otherwise work in environments with a lot of human interaction. So again, they are used to interacting with lots of different types of people successfully.

UMC folks often have email jobs where they don't see a lot of people except on Zoom meetings. Plus they are busy and stressed and striving so they don't have time for new friends.