Anonymous
06/24/2023 21:17
Subject: Re:No playdates because other siblings won't have a friend
Anonymous wrote:. But is it though?Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I always wanted to play with my sibling’s friends. I can totally understand the parents who bring along the other sibling. Especially if both parents work - it gives the other person some time off. I say this as the stay at home parent of an only child.
+1
The point is for the two kids to play together, not to give mom a free babysitter.
The mom of the only doesn't want to entertain her kid so having a play date certainly gives her a break. A free babysitter indeed. Everyone gets something out of this arrangement.
Anonymous
06/24/2023 21:13
Subject: Re:No playdates because other siblings won't have a friend
. But is it though?Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I always wanted to play with my sibling’s friends. I can totally understand the parents who bring along the other sibling. Especially if both parents work - it gives the other person some time off. I say this as the stay at home parent of an only child.
+1
The point is for the two kids to play together, not to give mom a free babysitter.
Anonymous
06/24/2023 21:07
Subject: Re:No playdates because other siblings won't have a friend
Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you for these responses, they are interesting and helpful and helping me to see other perspectives.
The main issue is that my child is not invited anywhere by her friends, either to their house or to meetup at a park, etc. DC is always asking, "why doesn't my best friend ever invite me over, they always come here." That's my question too. We host a ton but I'm wondering why it's not reciprocated, and I'm guessing it's mainly because families want to invite over other families with same-aged kids but that just seems a little limiting. When I was growing up my sister had a best friend who was an only child, and when that child came over, I didn't have anyone to play with and that was fine, I just did my own thing because my sister wanted time with her friend solo. It was never an issue the way it seems to be today.
At that age it's more about the parents friendships than the kids.
Anonymous
06/24/2023 21:05
Subject: Re:No playdates because other siblings won't have a friend
OP here. Thank you for these responses, they are interesting and helpful and helping me to see other perspectives.
The main issue is that my child is not invited anywhere by her friends, either to their house or to meetup at a park, etc. DC is always asking, "why doesn't my best friend ever invite me over, they always come here." That's my question too. We host a ton but I'm wondering why it's not reciprocated, and I'm guessing it's mainly because families want to invite over other families with same-aged kids but that just seems a little limiting. When I was growing up my sister had a best friend who was an only child, and when that child came over, I didn't have anyone to play with and that was fine, I just did my own thing because my sister wanted time with her friend solo. It was never an issue the way it seems to be today.
The main issue is that my child is not invited anywhere by her friends, either to their house or to meetup at a park, etc. DC is always asking, "why doesn't my best friend ever invite me over, they always come here." That's my question too. We host a ton but I'm wondering why it's not reciprocated, and I'm guessing it's mainly because families want to invite over other families with same-aged kids but that just seems a little limiting. When I was growing up my sister had a best friend who was an only child, and when that child came over, I didn't have anyone to play with and that was fine, I just did my own thing because my sister wanted time with her friend solo. It was never an issue the way it seems to be today.
Anonymous
06/24/2023 20:59
Subject: Re:No playdates because other siblings won't have a friend
Anonymous wrote:I am the parent of an only. We host a ton of play dates because it is easy for us to do so. DS enjoys time with a friend and his friends get some time away from their sibling. We don’t invite siblings but we are fine with doing the majority of the hosting. If I want to take DS and a friend some place, I offer to drive the kids.
I would expect siblings to attend a playdate at a park or a trip to the zoo if we are meeting. Either move to drop off playdates at your house or expect to have siblings at playdates.
I have two and agree this can be a nice thing. I think it's the part about the parent attending as well that is creating the sibling issue. And like you posted, the park or zoo setting just seems like it's a casual thing. I think everyone is more respectful of an event in someone's home and obviously dropoff is not babysitting for multiple kids.
Anonymous
06/24/2023 20:56
Subject: Re:No playdates because other siblings won't have a friend
I am the parent of an only. We host a ton of play dates because it is easy for us to do so. DS enjoys time with a friend and his friends get some time away from their sibling. We don’t invite siblings but we are fine with doing the majority of the hosting. If I want to take DS and a friend some place, I offer to drive the kids.
I would expect siblings to attend a playdate at a park or a trip to the zoo if we are meeting. Either move to drop off playdates at your house or expect to have siblings at playdates.
I would expect siblings to attend a playdate at a park or a trip to the zoo if we are meeting. Either move to drop off playdates at your house or expect to have siblings at playdates.
Anonymous
06/24/2023 20:34
Subject: No playdates because other siblings won't have a friend
I have 3 kids. Happy to drop off one. Can’t really stay without bringing at least one other sometimes. Would never dream the zoo meetup was exclusive of siblings; if it was, I’d assume you would have invited me to drop off my kid. We explicitly invite siblings we like —even for drop off sometimes to give other families a break. My kids like play dates, so the +1 is typically on good behavior in a sibling play date scenario… they know they’re the expendable one. Two of my kids are very social (oldest very socially adept; youngest very friendly) and one isn’t; getting to be the +1 at his older sister’s play dates has been really helpful on teaching him play date etiquette in a less stressful way.
Anonymous
06/24/2023 20:29
Subject: No playdates because other siblings won't have a friend
Anonymous wrote:See, I would not cultivate this friendship. I much prefer playdates where both my children will benefit, and I much prefer parents who will give me a break from both my kids at once. I happily host siblings and, if the group gets along well, explicitly invite them.
OP, ask yourself if you are making other people's life easier, or harder, with your opinions on this.
So much this. It's more this and the dynamic of the relationships vs how many kids the other family has.
Anonymous
06/24/2023 20:29
Subject: Re:No playdates because other siblings won't have a friend
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I’m the mom of an only so I have some perspective. I understand why you are annoyed. I am usually the mom initiating the play date. My son’s friends all have siblings that they play with fairly often so play dates aren’t as much of a priority.
I try to be accommodating and understanding. I have one friend whose husband works many weekends so she is with all 3 kids by herself. I will make an extra effort to go pick up her son, who is my son’s friend so she can have one on one time with her middle child while the baby is napping. I have an extra car seat in my car so I can take a friend with my son on an excursion.
We don’t receive the reciprocation I would like but the alternative is lots of loneliness for my social kid. It is possible that I am a sucker but I will make that sacrifice for the good of my kid.
Not a sucker. Some kids are fine with a lot of solo time, but you seem to have a good grasp on what your own child needs and are trying to meet those needs. That's good parenting.
You're not a sucker at all. You understand the dynamics and you're meeting your child's needs while also lending others a hand. You're excellent!
Anonymous
06/24/2023 20:20
Subject: Re:No playdates because other siblings won't have a friend
Anonymous wrote:OP, you seem to have your answer.
Everyone wants a break
But there must be some other parents who think like you. Get your child involved in other activities where they can meet more people.
I have an only child who also doesn’t like to play with tagalong siblings. Our kids could be friends, OP. But I don’t mind being the one who does all the planning. I understand why people with a bunch of kids do fewer play dates or tend to do them with families who also have a bunch of kids. They always say yes when I initiate.
Anonymous
06/24/2023 20:15
Subject: Re:No playdates because other siblings won't have a friend
Anonymous wrote:I’m the mom of an only so I have some perspective. I understand why you are annoyed. I am usually the mom initiating the play date. My son’s friends all have siblings that they play with fairly often so play dates aren’t as much of a priority.
I try to be accommodating and understanding. I have one friend whose husband works many weekends so she is with all 3 kids by herself. I will make an extra effort to go pick up her son, who is my son’s friend so she can have one on one time with her middle child while the baby is napping. I have an extra car seat in my car so I can take a friend with my son on an excursion.
We don’t receive the reciprocation I would like but the alternative is lots of loneliness for my social kid. It is possible that I am a sucker but I will make that sacrifice for the good of my kid.
Not a sucker. Some kids are fine with a lot of solo time, but you seem to have a good grasp on what your own child needs and are trying to meet those needs. That's good parenting.
Anonymous
06/24/2023 19:59
Subject: No playdates because other siblings won't have a friend
I'm exhausted thinking about my kid being friends with your kid, OP. You sound like you overthink and overengineer everything. Ugh.
Anonymous
06/24/2023 19:55
Subject: Re:No playdates because other siblings won't have a friend
OP, you seem to have your answer.
Everyone wants a break
But there must be some other parents who think like you. Get your child involved in other activities where they can meet more people.
Everyone wants a break
But there must be some other parents who think like you. Get your child involved in other activities where they can meet more people.
Anonymous
06/24/2023 19:51
Subject: No playdates because other siblings won't have a friend
See, I would not cultivate this friendship. I much prefer playdates where both my children will benefit, and I much prefer parents who will give me a break from both my kids at once. I happily host siblings and, if the group gets along well, explicitly invite them.
OP, ask yourself if you are making other people's life easier, or harder, with your opinions on this.
OP, ask yourself if you are making other people's life easier, or harder, with your opinions on this.
Anonymous
06/24/2023 19:32
Subject: No playdates because other siblings won't have a friend
Anonymous wrote:I mean, really really little kids are different because they are so high maintenance. If they aren't potty trained or still only parallel play, then no. But any age difference of 2 years plus or minus is fine with me.
+1. How old are these siblings, OP? My only child knows she needs to include siblings during play dates if the sibling is interested. Excluding a guest because you prefer another is not an option in our house and I remind her before people come over to include everyone. Whether the sibling is a tag along or not. I would not tolerate my child being “annoyed” with a sibling wanting to play, unless maybe that child had a behavioral issue or something and really couldn’t cooperate with the group.
We also keep younger toys in our house still for little sibs. They may drift in and out of the big kid games, so I like having options for them so they can also have something fun to do on their own.