Anonymous
Post 06/21/2023 00:35     Subject: Tried to ‘mentor’ young woman, not going well
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP update on Plan A please: did you sleep with Bob and how was it?


Plot twist - she slept with Jane. Now Bob's jealous.


OP here: thanks for the laughs Wish our workplaces were as exciting as yours!
Anonymous
Post 06/20/2023 23:18     Subject: Tried to ‘mentor’ young woman, not going well
Anonymous wrote:OP update on Plan A please: did you sleep with Bob and how was it?


Plot twist - she slept with Jane. Now Bob's jealous.
Anonymous
Post 06/20/2023 23:12     Subject: Tried to ‘mentor’ young woman, not going well
OP update on Plan A please: did you sleep with Bob and how was it?
Anonymous
Post 06/20/2023 22:51     Subject: Re:Tried to ‘mentor’ young woman, not going well
Anonymous wrote:Do nothing and then do nothing else for her in the future. Be polite but distant, and be careful.


This. You have learned Jane plans to flirt her way (or more) up the ladder. No more help for Jane of any kind.
Anonymous
Post 06/20/2023 22:41     Subject: Tried to ‘mentor’ young woman, not going well
Anonymous wrote:The only way to fix this is to sleep with Bob, ASAP.


Op have you tried this?
Anonymous
Post 06/20/2023 22:35     Subject: Re:Tried to ‘mentor’ young woman, not going well
Anonymous wrote:Do nothing and then do nothing else for her in the future. Be polite but distant, and be careful.


OP here: Yep, agreed.
Anonymous
Post 06/20/2023 22:34     Subject: Tried to ‘mentor’ young woman, not going well
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why you can't schedule a check in meeting with Jane and address this. Have specific examples of inappropriate behavior.


Jane is not a direct report, so I can’t really schedule a meeting to discuss issues. I need a gentler approach.

No, you don’t. You need to do nothing.
Anonymous
Post 06/20/2023 22:34     Subject: Tried to ‘mentor’ young woman, not going well
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You voucher for her to join the group. Pull her aside and let her know that her flirting behavior has been noticed by others and is unprofessional. Give her specific examples because she may not know what she’s doing.

Check in with her between WG meetings and pose questions for her to consider or something she should prepare prior to the meeting. If and when she doesn’t do those things, let her know you don’t think she’s puller her weight and you won’t be able to recommend her for WGs in the future.


OMG no do not confront her directly about flirting you will set yourself up for some kind of antidiscrimination suit. Instead publicly humiliate her, set her up for a fall, power play and backstage her, blackball her. But be warned, if she is crazy enough it could backfire.


Why waste energy doing any of this? Flirting with a co-worker doesn't warrant any of your suggestions. Op should learn from whatever role she played and cut her losses.


OP here: this is what I am inclined to do. We are not big-law hot shots. We are a bunch of analysts and engineers. There are very few women, so the older women make it a point to mentor the younger ones. I don’t think Jane is being manipulative (or may be I am being naive here), I think she may be clueless or not know how to behave in a professional environment. Neither Bob or I are in Jane’s reporting chain, so really Jane won’t benefit directly from pseudo-flirting with Bob or flattering me.
Anonymous
Post 06/20/2023 22:24     Subject: Tried to ‘mentor’ young woman, not going well
Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why you can't schedule a check in meeting with Jane and address this. Have specific examples of inappropriate behavior.


Jane is not a direct report, so I can’t really schedule a meeting to discuss issues. I need a gentler approach.
Anonymous
Post 06/20/2023 21:56     Subject: Tried to ‘mentor’ young woman, not going well
Anonymous wrote:She got on the group, is observing and not step in when she can't offer value, isn't nagging/bothering you, Bob reciprocating IS encouraging.
What is your/her/the issue?

Jane sounds smart and mature.

Is Jane hot?

Um don’t you get it? Jane is behaving COQUETTISH!!!! There’s zero doubt she’s a big ole whore and must be shunned.

/s
Anonymous
Post 06/20/2023 21:47     Subject: Tried to ‘mentor’ young woman, not going well
She got on the group, is observing and not step in when she can't offer value, isn't nagging/bothering you, Bob reciprocating IS encouraging.
What is your/her/the issue?

Jane sounds smart and mature.

Is Jane hot?
Anonymous
Post 06/20/2023 21:39     Subject: Re:Tried to ‘mentor’ young woman, not going well
Do nothing and then do nothing else for her in the future. Be polite but distant, and be careful.
Anonymous
Post 06/20/2023 21:35     Subject: Tried to ‘mentor’ young woman, not going well
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You voucher for her to join the group. Pull her aside and let her know that her flirting behavior has been noticed by others and is unprofessional. Give her specific examples because she may not know what she’s doing.

Check in with her between WG meetings and pose questions for her to consider or something she should prepare prior to the meeting. If and when she doesn’t do those things, let her know you don’t think she’s puller her weight and you won’t be able to recommend her for WGs in the future.


+1. Be very earnest and concerned about it. Explain that you can tell she's floundering and needs some help.

Also ask her "hey I don't mean to embarrass you but yesterday when you did xyz, it came off as unprofessional. Did you mean to be flirty with Bill? Or...? " See what she says.

It could truly be that she doesn't know she's being flirty. Or not.

Accusing Jane of flirting is a great way to get OP accused of sexual harassment.


Agreed. Inappropriate and screams boundary challenged.
Anonymous
Post 06/20/2023 21:15     Subject: Tried to ‘mentor’ young woman, not going well
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You voucher for her to join the group. Pull her aside and let her know that her flirting behavior has been noticed by others and is unprofessional. Give her specific examples because she may not know what she’s doing.

Check in with her between WG meetings and pose questions for her to consider or something she should prepare prior to the meeting. If and when she doesn’t do those things, let her know you don’t think she’s puller her weight and you won’t be able to recommend her for WGs in the future.


+1. Be very earnest and concerned about it. Explain that you can tell she's floundering and needs some help.

Also ask her "hey I don't mean to embarrass you but yesterday when you did xyz, it came off as unprofessional. Did you mean to be flirty with Bill? Or...? " See what she says.

It could truly be that she doesn't know she's being flirty. Or not.

Accusing Jane of flirting is a great way to get OP accused of sexual harassment.
Anonymous
Post 06/20/2023 21:10     Subject: Tried to ‘mentor’ young woman, not going well
Anonymous wrote:The only way to fix this is to sleep with Bob, ASAP.


THIS