Anonymous wrote:I probably would not check their texts once they are 18.

I'm 41 and I am still on my parents' phone plan but they do not check my texts! I am married with 3 kids - but my husband has his phone through work so I just never left my parents' plan and they even added my 14 year old to their plan too. It's basically my bday gift from them every year.

This is so strange to be on your parents’ plan as a grown married person and to have your kid too.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And also search their car & bedroom?

Yes. I pay for all of these things.

OP: if your child objects, they can pay for it all themselves.

Exercise your rights.

Cool. Drive your child to sugaring for a profession. Parent of the year right here.

My sugar daddy knows better than to check my phone and spoil the illusion.

Anonymous wrote:I probably would not check their texts once they are 18.

I'm 41 and I am still on my parents' phone plan but they do not check my texts! I am married with 3 kids - but my husband has his phone through work so I just never left my parents' plan and they even added my 14 year old to their plan too. It's basically my bday gift from them every year.

I recommend flipping the direction of that, to help them as they age and experience cognitive decline.

I probably would not check their texts once they are 18.

I'm 41 and I am still on my parents' phone plan but they do not check my texts! I am married with 3 kids - but my husband has his phone through work so I just never left my parents' plan and they even added my 14 year old to their plan too. It's basically my bday gift from them every year.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And also search their car & bedroom?

Yes. I pay for all of these things.

OP: if your child objects, they can pay for it all themselves.

Exercise your rights.

Cool. Drive your child to sugaring for a profession. Parent of the year right here.

Anonymous wrote:And also search their car & bedroom?

And strip-search if you are buying the clothes?

Only in a true emergency (suspected kidnapping, suicidal, something like that).

Anonymous wrote:And also search their car & bedroom?

Yes. I pay for all of these things.

OP: if your child objects, they can pay for it all themselves.

Exercise your rights.

According to the law, no, you do not have the right even if you foot the bill.

Just because you can, doesn’t mean you should. Do you have reason to suspect your child is considering self harm, abusing drugs and alcohol, or planning or participating in illegal activities?

Respect goes both ways. Unless your child is somehow an imminent danger to themselves or others, why would you violate their trust?

Don't read other people's texts. That goes for everyone in your life. Totally violating.

It has never dawned on my that I would or should. But, my kids thankfully have pretty insignificant problems (in the grand scheme of things). An occasional C is not a crisis. If I suspected they were in a life threatening situation— like ongoing heroin use or a violent, unstable relationship— and taking to them, encouraging them to get help, expressing willingness to pay for help provided by someone of their choice, etc. hadn’t worked? IDK, honestly. One of my kids had life threatening medical issues when they were young, and I learned that you can’t say you would “never” do something. If your kid is in serious danger, you will do just about anything.

I guess it would turn on what information I was looking for and what I would do with it. Say you confirm your kid is being seriously abused by an intimate partner, is there something concrete you can do? In many cases that breach of trust could work against you.

Last summer, I was the passenger in DS19’s car that he drives at college (our car) and pulled out his fake ID beneath the seat. I told him to never have this in the car with him.

If they have a history of drug/alcohol abuse and sending inappropriate texts, then yes. If not, then no.

If your kid is getting good grades and seems well-adjusted then I can understand people's concern that you do this and want a good relationship. If you have concerns, do it. Every single parent I knew who had major concerns and went through their kids' texts and personal belongings found out the issue and got help. The issues ranged from drugs to bulimia (abusing laxatives) to plotting suicide after a bad and humiliating breakup.