Once they have a college degree and someone they want to marry, its fine by me. I won't ask them to put life on hold for PhD or director role or $200K.

All depends on the kid and their significant other. My husband and I didn’t plan to meet freshman year of college, but it happened that way. We were both mature go-getters that had big dreams. Our parents knew this of both of us so were supportive. We pushed each other academically, professionally and socially so we always made time for friends (that was really important to me, he thanks me for it later). We got engaged at age 22/23 while both in graduate school. We are still happily married 20 years later.

My parents married at 21 (eloped) and i married at 31 (eloped). No wasted money on weddings.

Maturity includes financial maturity. I'm raising my kids not to depend on my money once they are out of college. If I can i will give them a down payment for a house.

If I like their soon to be spouse, I'll help pay for their wedding.

Anonymous wrote:There is a lot of heartache and fraud out there in dating world. If my kids have their person and want to commit, i'm nit going to suggest to leave them and keep dating randos just because I prefer them to marry after 35.

+100. I am 52 now, but I always had been taught to prioritize college, graduate school, and my career. I had had boyfriends over the years, but was not focused on it. Then in my late 20's, I had to kind of get serious about finding "the one." I found a wonderful man (my husband of 20 years), but it got stressful at ages 28-31 in trying to find Mr. Right. (This was before dating apps were big, and so I just met DH the old-fashioned way - through a friend.) Because we married later (I was 32 and he was 31), then we had fertility issues, even though we started trying for kids when I was age 32.

For my daughters, I hope that they can find "the one" at a younger age. They are young teens now, but I hope that they can meet their person by their mid-20's. It seems ideal to meet someone during college when you have time to get to know them as friends. (Better than having to navigate dating apps in your late 20's.)

My mom was 16 when she got married. It's worked out pretty well, but I'd prefer my kids wait a little longer. 18-21.

Your kid is an adult. If your intention was to contribute a certain amount to their wedding, agree to give them that when they get married. You don’t withhold it based on their age or who they are marrying or what color the flowers are going to be or whatever. It’s supposed to be a gift of love not control.
I got married at 26 and I’m still happily married. My parents got married at 20 and are still happily married. You don’t know what’s going to happen.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of growth and movement happens in early twenties First job, new cities, relocations, job hopping, figuring out who they are as adults, money matters, etc. For that reason, I would tell my AC to not rush into marriage even if they’ve found their person, they can live together, while they figure themselves out, get stability in the years after college, etc. 26+ would be my vote but I realize I don’t have any control…

+1. I was 23 when I got married. Waited until 31 for kids. Still happily married 20 years later, but in hindsight I think it did limit me to have to make life choices that worked for both of us. Paths not taken and all.

I was 24 and had my kid at 27 and I agree that it was limiting in some ways. Now that I’m
39 I do feel some new opportunities on the horizon and I’m much more confident and experienced now. Some of my friends had a lot of excitement in their late twenties/early thirties but there are a few who still haven’t found someone despite really wanting to marry. It’s easier to find a partner when you’re young.

A 22-year-old is plenty old enough to marry. Only in DCUM-land is this a question.

I am assuming that the person they choose is a good candidate to marry. Good family, well educated, in a well paying and respectable career, healthy in body and mind, good morals, no red flags, no addiction issues, no relationship baggage, not previously married or a parent, similar ages, similar goals and values. We have to approve the person. We have middle class values.

Ideally, my kids are done with school, college, grad school, professional school. Have a career and have stayed home for a couple years to have at least 100K saved up (outside of retirement contribution) in investment accounts. This can happen anytime from the time they are 21 to 40.

What economic help we can give to them has been a function of our finances. We saved for in-state college education from the time they were born. At first, we saved for community college, later we upped it to state college. Now we are able to pay for professional school also. Over the years, our income has grown so we were able to save for their first car, and weddings for both of them too. Maybe, by the time they get married and start a family, we could help with down payment, we could help with college fund for grandkids, annual gifts or even vacations etc. However, the things that we can support them with that does not cost us too much is providing them rent-free, expense-free, living in our house - with the aim that they can grow their own wealth and afford homes later on.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All of my divorced friends were married. Not a single unmarried friend got divorced. Why the push for marriage?

No push exists.

Societal push for straight marriage was always strong. This preference for single, late marriage, same sex marriage and divorce is rather recent.

Hey Granny! The times they are a-changin…

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All of my divorced friends were married. Not a single unmarried friend got divorced. Why the push for marriage?

No push exists.

Societal push for straight marriage was always strong. This preference for single, late marriage, same sex marriage and divorce is rather recent.

Paths not taken could be worse. Hindsight is always 20/20.

Anonymous wrote:A lot of growth and movement happens in early twenties First job, new cities, relocations, job hopping, figuring out who they are as adults, money matters, etc. For that reason, I would tell my AC to not rush into marriage even if they’ve found their person, they can live together, while they figure themselves out, get stability in the years after college, etc. 26+ would be my vote but I realize I don’t have any control…

+1. I was 23 when I got married. Waited until 31 for kids. Still happily married 20 years later, but in hindsight I think it did limit me to have to make life choices that worked for both of us. Paths not taken and all.

Anonymous wrote:All of my divorced friends were married. Not a single unmarried friend got divorced. Why the push for marriage?

No push exists.