Anonymous
Post 05/28/2023 14:28     Subject: If you are 35 and married, is it depressing?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Thinking back to when I was 35...the most difficult part of my marriage was having two toddlers. We didn't have a whole lot of time for each other.


If you think it is hard now, wait until they are teenagers. We have ages 15, 14, and 10 and they require far more time and energy on our part. I wish we could turn back to the toddler stage.


I have teens now and cannot stand when people say this. The stresses are completely different, and there is no reason to compare like this. And the difficulties of the different stresses depend in large part on the parents' personalities. So, yes, dealing with teens' sullenness, independence, exposure to sex and drugs, increased schoolwork and school pressures, school and extracurricular activities, etc. can be difficult, but some parents are totally ok with all that. Likewise with toddlers and all the loss of freedom for the parents, the constant motion and following them around, the irrational toddler angst, etc. But some people love that age.


DP.
Why, in the list of things that are difficult about having teens, does no one ever mention the cooking and laundry. I have three teen boys who play sports, and I have to make so much food and wash so many dirty clothes every day. It’s kind of unbelievable.
Anonymous
Post 05/28/2023 14:27     Subject: If you are 35 and married, is it depressing?
35 and married. definitely not depressed but I don’t think I’ve ever actually been depressed. My kids are amazing and I love being a mom so that’s my favorite thing about this stage in life. Husband is flawed (aren’t we all) but I do love him and I generally feel fulfilled and happy in our marriage.

I find that the issues that come up in my life right now can be stressful but are also fleeting and I would not describe any of it as depressing.
Anonymous
Post 05/28/2023 14:10     Subject: If you are 35 and married, is it depressing?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Thinking back to when I was 35...the most difficult part of my marriage was having two toddlers. We didn't have a whole lot of time for each other.


If you think it is hard now, wait until they are teenagers. We have ages 15, 14, and 10 and they require far more time and energy on our part. I wish we could turn back to the toddler stage.


I have teens now and cannot stand when people say this. The stresses are completely different, and there is no reason to compare like this. And the difficulties of the different stresses depend in large part on the parents' personalities. So, yes, dealing with teens' sullenness, independence, exposure to sex and drugs, increased schoolwork and school pressures, school and extracurricular activities, etc. can be difficult, but some parents are totally ok with all that. Likewise with toddlers and all the loss of freedom for the parents, the constant motion and following them around, the irrational toddler angst, etc. But some people love that age.
Anonymous
Post 05/28/2023 13:03     Subject: If you are 35 and married, is it depressing?
I am 52 and married, this year I will be married for 30 years (yes, to the same person!). I am insanely happy and satisfied in my marriage and in my life.
I would never, ever trade places with anyone else.
Anonymous
Post 05/28/2023 13:02     Subject: If you are 35 and married, is it depressing?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:The depressing part is being married and a woman with a kid in a HCOL area.

The marriage, the life, the kid are all great. It's the pressures around it all that suck.


If you feel this way now, stick to one and done. I did and the financial freedom is liberating.


And the freedom that comes from more free time with one


YES.
Anonymous
Post 05/28/2023 13:01     Subject: If you are 35 and married, is it depressing?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Thinking back to when I was 35...the most difficult part of my marriage was having two toddlers. We didn't have a whole lot of time for each other.


If you think it is hard now, wait until they are teenagers. We have ages 15, 14, and 10 and they require far more time and energy on our part. I wish we could turn back to the toddler stage.


But how?? I get that they can't drive yet but teens are SO much more independent. My toddler literally can't wipe herself.
Anonymous
Post 05/28/2023 11:50     Subject: If you are 35 and married, is it depressing?
Anonymous wrote:I'm happy and grateful for getting married in 20's as we are done with child raising before retirement and old age, kids are grown and flown.


Why have kids if you can’t wait to get rid of them?
Anonymous
Post 05/28/2023 11:49     Subject: If you are 35 and married, is it depressing?
I'm happy and grateful for getting married in 20's as we are done with child raising before retirement and old age, kids are grown and flown.
Anonymous
Post 05/28/2023 07:20     Subject: If you are 35 and married, is it depressing?
I don’t understand the premise of this question.
Anonymous
Post 05/28/2023 07:18     Subject: If you are 35 and married, is it depressing?
Anonymous wrote:Thinking back to when I was 35...the most difficult part of my marriage was having two toddlers. We didn't have a whole lot of time for each other.


If you think it is hard now, wait until they are teenagers. We have ages 15, 14, and 10 and they require far more time and energy on our part. I wish we could turn back to the toddler stage.
Anonymous
Post 05/28/2023 06:34     Subject: Re:If you are 35 and married, is it depressing?
Anonymous wrote:Do you mean, since we married older and have had lost 5 babies and going through a grueling IVF regimen? Yeah it suck balls. I love my husband and hate the 2 year infertility journey we've been on.


So sorry. That was me a few years ago. It takes a toll so please look after yourself and your marriage.
Anonymous
Post 05/28/2023 05:06     Subject: If you are 35 and married, is it depressing?
No, loved my 30s, when kids were younger (and so was I). I have three healthy, good kids, but still do not enjoy parenting tweens/teenagers nearly as much. It’s just a lot of worry, mind numbing changes in disposition, and the consequences of everything is higher. Thankfully, oldest is 17 and his equilibrium is returning. Hopefully, the others will be there soon also.



Anonymous
Post 05/27/2023 23:32     Subject: If you are 35 and married, is it depressing?
Married in 30s was just right. Kids needing private school in 40s sucks. Our financial life is a disaster thanks to DW insistence on private…
Anonymous
Post 05/27/2023 22:57     Subject: If you are 35 and married, is it depressing?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Yes, of course it was. We begin to become aware that we are growing old. We understand that our commitment has closed, is closing, and will close other doors to adventure. We stop pretending that we can have everything everywhere all at once. We are still completely in thrall to Our Expectations regarding our lived professional, social, and economic reality. I believe that 35 is a miserable age for many people, regardless of marital status.


40s are worse, that’s the bottom of the happiness curve


I am way happier in my 40s than 30s
Anonymous
Post 05/27/2023 22:56     Subject: If you are 35 and married, is it depressing?
Married for a decade with three children and a fourth on the way and very happy about all of it.