Anonymous wrote:Tell your DH that he should block her if she is crazy. You want to ensure that your guidelines apply prospectively (i.e., he should block women from sending him texts unless they are mutual friends (they are texting you both), family, or texting him about work and work only.)

Glad my DW is not as controlling. She knows I have female friends (usually from before we met), and is fine that I text with them now and then. Heck, one of them is even godmother to our DS!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How did you see the text and pic of you don’t have his password?

Op; I saw the notification pop up on his Lock Screen. Her full name and profile pic was there. I asked him later what she sent and that’s when he gradually admitted it was a selfie (after much prodding).

another red flag

Still not understanding why he didn't block her after a year of marriage. Text messages of a friendly nature is fine: "hey, how are you?". Selfies of her dressed up in the bathroom is not a "hey how are you" text. It's a "don't I look hot.. do you want some of that" type of text, and your DH liked getting it since he did not block her after the first time. HUGE RED FLAG!

OP it’s insane that you didn’t ask him to let you take a look at his phone right then and there. He is very obviously up to no good…don’t let yourself be gaslit.

This happened to me or a variation. A girl I knew about from his past texted him while we were together and I had his phone in my hand. I read it and asked him about it - it was an obvious late night booty call. I knew she had reached out before and we were recently engaged. He texted her saying he’s engaged and she apologized and that was the last we heard from her. I felt comfortable with the situation since I had 100% access to his phone (knew his passcode and he was an open book about it) and I knew about this girl and his history with her (previously he would just ignore any texts once we were together). In your situation, I’d be skeptical.

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, probably unpopular opinion here, but you gotta get into his phone and look. Same thing happened to me (twice, sadly) and I let it go until I didn’t, looked, and saw the truth.

op: oh no, what did you find? Not sure how I get into his phone since I don't have his password. Do you think I should just ask him to let me see the text thread with her? I will say, he is always home so I can't imagine when he'd see her, unless at work or something.

Oh god OP- I'm sorry I understand you are new at this, but you gotta get your head outta your behind. He is your HUSBAND. Tell him it's still not sitting right with you and ask to see his phone on the spot. Look at his deleted messages, any hidden photo albums, call logs, social media chats. Pull your phone bill and check the call/text logs (we have Verizon and it notes which are picture messages). They could be meeting on their lunch every day, before work, before he comes home, anytime he says he's running an errand, they could sext daily, he could put fake stuff on his work or personal calendars to see her.

-also BTDT

If you don't trust your husband, the marriage is already over.

Pp and yes, mine is

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, probably unpopular opinion here, but you gotta get into his phone and look. Same thing happened to me (twice, sadly) and I let it go until I didn’t, looked, and saw the truth.

op: oh no, what did you find? Not sure how I get into his phone since I don't have his password. Do you think I should just ask him to let me see the text thread with her? I will say, he is always home so I can't imagine when he'd see her, unless at work or something.

Oh god OP- I'm sorry I understand you are new at this, but you gotta get your head outta your behind. He is your HUSBAND. Tell him it's still not sitting right with you and ask to see his phone on the spot. Look at his deleted messages, any hidden photo albums, call logs, social media chats. Pull your phone bill and check the call/text logs (we have Verizon and it notes which are picture messages). They could be meeting on their lunch every day, before work, before he comes home, anytime he says he's running an errand, they could sext daily, he could put fake stuff on his work or personal calendars to see her.

-also BTDT

If you don't trust your husband, the marriage is already over.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:you are a fool if you believe your DH's answer

- guy

You're doing the Lord's work here. Thank you.

Amen Agree

Anonymous wrote:How did you see the text and pic of you don’t have his password?

Op; I saw the notification pop up on his Lock Screen. Her full name and profile pic was there. I asked him later what she sent and that’s when he gradually admitted it was a selfie (after much prodding).

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I have been married for one year, and dated for a year before marriage. He received a text message with a selfie from a woman late Friday night. I asked him about since I saw it pop up on his phone, and he said it was someone he dated right before we got together, and she occasionally reaches out via text and he never responds. He said she's "crazy". I looked her up on Instagram and it looks like she's a local single mom around our age and often posting pics of her posing in various outfits.

How would you handle? Would you let it go? I don't have his phone password, for what it's worth.

Why don't you have his password? That's strange.

? DP. My partner and I are adults and trust each other. No passwords wanted or needed.

My husband and I trust each other and we don't have passwords on our phones.

You don't have passwords on your phones? For reals?

"For reals."

Isn't that a big security risk? Anybody can just pick up your phone and look through it?

Anonymous wrote:Good ol' DCUM, encouraging OP to snoop into her DH's phone and violate his privacy.. for no reason at all. He's not meeting up with this woman nor staying out late or doing anything suspicious.. but go ahead, violate that trust!

OP this is a PERFECT example of the kind of response cheating partners have to a situation like this. When confronted they will act all offended and try to make their partners feel like the crazy ones who have done something wrong.

Think about how you would feel if you were in your partner's situation. Your spouse finds out that you received a sexy selfie from a crazy ex and is justifiably suspicious. Wouldn't you a) find that suspicion reasonable and b) take reasonable measures to reassure him that you are faithful? I would have no problem handing over my phone to DH and blocking the crazy ex.

I was looking through my then boyfriend's phone once and found a text thread of him and someone he used to hook up with. In the thread was a naked picture of her. The picture and his response texts were from before we were exclusive. However, she did text him that she was in town a few months after we were dating. He didn't respond to that text (or at least deleted the text if he did).

In any case, I ended up not bringing up because I trusted him and it didn't seem like they engaged after that. It's been 3 years and I still think about it and regret not bringing up when I found it. Don't live in regret OP. Do what you have to do to get the answer that will bring you peace.

Anonymous wrote:How did you see the text and pic of you don’t have his password?

Good question are we all being trolled?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I have been married for one year, and dated for a year before marriage. He received a text message with a selfie from a woman late Friday night. I asked him about since I saw it pop up on his phone, and he said it was someone he dated right before we got together, and she occasionally reaches out via text and he never responds. He said she's "crazy". I looked her up on Instagram and it looks like she's a local single mom around our age and often posting pics of her posing in various outfits.

How would you handle? Would you let it go? I don't have his phone password, for what it's worth.

Why don't you have his password? That's strange.

? DP. My partner and I are adults and trust each other. No passwords wanted or needed.

My husband and I trust each other and we don't have passwords on our phones.

You don't have passwords on your phones? For reals?

"For reals."

1 how do you know he's not responding? Have you looked at the text history? But even then, there are apps where they text history deletes automatically.

op: I don't know if he's actually not responding, but that's what he told me.

I would believe him. Based on what you posted, you have not seen anything sketchy in his behavior (e.g., he disappears without notice, he spends money you cannot account for, etc.)

One of the other posters made a good suggestion. Tell your DH that he should block her if she is crazy. You want to ensure that your guidelines apply prospectively (i.e., he should block women from sending him texts unless they are mutual friends (they are texting you both), family, or texting him about work and work only.)

You have not seen him do anything wrong. Make sure he knows what you want and that you will do the same.

How did you see the text and pic of you don’t have his password?