Anonymous
Post 05/01/2023 11:08     Subject: DH wants to quit job to join startup
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP here. A net worth of 6M total (including the college accounts and home equity) is atrocious for early 40s?

DH doesn’t make 800k every year. Some years it is 500k.


No it is not atrocious. How ridiculous! On one thread on this board, you have people talking about how 70% of millennials live paycheck-to-paycheck and presumably have NO savings. Then on this thread, you have people telling the OP she is poor and has “atrocious” saving habits when she and her husband are sitting on 6 million in their early 40s. And the market is down, so if it ever goes back up, they’ll probably have 20% more.

Make it make sense.


The answer is that there is no amount of money that is "enough saved" for DCUM.


But on the flip side if you’re leading a modest life on this kind of income people will flip out on you for being too “cheap” to hire a housekeeper. You really can’t win.
Anonymous
Post 05/01/2023 11:05     Subject: DH wants to quit job to join startup
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP here. A net worth of 6M total (including the college accounts and home equity) is atrocious for early 40s?

DH doesn’t make 800k every year. Some years it is 500k.


No it is not atrocious. How ridiculous! On one thread on this board, you have people talking about how 70% of millennials live paycheck-to-paycheck and presumably have NO savings. Then on this thread, you have people telling the OP she is poor and has “atrocious” saving habits when she and her husband are sitting on 6 million in their early 40s. And the market is down, so if it ever goes back up, they’ll probably have 20% more.

Make it make sense.


The answer is that there is no amount of money that is "enough saved" for DCUM.
Anonymous
Post 05/01/2023 11:03     Subject: Re:DH wants to quit job to join startup
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Team DH (and I am never Team DH)

This OP rubs me the wrong way. A paltry job making a paltry $20k *and* she can’t bring it upon herself to start cooking? She probably spends more on takeout than she brings in!

As a PP said, they have incredibly low savings for their age and HHI.

Sorry OP. You have more than enough to educate your kids and retire even if he were to stop working tomorrow. You just have to budget. The kids can go in-state or to less elite privates where they earn merit money. You can fly economy to domestic destinations for your vacations. You can get your a** in the kitchen to cook.

JFC.


You can't win on the board. If you're SAH, they tell you you're dumb for relying on your spouse. If you work, but don't make enough money for DCUM standards, they call your salary paltry. But if you're an executive WOHM, they tell you you're selfish and vain.

OP I think it's good you have your own job, even if it doesn't make as much as your DH.

But you should make this about free time and time spent with family - at least until your oldest is launched. Otherwise people start sniping at your "paltry" job. It'd be one thing if this job change would take you from $200k HHI to $500k HHI. But money isn't an issue here. You have tons of savings. TIME is the issue.


The problem is that OP is a SAHM with a PT hobby job, three grown kids, and still can’t manage to run a household or budget. And apparently she prefers to make her DH keep his nose to the grindstone at a soulless corporate job rather than learning how to budget.

As to time - they can negotiate conditions like be home by Xpm almost every weeknight, only X hours of weekend work. Though if her DH is a good father, he himself would realize if he is not spending enough time with the kids and make changes accordingly. But come on, these kids are largely independent with the exception of driving to activities, which OP can easily do after her preschool job. Why not let DH pursue a dream and thereby set a good example to the kids?

Like I said before, I rarely rarely side with the DH. But OP sounds lazy and selfish.


Why do you think she can't run a household or budget? They've saved $5m. They are budgeting just fine, and the OP says they are already frugal except for planned expenses. She also says their teen is troubled and requires 2 parents to handle. It's not just "someone has to drive Larlo to practice." It's "we need two stable figures in our child's life to be effective." It is clearly better if the father is around and involved vs. 100% mom and dad is still at the office. Teenagers are hard, and her teen is not "largely independent" as you say.

Yeah, if OP's DH can negotiate boundaries and stick to them, this would be fine. But will he? If he says he will, does OP believe it? They need to have a come to jesus talk about it, and draw out clear expectations and needs. I think the suggestion to live on a smaller budget for 6 months is also good. I would say this even if OP's DH wasn't leaving a lucrative, flexible position. Anyone diving into a startup needs to have a serious plan (for boundaries, for failure) and not just pie in the sky.


$5m is atrociously low for their age and HHI.

And none of the teens is troubled. One with “mild special needs”… which, is not too bad


OMG
Anonymous
Post 05/01/2023 11:02     Subject: DH wants to quit job to join startup
Anonymous wrote:As the person barely making a dime, I think you should shut your trap and be supportive.

Or I'll come by and make your husband feel like a man.


OP is holding down the fort at home while her DH is away from home a gazillion hours a week.
Anonymous
Post 05/01/2023 11:00     Subject: DH wants to quit job to join startup
As the person barely making a dime, I think you should shut your trap and be supportive.

Or I'll come by and make your husband feel like a man.
Anonymous
Post 05/01/2023 10:59     Subject: Re:DH wants to quit job to join startup
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Team DH (and I am never Team DH)

This OP rubs me the wrong way. A paltry job making a paltry $20k *and* she can’t bring it upon herself to start cooking? She probably spends more on takeout than she brings in!

As a PP said, they have incredibly low savings for their age and HHI.

Sorry OP. You have more than enough to educate your kids and retire even if he were to stop working tomorrow. You just have to budget. The kids can go in-state or to less elite privates where they earn merit money. You can fly economy to domestic destinations for your vacations. You can get your a** in the kitchen to cook.

JFC.


You can't win on the board. If you're SAH, they tell you you're dumb for relying on your spouse. If you work, but don't make enough money for DCUM standards, they call your salary paltry. But if you're an executive WOHM, they tell you you're selfish and vain.

OP I think it's good you have your own job, even if it doesn't make as much as your DH.

But you should make this about free time and time spent with family - at least until your oldest is launched. Otherwise people start sniping at your "paltry" job. It'd be one thing if this job change would take you from $200k HHI to $500k HHI. But money isn't an issue here. You have tons of savings. TIME is the issue.


The problem is that OP is a SAHM with a PT hobby job, three grown kids, and still can’t manage to run a household or budget. And apparently she prefers to make her DH keep his nose to the grindstone at a soulless corporate job rather than learning how to budget.

As to time - they can negotiate conditions like be home by Xpm almost every weeknight, only X hours of weekend work. Though if her DH is a good father, he himself would realize if he is not spending enough time with the kids and make changes accordingly. But come on, these kids are largely independent with the exception of driving to activities, which OP can easily do after her preschool job. Why not let DH pursue a dream and thereby set a good example to the kids?

Like I said before, I rarely rarely side with the DH. But OP sounds lazy and selfish.


Why do you think she can't run a household or budget? They've saved $5m. They are budgeting just fine, and the OP says they are already frugal except for planned expenses. She also says their teen is troubled and requires 2 parents to handle. It's not just "someone has to drive Larlo to practice." It's "we need two stable figures in our child's life to be effective." It is clearly better if the father is around and involved vs. 100% mom and dad is still at the office. Teenagers are hard, and her teen is not "largely independent" as you say.

Yeah, if OP's DH can negotiate boundaries and stick to them, this would be fine. But will he? If he says he will, does OP believe it? They need to have a come to jesus talk about it, and draw out clear expectations and needs. I think the suggestion to live on a smaller budget for 6 months is also good. I would say this even if OP's DH wasn't leaving a lucrative, flexible position. Anyone diving into a startup needs to have a serious plan (for boundaries, for failure) and not just pie in the sky.


$5m is atrociously low for their age and HHI.

And none of the teens is troubled. One with “mild special needs”… which, is not too bad


LOL DCUM

OP, if your DH can make it fit your family life, then he should do it. Make sure you ask him some hard questions like what if the start up fails, how to budget over the next few years, etc. But don't hold him back just because you like his current salary.
Anonymous
Post 05/01/2023 09:27     Subject: DH wants to quit job to join startup
Anonymous wrote:OP here. A net worth of 6M total (including the college accounts and home equity) is atrocious for early 40s?

DH doesn’t make 800k every year. Some years it is 500k.


No it is not atrocious. How ridiculous! On one thread on this board, you have people talking about how 70% of millennials live paycheck-to-paycheck and presumably have NO savings. Then on this thread, you have people telling the OP she is poor and has “atrocious” saving habits when she and her husband are sitting on 6 million in their early 40s. And the market is down, so if it ever goes back up, they’ll probably have 20% more.

Make it make sense.
Anonymous
Post 05/01/2023 09:19     Subject: DH wants to quit job to join startup
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP here. A net worth of 6M total (including the college accounts and home equity) is atrocious for early 40s?

DH doesn’t make 800k every year. Some years it is 500k.


It means you are spending a ton. We are early 40’s with 3.5M and a much lower income. Lately in the mid 300’s but until the last few years mid-upper 200’s, with student loan debt too.

So it tells me you are not frugal - you will need to dial the spending way down or you will burn through savings rapidly.


Or he could stay in his current job and we would not have this problem. I’ve told him idc what he does once the kids are out of the house and no longer being bankrolled by us. Why can’t he wait a few years?

I need help thinking of a nicer way to say this.
Anonymous
Post 05/01/2023 09:12     Subject: DH wants to quit job to join startup
Anonymous wrote:OP here. A net worth of 6M total (including the college accounts and home equity) is atrocious for early 40s?

DH doesn’t make 800k every year. Some years it is 500k.


No, it means you’re rich.
Anonymous
Post 05/01/2023 09:08     Subject: DH wants to quit job to join startup
My spouse left law firm partnership to join "startup" with bigwig investor. 6 months later, out of a job. It's been brutal
Anonymous
Post 05/01/2023 09:08     Subject: Re:DH wants to quit job to join startup
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Let him quit and join. Why is DH obligated to be responsible for the family's finances and be miserable on behalf of everyone else? You have enough to get by even if neither of you work.


Like I said though, it’s not just money. That’s a lot of it but our teen has some concerning behavioral challenges (cutting when stressed) and staying on top of him and managing him is a 2 person job. I don’t think it’s a good time for him to take a new pressure filled job.


Mom of a kid like yours. If your timeline for agreeing to a job move relates to this, you might as well say no forever. Your kid might not even launch. These issues often become a lifestyle and you have to learn to live with it and get what you need and want personally out of life.

FWIW, both of us changed to bigger and more stressful jobs (albeit not at the same time) and still manage our son’s mental health care. We gave each other full agency to make our own decision and then supported each other, which sometimes meant taking on more and different responsibilities for awhile. We both know what it takes to keep our son safe and as well as possible so there was no need for a conversation about it.
Anonymous
Post 05/01/2023 09:06     Subject: DH wants to quit job to join startup
Anonymous wrote:Small quibble but $250k per kid won't cover a private college/university even now. And it goes up every year. If your DH is really going to do this, you should have the full cost of college for 3 kids set aside.


True. In 5 years, some private colleges are going to be 100K a year, and in-state colleges will be inching towards 50K a year. So $250K per kid will be for the in-state options.
Anonymous
Post 05/01/2023 09:05     Subject: DH wants to quit job to join startup
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You’re being silly. My DH is at a start up and the sky has not fallen. If it doesn’t work out he can just find a new one. It’s not like he’d end up unemployed and you all would be destitute. This isn’t Angela’s Ashes.


Even if he never worked again, they would be fine.


This is so so wrong. A conservative withdrawal at a young age like they are is 2%, or 3% max. 4% withdrawals are for people in their sixties. They can’t really count the house or the college fund. So they have $3-4M to spend down. That’s $150k-$200k a year. You think that’s what they are spending now? It will also inhibit the future growth of the current nest egg, which likely they we’re counting on.
Anonymous
Post 05/01/2023 09:02     Subject: DH wants to quit job to join startup
Anonymous wrote:OP here. A net worth of 6M total (including the college accounts and home equity) is atrocious for early 40s?

DH doesn’t make 800k every year. Some years it is 500k.


It means you are spending a ton. We are early 40’s with 3.5M and a much lower income. Lately in the mid 300’s but until the last few years mid-upper 200’s, with student loan debt too.

So it tells me you are not frugal - you will need to dial the spending way down or you will burn through savings rapidly.
Anonymous
Post 05/01/2023 08:44     Subject: DH wants to quit job to join startup
OP here. A net worth of 6M total (including the college accounts and home equity) is atrocious for early 40s?

DH doesn’t make 800k every year. Some years it is 500k.