Be clear and concise.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. It is not everyone misinterpreting everything I say. Fir instance, my DH rarely misinterprets me. It’s a couple friends and in a past job I had this problem as well (not in my current job).

But this conversation has gone much the way I’m talking about, with some posters making broad assumptions about my motives and experience that you couldn’t possibly get from what I said.

I think my biggest frustration is people making assumptions and then acting on them, when if they’d simply asked a question or two, the misunderstanding could have been avoided. It feels like with some people, you get one chance to express something and if they interpret it incorrectly, too bad, that’s the truth for them now.

I think I see the issue. You exaggerate and then when it’s pointed out, you backtrack.

Your OP should have clearly stated this only happens with a couple of friends instead of stating it happens often.

Where in my OP did I say everyone misunderstands me? I said I feel Ike people misinterpret me. I never said all people, just people. I’m not backtracking, you just misinterpreted me and now want to argue facts to suit you, but I didn’t change the facts. You simply made some stiff up and decided it must be the case.

This is precisely the sort of thing I’m talking about! It’s so aggravating.

"Perpetually" signified pervasive to many rather than stating "occasionally" or similar.

I'm calling troll esp with the adding very different details and combativeness.

OP your friend reminds me a lot of a friend I have. It’s their problem, not yours. The best you can do is distance yourself from people like this or share very little personal information with them.

Anonymous wrote:OP, your friend in the example sounds just like my mother. I might make an offhanded statement once, or explain one specific situation once, and then she overgeneralizes it and uses it to frame things for years, even decades sometimes. DH does this sometimes too. “That kid is a brat” because once, 20 years ago, when they were 2, they ran around wildly at an outdoor party.

Ok, a little off topic, but people get things stuck in their minds and just won’t let go.

I don't think this is off topic, it's definitely a thing!

I really appreciated the PP who said this is about framing, it's someone applying a very specific frame to a situation and just refusing to accept that their interpretation could be off. It's probably a result of their anxiety -- putting everything in a specific context right away makes them feel in control of the situation and gives them a script to follow. So OP's friend heard "we're rescheduling our trip for money reasons" and for whatever reason she didn't know how to conceptualize that, so she placed the frame "friend with financial problems" on it and followed what she thinks is the script for helping a friend with financial problems (honestly, it sounds like part of the problem here is that this friend has extremely poor boundaries because even if I DID have financial issues, I would be annoyed by a friend bringing them up all the time and trying to get me a new job, but anyway).

My mom is like yours, she does this all the time. And I've notice that often the frame she'll put on something is one where she gets to feel pity for someone, or feel superior. So her frame is often about how people are victims or how everything is so terrible in their life and poor them. My best friend from childhood has a kid who is autistic, and my mom always takes this extremely grating, pitying tone when she talks about my friend, like "oh poor her, it must be so awful, I'm sure this isn't what she was expecting but she's so brave for surviving it." Meanwhile, my friend is a great mom, her son is super cool, and their family is happy. I think my mom just enjoys feeling sorry for someone else because it distracts her from any aspect of her own life that she might not be happy about (like the fact that her grandkids live further away from her and she doesn't see them as often as, say, my friend's mom who lives a couple blocks away from her grandkids).

So I think it's really about people intentionally misunderstanding things in order to tell themselves stories that make them feel good. That's why no matter what you say to set them straight, they stick to the frame they picked. It's one where they get to be a hero or come out on top.

OP, your friend in the example sounds just like my mother. I might make an offhanded statement once, or explain one specific situation once, and then she overgeneralizes it and uses it to frame things for years, even decades sometimes. DH does this sometimes too. “That kid is a brat” because once, 20 years ago, when they were 2, they ran around wildly at an outdoor party.

Ok, a little off topic, but people get things stuck in their minds and just won’t let go.

I know exactly what you mean, OP.

I think another PP pointed out that that’s just how a lot of people engage with the world. They aren’t interested in true connection. They hear what they want and that’s good enough for them.

I’ve had to go through almost a grieving process in letting go of this expectation. It sounds silly, but it has helped manage the frustration and also be more intentional with my time and energy. And even more empathetic and in tune when I spot others who may be struggling to be understood.

I do have ADHD and suspect autism and I think that plays a role in my sensitivity to this and the anxiety it causes.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. It is not everyone misinterpreting everything I say. Fir instance, my DH rarely misinterprets me. It’s a couple friends and in a past job I had this problem as well (not in my current job).

But this conversation has gone much the way I’m talking about, with some posters making broad assumptions about my motives and experience that you couldn’t possibly get from what I said.

I think my biggest frustration is people making assumptions and then acting on them, when if they’d simply asked a question or two, the misunderstanding could have been avoided. It feels like with some people, you get one chance to express something and if they interpret it incorrectly, too bad, that’s the truth for them now.

I think I see the issue. You exaggerate and then when it’s pointed out, you backtrack.

Your OP should have clearly stated this only happens with a couple of friends instead of stating it happens often.

Where in my OP did I say everyone misunderstands me? I said I feel Ike people misinterpret me. I never said all people, just people. I’m not backtracking, you just misinterpreted me and now want to argue facts to suit you, but I didn’t change the facts. You simply made some stiff up and decided it must be the case.

This is precisely the sort of thing I’m talking about! It’s so aggravating.

Your title says "perpetually." That means constantly, on an ongoing basis, without end.

OP's follow up is clarifying -- the fact that you are refusing to understand her despite her clarification just kind of illustrates her point.

She chose the title, which is part of the post. I had nothing to do with that.

And if she does in fact run around using words like “perpetually” when she means “some of the time, by a few but not all people”—well, we have found the problem.

Something can happen perpetually but with just a few people.

Then it would have been said in the OP. Instead, when it was rightfully pointed out that the OP doesn’t communicate clearly, she all the suddens claims the issue is only with a small group of people. Which just demonstrates that she doesn’t communicate clearly.

I think OP just wants to be told people around her are the problem and it’s not her. I think, though, the possibility that these unrelated people are not all misinterpreting her should be explored.

I think you just enjoy criticizing OPs, of literally any thread, and are also taking a bit of pleasure in trolling someone who has just said "I feel perpetually misunderstood" by... intentionally misunderstanding them.

OP is not the only one here with a problem.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. It is not everyone misinterpreting everything I say. Fir instance, my DH rarely misinterprets me. It’s a couple friends and in a past job I had this problem as well (not in my current job).

But this conversation has gone much the way I’m talking about, with some posters making broad assumptions about my motives and experience that you couldn’t possibly get from what I said.

I think my biggest frustration is people making assumptions and then acting on them, when if they’d simply asked a question or two, the misunderstanding could have been avoided. It feels like with some people, you get one chance to express something and if they interpret it incorrectly, too bad, that’s the truth for them now.

I think I see the issue. You exaggerate and then when it’s pointed out, you backtrack.

Your OP should have clearly stated this only happens with a couple of friends instead of stating it happens often.

Where in my OP did I say everyone misunderstands me? I said I feel Ike people misinterpret me. I never said all people, just people. I’m not backtracking, you just misinterpreted me and now want to argue facts to suit you, but I didn’t change the facts. You simply made some stiff up and decided it must be the case.

This is precisely the sort of thing I’m talking about! It’s so aggravating.

Your title says "perpetually." That means constantly, on an ongoing basis, without end.

OP's follow up is clarifying -- the fact that you are refusing to understand her despite her clarification just kind of illustrates her point.

She chose the title, which is part of the post. I had nothing to do with that.

And if she does in fact run around using words like “perpetually” when she means “some of the time, by a few but not all people”—well, we have found the problem.

Something can happen perpetually but with just a few people.

Then it would have been said in the OP. Instead, when it was rightfully pointed out that the OP doesn’t communicate clearly, she all the suddens claims the issue is only with a small group of people. Which just demonstrates that she doesn’t communicate clearly.

I think OP just wants to be told people around her are the problem and it’s not her. I think, though, the possibility that these unrelated people are not all misinterpreting her should be explored.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. It is not everyone misinterpreting everything I say. Fir instance, my DH rarely misinterprets me. It’s a couple friends and in a past job I had this problem as well (not in my current job).

But this conversation has gone much the way I’m talking about, with some posters making broad assumptions about my motives and experience that you couldn’t possibly get from what I said.

I think my biggest frustration is people making assumptions and then acting on them, when if they’d simply asked a question or two, the misunderstanding could have been avoided. It feels like with some people, you get one chance to express something and if they interpret it incorrectly, too bad, that’s the truth for them now.

I think I see the issue. You exaggerate and then when it’s pointed out, you backtrack.

Your OP should have clearly stated this only happens with a couple of friends instead of stating it happens often.

Where in my OP did I say everyone misunderstands me? I said I feel Ike people misinterpret me. I never said all people, just people. I’m not backtracking, you just misinterpreted me and now want to argue facts to suit you, but I didn’t change the facts. You simply made some stiff up and decided it must be the case.

This is precisely the sort of thing I’m talking about! It’s so aggravating.

Your title says "perpetually." That means constantly, on an ongoing basis, without end.

OP's follow up is clarifying -- the fact that you are refusing to understand her despite her clarification just kind of illustrates her point.

She chose the title, which is part of the post. I had nothing to do with that.

And if she does in fact run around using words like “perpetually” when she means “some of the time, by a few but not all people”—well, we have found the problem.

Something can happen perpetually but with just a few people.

Then it would have been said in the OP. Instead, when it was rightfully pointed out that the OP doesn’t communicate clearly, she all the suddens claims the issue is only with a small group of people. Which just demonstrates that she doesn’t communicate clearly.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. It is not everyone misinterpreting everything I say. Fir instance, my DH rarely misinterprets me. It’s a couple friends and in a past job I had this problem as well (not in my current job).

But this conversation has gone much the way I’m talking about, with some posters making broad assumptions about my motives and experience that you couldn’t possibly get from what I said.

I think my biggest frustration is people making assumptions and then acting on them, when if they’d simply asked a question or two, the misunderstanding could have been avoided. It feels like with some people, you get one chance to express something and if they interpret it incorrectly, too bad, that’s the truth for them now.

I think I see the issue. You exaggerate and then when it’s pointed out, you backtrack.

Your OP should have clearly stated this only happens with a couple of friends instead of stating it happens often.

Where in my OP did I say everyone misunderstands me? I said I feel Ike people misinterpret me. I never said all people, just people. I’m not backtracking, you just misinterpreted me and now want to argue facts to suit you, but I didn’t change the facts. You simply made some stiff up and decided it must be the case.

This is precisely the sort of thing I’m talking about! It’s so aggravating.

Your title says "perpetually." That means constantly, on an ongoing basis, without end.

OP's follow up is clarifying -- the fact that you are refusing to understand her despite her clarification just kind of illustrates her point.

She chose the title, which is part of the post. I had nothing to do with that.

And if she does in fact run around using words like “perpetually” when she means “some of the time, by a few but not all people”—well, we have found the problem.

Something can happen perpetually but with just a few people.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. It is not everyone misinterpreting everything I say. Fir instance, my DH rarely misinterprets me. It’s a couple friends and in a past job I had this problem as well (not in my current job).

But this conversation has gone much the way I’m talking about, with some posters making broad assumptions about my motives and experience that you couldn’t possibly get from what I said.

I think my biggest frustration is people making assumptions and then acting on them, when if they’d simply asked a question or two, the misunderstanding could have been avoided. It feels like with some people, you get one chance to express something and if they interpret it incorrectly, too bad, that’s the truth for them now.

I think I see the issue. You exaggerate and then when it’s pointed out, you backtrack.

Your OP should have clearly stated this only happens with a couple of friends instead of stating it happens often.

Where in my OP did I say everyone misunderstands me? I said I feel Ike people misinterpret me. I never said all people, just people. I’m not backtracking, you just misinterpreted me and now want to argue facts to suit you, but I didn’t change the facts. You simply made some stiff up and decided it must be the case.

This is precisely the sort of thing I’m talking about! It’s so aggravating.

Your title says "perpetually." That means constantly, on an ongoing basis, without end.

OP's follow up is clarifying -- the fact that you are refusing to understand her despite her clarification just kind of illustrates her point.

She chose the title, which is part of the post. I had nothing to do with that.

And if she does in fact run around using words like “perpetually” when she means “some of the time, by a few but not all people”—well, we have found the problem.

Yes. It’s clear why OP is misunderstood.

*love