Anonymous
04/26/2023 22:26
Subject: I regret having kids
Just like a lot of life having kids is truly a crapshoot. I have teenagers and can’t relate at all to the sentiment of regret. My kids are the best part of my life and I am thankful for them every day. Do I feel frustrated with them sometimes? Sure I do. But they are the best thing to happen to me.
Anonymous
04/26/2023 21:39
Subject: I regret having kids
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I have those thoughts in the dark of the night too. Mine are 24 and 26 and I know that I will never be free.Anonymous wrote:I see now how naive I was about what parenthood is like, and my reasons for wanting kids were short-sighted, stupid, and selfish.
And now I’m paying for it. I will never be free.
No need to feel sorry for my kids. They have a good life, and I block out these feelings during the day. It’s only at night when everyone is asleep and the house is quiet and still enough for these feelings to creep up that I’m overcome with sorrow.
That is all.
Not OP but do you mind sharing more? Are they SN? In my mind I am hoping to be free at about 18-20 year mark for my kid, so…
I’m not PP but I can understand what they mean. Even without SN and without actually physically caring for a kid anymore, there’s always the mental aspect of parenting that will be present as long as your kids live. There will never be a time where I’m truly free, of the mental load and emotional investment in parenting, even once my kids are grown.
Oh and having kids when you already suffer from anxiety is next level stress. I don’t regret but have my moments of what if I were free. It’s natural to feel this sometimes even if people don’t talk openly about it.
I am probably in denial but I am hoping I can let go at some point…
Anonymous
04/26/2023 21:03
Subject: I regret having kids
I feel the same way. I adore my kids, and I wanted them so much, but because of them I will never be free of my husband. So many regrets.
Anonymous
04/26/2023 20:09
Subject: I regret having kids
I'm right there with you. I cannot contemplate why I had kids besides family, religiousness & societal pressure. It was just the next step. It was never 'will kids be right for me', just what I did. I left an abusive highly traumatic marriage and am sole parent to teens, and everything is just so hard. I'm deeply unhappy. I wonder why does anybody have kids? Everything based on hope? Hope of a happy family and enjoying each other's company most of the time? I have almost zero hope for anything these days.
It was a therapist friend who first brought this up to me, she was saying if she knew then what she knows now, she wouldn't have had kids.
I don't know, it just seems it would be easier to get over the grief of not having kids than the grief of having them.
It was a therapist friend who first brought this up to me, she was saying if she knew then what she knows now, she wouldn't have had kids.
I don't know, it just seems it would be easier to get over the grief of not having kids than the grief of having them.
Anonymous
04/26/2023 20:08
Subject: I regret having kids
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I have those thoughts in the dark of the night too. Mine are 24 and 26 and I know that I will never be free.Anonymous wrote:I see now how naive I was about what parenthood is like, and my reasons for wanting kids were short-sighted, stupid, and selfish.
And now I’m paying for it. I will never be free.
No need to feel sorry for my kids. They have a good life, and I block out these feelings during the day. It’s only at night when everyone is asleep and the house is quiet and still enough for these feelings to creep up that I’m overcome with sorrow.
That is all.
Not OP but do you mind sharing more? Are they SN? In my mind I am hoping to be free at about 18-20 year mark for my kid, so…
One has ASD, level one low support. One has multiple LDs and ADHD, anxiety and other issues. The second is in grad school and needs quite a bit of emotional support. The first one has a good job and just moved out to their own apartment but needs some support to keep it up and that won’t change.
According to the LCSW we see, we should have a bit more freedom when they hit 30- it will be gradual.
Thank you so much for responding! I wish you the best
Anonymous
04/26/2023 20:08
Subject: I regret having kids
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I have those thoughts in the dark of the night too. Mine are 24 and 26 and I know that I will never be free.Anonymous wrote:I see now how naive I was about what parenthood is like, and my reasons for wanting kids were short-sighted, stupid, and selfish.
And now I’m paying for it. I will never be free.
No need to feel sorry for my kids. They have a good life, and I block out these feelings during the day. It’s only at night when everyone is asleep and the house is quiet and still enough for these feelings to creep up that I’m overcome with sorrow.
That is all.
Not OP but do you mind sharing more? Are they SN? In my mind I am hoping to be free at about 18-20 year mark for my kid, so…
I’m not PP but I can understand what they mean. Even without SN and without actually physically caring for a kid anymore, there’s always the mental aspect of parenting that will be present as long as your kids live. There will never be a time where I’m truly free, of the mental load and emotional investment in parenting, even once my kids are grown.
I am probably in denial but I am hoping I can let go at some point…
Anonymous
04/26/2023 19:56
Subject: Re:I regret having kids
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:If you’re wealthy send them to summer-long sleepaway camps, junior boarding school & then boarding school
Sad “solution”
I went to sleepaway camp every year from ages 7-13 and then I became a CIT at 14 and a counselor at 16. Sleepaway camp was the best and where some of my fondest memories were made! I am still good friends with many of my fellow campers and we now send our kids to the camp!
It was such a great way to teach independence and problem-solving. It was also where I learned to deal with and mesh with different personality types. The camp is even more evolved these days and includes STEM activities as well as sporty activities. My DD found out she enjoyed coding from doing a session at the camp. If she had not been pushed to branch out and try something new by a counselor, she wouldn't have discovered she liked it.
Anonymous
04/26/2023 19:49
Subject: Re:I regret having kids
Anonymous wrote:If you’re wealthy send them to summer-long sleepaway camps, junior boarding school & then boarding school
I now believe that the Devil exists.
Anonymous
04/26/2023 19:48
Subject: I regret having kids
I see you OP. I have a SN child that has anxiety and OCD. At school you would never know but at home she wrecks havoc. It's gotten better but it's been a tough few years and has definitely put me into a depression.
Anonymous
04/26/2023 19:34
Subject: I regret having kids
Anonymous wrote:I see now how naive I was about what parenthood is like, and my reasons for wanting kids were short-sighted, stupid, and selfish.
And now I’m paying for it. I will never be free.
No need to feel sorry for my kids. They have a good life, and I block out these feelings during the day. It’s only at night when everyone is asleep and the house is quiet and still enough for these feelings to creep up that I’m overcome with sorrow.
That is all.
Do you know if you were a “wanted” child?
Anonymous
04/26/2023 19:30
Subject: I regret having kids
Anonymous wrote:me too. mine are 29 and 31!
Curious, are they SN?
Anonymous
04/26/2023 19:28
Subject: Re:I regret having kids
I feel for you OP! I have a 16 yo son with complex medical issues, behavioral issues and is cognitively delayed. It is so incredibly hard and tiring. I know my husband and I are most likely in it for life. Finding good housing for someone like him is extremely difficult (I've been hearing from friends with older children).
We have a younger son and I know he gets the back seat because SN son has so many needs. My husband and I try our best to have one on one time with him each week.
And what does that leave for our marriage and individual time - not much!
I do have thoughts too about wishing I'd never have kids - usually at the end of the day when I'm feeling down and defeated.
You're not alone!!
By the way, SN moms: check out A Mother's Rest. www.amothersrest.org I've done it and it's wonderful!!!!
We have a younger son and I know he gets the back seat because SN son has so many needs. My husband and I try our best to have one on one time with him each week.
And what does that leave for our marriage and individual time - not much!
I do have thoughts too about wishing I'd never have kids - usually at the end of the day when I'm feeling down and defeated.
You're not alone!!
By the way, SN moms: check out A Mother's Rest. www.amothersrest.org I've done it and it's wonderful!!!!
Anonymous
04/26/2023 18:25
Subject: I regret having kids
me too. mine are 29 and 31!
Anonymous
04/26/2023 18:22
Subject: I regret having kids
I don't regret having my SN child, I only regret picking the wrong father and having to navigate everything alone because he won't help and i am stuck here as a single parent physically and financially (never married him, thank FSM!) and now that the kiddo is doing ok and actually making decent money working (but still with a disabled diagnosis that will stick for life), NOW shady ass "father" wants to sneak into kiddo's life to try to ask for money as he is a BUM...so yeah i get it op.
Anonymous
04/26/2023 17:48
Subject: I regret having kids
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I have those thoughts in the dark of the night too. Mine are 24 and 26 and I know that I will never be free.Anonymous wrote:I see now how naive I was about what parenthood is like, and my reasons for wanting kids were short-sighted, stupid, and selfish.
And now I’m paying for it. I will never be free.
No need to feel sorry for my kids. They have a good life, and I block out these feelings during the day. It’s only at night when everyone is asleep and the house is quiet and still enough for these feelings to creep up that I’m overcome with sorrow.
That is all.
Not OP but do you mind sharing more? Are they SN? In my mind I am hoping to be free at about 18-20 year mark for my kid, so…
One has ASD, level one low support. One has multiple LDs and ADHD, anxiety and other issues. The second is in grad school and needs quite a bit of emotional support. The first one has a good job and just moved out to their own apartment but needs some support to keep it up and that won’t change.
According to the LCSW we see, we should have a bit more freedom when they hit 30- it will be gradual.