Anonymous wrote:
It is NOT disloyal to express your own career desires and ambition. Men do this with ease, we women need to get better at it (speaking generally).

HR leader perspective here, FWIW.

This is true! Had I been more open and honest about my ambitions at my previous job, I don't think things would have gone as disastrous as they did. I hope I've become better at it, but I can always do better.

It could be that Big Boss is moving to something new (moving up in org, moving on to new org, retiring) which means your boss gets his job and you get boss' job. Not all scenarios mean something bad for your boss if you express interest in moving up. It's an HR and business best practice to always be thinking about talent development and succession planning even if nobody has immediate plans to go elsewhere. Crazy things happen all the time and succession plans help organizations to manage it.

It is NOT disloyal to express your own career desires and ambition. Men do this with ease, we women need to get better at it (speaking generally).

HR leader perspective here, FWIW.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here: big boss responded saying it was nice to get to know me.

im forgiving myself because honestly i was undercaffeinated at 7:30 in the morning, i had just gotten in and my boss walks in to tell me to meet big boss in the lobby for a coffee chat. No context. No idea on timeframe. And we walked to a really far coffee shop (when we could have just gone to several nearer ones) Anyhooooo, i treated myself to a good sushi dinner and a pint of ice cream, and tempura and yaki soba for the kids. The occasion? Mom rocked it today and learned alot at work.

All about framing right?

This reads like chick lit

The *alot* and *anyhooooooo* kind of confirms it.

OP tripped all over her emotions in her under-caffeinated state.

OP, did you speak with your boss? If so, what did he say?

reminded me of the scene in Succession where Logan Roy is trying to decide between Gerri, Shiv and Roman to take over. We know Logan is leaning to Roman, but during the convo Roman totally misses the ball, is super beta/not making a great case for himself and the second they hang out Logan Roy says "Rome's out."

anyway-sorry OP, hopefully this will be a blip.

Anonymous wrote:What’s with the cloak and dagger treatment? Spur of the moment coffee chat, abrupt hypothetical question and then judgment when you don’t have the perfect answer crafted? At my company it would be more transparent: set up the coffee chat at least a few hours beforehand, lead in to the question by asking about desired career path, and then say openly that boss is looking to leave for another opportunity, please keep it quiet for now, but would you be interested in the role?

Agree. OP, this was a bit of a curveball but that might just be his style. I think your subsequent email helped. Has your direct boss said anything since the coffee chat?

Anonymous wrote:Follow up with your direct boss, OP. See if you can get more intel from them.

This is a good idea. Good luck, OP! Keep us posted. Ignore the trolls, it's easy to quarterback when it's not you in the moment.

Follow your with your direct boss, OP. See if you can get more intel from them.

How old is your boss? Retirement age?

What’s with the cloak and dagger treatment? Spur of the moment coffee chat, abrupt hypothetical question and then judgment when you don’t have the perfect answer crafted? At my company it would be more transparent: set up the coffee chat at least a few hours beforehand, lead in to the question by asking about desired career path, and then say openly that boss is looking to leave for another opportunity, please keep it quiet for now, but would you be interested in the role?

Yikes, you should have been better prepared for the conversation to go in this direction (or SOME direction about your career and aspirations given that it was with big boss) and been oriented to answer those types of questions. Even if you were caught off guard, sounds like you had the long walk to think about it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How to handle?

Boss told me this morning that his boss (lets call him Big Boss) wanted to get coffee with me. I had never met this person before even though I have been 7 years with the company. So I said yes. During the casual coffee chat, Big Boss asked me if I wanted boss’ role. This shocked me so I said, I think boss is awesome in his role and I cant match his institutional knowledge and style.

Then coffee ended (like there was still half a cup left in mine!)

I felt ambushed.

How would you have handled it differently? Any tips going forward? Im a director, worked my way from associate. Boss is VP and Big Boss is Senior VP. Do I tell my Boss what happened?

For all you know Boss is looking to leave and Big Boss was feeling you out. Or maybe Boss has other VP counterparts so you could become a VP without taking Boss’s job? I would have been more equivocal. “I’d love to grow at this company if the right opportunity arises!”

+1!! Or the boss is being given a new better role. Never diminish your worth, OP!

Anonymous wrote:Op here: big boss responded saying it was nice to get to know me.

im forgiving myself because honestly i was undercaffeinated at 7:30 in the morning, i had just gotten in and my boss walks in to tell me to meet big boss in the lobby for a coffee chat. No context. No idea on timeframe. And we walked to a really far coffee shop (when we could have just gone to several nearer ones) Anyhooooo, i treated myself to a good sushi dinner and a pint of ice cream, and tempura and yaki soba for the kids. The occasion? Mom rocked it today and learned alot at work.

All about framing right?

Can you talk to your boss about what happened?

Anonymous wrote:I would send a follow up email. "Enjoyed meeting you. Question admittedly caught me off guard. I love boss and think he's fantastic, but I would definitely be interested in advancing to a similar role if one became available."

Best answer.

Anonymous wrote:Op here: big boss responded saying it was nice to get to know me.

im forgiving myself because honestly i was undercaffeinated at 7:30 in the morning, i had just gotten in and my boss walks in to tell me to meet big boss in the lobby for a coffee chat. No context. No idea on timeframe. And we walked to a really far coffee shop (when we could have just gone to several nearer ones) Anyhooooo, i treated myself to a good sushi dinner and a pint of ice cream, and tempura and yaki soba for the kids. The occasion? Mom rocked it today and learned alot at work.

All about framing right?

This reads like chick lit