Anonymous wrote:“Does criticizing me make you feel good about yourself?”

“If you feel better by poking fun at others, go ahead. It’s says a lot more about your flaws than mine”

Is this middle school kid 45 years old?

I didn't read the responses but, "Kiss my a$$!" and walking away works pretty much anywhere. Followed up by, "Go to he!! a$$hole!"

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DS is physically similar- so tough for middle schoolers!

I agree with the “why are you obsessed with me?” line, or similar.

If that doesn’t work- does the bully have an obvious weakness? If so, throw it right back. “Whatever, fat*ss” with an eyeroll. That sort of thing.

That’s cool — my son has the opposite issue and tends toward the pudgy, so the mean comments he gets at school are what you’re suggesting as a comeback.

Maybe we can all suggest that our kids use comebacks that don’t focus on the other person’s appearance.

The punishment should fit the crime. Ops kid is being mocked for his appearance.

Agreed. If your kid is mocking his classmates about their appearance, he better be ready to hear what’s coming back at him.

+1

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DS12 is facing lots of meanness at school - he is a skinny, not very strong kid and they call him 'weak', 'slow' ,etc. Not bullying, just kids being kind of nasty. He is a bit overly sensitive about it too. I think he needs to practice comebacks that will better stand up for himself. He says he can never think of a comeback so I think we need to practice these at homes. Any thoughts on how to help him build these skills? Or what specific comebacks might be useful for this situation?

Studies show that come backs are the absolute worst ways to deal with bullying

The most effective way is ignoring it.
The second best way is being dismissive. As in, rolling your eyes at them or a sarcastic" uh? Why are you checking out my body?"
But engaging in it just makes it worse.
Please read up on this and stop giving your kid terrible advice.
I would also suggest weights training.

No this is not true. You are just repeating terrible advice that you believe is true but has proven not to be.
Adults who were bullied as kids have written and talked about how ignoring doesn’t work for kids.

And to the OP why not go with a classic and help your kid to confidently say “ F * ck Off!”

Anonymous wrote:Can he practice looking unconcerned about their statements?

Sometimes this is easier for kids who don't have a fast tongue and more convincing than a memorized comeback.

I've always told my kids to shrug their shoulders and just walk away if someone is being nasty.

The eye rolls work also. Or some of the other short comments like 'why do you care'?

Anonymous wrote:DS12 is facing lots of meanness at school - he is a skinny, not very strong kid and they call him 'weak', 'slow' ,etc. Not bullying, just kids being kind of nasty. He is a bit overly sensitive about it too. I think he needs to practice comebacks that will better stand up for himself. He says he can never think of a comeback so I think we need to practice these at homes. Any thoughts on how to help him build these skills? Or what specific comebacks might be useful for this situation?

Studies show that come backs are the absolute worst ways to deal with bullying

The most effective way is ignoring it.
The second best way is being dismissive. As in, rolling your eyes at them or a sarcastic" uh? Why are you checking out my body?"
But engaging in it just makes it worse.
Please read up on this and stop giving your kid terrible advice.
I would also suggest weights training.

Something to remember is that bullies typically have a limited repertoire. So if you can’t come up with a comeback today you can plan for one the next time. That sounds like what you’re thinking about. The key is to develop some rot and confidence. It has to be pretty reflexive. Otherwise the bully is living rent free in your head.

I told DC to follow a continuum of (1) politely request that offensive behavior cease and desist (this actually worked sometimes); (2) firmly tell the person to cut it out; and (3) make them wish they had, verbally or otherwise. Seemed to work. I haven’t heard many bully stories in a while.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Any comeback that’s crowdsourced from a bunch of moms on the internet is probably not going to go over well with mean middle school kids. This sounds like an Onion article.

True. When I was picked on in ms for being scrawny and poor, I punched whoever said it or, if it was a group, whoever was closest. My bony little fist hurt their stupid noses. I did this twice and, then, had a reputation for being crazy and violent. Guess who no one focked with for the rest of ms?

This sounds like something from your imagination or a movie. In real life, when the skinny, scrawny kid throws a punch, his ass gets beaten (either then or later) or a teacher sees it and he gets in trouble for fighting (and then, later, his ass gets beaten).

Actually, this isn’t true at all. Bullies are cowards. And even if they win one fight they’ll remember the pain. And if the school wants to penalize fighting, let him enjoy a few days off.

Anonymous wrote:"thanks for sharing" - walk away

This is a good one!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Any comeback that’s crowdsourced from a bunch of moms on the internet is probably not going to go over well with mean middle school kids. This sounds like an Onion article.

True. When I was picked on in ms for being scrawny and poor, I punched whoever said it or, if it was a group, whoever was closest. My bony little fist hurt their stupid noses. I did this twice and, then, had a reputation for being crazy and violent. Guess who no one focked with for the rest of ms?

This.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DS is physically similar- so tough for middle schoolers!

I agree with the “why are you obsessed with me?” line, or similar.

If that doesn’t work- does the bully have an obvious weakness? If so, throw it right back. “Whatever, fat*ss” with an eyeroll. That sort of thing.

That’s cool — my son has the opposite issue and tends toward the pudgy, so the mean comments he gets at school are what you’re suggesting as a comeback.

Maybe we can all suggest that our kids use comebacks that don’t focus on the other person’s appearance.

The punishment should fit the crime. Ops kid is being mocked for his appearance.

Agreed. If your kid is mocking his classmates about their appearance, he better be ready to hear what’s coming back at him.

My point is that these kinds of comments make it easier for other people to make these kinds of comments. Then everybody is just being jerks to each other. Middle schoolers are mean enough without parents encouraging it.

Uh ok, whatever (then walk away).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Any comeback that’s crowdsourced from a bunch of moms on the internet is probably not going to go over well with mean middle school kids. This sounds like an Onion article.

True. When I was picked on in ms for being scrawny and poor, I punched whoever said it or, if it was a group, whoever was closest. My bony little fist hurt their stupid noses. I did this twice and, then, had a reputation for being crazy and violent. Guess who no one focked with for the rest of ms?

Help your kid find a way to be labeled as neither weak nor crazy/violent.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DS is physically similar- so tough for middle schoolers!

I agree with the “why are you obsessed with me?” line, or similar.

If that doesn’t work- does the bully have an obvious weakness? If so, throw it right back. “Whatever, fat*ss” with an eyeroll. That sort of thing.

That’s cool — my son has the opposite issue and tends toward the pudgy, so the mean comments he gets at school are what you’re suggesting as a comeback.

Maybe we can all suggest that our kids use comebacks that don’t focus on the other person’s appearance.

The punishment should fit the crime. Ops kid is being mocked for his appearance.

Agreed. If your kid is mocking his classmates about their appearance, he better be ready to hear what’s coming back at him.

DD has occasionally been targeted by a group of kids at school. She’s learns to roll her eyes and in a ton of disgust say “you’re pathetic” before walking away.

In two separate incidents this year and last year she lost her temper and screamed in their faces asking what their problem was and to leave her alone. While those two particular kids probably still say things about her behind her back, they at least both learned to leave her alone.

I’m sorry he’s going through this.