Anonymous
04/12/2023 08:15
Subject: My friend moved without telling me
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't drop it. "Wow, I had no idea! Is everything ok? What's your plan out there?"
Why? To what end? For what purpose? If this woman had wanted to tell OP anything about how she is or what her plan is, she would have told her.
I mean, I wouldn't harass her constantly, but "lol yeah" is super weird. So if I was having an in person conversation and I said "I heard you were moving" and someone said "yeah" the follow up question is why, or what's your plan. If I ask a few follow up questions with no response I would have no choice but to drop it. But "lol yeah" and then just never speaking again isn't normal.
Yes, it’s not typical. But…since when is anyone required to be “normal”? This woman is clearly choosing not to share information with OP. That may be odd, but that’s also her right and her business.
If OP follows up, she looks like a nosy Desperado who can’t take a hint.
I had a friend who shut many people out after her divorce. It wasn’t “right” or fair or typical, but it was her choice to make. I respected her right to make her choice and simply wished her well in my heart and left her alone.
Anonymous
04/12/2023 08:12
Subject: Re:My friend moved without telling me
I don't know why your friend did this, but I've done something similar. In my case it was a major health issue for me, a parent, a death of a close family member and one other thing coming all at the same time. I was knocked sideways and I don't think I've fully recovered from it.
For survival, I had to focus just in myself and my immediate family. I wish I could let my friend know that I even dropped some close extended family during this time and that the time we spent together was significant to me. But I still don't have the energy.
For survival, I had to focus just in myself and my immediate family. I wish I could let my friend know that I even dropped some close extended family during this time and that the time we spent together was significant to me. But I still don't have the energy.
Anonymous
04/12/2023 08:11
Subject: Re:My friend moved without telling me
She sounds like a POS.
Anonymous
04/12/2023 08:09
Subject: Re:My friend moved without telling me
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:OP back with an update. Our girls are in 5th grade, so I'm confident DD got things straight. DH was surprised too. I hung out with my friend (one on one) a week and a half ago. She mentioned nothing. We talked about trying to firm up summer plans and vacations and such. We talked about the books we're reading, Love is Blind, all normal things.
In general, DH and I like to assume the best of people, so that's how I approached it. "Hey, DD told me today you guys moved to Wisconsin? Did she get that right? If so, please send me your new address so we can send you a housewarming gift! Also, so sorry we didn't get a chance to say goodbye in person. Hope the move wasn't too crazy!" She texted back over an hour later "Yeah lol" So ... I guess drop it?
You sounds passive aggressive, pushy and invasive. And her response to you makes it clear as day you’re not a real friend. Drop it.
What a strange impression, PP. She was trying to be polite and kind and confirm that her friend had indeed moved and what the heck is going on. On no planet is that pushy, invasive, or passive aggressive. OP, loved the way you chose to handle. Very appropriate.
Completely agree. OP's text hit the right tone and was perfectly appropriate. She is not the one who is socially off here.
I agree with your DH. Still assume the best and that your friend is doing her best in what is probably a tough situation. I'd just give her some space. Ball is in her court.
-new poster
Anonymous
04/12/2023 08:04
Subject: My friend moved without telling me
Some people just drop "friends" whenever they move. It's a weird kind of compartmentalization. OP, I would consider the friendship over and move on. She couldn't have been more clear she doesn't intend to work on maintaining the friendship, which sounds like it was pretty superficial anyway.
Anonymous
04/12/2023 08:01
Subject: Re:My friend moved without telling me
I would send one more text saying you will miss her and asking if she is ok, or something like that, then move on if she is non responsive.
Anonymous
04/12/2023 07:57
Subject: Re:My friend moved without telling me
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:OP back with an update. Our girls are in 5th grade, so I'm confident DD got things straight. DH was surprised too. I hung out with my friend (one on one) a week and a half ago. She mentioned nothing. We talked about trying to firm up summer plans and vacations and such. We talked about the books we're reading, Love is Blind, all normal things.
In general, DH and I like to assume the best of people, so that's how I approached it. "Hey, DD told me today you guys moved to Wisconsin? Did she get that right? If so, please send me your new address so we can send you a housewarming gift! Also, so sorry we didn't get a chance to say goodbye in person. Hope the move wasn't too crazy!" She texted back over an hour later "Yeah lol" So ... I guess drop it?
You sounds passive aggressive, pushy and invasive. And her response to you makes it clear as day you’re not a real friend. Drop it.
I mean it's pretty odd to shift from making summer plans together for your kids to moving across the country 10 days later and concealing it the whole time. It's not strange for friend to feel blindsided by that. What you do with that feeling is certainly not clear. Either process it and move on. Maybe ask a few questions. But I hardly think ONE text asking about a very sudden move is "pushy and invasive".
Anonymous
04/12/2023 07:56
Subject: My friend moved without telling me
Since she's already on the out, clearly, I would maybe respond with "wow, this was sudden huh? Because we were just making summer plans! Is everything ok?"
And then if you get another one word response back, I'd move on. But I would certainly be reeling a little bit too!
And then if you get another one word response back, I'd move on. But I would certainly be reeling a little bit too!
Anonymous
04/12/2023 07:54
Subject: Re:My friend moved without telling me
Anonymous wrote:Aw. I would text your friend and ask what’s up. What’s the worst that can happen?
Ah never mind, I see you did. I would drop it. It’s clearly her, not you. Maybe ask around to mutual friends discreetly to see if everyone was ghosted.
Anonymous
04/12/2023 07:50
Subject: My friend moved without telling me
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't drop it. "Wow, I had no idea! Is everything ok? What's your plan out there?"
Why? To what end? For what purpose? If this woman had wanted to tell OP anything about how she is or what her plan is, she would have told her.
I mean, I wouldn't harass her constantly, but "lol yeah" is super weird. So if I was having an in person conversation and I said "I heard you were moving" and someone said "yeah" the follow up question is why, or what's your plan. If I ask a few follow up questions with no response I would have no choice but to drop it. But "lol yeah" and then just never speaking again isn't normal.
Anonymous
04/12/2023 07:49
Subject: Re:My friend moved without telling me
Aw. I would text your friend and ask what’s up. What’s the worst that can happen?
Anonymous
04/12/2023 07:47
Subject: Re:My friend moved without telling me
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:OP back with an update. Our girls are in 5th grade, so I'm confident DD got things straight. DH was surprised too. I hung out with my friend (one on one) a week and a half ago. She mentioned nothing. We talked about trying to firm up summer plans and vacations and such. We talked about the books we're reading, Love is Blind, all normal things.
In general, DH and I like to assume the best of people, so that's how I approached it. "Hey, DD told me today you guys moved to Wisconsin? Did she get that right? If so, please send me your new address so we can send you a housewarming gift! Also, so sorry we didn't get a chance to say goodbye in person. Hope the move wasn't too crazy!" She texted back over an hour later "Yeah lol" So ... I guess drop it?
You sounds passive aggressive, pushy and invasive. And her response to you makes it clear as day you’re not a real friend. Drop it.
What a strange impression, PP. She was trying to be polite and kind and confirm that her friend had indeed moved and what the heck is going on. On no planet is that pushy, invasive, or passive aggressive. OP, loved the way you chose to handle. Very appropriate.
Anonymous
04/12/2023 07:40
Subject: My friend moved without telling me
did she seem spectrum-y?
Anonymous
04/12/2023 07:39
Subject: Re:My friend moved without telling me
Anonymous wrote:OP back with an update. Our girls are in 5th grade, so I'm confident DD got things straight. DH was surprised too. I hung out with my friend (one on one) a week and a half ago. She mentioned nothing. We talked about trying to firm up summer plans and vacations and such. We talked about the books we're reading, Love is Blind, all normal things.
In general, DH and I like to assume the best of people, so that's how I approached it. "Hey, DD told me today you guys moved to Wisconsin? Did she get that right? If so, please send me your new address so we can send you a housewarming gift! Also, so sorry we didn't get a chance to say goodbye in person. Hope the move wasn't too crazy!" She texted back over an hour later "Yeah lol" So ... I guess drop it?
You sounds passive aggressive, pushy and invasive. And her response to you makes it clear as day you’re not a real friend. Drop it.
Anonymous
04/12/2023 07:39
Subject: My friend moved without telling me
Anonymous wrote:Look back at your texts and meet-ups. It’s likely you were always initiating and you weren’t great friends.
harsh, jeez