What is this - it doesn’t work for our family - business. Her husband seems fine with it. No mention the kids don’t like it.

“Sorry, that doesn’t work for us”

Then invite them to an event at a time that does work. The part that feels rude to you is that it’s rude to invite yourself to someone’s house or to ask them to reschedule an invitation they have extended.

But it’s perfectly polite to say, “We can’t make 3pm on Sunday, but we’d love to dine with you at x restaurant at 10am on Saturday or host you at our place for dinner on Saturday—we eat around 5pm.”

Then it’s up to them to take the hint or not. You are still showing a willingness to spend time with them but not f-ing up kids’ nap and meal schedules every time you see grandparents.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op - I’m surprised by those who say I should just tell parents in law their times don’t work for me - feels so rude no? I can’t imagine dh having that direct a conversation w my parents. I have tried to get dh to address it but he doesn’t want to.
Generally my ILs are pretty inflexible and also live over an hours drive away so it’s always stressful. I have no idea why plans are not more collaborative but they don’t seek our input and it does not seem welcome!

I don’t think it’s rude at all to say that you can’t make it at 3, but 5 would work (or whatever time you prefer). If they say no, then say ok - another time then. Keep it light and nice and warm. Keep doing that until you get a yes. No need to make this a bigger deal than it is. No need to keep doing things that don’t work for your family. And while it would be nice if your DH dealt with it, it doesn’t sound like he will, so you must.

this

Anonymous wrote:Op - I’m surprised by those who say I should just tell parents in law their times don’t work for me - feels so rude no? I can’t imagine dh having that direct a conversation w my parents. I have tried to get dh to address it but he doesn’t want to.
Generally my ILs are pretty inflexible and also live over an hours drive away so it’s always stressful. I have no idea why plans are not more collaborative but they don’t seek our input and it does not seem welcome!

I don’t think it’s rude at all to say that you can’t make it at 3, but 5 would work (or whatever time you prefer). If they say no, then say ok - another time then. Keep it light and nice and warm. Keep doing that until you get a yes. No need to make this a bigger deal than it is. No need to keep doing things that don’t work for your family. And while it would be nice if your DH dealt with it, it doesn’t sound like he will, so you must.

Anonymous wrote:Op - I’m surprised by those who say I should just tell parents in law their times don’t work for me - feels so rude no? I can’t imagine dh having that direct a conversation w my parents. I have tried to get dh to address it but he doesn’t want to.
Generally my ILs are pretty inflexible and also live over an hours drive away so it’s always stressful. I have no idea why plans are not more collaborative but they don’t seek our input and it does not seem welcome!

LOL @ it’s the in-laws who are inflexible.

Op - I’m surprised by those who say I should just tell parents in law their times don’t work for me - feels so rude no? I can’t imagine dh having that direct a conversation w my parents. I have tried to get dh to address it but he doesn’t want to.
Generally my ILs are pretty inflexible and also live over an hours drive away so it’s always stressful. I have no idea why plans are not more collaborative but they don’t seek our input and it does not seem welcome!

Anonymous wrote:It's actually very healthy. We ate that way in the UK and Spain.

Op - I’m British and no we don’t

In the Midwest we called this supper. We didn’t eat at 3:00 on school/ works days but totally normal on the weekends.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's actually very healthy. We ate that way in the UK and Spain.

But in Spain there’s an additional meal at 10 pm.

Right, so eat the main meal at grandma's and have something light at home later.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's actually very healthy. We ate that way in the UK and Spain.

But in Spain there’s an additional meal at 10 pm.

Yeah, but American's don't go because we're asleep.

That's why Spain has such amazing wine, ham and cheese. Evening snack.

I love having a big mid-morning breakfast, a main meal at 3, and a light snack in the evening.

Anonymous wrote:It's actually very healthy. We ate that way in the UK and Spain.

But in Spain there’s an additional meal at 10 pm.

Last night we went out at 6 for my husband's birthday dinner, and we didn't get home until after the kids' bedtime. I wish we could have gone out around 4pm instead.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For holidays, where it takes a lot of time to prep the meal? Eating at 2pm or 3pm makes sense.

You don't have to stay on a "busy" schedule every single day. Bring a lunch snack for you and the kids, and consider the 3pm as dinner.

Op this is any time we see them, includes restaurants. Maybe 1 x per month.
It’s a lot to get kids to engage at what is typically an active time for them, esp bc there are no other kids there. Dh won’t address it. It’s weird bc if we’re my family we’d just communicate about what does and does not work. But he seems reluctant

I’m with OP because I also see elderly relatives act as though we all have nothing but leisure time all day like they do, and like kids love sitting around talking to old adults for hours with no toys or outside activity. I hope I never forget the reality of having kids.

If your kids have nothing to do, that’s on you. You’re the parent. I also wonder what you prioritize over family.

This is such a stupid thread. Open your yap and ask for a different time frame, or decline the invitation. The end.