I mean, both things can be true…

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Reminds me of Brett Kavanaugh: I worked my @ass off!

Um, by all accounts, he actually was hard-working and talented – he didn’t just land on the United States Supreme Court by accident. Same could be said for Trump – sure he started on third base, but by any measure was nonetheless very accomplished (galvanizing half the country to become POTUS, hello??).

Born on third and working hard are not mutually exclusive.

The point is don't lie. If you got help say so.

What is "help" though? I didn't grow up well off but my parents were immigrants and instilled in me self-motivation and the desire to hard work.

So do I still deserve what I got because of that? I worked hard but they made it "easy" for me because they gave me that mindset.

Deserve has nothing to do with it. Do hard-working poor people deserve to be poor?

If they had a bunch of kids out of wedlock with no money to support them…

So you can basically ensure the kids, who did not Choose this, will continue along the same path of poverty? I for one would like to help the kids and give them a path out of persistent poverty, having kids that are not planned, and give them a brighter future.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Reminds me of Brett Kavanaugh: I worked my @ass off!

To be fair, he actually did? Perfect GPA at Georgetown Prep, 17x/180 LSAT score, 3.7+ Yale GPA, editor of Yale Law Journal.

And quite an accomplished diarist, to boof.

Lemme just say that a 3.7 at Yale is a joke. I didn’t work all that hard at Yale and ended up with a higher GPA. It was even easier when he was in school.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I grew up in an UMC family, private education, elite colleges, and yes, I worked extremely hard for what I have now.

Why are you bothered by it?

I can also tell you, from watching my peers grow up, regardless of background those who worked the hardest also got the most out of life. I can also tell, from my professional background, the amount of work people put into their career has a direct relationship with their successes.

Life is not and will never be fair. It's not fair some people seem to suffer more easily from addiction. It's not fair some families have terrible abuse problems. It's not fair to be born to limited circumstances without ingrained knowledge how to make the most out of your decisions. It's not fair to born with limited aptitude. But what does it have to do with other people's successes and accomplishments? Why should I be blamed for it, somehow, or be told to check my privilege? Such a thing is actually distinctly unfair.

The sooner you realize this and stop making judgments and blaming others and making peace with your own situation, the better off you will be. It is not really my problem other people are not successful nor more than it is a problem there are others much more financially successful than I am. Broadly speaking, most people end up with an outcome that does largely correspond with the actions of their decisions and their capabilties. No one is not a senior vice president at a major corporation because of institutional racism or structural dysfunctionalism in whatever. [i][u]We just have a culture of grievance that has too many people thinking somehow they are oppressed and their failures are can be blamed on others.

See, if you had said "No one is a senior vice president of a major corporation without working extremely hard" you would have had a point. Instead... you just clearly showed your complete lack of perspective and understanding of where you started in life.
Because yes - there are absolutely people who have worked at least as hard as you have, and who are at least as smart as you are, but weren't given nearly the opportunities you've had due to institutional racism, structural dysfunction, and just pure luck of the draw of life.

I deliberately wrote the bolded part because I knew it would raise the most hackles. I did want to see how I would be judged by it.

I stand by what I wrote. Advancement is a complicated thing for people who don't understand what it takes to advance. Some people like to think it's all due to cronyism. Sure, there's those. But for most employers and most circumstances it comes down to the ability to perform and deliver and to take advantages of what you have at hand along with ability to work with others and manage others. Some people are simply much better at it than others and there's only so much it can be artificially distorted in the name of achieving the ideal demographic blend. Companies are not charities or they'd all go bankrupt.

Nothing that has been said in the various attempts at rebuttal convinces me of the merits of their arguments, it's more of the same woe life is unfair but still taking a selective and one-sided perspective at why life is unfair. The OP started the thread criticizing people for working hard. What does being on third base, whatever that means, have to do with it? People still work extremely hard in the upper ranks of the professions and management. Meanwhile, many people at the bottom end of society really don't work at all. At all. We currently have one of the lowest participation in the labor forces among able bodied adults in the history of the United States, which is rather telling. But we also have a society where plenty of people come from nothing and end up with success while plenty of those "born on third base" fizzle out into mediocrity because they just didn't have good work ethic or dedication.

I am all for being understanding and considerate, but that is separate from OP's theme, which is that people who work hard still need to check their privilege.

If you were born in the U.S., you were both on 3rd.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What some of you are missing is that when someone says "But I worked hard for what I have" they are almost always saying it defensively because they have been criticized (or they have detected criticism where there might not have been any). Which is also why it's annoying. It's a sign of insecurity. If these people felt more secure in themselves, they wouldn't struggle to acknowledge that they had advantages in life that helped them get where they are. The only reason they are saying "but I worked so hard" is because they are actively trying to distract or paper over their advantages.

People who say this know they are privileged but would prefer you not know because they worry it will make you think less of them. But the best way to handle that situation is just to own it. "Yes, I got a huge leg up because of my family's money and connections, I realize that. I've always tried to make the most of those opportunities though, because I know not everyone gets them." That's grace and confidence. Trying to convince someone that your success is solely due to your work ethic when you were born to wealth and sent to the best schools and had high level connections into your field of choice should be embarrassing to you. Just own who you are and don't be defensive. It actually invites MORE criticism, not less.

Or, they are irritated (or defensive) because they are being criticized for something that they had nothing to do with.

Read the rest of the post. The answer is not to get defensive and say "but I worked hard." Lots of people work hard.

Just own it. "Yes, I had help from my parents, I'm very grateful." Own the fact that you didn't have anything to do with the advantages you were given. Don't try to pretend the advantages don't exist and that actually, your success is entirely predicated on how hard you worked.

If you really can't stand the idea of peopel thinking that a lot of your success was due to your parents money and connections, when in fact a lot of your success is due to your parents money and connections, then give up that money and those connections instead. Then you never have to feel put upon by this accusation.

Alternatively, just own up to it, don't apologize (it's just how it is, life isn't always fair) and then move on. Going through life with a chip on your shoulder over this is going to make people dislike you because no one feels sorry for someone who has had every advantage in life. It's the one advantage you don't get -- random people feeling sorry for you. Get over it. Use the money you inherited to pay for some therapy or self-care. It'll work out.

Anonymous wrote:You people are sooo pathetic. I wasn’t even born on a base. I was a foster kid and aged out. My mother was a drug addicted prostitutes and my father is of unknown origin. I was very lucky to be part of a program that allowed me to go to college for free. I graduated school in 1998 and have always worked my ass off. Just filed my taxes and I brought in 327,000 in 2022. I married a man born on 3rd and YOU BET we are going give our kids the world and they don’t own any of you colossal losers an explanation of where their good fortune came from.

Yay! First person who actually seems to understand the rules of baseball.

Anonymous wrote:I grew up in an UMC family, private education, elite colleges, and yes, I worked extremely hard for what I have now.

Why are you bothered by it?

I can also tell you, from watching my peers grow up, regardless of background those who worked the hardest also got the most out of life. I can also tell, from my professional background, the amount of work people put into their career has a direct relationship with their successes.

Life is not and will never be fair. It's not fair some people seem to suffer more easily from addiction. It's not fair some families have terrible abuse problems. It's not fair to be born to limited circumstances without ingrained knowledge how to make the most out of your decisions. It's not fair to born with limited aptitude. But what does it have to do with other people's successes and accomplishments? Why should I be blamed for it, somehow, or be told to check my privilege? Such a thing is actually distinctly unfair.

The sooner you realize this and stop making judgments and blaming others and making peace with your own situation, the better off you will be. It is not really my problem other people are not successful nor more than it is a problem there are others much more financially successful than I am. Broadly speaking, most people end up with an outcome that does largely correspond with the actions of their decisions and their capabilties. No one is not a senior vice president at a major corporation because of institutional racism or structural dysfunctionalism in whatever. [i][u]We just have a culture of grievance that has too many people thinking somehow they are oppressed and their failures are can be blamed on others.

See, if you had said "No one is a senior vice president of a major corporation without working extremely hard" you would have had a point. Instead... you just clearly showed your complete lack of perspective and understanding of where you started in life.
Because yes - there are absolutely people who have worked at least as hard as you have, and who are at least as smart as you are, but weren't given nearly the opportunities you've had due to institutional racism, structural dysfunction, and just pure luck of the draw of life.

Anonymous wrote:I wish people were just transparent about how they come by their good fortune. No, you did not buy a mansion on a nonprofit salary due to hard work. Just own it!!

They have it just as tough as the person that starts at home. Just different.

Anonymous wrote:I get annoyed at Dave Ramsey and his daughter posting on social media that we all have to pull ourselves up by the bootstraps. Uh, he gave all his kids fully-funded 529s, UTMA accounts and has them all on his payroll for bogus jobs!

Do as I say…..

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I grew up in an UMC family, private education, elite colleges, and yes, I worked extremely hard for what I have now.

Why are you bothered by it?

I can also tell you, from watching my peers grow up, regardless of background those who worked the hardest also got the most out of life. I can also tell, from my professional background, the amount of work people put into their career has a direct relationship with their successes.

Life is not and will never be fair. It's not fair some people seem to suffer more easily from addiction. It's not fair some families have terrible abuse problems. It's not fair to be born to limited circumstances without ingrained knowledge how to make the most out of your decisions. It's not fair to born with limited aptitude. But what does it have to do with other people's successes and accomplishments? Why should I be blamed for it, somehow, or be told to check my privilege? Such a thing is actually distinctly unfair.

The sooner you realize this and stop making judgments and blaming others and making peace with your own situation, the better off you will be. It is not really my problem other people are not successful nor more than it is a problem there are others much more financially successful than I am. Broadly speaking, most people end up with an outcome that does largely correspond with the actions of their decisions and their capabilties. No one is not a senior vice president at a major corporation because of institutional racism or structural dysfunctionalism in whatever. We just have a culture of grievance that has too many people thinking somehow they are oppressed and their failures are can be blamed on others.

Just don't lie about where your down payment came from, ok?

Who do you hang out with where people discuss where they got the downpayment for their home?!?!?!

I'm in my 50s and have never had that conversation with any of our friends. That would just be weird and annoying. Who cares?

This is a good point. Most people are not focused in that way about others. I've never felt frustration with someone else's finances or how they present them.
I wonder if op is expecting others to freely disclose their finances or of they're directly asking for the info

To be fair if you're in your 50s you probably were buying homes before social media and the urge to justify and show off your purchases. A lot of this transparency is a gift/ill of social media.

We've bought 3 homes in the last 7 years. Yes, I post photos on Social media because it's our new home and our friends/family like to see that--we moved cross country and it's a way to stay connected to friends in the old location. I watch the nieces/nephews/2nd cousins (or whatever my cousins kids would be called) grow up, start families, buy their first home with partners, watch friends kids post their "new home" photos and yet it's never occurred for me to even wonder---How did they buy such a nice house? Who cares? It's not my business, unless they are asking me for money to help buy the house or to help them pay the bills.

Basically, when I see Social media posts, I don't automatically think "wow, how can they afford that". Because it's not really any of my business. People on my social media are my friends, family and colleagues that are friends. So I'm just happy for someone who buys a new home, boat, car, etc.

Anonymous wrote:What some of you are missing is that when someone says "But I worked hard for what I have" they are almost always saying it defensively because they have been criticized (or they have detected criticism where there might not have been any). Which is also why it's annoying. It's a sign of insecurity. If these people felt more secure in themselves, they wouldn't struggle to acknowledge that they had advantages in life that helped them get where they are. The only reason they are saying "but I worked so hard" is because they are actively trying to distract or paper over their advantages.

People who say this know they are privileged but would prefer you not know because they worry it will make you think less of them. But the best way to handle that situation is just to own it. "Yes, I got a huge leg up because of my family's money and connections, I realize that. I've always tried to make the most of those opportunities though, because I know not everyone gets them." That's grace and confidence. Trying to convince someone that your success is solely due to your work ethic when you were born to wealth and sent to the best schools and had high level connections into your field of choice should be embarrassing to you. Just own who you are and don't be defensive. It actually invites MORE criticism, not less.

Or, they are irritated (or defensive) because they are being criticized for something that they had nothing to do with.

I get annoyed at Dave Ramsey and his daughter posting on social media that we all have to pull ourselves up by the bootstraps. Uh, he gave all his kids fully-funded 529s, UTMA accounts and has them all on his payroll for bogus jobs!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Reminds me of Brett Kavanaugh: I worked my @ass off!

Um, by all accounts, he actually was hard-working and talented – he didn’t just land on the United States Supreme Court by accident. Same could be said for Trump – sure he started on third base, but by any measure was nonetheless very accomplished (galvanizing half the country to become POTUS, hello??).

Born on third and working hard are not mutually exclusive.

The point is don't lie. If you got help say so.

What is "help" though? I didn't grow up well off but my parents were immigrants and instilled in me self-motivation and the desire to hard work.

So do I still deserve what I got because of that? I worked hard but they made it "easy" for me because they gave me that mindset.

Deserve has nothing to do with it. Do hard-working poor people deserve to be poor?

If they had a bunch of kids out of wedlock with no money to support them…

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Reminds me of Brett Kavanaugh: I worked my @ass off!

Um, by all accounts, he actually was hard-working and talented – he didn’t just land on the United States Supreme Court by accident. Same could be said for Trump – sure he started on third base, but by any measure was nonetheless very accomplished (galvanizing half the country to become POTUS, hello??).

Born on third and working hard are not mutually exclusive.

The point is don't lie. If you got help say so.

What is "help" though? I didn't grow up well off but my parents were immigrants and instilled in me self-motivation and the desire to hard work.

So do I still deserve what I got because of that? I worked hard but they made it "easy" for me because they gave me that mindset.

Deserve has nothing to do with it. Do hard-working poor people deserve to be poor?