Anonymous wrote:My niece is like that. 30 years old and never had a boyfriend. Can't imagine her being in a relationship because she's incredibly annoying to everyone. She has a lot of friends and her sister and cousins are all starting to get married and have kids, she's a good auntie, though. Really good with kids. I think she'll be single forever.

Does she know that you don’t like her? Geez.

I know someone like this. She has not tried to meet anyone as far as I can tell. To be a somewhat attractive and socially active but not ever have a relationship is bizarre. How does that even happen?

They are probably content.

I dated a ton when I was younger. I was very pretty, in good shape and well educated (TBH). I never found the combination of nice guy and sex appeal that I sought. Dated lots of nice guys, but would not compromise on the chemistry.

I have had great chemistry with guys, but they were not emotionally available (none were already in a relationship mind you but they were unwilling to make a commitment).

So, I just planned the life I wanted, and it has been wonderful. Don't be all nosey and sad for your friend. She could be much happier than 90% of the paired off women you know.

I know two very pretty, smart, and social straight women who have never in relationships. Honestly, I think they're just unwilling to compromise. Which is fine for them. Nothing wrong with being single.

My niece is like that. 30 years old and never had a boyfriend. Can't imagine her being in a relationship because she's incredibly annoying to everyone. She has a lot of friends and her sister and cousins are all starting to get married and have kids, she's a good auntie, though. Really good with kids. I think she'll be single forever.

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Anonymous wrote:"Very pretty" women are almost never single. They must not be pretty.

Untrue. There are many very pretty single women.

They must still be in their 20s.

A "very pretty" woman would be fending off suitors. There are always exceptions, but in 95% of the cases, a really pretty woman would be scooped up real quick.

This is the truth.

I think there comes a point when you have been single for so long, the thought of having to change your ways even one iota and compromise for a relationship is unappealing (at least from what one woman I know like this tells me). It's simply not worth it for them. Others I can tell are dealing with extreme insecurity and go on dates with really trash men, so obviously that doesn't lead to a successful relationship. Still others are way too picky, in the sense that they're asking for way more than what they themselves even have to offer - or just unrealistic expectations (i.e. ruling out men with children or divorced men, but they should be in their 40s...ok, then the men left will have something wrong with them most of the time..). Some of them had relationships in college/early 20s, but have been single since then. None of them want to discuss dating or relationships anymore.

I am 35 and have never been in a LTR.

I have severe anxiety over sex and I go to therapy. Psychotherapy and sex therapy now that I can use my insurance for it. I’m not asexual, I do have strong sexual desires for certain men who have been in my life but I have severe and I mean SEVERE anxiety over physical intimacy, sexual intercourse and pain, and anything sex-related with a new partner and it has gotten worse, not better, as I age.

Anonymous wrote:I know two women like this. One comes on way too strong too soon (clingy) and then ends up hung up on the guy for months longer than she ever dated him, which prevents her from meeting someone new. She was talking about a guy she dated for 2 months for the better part of a year, including weekly therapy. Nothing especially traumatic happened either.

The other one is a very outgoing, loud personality and uncompromising in all areas of her life. She is fabulous, pretty, has a good career, very busy social life with plans most evenings but it would take someone with a similar lifestyle who also didn't mind sharing the spotlight and I think that is rare.

Yeah, I know someone like this, too. And to make matters worse, the men she obsesses over are players or emotionally unavailable. So she gets in this cycle of casually dating or hooking up with someone for a few weeks who isn't relationship material and doesn't want a relationship, then obsessing over them after they leave her for a year or so, then repeating the cycle. So she's never really paired up with someone, and is always in some state of deep angst.

Anonymous wrote:I know two women like this. One comes on way too strong too soon (clingy) and then ends up hung up on the guy for months longer than she ever dated him, which prevents her from meeting someone new. She was talking about a guy she dated for 2 months for the better part of a year, including weekly therapy. Nothing especially traumatic happened either.

The other one is a very outgoing, loud personality and uncompromising in all areas of her life. She is fabulous, pretty, has a good career, very busy social life with plans most evenings but it would take someone with a similar lifestyle who also didn't mind sharing the spotlight and I think that is rare.

Makes sense. They both sound awful.

I know two women like this. One comes on way too strong too soon (clingy) and then ends up hung up on the guy for months longer than she ever dated him, which prevents her from meeting someone new. She was talking about a guy she dated for 2 months for the better part of a year, including weekly therapy. Nothing especially traumatic happened either.

The other one is a very outgoing, loud personality and uncompromising in all areas of her life. She is fabulous, pretty, has a good career, very busy social life with plans most evenings but it would take someone with a similar lifestyle who also didn't mind sharing the spotlight and I think that is rare.

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Anonymous wrote:"Very pretty" women are almost never single. They must not be pretty.

This is untrue. A lot of the prettiest women I know are single while some of the dumpiest women are paired up.

This is quite true. Very pretty women are intimidating to men. They don't like feeling intimidated.

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Anonymous wrote:They are very pretty, educated, professionally successful, and have interesting hobbies.

But they have few social skills. They don't know how to date. They don't know how to communicate well. They don't know how to be with someone in a non-work capacity. They have no idea about how to sustain a long-term, loving relationship with one other person. No man her age wants to teach her how, either. Instead, a man will look at her and think there must be a bad reason why she's never had a long-term relationship. Next.

That's the cold, hard truth.

yep, that was me. I didn't know what to talk to guys about other than work stuff, news and current events. I took myself way too seriously.

So what are we supposed to talk about? /middle aged women lacking social skills.

PP here, well, now that I'm in my early 50s, I have my kids, my house, summer plans, some traveling I've done, to talk about. When I was 30, I didn't have any kids, hadn't traveled much, and was apartment hopping.

Did you watch movies? Television shows? Listen to music? Read books?

Yea, movies and tv are somewhat safe topics, and I did talk about those, but it was also about feeling comfortable with the other person to talk about things like that because what you watch is kind of personal, IMO, but I guess it would show how compatible you might be.

Like when I was 30, if a guy talked about watching jack@ass, I'd be completely turned off. I'd feel the same about women who watched The Real Housewives, too.

This is such a strange response. I don't mean this unkindly, but if you are this anxious about sharing what kind of TV shows you like to watch, you probably need therapy. Men - they are similar to women! My husband and I recently have watched Succession, Poker Face, and Billions together and enjoyed them together.

PP here.. I know. I could've used therapy in my 20s. I'm not in my 20s any longer, nor do I have this kind of issue now.

But talking to your DH about shows is not the same as talking to some random person you just met.

Well, no, of course not, but when we met and were dating, we would talk about mutual interests and the relationship evolved from there. We are both football fans, although not of the same team, so we talked a lot about football in the early days. We also both love travel, but had been to different places, so learning about his experiences and why he chose his locations was interesting and an ice breaker.

What do you like to do at night and on the weekends?

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Anonymous wrote:I have a SIL who is 45 and never been in a relationship. I have no explanation and I have wondered what is going on in her head for years. She is Ivy League educated, great athlete, lots of friends, great family, well traveled, interesting career, and attractive. Are men intimidated by her? Are her standards too high? Or does she simply have no idea how to date? I am mystified by it.

Maybe she likes her independence and does not want to put with with a mediocre man's BS. This is not hard to figure out.

This could be me. I have no patience for men who don't want to be adults--it is deeply unsexy to me. Was only interested in kids if I could find a full partner. The worst are the ones in this age cohort who talk a good game about being "enlightened" but lean on their wives for everything. I can count the number of marriages that look enviable from this perspective (and yes I know you can never really know) on my fingers.

Anonymous wrote:I have a SIL who is 45 and never been in a relationship. I have no explanation and I have wondered what is going on in her head for years. She is Ivy League educated, great athlete, lots of friends, great family, well traveled, interesting career, and attractive. Are men intimidated by her? Are her standards too high? Or does she simply have no idea how to date? I am mystified by it.

Maybe she likes her independence and does not want to put with with a mediocre man's BS. This is not hard to figure out.