Anonymous
Post 03/16/2023 08:03     Subject: I have no interests outside of my children
I am the opposite and get annoyed when parenthood disrupts my adult interests/hobbies/dates etc. I have to remind myself to maintain perspective. But I had a mom like you OP who lost herself in parenthood. It's good to try to address this! You are still really young, so it can be resolved.

Start with what you liked before pregnancy--what were your hobbies and interests?

Travel is always a good conversation topic, so that's something to consider.
Anonymous
Post 03/16/2023 07:44     Subject: I have no interests outside of my children
How old are your kids? Mine are 21 months apart and the pandemic hit when they were 1 and 3. I would say only in the last year and a half or so have I gotten back to the things I used to enjoy.
Anonymous
Post 03/15/2023 22:46     Subject: Re:I have no interests outside of my children
My youngest is 5 and I feel like I’m starting to regain energy for myself a little bit. I thought as soon as my kids were a bit more independent I would lean back in to my career (I do work, but have passes up virtually all promotions since having kids, no regrets) but find while I’m glad I still work I am really craving exercise (and more interesting exercise than just running the same 2.5 mile loop I always do because it’s simple and fast) and reading and trying to rebuild my social life. I am really loving many things about having slightly older kids. It might be coming for you too.
Anonymous
Post 03/15/2023 21:56     Subject: I have no interests outside of my children
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Are you a “I have to lay down with my kids for them to sleep” type or something? In what universe do you have no time? Your kids go to bed at what time and you go to bed at what time? How old are your kids? Do they not attend school? Do they never play with other kids or each other?


OP here and yes, I have to lay down with the 1 year old to get her to sleep 😩 They do attend school, but I work all day. If I’m not tending to them or DH, I’m doing things around the house, laundry, etc. I don’t have a ton of sit down time (except on the toilet, down time at work like right now, etc.) I need to assess and try to make better use of my time.


WOW, I feel like I could’ve written this. I am also 31 and none of my friends have kids. I am pretty ok with being hobby-less. I try to exercise some mornings and read before bed.


What do you guys do all day?? Don’t say laundry. You’re not doing laundry all day every day when your kids are in school. You have plenty of time to do something that would make you more interesting.


They… work.

OP, you’re fine. Once your younger one turns 4ish, you will have a lot more independence. At that point, you and your DH need to learn how to handle them solo (if you’re not already doing that) to give each other a break.

There are pros and cons to everything, including having kids young. I don’t find the women who had kids at 40 more interesting than the ones who had kids at 25.
Anonymous
Post 03/15/2023 21:54     Subject: I have no interests outside of my children
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Are you a “I have to lay down with my kids for them to sleep” type or something? In what universe do you have no time? Your kids go to bed at what time and you go to bed at what time? How old are your kids? Do they not attend school? Do they never play with other kids or each other?


OP here and yes, I have to lay down with the 1 year old to get her to sleep 😩 They do attend school, but I work all day. If I’m not tending to them or DH, I’m doing things around the house, laundry, etc. I don’t have a ton of sit down time (except on the toilet, down time at work like right now, etc.) I need to assess and try to make better use of my time.


WOW, I feel like I could’ve written this. I am also 31 and none of my friends have kids. I am pretty ok with being hobby-less. I try to exercise some mornings and read before bed.


What do you guys do all day?? Don’t say laundry. You’re not doing laundry all day every day when your kids are in school. You have plenty of time to do something that would make you more interesting.


Not pp. you have poor reading comprehension. OP said she works all day.
Anonymous
Post 03/15/2023 20:55     Subject: I have no interests outside of my children
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Are you a “I have to lay down with my kids for them to sleep” type or something? In what universe do you have no time? Your kids go to bed at what time and you go to bed at what time? How old are your kids? Do they not attend school? Do they never play with other kids or each other?


OP here and yes, I have to lay down with the 1 year old to get her to sleep 😩 They do attend school, but I work all day. If I’m not tending to them or DH, I’m doing things around the house, laundry, etc. I don’t have a ton of sit down time (except on the toilet, down time at work like right now, etc.) I need to assess and try to make better use of my time.


WOW, I feel like I could’ve written this. I am also 31 and none of my friends have kids. I am pretty ok with being hobby-less. I try to exercise some mornings and read before bed.


What do you guys do all day?? Don’t say laundry. You’re not doing laundry all day every day when your kids are in school. You have plenty of time to do something that would make you more interesting.
Anonymous
Post 03/15/2023 20:51     Subject: I have no interests outside of my children
Anonymous wrote:OP, I have been a sahm for many years and now I am a SAH wife. I truly found my purpose in life once I had kids. I exposed them to all the hobbies, interests, passions, causes and pet project that I was interested in, and mainly that's how I raised them.

I have no FOMO to be with other people because my kids were more interesting, entertaining and a better use of my time. Of course, I was never ever without company because others joined me in outings, activities as well as socializing.

My kids and I were explorers and there was very little that DMV offered that we did not explore or immerse ourselves in be it -museums, theatre, hikes, daytrips, eating out, classes, cooking, sports, travelling, craft, reading books, movies and documentaries, music and dance, socializing, hosting - etc, we have done it all.

When my kids became older we were discussing politics, science, art, existential questions, all the concerns of day to day life, school, college etc. I am never bored.

My days are full with them.
]

I actually think it's easier to do as a SAHM
Anonymous
Post 03/15/2023 20:28     Subject: I have no interests outside of my children
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Are you a “I have to lay down with my kids for them to sleep” type or something? In what universe do you have no time? Your kids go to bed at what time and you go to bed at what time? How old are your kids? Do they not attend school? Do they never play with other kids or each other?


OP here and yes, I have to lay down with the 1 year old to get her to sleep 😩 They do attend school, but I work all day. If I’m not tending to them or DH, I’m doing things around the house, laundry, etc. I don’t have a ton of sit down time (except on the toilet, down time at work like right now, etc.) I need to assess and try to make better use of my time.


OP it's pretty easy to watch some television. Get some airpods and watch shows on your phone while doing things around the house. I have to lie with my 1 year old to get her to sleep (at least half the time I fall asleep with her) but do get some TV time in while doing mindless chores. I don't like her seeing me on my phone that much but do feel comfortable reading my kindle around her so get a fair amount of reading done when she is half asleep at night or at naptime.

And yes I belong to some moms groups with kids of similar age and then it's ok to talk about your kids! Also belong to a single moms reading club. Solo mom here so no husband relief possible but sometimes have a teenager play with my kid for a couple hours while I do other stuff (admittedly usually work or chore related.)
Anonymous
Post 03/15/2023 16:49     Subject: Re:I have no interests outside of my children
OP, I was there with you until just a few months ago. My oldest is 8 and my youngest is 3. Only now that the youngest is old enough to play by himself or with an older sibling do I feel like I can pursue outside interests. It's still limited, my life is 95% work and kids, but I have a game group every other week, am starting to go to the very occasional concert or dinne rwith friends and colleagues, etc. It might just be an age thing.
Anonymous
Post 03/15/2023 14:37     Subject: Re:I have no interests outside of my children
When I was in my early thirties, my children were my main interests. I had a whole life in my twenties though.

I think I was not able to have outside interests until I stopped working. When I was a working mom of young kids in my early thirties, I went to work, came home, took care of my kids and that was it. I had no alone time. I was just exhausted all the time.

Now I am in my forties and my kids still mostly are my main interests. I love to travel, read, go to concerts, shows, eat, bake, try new restaurants, work out, chill, etc. I have lots of friends. Some work. Some don’t. We all have kids.
Anonymous
Post 03/15/2023 13:17     Subject: I have no interests outside of my children
Get a hobby you big bum
Anonymous
Post 03/15/2023 13:04     Subject: Re:I have no interests outside of my children
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I think OP has kids and maybe her friends don’t yet. She’s 31. I remember that phase where the people with kids were living a very different life than friends who were still single or married with no kids. OP, it gets better as some of this stuff shakes out a bit in one direction or another for everyone over the next few years. In the meantime, people love to talk about themselves! Ask about their summer plans, book recommendations, if they have found any great new life hacks, whether their office environment is toxic, etc.


OP here and yes, I forgot that detail. My friends do not have kids, and I have three children from 1 year old to 8 years old. I do like the idea of asking about what they have going on. I just feel like they all have discussions about travel, shows, interests, etc., and I’m like a deer in headlights with nothing to add.


You’re 31 with an 8 year old! You got pregnant at 22! You didn’t take the time to develop as an adult before having kids. You didn’t take time to develop a career and have savings to afford trips and such. This is the choice you made for your life.


Wow, so mean! Her youngest will be headed off to college (potentially) when she’s 48 and she’ll still be young enough to do everything she could possibly want! She has plenty of life ahead of her. Develop as an adult? I’d argue that raising 3 kids at 31 is a whole lot more adulting and responsibility than you had at that age.


It’s not mean, it’s fact. And at 22 the human brain hadn’t even fully developed. She never took the time to see who she was as an adult! It’s not responsible to have a kid young.


Are you suggesting to unbirth the kids?

My parents had me 20, while in college. They had my siblings by 30. They both went on to get their PhDs and careers in academia. We did a lot of things as a family (e.g., museums, and hikes). They also became empty nesters early: my mom is learning to play piano, and my dad returned to the sport that he left when I was born. They also have more money now, so they finally get to travel and explore. If anything, they are not dull people without hobbies. Btw, we turned out OK too.
Anonymous
Post 03/15/2023 12:54     Subject: Re:I have no interests outside of my children
Get a hobby if you want one. Not to add value to friendships. The number one thing I have in common with my friends is phase of life. They get it. We’re all in this wonderful but chaotic phase together
Anonymous
Post 03/15/2023 12:30     Subject: I have no interests outside of my children
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Are you a “I have to lay down with my kids for them to sleep” type or something? In what universe do you have no time? Your kids go to bed at what time and you go to bed at what time? How old are your kids? Do they not attend school? Do they never play with other kids or each other?


OP here and yes, I have to lay down with the 1 year old to get her to sleep 😩 They do attend school, but I work all day. If I’m not tending to them or DH, I’m doing things around the house, laundry, etc. I don’t have a ton of sit down time (except on the toilet, down time at work like right now, etc.) I need to assess and try to make better use of my time.


WOW, I feel like I could’ve written this. I am also 31 and none of my friends have kids. I am pretty ok with being hobby-less. I try to exercise some mornings and read before bed.
Anonymous
Post 03/15/2023 12:28     Subject: I have no interests outside of my children
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Are you a “I have to lay down with my kids for them to sleep” type or something? In what universe do you have no time? Your kids go to bed at what time and you go to bed at what time? How old are your kids? Do they not attend school? Do they never play with other kids or each other?


OP here and yes, I have to lay down with the 1 year old to get her to sleep 😩 They do attend school, but I work all day. If I’m not tending to them or DH, I’m doing things around the house, laundry, etc. I don’t have a ton of sit down time (except on the toilet, down time at work like right now, etc.) I need to assess and try to make better use of my time.


No, you don’t “have to,” you choose to. There are tons of books and resources out there on how to break this bad habit. But you won’t, you’ll just go the path of least resistance.


What is your damage? Sit yourself down with your judgy judgy nasty responses.

I had phases with both kids when I sat with them to get them to sleep. It was temporary. I wasn't sitting with them later on, just when they were little.

And I would watch shows on my ipad using earphones or read a book on my ipad while I sat with them, so I actually enjoyed that time. They settled quickly and easily and I got to read! If you are laying down with your kid, maybe you could transition to just sitting in the room, so that you can use that time to watch something or read something that interests you.