Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think sane parents don't want to overwhelm their kids so they let kids choose when to contact.

I agree, also texting is less intrusive.

+2. I text and share memes several times a week with each kid. I call if there's something logistical to arrange, or they call me. They live in the area, so we see each other maybe once a week, and that's probably a different situation from what people are describing here.

I wonder how many of the people complaining their parents don't call have actually picked up the phone themselves to call their parents. It's a two-way street, you know.

My children are mid and late twenties.

I rarely call because I don't want to intrude and the conversation feels like I'm creating anxiety by asking them how things are going. The conversation feels like a chore. Never foresaw this happening as we were always close. No spouses or grandkids yet. They live about an hour away. Would love to fix this somehow.

They rarely call just to chat but one calls occasionally for financial emergency.

Anonymous wrote:Adult here, my mom nor my husbands parent's never call us. We feel alone. We don't have children ourselves. We do both come from sick alcoholic families is this it? We are good "kids" are always there to HELP. They only call when they need something and never just to say HI or ask how we are doing. WHY? Parents who don't call why?

Have you ever read any of DCUM posts? Parents and in-laws are afraid of being called meddlers, smotherers, controlling, needy and what not if they call, visit or ask anything.

Anonymous wrote:My parents don’t call. My dad is caught up in his own world and I don’t think it occurs to him to keep in touch. I aim for a few decent in person conversations per year and call it good.

My mom calls rarely and if asked why would go with the “I don’t know when you’re available” explanation. I think her anxiety is probably the bigger issue. When I’m in a good place emotionally, I just roll with it and call her when I have a few minutes, maybe a few times a week. This is the right thing to do, I think. I can only control my part of the relationship. But when my own anxiety and depression are flaring, I read more into it, decide she doesn’t like talking to me, and wait for her to call, which sometimes takes many weeks. This is a worse outcome for everyone, so I try not to linger in that state.

Do you text with her?

Anonymous wrote:My DIL is a very jealous person and a know it all. I avoid her. She talks baby talk. Adults don't go potty.

We're lucky. They live in another state so I don't see them.

My husband texts with her and our son so that is as good as it gets. I do share very limited emails with our son. She reads every single one. He's not allowed to have an email account she doesn't have access to. Their marriage not mine. I really dislike drama and she thrives on it. Waste of time. This is the second domineering wife our son has had.
I don't hear from them for months at a time until they need money then it's all lovey dovey. FAKE. I need to cut ties with them. Both are very disrespectful.
I keep in touch with my younger sister instead. She's like my child. We are 11 years apart. Our parents died long ago. I feel more connected to her.

You sound like a horrible mother.

Anonymous wrote:I think sane parents don't want to overwhelm their kids so they let kids choose when to contact.

I agree, also texting is less intrusive.

Every time I called them, they were in the mid of something. So I just let them call me. We talk 1-2 times per week, sometimes more.

My MIL strongly believes it is the adult child’s responsibility to call the parents and not the other way around. I honestly have no idea where she got that idea (I feel like it’s a two-way street) but I am glad she made expectations known. My husband FaceTimes her on a regular basis and everybody is happy.

How old are they? I am convinced mine doesn't call because she never got used to being able to call without paying by the minute. By the time no limit cell phone plans came around she was already long set in her ways.

My parents don’t call. My dad is caught up in his own world and I don’t think it occurs to him to keep in touch. I aim for a few decent in person conversations per year and call it good.

My mom calls rarely and if asked why would go with the “I don’t know when you’re available” explanation. I think her anxiety is probably the bigger issue. When I’m in a good place emotionally, I just roll with it and call her when I have a few minutes, maybe a few times a week. This is the right thing to do, I think. I can only control my part of the relationship. But when my own anxiety and depression are flaring, I read more into it, decide she doesn’t like talking to me, and wait for her to call, which sometimes takes many weeks. This is a worse outcome for everyone, so I try not to linger in that state.

Anonymous wrote:Neither one of Dh nor my parents call us. They’re functional loving parents. No clue why they don’t call. They love us.

+100, this!

This seems like a way to get bent out of shape over nothing. Call them, love them, or sit and ruminate over how some habits started? I have no idea how our calling patterns evolved; one parent called regularly until she couldn't, the other only occasionally initiated calls but was always thrilled to receive my regular calls, and by the way, was the kindest, most loving human being I've ever known). They're both gone now, but not once have I ruminated on who initiated our phone conversations.

Anonymous wrote:Adult here, my mom nor my husbands parent's never call us. We feel alone. We don't have children ourselves. We do both come from sick alcoholic families is this it? We are good "kids" are always there to HELP. They only call when they need something and never just to say HI or ask how we are doing. WHY? Parents who don't call why?

You don't have kids. Your parents are older. It's great that you are good kids, helping them even though they have alcoholism. That may be a cause - don't want to call because they want to hide drinking, feel ashamed or less than, never developed healthy conversational skills.

But, in any case, a major task of adulthood is to develop your own "family" - not necessarily by having children but by cultivating a broad circle of friendships of differing closeness. Are you doing this? Who is in your world who you can invite for holidays? can call in emergency? can talk to about problems?

Many single people or people without kids have to think more broadly about creating a family rather than birthing or being born into a family.

Your birth parents (usually) will die and leave you a long life after. You need to develop your own "family".

Lost phone connections AND someone using lost phone "that works at the mobile company" keeping that account going to steal identity. Actually amazing how long the charade goes on considering kids are suppose to notice. Hard to grasp if child moved out of state.
It happens.
"it is what it is"

lost phone connections. Hard to keep in touch when phone is stolen and no one wrote down those numbers. True story

Neither one of Dh nor my parents call us. They’re functional loving parents. No clue why they don’t call. They love us. My parents do text daily though.

One time I got busy, super sick and didn’t call my parents for a few months. They just didn’t care and were mad I didn’t call.