Anonymous
Post 03/09/2023 15:29     Subject: Re:Would you move your 15-year-old across the country for a new dream job?
Anonymous wrote:Also, move before school lets out. The new kid gets special treatment, everyone makes them feel welcome, someone will make sure they are included at gym/lunch, and they can make friends before summer. A new kid on the first day of school? eh - there are lots of new kids, they won't get noticed, and nobody will go out of their way to include them.


Disagree with the advice to move before school breaks for summer. Terrible advice. Don't disrupt your child's world prematurely when unnecessary.
Anonymous
Post 03/09/2023 15:29     Subject: Would you move your 15-year-old across the country for a new dream job?
Three years they’re gone so your happiness matters more. Drive safely.
Anonymous
Post 03/09/2023 15:26     Subject: Would you move your 15-year-old across the country for a new dream job?
With my particular kids, I would absolutely do it. They’re not outgoing, but pretty easy going and adaptable. I understand why others wouldn’t, or why it could be really hard on some kids, but also think some people are being over dramatic.
Anonymous
Post 03/09/2023 15:26     Subject: Would you move your 15-year-old across the country for a new dream job?
I went K-12 with all the same kids and I never was so glad to graduate, go to college and leave them all behind. I am not friends with any of those people today. I think people here have beer goggles about the lasting nature of high school friendships as well as the ability for most -- not all, but most -- kids to adapt.
Anonymous
Post 03/09/2023 15:22     Subject: Would you move your 15-year-old across the country for a new dream job?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:If you are willing to put your want over your kid's need, why did you have them?

You're going to regret the move.



Oh for chrissakes. Because, of course, I'm a ragingly selfish b--h who saw them as an accessory. Happy now?

Go back to your bitter little rathole, lady.


Where is your rathole?
Anonymous
Post 03/09/2023 15:21     Subject: Would you move your 15-year-old across the country for a new dream job?
We are a foreign service family and my kids have lived in 4 countries. We are staying put for HS for our oldest because we can. All of the places we have transferred to/from have had kids in similar situations.
Anonymous
Post 03/09/2023 15:21     Subject: Would you move your 15-year-old across the country for a new dream job?
I moved a lot as a child. I would move my children at any age, if they did not have close ties to the school or if they were indifferent to the community/school/city.

By close ties I mean a good group of solid friends (versus kids that come and go), sports/activities with the same coach/group for years. I also wouldn't move unless me or DH had the time at the new place, to help them make friends by getting involved socially.
Anonymous
Post 03/09/2023 15:20     Subject: Re:Would you move your 15-year-old across the country for a new dream job?
Also, move before school lets out. The new kid gets special treatment, everyone makes them feel welcome, someone will make sure they are included at gym/lunch, and they can make friends before summer. A new kid on the first day of school? eh - there are lots of new kids, they won't get noticed, and nobody will go out of their way to include them.
Anonymous
Post 03/09/2023 15:16     Subject: Re:Would you move your 15-year-old across the country for a new dream job?
Boy - yes. Girl -no. Boys pick up friendships easily and add easily into their core group, girls form clicks middle school and they can be very difficult to break into....unless the girl is athletic or pretty/slender.
Anonymous
Post 03/09/2023 15:15     Subject: Re:Would you move your 15-year-old across the country for a new dream job?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:It is highly depends on the child. We moved a lot, including internationally and including during the high school years. My kids handled it wonderfully, adjusted well, got admitted to several ivy league schools after HS graduation, never even went to therapist to deal with the transition. But I know really bad stories that include a lot of resentment from the child who was forced to move, depression, suicide attempts. Don't ask here. You know your child. Talk to your child. Talk to them early as a possibility of the relocation and test how they would react to that idea.


Yes I think floating the idea to your kid is a smart move. Say that nothing has been decided, and emphasize how you have not gotten the job. I know as a 14 year old I would have hit the roof, at first. But once given some time to mull it over, I may have found some positive things on my own. And I would have relished being involved in the decision process.


Agree with these posters. OP, start talking to your child now. Do not wait until you are deeper into the interview process. If you wait, they may feel the decision is already made regardless of how they feel or they can’t say how they really feel because they don’t want to disappoint you.

They may like the idea or come around the more you talk about it. Or they may not. Better to know sooner rather than later.

They only have one HS experience. You probably won’t feel this way but there is more than one dream job out there for you. BTDT.

Anonymous
Post 03/09/2023 15:11     Subject: Re:Would you move your 15-year-old across the country for a new dream job?
Anonymous wrote:Friends, beautiful landscape, ample cultural opportunities, and a far better state university system.


OP: Are you referring to California and the UC system ?

What makes the new job a dream job ?

Anonymous
Post 03/09/2023 15:09     Subject: Would you move your 15-year-old across the country for a new dream job?
I moved a lot as a teen and I didn’t mind it. I sort of got bored with one school and was happy to move to another.

But my 8th grader has ASD and the thought of moving makes me panic. She breaks down when we plan on going on a trip and even self-harmed once because of it: I cannot imagine how she would react if we moved.

Anonymous
Post 03/09/2023 15:08     Subject: Would you move your 15-year-old across the country for a new dream job?
Anonymous wrote:If you are willing to put your want over your kid's need, why did you have them?

You're going to regret the move.



Oh for chrissakes. Because, of course, I'm a ragingly selfish b--h who saw them as an accessory. Happy now?

Go back to your bitter little rathole, lady.
Anonymous
Post 03/09/2023 15:04     Subject: Would you move your 15-year-old across the country for a new dream job?
If you are willing to put your want over your kid's need, why did you have them?

You're going to regret the move.
Anonymous
Post 03/09/2023 15:02     Subject: Re:Would you move your 15-year-old across the country for a new dream job?
Anonymous wrote:It is highly depends on the child. We moved a lot, including internationally and including during the high school years. My kids handled it wonderfully, adjusted well, got admitted to several ivy league schools after HS graduation, never even went to therapist to deal with the transition. But I know really bad stories that include a lot of resentment from the child who was forced to move, depression, suicide attempts. Don't ask here. You know your child. Talk to your child. Talk to them early as a possibility of the relocation and test how they would react to that idea.


Yes I think floating the idea to your kid is a smart move. Say that nothing has been decided, and emphasize how you have not gotten the job. I know as a 14 year old I would have hit the roof, at first. But once given some time to mull it over, I may have found some positive things on my own. And I would have relished being involved in the decision process.