Anonymous wrote:DH and I thank each other for everything, including cooking dinner (he thanks me) and cleaning up dinner (I thank him). When he does cook dinner, I always thank him even though I don't particularly like it when he cooks; and I always clean and he thanks me.

There are a lot DH and I get wrong, but this is one thing we get right. We thank each other for taking out the trash, doing laundry, handling dinner and homework and bedtime if one of us has to work late, etc.

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Anonymous wrote:Sounds fake and forced

When DH makes grilled cheese, salad and tomato soup for me and the kids, I do not lavish him with praise as if he is a Voltaggio brother gracing me with a five-course tasting menu. But hey, he got home first, he helped the kids with homework, and I get to roll in the house and sit down to dinner. I appreciate that. I say thank you.

I honestly think it might take more effort for me to not thank something than to acknowledge what they did for me.

So you say thanks for dinner, thanks for being home for the kids, thanks for helping with homework?

Every single day, every single time? No. In that scenario, I would definitely say thanks for the dinner. But I would say we thank each other at least 80-90% of the time for routine chores, and always for dinner.

For example, my husband is working late tonight. He knows I will be doing pickup, dinner, homework, and bedtime with the kids. When I reminded them to give him extra hugs because they will be asleep when he gets home tonight, he said, "Thank you for taking care of everything tonight." Last night, I thanked him for carrying three loads of laundry from the basement up to our bedroom. Gratitude is a good habit that we have.

I mean, you can keep arguing with me about it, but yeah. That's how it is in our marriage. And it won't change just because you're trying to poke holes.

You sound super defensive… wild.

I’m not arguing just wondering… but yea I dont need that much validation and it’s also okay that you do.

Awwww, you've been raised to think that simple gratitude, manners and politeness are seeking and giving "validation." It's OK. We can't choose how well we were raised.

Imagine this I have a different love language … your’s is word of affirmation, mine is not… and you need Xanax.

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Sounds fake and forced

When DH makes grilled cheese, salad and tomato soup for me and the kids, I do not lavish him with praise as if he is a Voltaggio brother gracing me with a five-course tasting menu. But hey, he got home first, he helped the kids with homework, and I get to roll in the house and sit down to dinner. I appreciate that. I say thank you.

I honestly think it might take more effort for me to not thank something than to acknowledge what they did for me.

So you say thanks for dinner, thanks for being home for the kids, thanks for helping with homework?

Every single day, every single time? No. In that scenario, I would definitely say thanks for the dinner. But I would say we thank each other at least 80-90% of the time for routine chores, and always for dinner.

For example, my husband is working late tonight. He knows I will be doing pickup, dinner, homework, and bedtime with the kids. When I reminded them to give him extra hugs because they will be asleep when he gets home tonight, he said, "Thank you for taking care of everything tonight." Last night, I thanked him for carrying three loads of laundry from the basement up to our bedroom. Gratitude is a good habit that we have.

I mean, you can keep arguing with me about it, but yeah. That's how it is in our marriage. And it won't change just because you're trying to poke holes.

Anonymous wrote:I cook a meal almost every single night. My husband not only has never thanked me, but doesn't even comment on it or help clean up. Unless there are people over and he wants to put on a show of being a helpful guy.

But more importantly I wanted to say that my son (21) always tells me thank you and lets me know how good it tastes. Last night, it was just catching my eye and giving me the thumbs up while he was chewing. It means a lot to me, and it's nice to hear and see, at least once in a while.

My other kids also express their gratitude in varying ways, and it makes life much more pleasant to at least be noticed by someone.

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Anonymous wrote:Sounds fake and forced

When DH makes grilled cheese, salad and tomato soup for me and the kids, I do not lavish him with praise as if he is a Voltaggio brother gracing me with a five-course tasting menu. But hey, he got home first, he helped the kids with homework, and I get to roll in the house and sit down to dinner. I appreciate that. I say thank you.

I honestly think it might take more effort for me to not thank something than to acknowledge what they did for me.

So you say thanks for dinner, thanks for being home for the kids, thanks for helping with homework?

Every single day, every single time? No. In that scenario, I would definitely say thanks for the dinner. But I would say we thank each other at least 80-90% of the time for routine chores, and always for dinner.

For example, my husband is working late tonight. He knows I will be doing pickup, dinner, homework, and bedtime with the kids. When I reminded them to give him extra hugs because they will be asleep when he gets home tonight, he said, "Thank you for taking care of everything tonight." Last night, I thanked him for carrying three loads of laundry from the basement up to our bedroom. Gratitude is a good habit that we have.

I mean, you can keep arguing with me about it, but yeah. That's how it is in our marriage. And it won't change just because you're trying to poke holes.

You sound super defensive… wild.

I’m not arguing just wondering… but yea I dont need that much validation and it’s also okay that you do.

Awwww, you've been raised to think that simple gratitude, manners and politeness are seeking and giving "validation." It's OK. We can't choose how well we were raised.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds fake and forced

When DH makes grilled cheese, salad and tomato soup for me and the kids, I do not lavish him with praise as if he is a Voltaggio brother gracing me with a five-course tasting menu. But hey, he got home first, he helped the kids with homework, and I get to roll in the house and sit down to dinner. I appreciate that. I say thank you.

I honestly think it might take more effort for me to not thank something than to acknowledge what they did for me.

So you say thanks for dinner, thanks for being home for the kids, thanks for helping with homework?

Every single day, every single time? No. In that scenario, I would definitely say thanks for the dinner. But I would say we thank each other at least 80-90% of the time for routine chores, and always for dinner.

For example, my husband is working late tonight. He knows I will be doing pickup, dinner, homework, and bedtime with the kids. When I reminded them to give him extra hugs because they will be asleep when he gets home tonight, he said, "Thank you for taking care of everything tonight." Last night, I thanked him for carrying three loads of laundry from the basement up to our bedroom. Gratitude is a good habit that we have.

I mean, you can keep arguing with me about it, but yeah. That's how it is in our marriage. And it won't change just because you're trying to poke holes.

You sound super defensive… wild.

I’m not arguing just wondering… but yea I dont need that much validation and it’s also okay that you do.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds fake and forced

When DH makes grilled cheese, salad and tomato soup for me and the kids, I do not lavish him with praise as if he is a Voltaggio brother gracing me with a five-course tasting menu. But hey, he got home first, he helped the kids with homework, and I get to roll in the house and sit down to dinner. I appreciate that. I say thank you.

I honestly think it might take more effort for me to not thank something than to acknowledge what they did for me.

So you say thanks for dinner, thanks for being home for the kids, thanks for helping with homework?

Every single day, every single time? No. In that scenario, I would definitely say thanks for the dinner. But I would say we thank each other at least 80-90% of the time for routine chores, and always for dinner.

For example, my husband is working late tonight. He knows I will be doing pickup, dinner, homework, and bedtime with the kids. When I reminded them to give him extra hugs because they will be asleep when he gets home tonight, he said, "Thank you for taking care of everything tonight." Last night, I thanked him for carrying three loads of laundry from the basement up to our bedroom. Gratitude is a good habit that we have.

I mean, you can keep arguing with me about it, but yeah. That's how it is in our marriage. And it won't change just because you're trying to poke holes.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds fake and forced

When DH makes grilled cheese, salad and tomato soup for me and the kids, I do not lavish him with praise as if he is a Voltaggio brother gracing me with a five-course tasting menu. But hey, he got home first, he helped the kids with homework, and I get to roll in the house and sit down to dinner. I appreciate that. I say thank you.

I honestly think it might take more effort for me to not thank something than to acknowledge what they did for me.

So you say thanks for dinner, thanks for being home for the kids, thanks for helping with homework?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds fake and forced

When DH makes grilled cheese, salad and tomato soup for me and the kids, I do not lavish him with praise as if he is a Voltaggio brother gracing me with a five-course tasting menu. But hey, he got home first, he helped the kids with homework, and I get to roll in the house and sit down to dinner. I appreciate that. I say thank you.

I honestly think it might take more effort for me to not thank something than to acknowledge what they did for me.

Anonymous wrote:If you cook, do you expect your DH to say "this taste great!" or some form of verbal appreciation for making dinner? Just wondering if I'm expecting too much?

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Anonymous wrote:DH and I thank each other for everything, including cooking dinner (he thanks me) and cleaning up dinner (I thank him). When he does cook dinner, I always thank him even though I don't particularly like it when he cooks; and I always clean and he thanks me.

There are a lot DH and I get wrong, but this is one thing we get right. We thank each other for taking out the trash, doing laundry, handling dinner and homework and bedtime if one of us has to work late, etc.

Why?

Because gratitude and acknowledgment are good building blocks of love, respect and connection? Are you OK?

Diluted gratitude are the opposite of love and respect.

I had an ex-boyfriend who made this argument. He said that he didn't like to say he loved me, or give me compliments or gratitude, "too often" because it would dilute the impact. Like he thought if he told me I looked nice most days, then I wouldn't understand the compliment if he told me I looked particularly good on another day. Or if he said "I love you" everyday, it would just become reflex and lose meaning.

That relationship didn't work out, and now I'm married to someone who says he loves me multiple times a day, tells me I look nice several times a week, and says thank you almost anytime I do something that benefits him (thanks for cooking, thanks for taking the trash out, thanks for gassing up the car, thanks for booking those flights, thanks for staying home with DD when she was sick, thanks for making sure the dog got his shots, etc.).

It's so much better this way, and I never take my DH's love or gratitude for granted. The opposite. Because we are both vocal with each other about how we feel and in appreciating one another, we are both more aware on a daily basis of the value of our relationship and how we'd rather be together than apart. I can't imagine going back to a situation where my partner doles out compliments and gratitude stingily, like it's a finite resource he doesn't want to waste. So strange and sad.

Gratitude is free. The more you practice it, the more you have.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:BIL and SIL went for marriage counseling. The counselor encouraged a level of gratitude that was ridiculous.

BIL made breakfast. SIL: Thank you, honey for making breakfast! That was so delicious!!

Totally forced, totally fake. But hey, she said the words.

DS's girlfriend's mom insisted on a compliment after the first bite, even if it wasn't very good.

I tend to not drip honey over every day things.





I noticed that he didn't thank her for cleaning up the kitchen after the fact.

If that works for your marriage, that's fine. But little words of gratitude and praise go a long way in many people's marriages. It reminds us not to take each other for granted.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I thank each other for everything, including cooking dinner (he thanks me) and cleaning up dinner (I thank him). When he does cook dinner, I always thank him even though I don't particularly like it when he cooks; and I always clean and he thanks me.

There are a lot DH and I get wrong, but this is one thing we get right. We thank each other for taking out the trash, doing laundry, handling dinner and homework and bedtime if one of us has to work late, etc.

Why?

Because gratitude and acknowledgment are good building blocks of love, respect and connection? Are you OK?

Diluted gratitude are the opposite of love and respect.

I had an ex-boyfriend who made this argument. He said that he didn't like to say he loved me, or give me compliments or gratitude, "too often" because it would dilute the impact. Like he thought if he told me I looked nice most days, then I wouldn't understand the compliment if he told me I looked particularly good on another day. Or if he said "I love you" everyday, it would just become reflex and lose meaning.

That relationship didn't work out, and now I'm married to someone who says he loves me multiple times a day, tells me I look nice several times a week, and says thank you almost anytime I do something that benefits him (thanks for cooking, thanks for taking the trash out, thanks for gassing up the car, thanks for booking those flights, thanks for staying home with DD when she was sick, thanks for making sure the dog got his shots, etc.).

It's so much better this way, and I never take my DH's love or gratitude for granted. The opposite. Because we are both vocal with each other about how we feel and in appreciating one another, we are both more aware on a daily basis of the value of our relationship and how we'd rather be together than apart. I can't imagine going back to a situation where my partner doles out compliments and gratitude stingily, like it's a finite resource he doesn't want to waste. So strange and sad.

Gratitude is free. The more you practice it, the more you have.

Anonymous wrote:BIL and SIL went for marriage counseling. The counselor encouraged a level of gratitude that was ridiculous.

BIL made breakfast. SIL: Thank you, honey for making breakfast! That was so delicious!!

Totally forced, totally fake. But hey, she said the words.

DS's girlfriend's mom insisted on a compliment after the first bite, even if it wasn't very good.

I tend to not drip honey over every day things.





I noticed that he didn't thank her for cleaning up the kitchen after the fact.

Anonymous wrote:Sounds fake and forced