Anonymous
Post 02/20/2023 15:41     Subject: Re:Happy affair stories
Hey OP wanted positive stories, there you go!
I guess you were rooting for a shutout lol.
It was great, so hot, no regrets.


DP. The safest part of this is that you gave “no regrets.” Most mature, self-aware adults grow to regret their bad decisions and lack of integrity with a little self-reflection.
Anonymous
Post 02/20/2023 15:19     Subject: Happy affair stories
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I’m in a dead bedroom situation and am dying! Any good or positive affair stories?
I’ve got enough of the negative, it’s deterred me for years. I’m hanging on by a thread.


Since you are in a dead bedroom, totally different rules apply. Just declare the marriage open. This is not an affair, this is a lifestyle choice (similar to how "sexless" is a lifestyle choice).
You are free to make this decision unilaterally, just as your spouse unilaterally decided to be sexless.


NP. I think I recognize your style, or maybe it's the style used by all the pro-open-marriage posters here: "Just declare the marriage open."

No, no one can unilaterally declare a marriage is open. That is a mutual decision by both people in the marriage. By definition.

You'll whine, of course, that "The spouse declared the marriage sexless so I can declare it open!" Lack of sex doesn't introduce another person into the mix. An affair does. "Unilateral open marriage" is nonexistent and is a weak way to say "an affair."

Get off your lazy backside and either work at the marriage and find out why the spouse is not interested in sex (or in sex with you), or work at effecting a divorce. Making up ridiculous labels doesn't help. Open marriage is a real thing for some people but it is not unilateral. Those of you just wanting an affair try to co-opt the term to paper over your infidelity to someone who is not in any open marriage--your spouse.


Unless you are actually in a sexless marriage, why does the fact bother you that a sexless marriage is (effectively) an open marriage? Certainly this is much better for you than secret affairs or divorce, which are the only other 2 possibilities.
Anonymous
Post 02/20/2023 15:18     Subject: Happy affair stories
Anonymous wrote:An affair absolutely obliterated our family. Our marriage, our kids. 5+ years of therapy and counting. Our extended families. Some friendships.

Would 100000% would have rather died.


Similar. Implosion
Anonymous
Post 02/20/2023 15:18     Subject: Happy affair stories
My friend met the love of her life through an affair. Both were in unhappy marriages. He was a Big Law partner and she was a non-lawyer director at the same firm. It almost blew up his career but he was a rainmaker so they looked the other way.

Super bumpy in the beginning. He agreed to alimony for life for his ex. His kids were kind of screwed up but more from the dysfunction of the marriage and his crazy ex.

They have been happily married for about 25 years at this point.
Anonymous
Post 02/20/2023 15:16     Subject: Re:Happy affair stories
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Mine was happy. She was in a near sexless marriage with a depressed husband who was rude to her. My wife was also totally disinterested - we were 3 years sexless. We helped each other through a rough patch. Several years of occasional meet-ups. Safe. She divorced, I am still married. We haven't hooked up in four years. We still keep in loose touch as friends.


Does your wife know?


No. We are doing somewhat better now.
Anonymous
Post 02/20/2023 15:13     Subject: Happy affair stories
Anonymous wrote:My father left my mother for his AP. They have been happily married for more than 25 years.

My apologies for disappointing those betrayed spouses who want so desperately to believe that all legit-after-the-affair relationships end in disaster. They don't.


Your mother was cool with this? She wasn’t negatively impacted?
Anonymous
Post 02/20/2023 15:05     Subject: Happy affair stories
An affair absolutely obliterated our family. Our marriage, our kids. 5+ years of therapy and counting. Our extended families. Some friendships.

Would 100000% would have rather died.
Anonymous
Post 02/20/2023 14:37     Subject: Re:Happy affair stories
Suggest opening up the marriage and see what your spouse says. It's totally understandable that you want sex and no one thinks you deserve to have a dead bedroom, but "solving" that with an affair is just playing with fire. We don't want to see you or innocent parties burned. The fun from the affair is very short lived, but the scars can last a lifetime.
Anonymous
Post 02/20/2023 14:30     Subject: Happy affair stories
Anonymous wrote:My father left my mother for his AP. They have been happily married for more than 25 years.

My apologies for disappointing those betrayed spouses who want so desperately to believe that all legit-after-the-affair relationships end in disaster. They don't.


This for sure is possible. But in the equation remember the others…
How did your mother fair? The partner of the AP?
You? Your siblings? AP’s kids?
That’s a more full picture. And, maybe it is for the better for all, but a important to recognize the impact beyond the two affair partners.
Anonymous
Post 02/20/2023 14:25     Subject: Re:Happy affair stories
I have been in an affair for about 9.5 years. It's great, gets my desires met. I am married, he is not. Neither of us want to be each other's primary partners, but we do enjoy each other's company both in and out of bed. Both smart, caring, professionally successful. If you can be discreet, it can work.
Anonymous
Post 02/20/2023 14:22     Subject: Re:Happy affair stories
Anonymous wrote:Why does your husband not want to have sex with you?

Start there.


Not the OP, but my DH has very low testosterone and a low drive to match. I wish he cared more about treating it. I suspect he is asexual, and am not sure if it’s a chicken or the egg thing. What I do know it’s that I feel lonely and unloved on some level, even though we are like best friends. I have initiated every single conversation about our sex life and about counseling.

I have considered cheating. I’d rather have a husband who wants me than to cheat.
Anonymous
Post 02/20/2023 14:21     Subject: Happy affair stories
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I’m in a dead bedroom situation and am dying! Any good or positive affair stories?
I’ve got enough of the negative, it’s deterred me for years. I’m hanging on by a thread.


Since you are in a dead bedroom, totally different rules apply. Just declare the marriage open. This is not an affair, this is a lifestyle choice (similar to how "sexless" is a lifestyle choice).
You are free to make this decision unilaterally, just as your spouse unilaterally decided to be sexless.


NP. I think I recognize your style, or maybe it's the style used by all the pro-open-marriage posters here: "Just declare the marriage open."

No, no one can unilaterally declare a marriage is open. That is a mutual decision by both people in the marriage. By definition.

You'll whine, of course, that "The spouse declared the marriage sexless so I can declare it open!" Lack of sex doesn't introduce another person into the mix. An affair does. "Unilateral open marriage" is nonexistent and is a weak way to say "an affair."

Get off your lazy backside and either work at the marriage and find out why the spouse is not interested in sex (or in sex with you), or work at effecting a divorce. Making up ridiculous labels doesn't help. Open marriage is a real thing for some people but it is not unilateral. Those of you just wanting an affair try to co-opt the term to paper over your infidelity to someone who is not in any open marriage--your spouse.
Anonymous
Post 02/20/2023 14:21     Subject: Happy affair stories
My father left my mother for his AP. They have been happily married for more than 25 years.

My apologies for disappointing those betrayed spouses who want so desperately to believe that all legit-after-the-affair relationships end in disaster. They don't.
Anonymous
Post 02/20/2023 14:09     Subject: Happy affair stories
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I’m in a dead bedroom situation and am dying! Any good or positive affair stories?
I’ve got enough of the negative, it’s deterred me for years. I’m hanging on by a thread.


Have some class and just get out of the marriage.


I’m sure the kids wouldn’t say that. Just sayin……..


Better a straightforward and frank divorce than cheating. Cheating is all lies and any happiness in it is sullied by being rooted in lies and constant, sustained deception.
Anonymous
Post 02/20/2023 14:04     Subject: Re:Happy affair stories
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You can also open up the marriage. But marriage is a two way street. Both people should be able to make their own decisions with all the information in front of them.


Just get a divorce. We tried the ENM thing and it was a total mess and we're almost certainly getting a divorce.


It's usually a mess if one partner disregards the other, breaks the common ground rules, cheats (even though being open), and then lies about cheating. Oh wait. That happens in non-ENM relationships as well. It sounds like you guys were trying ENM to save a relationship, which made the eventual decision easier.



Ahhhh one of the pro-ENM know it alls has arrived.