Anonymous
Post 03/05/2023 11:07     Subject: Girlfriend family history
Butt out.

A friend's son married a woman who had cancer at the time of the marriage. She managed to beat the cancer and they are still together. However, his relationship with my friend is still strained, because my friend stupidly asked, "Are you sure this is the best idea?"

Also, "lifestyle choice" person is awash in hateful ignorance and needs to go away.
Anonymous
Post 03/05/2023 10:58     Subject: Girlfriend family history
Any of us can get diagnosed with cancer or get hit by a car any minute. That being said, its a tough choice but its not your choice to make.
Anonymous
Post 03/03/2023 15:08     Subject: Re:Girlfriend family history
Anonymous wrote:I was family friends with a young couple for a few years before and after marriage. Shortly after their marriage she discovered that she had terminal cancer.
The illness destroyed their marriage. There was no children in their future, nobody knew when she might pass. It ground on this way for a few years before they finally divorced.
So I disagree with a lot of the responders on here who seem to think illness is not a big deal in a marriage. Maybe not for older folks who have already had children and past middle age. But for younger people who expect life to still unfold before them, it is very hard. It is and can drag marriage into very dark territory.


Not one person said that. Here's what people did say:

1) The girl has doctor's who are aware of her family history and can advise her.
2) Current guidance would be for her to not test at this age.
3) OP clearly knows nothing very little about breast cancer, genetic risks, current guidance on testing. There is nothing she has to say that the girl doesn't already know.
4) This is none of op's business, and if she sticks her nose in it, she will likely damage her relationship with her son.
Anonymous
Post 03/03/2023 15:02     Subject: Re:Girlfriend family history
Anonymous wrote:I was family friends with a young couple for a few years before and after marriage. Shortly after their marriage she discovered that she had terminal cancer.
The illness destroyed their marriage. There was no children in their future, nobody knew when she might pass. It ground on this way for a few years before they finally divorced.
So I disagree with a lot of the responders on here who seem to think illness is not a big deal in a marriage. Maybe not for older folks who have already had children and past middle age. But for younger people who expect life to still unfold before them, it is very hard. It is and can drag marriage into very dark territory.


You never once mentioned love, or the marriage vow “in sickness and in health.”
Anonymous
Post 03/03/2023 14:51     Subject: Girlfriend family history
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Our son is junior in college and has a girlfriend since grade 12. He is getting serious about her. They were together in HS and go to different colleges and meetup during breaks and summer. Long distance relationship seems to be working for them. Please don’t bash me. Girlfriends mom passed away from breast cancer when she was in grade 11 and mom was 48 yrs old when passed away, so does one of her mom’s aunt (45-48yrs) passed away from same few years ago.
I am not sure what to say one part of me says I should tell him that her GF should get genetic testing and other thought says leave it alone. How would you handle it?

Cancer is primarily lifestyle choices.


What is wrong with you?

NO that is not science!

UGH
Anonymous
Post 03/03/2023 14:49     Subject: Girlfriend family history
1) please get back in your lane
2) This is a topic for her and her doctors. She is surely hyper aware of cancer and risks.
3) As a BRCA1 carrier I can tell you kids must be 18 to even consent go thorough genetic counseling, which comes before any testing. Most counselors advise waiting until at least mid twenties before testing. I've discussed this at length with mine. They want to talk to my kids after college.
Anonymous
Post 02/28/2023 22:30     Subject: Re:Girlfriend family history
Anonymous wrote:I was family friends with a young couple for a few years before and after marriage. Shortly after their marriage she discovered that she had terminal cancer.
The illness destroyed their marriage. There was no children in their future, nobody knew when she might pass. It ground on this way for a few years before they finally divorced.
So I disagree with a lot of the responders on here who seem to think illness is not a big deal in a marriage. Maybe not for older folks who have already had children and past middle age. But for younger people who expect life to still unfold before them, it is very hard. It is and can drag marriage into very dark territory.


Because statistically, early deaths from cancer are extremely rare. Cancer is primarily a disease that comes with age, even for people with a family history.

What you need to do is GET TESTED. So OP is half correct. Her future DIL, if indeed this is she, will need to get tested, and I assume she already knows this. But this is not something OP can broach before she knows this persona lot better than she does now.

Anonymous
Post 02/28/2023 22:25     Subject: Girlfriend family history
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Our son is junior in college and has a girlfriend since grade 12. He is getting serious about her. They were together in HS and go to different colleges and meetup during breaks and summer. Long distance relationship seems to be working for them. Please don’t bash me. Girlfriends mom passed away from breast cancer when she was in grade 11 and mom was 48 yrs old when passed away, so does one of her mom’s aunt (45-48yrs) passed away from same few years ago.
I am not sure what to say one part of me says I should tell him that her GF should get genetic testing and other thought says leave it alone. How would you handle it?

Cancer is primarily lifestyle choices.


So is ignorance.


X100000

WTAF???
Anonymous
Post 02/28/2023 22:23     Subject: Girlfriend family history
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Our son is junior in college and has a girlfriend since grade 12. He is getting serious about her. They were together in HS and go to different colleges and meetup during breaks and summer. Long distance relationship seems to be working for them. Please don’t bash me. Girlfriends mom passed away from breast cancer when she was in grade 11 and mom was 48 yrs old when passed away, so does one of her mom’s aunt (45-48yrs) passed away from same few years ago.
I am not sure what to say one part of me says I should tell him that her GF should get genetic testing and other thought says leave it alone. How would you handle it?

Cancer is primarily lifestyle choices.


Tell that to my non smoking, non-drinking, non-drug taking dead mother who had cancer 4 times over 3 decades.

MORON
Anonymous
Post 02/28/2023 21:08     Subject: Girlfriend family history
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Our son is junior in college and has a girlfriend since grade 12. He is getting serious about her. They were together in HS and go to different colleges and meetup during breaks and summer. Long distance relationship seems to be working for them. Please don’t bash me. Girlfriends mom passed away from breast cancer when she was in grade 11 and mom was 48 yrs old when passed away, so does one of her mom’s aunt (45-48yrs) passed away from same few years ago.
I am not sure what to say one part of me says I should tell him that her GF should get genetic testing and other thought says leave it alone. How would you handle it?

Cancer is primarily lifestyle choices.


Go suck on a tailpipe.
Anonymous
Post 02/28/2023 21:06     Subject: Girlfriend family history

OP.

I have a Master's in genetics.

This is not a deal-breaker. There are genetic skeletons in every closet, some much worse, some physical, some behavioral.

You can mention it to her in 2 decades.
Anonymous
Post 02/28/2023 21:03     Subject: Re:Girlfriend family history
Let’s hope the couple break up on their own and for their own reasons before boy’s mom has the caring conversation with the girl to make sure she won’t die from cancer before boy’s mom could get grandchildren. Oh, and since will already be testing, why not do some fertility tests for fun!
Anonymous
Post 02/28/2023 20:54     Subject: Girlfriend family history
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Our son is junior in college and has a girlfriend since grade 12. He is getting serious about her. They were together in HS and go to different colleges and meetup during breaks and summer. Long distance relationship seems to be working for them. Please don’t bash me. Girlfriends mom passed away from breast cancer when she was in grade 11 and mom was 48 yrs old when passed away, so does one of her mom’s aunt (45-48yrs) passed away from same few years ago.
I am not sure what to say one part of me says I should tell him that her GF should get genetic testing and other thought says leave it alone. How would you handle it?

Cancer is primarily lifestyle choices.


What are you talking about?
Anonymous
Post 02/28/2023 13:39     Subject: Re:Girlfriend family history
I was family friends with a young couple for a few years before and after marriage. Shortly after their marriage she discovered that she had terminal cancer.
The illness destroyed their marriage. There was no children in their future, nobody knew when she might pass. It ground on this way for a few years before they finally divorced.
So I disagree with a lot of the responders on here who seem to think illness is not a big deal in a marriage. Maybe not for older folks who have already had children and past middle age. But for younger people who expect life to still unfold before them, it is very hard. It is and can drag marriage into very dark territory.
Anonymous
Post 02/28/2023 13:10     Subject: Girlfriend family history
OP you ask "how would you handle it?" You have gotten overwhelming response of BUTT OUT. MYOB. Yet You are still pushing back, trying to explain yourself.