7k/month. Not including his expenses on dates/taking me on travel. Encounters in the afternoon every other day in a rented apt. He would pay for the first month upfront even before having s…x and us signing a non disclosure agreement to ensure seriousness of his intentions I f..ing not kidding. He probably has per diem account separate from the wife thus this amount. The contract was to protect safe space for his kids and confidentiality: he would sue me if I disclose and he was damn serious about it. That was 51 yo offer. I didn’t get to hear the older one but also an allowance was mentioned.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:7k a month or total? Just curious. I’d never be interested but those are totally different numbers.

7k/month. Not including his expenses on dates/taking me on travel. Encounters in the afternoon every other day in a rented apt. He would pay for the first month upfront even before having s…x and us signing a non disclosure agreement to ensure seriousness of his intentions I f..ing not kidding. He probably has per diem account separate from the wife thus this amount. The contract was to protect safe space for his kids and confidentiality: he would sue me if I disclose and he was damn serious about it. That was 51 yo offer. I didn’t get to hear the older one but also an allowance was mentioned.

In the afternoon every other day means she either can't be working regular hours or needs a very flexible job near the apartment.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:7k a month or total? Just curious. I’d never be interested but those are totally different numbers.

7k/month. Not including his expenses on dates/taking me on travel. Encounters in the afternoon every other day in a rented apt. He would pay for the first month upfront even before having s…x and us signing a non disclosure agreement to ensure seriousness of his intentions I f..ing not kidding. He probably has per diem account separate from the wife thus this amount. The contract was to protect safe space for his kids and confidentiality: he would sue me if I disclose and he was damn serious about it. That was 51 yo offer. I didn’t get to hear the older one but also an allowance was mentioned.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Start with marriage counseling with your wife. Try to reconnect. Work at it. If you listen to hear and are open to changing things on your end, and her answer is still celibacy, tell her that you're not going to do that so she can make a choice. And if the answer is that you're opening up your marriage, you will have an easier and less risky time trying to meet someone.

Would you honestly still be sexually attracted to someone that is 50 pounds heavier than you first met?

Do you have any idea how much weight a “dad bod” adds to a college physique? Women are lucky to get away with only a 50lb increase in their partners size and no one feels bad for them or thinks it excuses cheating. Get over yourself.

Can’t force attraction.

Then leave.

Why stay and lie to the children? You don't want to crush them now but crush them later when they realize you are a toxic, shallow liar?

It's better to just be shallow and human to them. Don't add being a toxic liar to that. It's going to mess them up even more.

The thing is many marriages survive though crisis period. These men who look for an affair in their 50s may end up not that interested in sex in their 60s and 70s, and just get by somehow. If he loves his wife and kids otherwise, why divorce and split assets over sex alone?

Anonymous wrote:What are the best ways? Do apps really work? Straight married man here. Accomplished professionally, relatively attractive for middle aged professional.

(To preempt the irrelevant questions: wife has lost all interest in sex, gained 50 pounds, and refuses to try losing weight. But we still get along fine and I don’t want to divorce which would crush the kids.)

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Start with marriage counseling with your wife. Try to reconnect. Work at it. If you listen to hear and are open to changing things on your end, and her answer is still celibacy, tell her that you're not going to do that so she can make a choice. And if the answer is that you're opening up your marriage, you will have an easier and less risky time trying to meet someone.

Would you honestly still be sexually attracted to someone that is 50 pounds heavier than you first met?

Do you have any idea how much weight a “dad bod” adds to a college physique? Women are lucky to get away with only a 50lb increase in their partners size and no one feels bad for them or thinks it excuses cheating. Get over yourself.

Can’t force attraction.

Then leave.

Why stay and lie to the children? You don't want to crush them now but crush them later when they realize you are a toxic, shallow liar?

It's better to just be shallow and human to them. Don't add being a toxic liar to that. It's going to mess them up even more.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Start with marriage counseling with your wife. Try to reconnect. Work at it. If you listen to hear and are open to changing things on your end, and her answer is still celibacy, tell her that you're not going to do that so she can make a choice. And if the answer is that you're opening up your marriage, you will have an easier and less risky time trying to meet someone.

Would you honestly still be sexually attracted to someone that is 50 pounds heavier than you first met?

Do you have any idea how much weight a “dad bod” adds to a college physique? Women are lucky to get away with only a 50lb increase in their partners size and no one feels bad for them or thinks it excuses cheating. Get over yourself.

Can’t force attraction.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Start with marriage counseling with your wife. Try to reconnect. Work at it. If you listen to hear and are open to changing things on your end, and her answer is still celibacy, tell her that you're not going to do that so she can make a choice. And if the answer is that you're opening up your marriage, you will have an easier and less risky time trying to meet someone.

Would you honestly still be sexually attracted to someone that is 50 pounds heavier than you first met?

Do you have any idea how much weight a “dad bod” adds to a college physique? Women are lucky to get away with only a 50lb increase in their partners size and no one feels bad for them or thinks it excuses cheating. Get over yourself.

Can’t force attraction.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Start with marriage counseling with your wife. Try to reconnect. Work at it. If you listen to hear and are open to changing things on your end, and her answer is still celibacy, tell her that you're not going to do that so she can make a choice. And if the answer is that you're opening up your marriage, you will have an easier and less risky time trying to meet someone.

Would you honestly still be sexually attracted to someone that is 50 pounds heavier than you first met?

Do you have any idea how much weight a “dad bod” adds to a college physique? Women are lucky to get away with only a 50lb increase in their partners size and no one feels bad for them or thinks it excuses cheating. Get over yourself.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Start with marriage counseling with your wife. Try to reconnect. Work at it. If you listen to hear and are open to changing things on your end, and her answer is still celibacy, tell her that you're not going to do that so she can make a choice. And if the answer is that you're opening up your marriage, you will have an easier and less risky time trying to meet someone.

Would you honestly still be sexually attracted to someone that is 50 pounds heavier than you first met?

Anonymous wrote:What are the best ways? Do apps really work? Straight married man here. Accomplished professionally, relatively attractive for middle aged professional.

(To preempt the irrelevant questions: wife has lost all interest in sex, gained 50 pounds, and refuses to try losing weight. But we still get along fine and I don’t want to divorce which would crush the kids.)

Anonymous wrote:7k/month is on the high end, but it sounds like he wanted to meet every other day, and had other requirements (NDA, etc). In my experience, going rate is $1,500-2k/month, meeting 1-2x a week. No NDAs or things like that. This is also with younger women (20s, 30s) where I guess you could say it takes less money to make it worthwhile to them.

Back to OP's question: I think you best option is to travel or find a reason to travel. Then, do sugar dating and line up a regular in each place you regularly visit. There's no "sneaking around" as you're not in your home town, and psychologically you'll feel more free to enjoy yourself also. It also helps if you can detach emotionally or at least compartmentalize. Don't be texting her every day. Just give her your full attention when you're there in person.

Anonymous wrote:Start with marriage counseling with your wife. Try to reconnect. Work at it. If you listen to hear and are open to changing things on your end, and her answer is still celibacy, tell her that you're not going to do that so she can make a choice. And if the answer is that you're opening up your marriage, you will have an easier and less risky time trying to meet someone.