Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No need to hang out outside of school events. At school events, be nice and friendly, but try to move on to talking to other parents. When she says something outlandish, laugh in her face.

This might cure her if she has a seed of self-awareness, but you'd have to be consistent in giving her outlandish brags the laughs they deserve. She could be too far gone to pick up on the fact that she sounds ridiculous, in which case at least it feels good to laugh.

Anonymous wrote:Met her in the line at preschool and things were budding and fine between us until first grade. Now everything feels to me like a competition, or nose-rubbing event with her. I may have experienced the last straw.

I first noticed it around early 1st grade. Her daughter came out nose in a book, reading a pretty advanced, Harry Potter-level chapter book and I remarked about it and she replied something like, “Yep! Why, isn’t Larla reading chapter books yet?” It made me question everything. Ever since then it’s been much of the same: If it’s not comments about academics and how advanced her kids are, it’s about how they overachieve in other areas. I’m sick of it.

Today I was shamed for still folding and putting away my 8yo clothes. Of course, she doesn’t do that for her kids.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Met her in the line at preschool and things were budding and fine between us until first grade. Now everything feels to me like a competition, or nose-rubbing event with her. I may have experienced the last straw.

I first noticed it around early 1st grade. Her daughter came out nose in a book, reading a pretty advanced, Harry Potter-level chapter book and I remarked about it and she replied something like, “Yep! Why, isn’t Larla reading chapter books yet?” It made me question everything. Ever since then it’s been much of the same: If it’s not comments about academics and how advanced her kids are, it’s about how they overachieve in other areas. I’m sick of it.

Today I was shamed for still folding and putting away my 8yo clothes. Of course, she doesn’t do that for her kids.

No one should shame you for that. But yes your kids should be putting their own clothes away at 8.

Raise them to help themselves.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Met her in the line at preschool and things were budding and fine between us until first grade. Now everything feels to me like a competition, or nose-rubbing event with her. I may have experienced the last straw.

I first noticed it around early 1st grade. Her daughter came out nose in a book, reading a pretty advanced, Harry Potter-level chapter book and I remarked about it and she replied something like, “Yep! Why, isn’t Larla reading chapter books yet?” It made me question everything. Ever since then it’s been much of the same: If it’s not comments about academics and how advanced her kids are, it’s about how they overachieve in other areas. I’m sick of it.

Today I was shamed for still folding and putting away my 8yo clothes. Of course, she doesn’t do that for her kids.

Wait, maybe I'm competitive but I don't see why her response wasn't valid? I was telling my friend that both of my kids were reading chapter books by 1st grade. Maybe it was the last straw for you though. In general I think the realtionships are natured that way bc everyone is in the same swim lane. It's not taht it is a competition but what else can you talk about and share/compare. I haven't figured this out yet, maybe some are better than others on how to communicate without inciting competition.

NP - you really haven’t figured out how to have conversations with friends that don’t revolve around comparison? Really? That sounds like a nightmare.

The non-competitive response the OP’s friend could have given would be something like, “yeah, she loves to read. [insert topic change]”

My oldest was an early, advanced reader like this kid. Because I knew that, and because I don’t like to compete with my friends, I gave some variation of that response often. It’s possible this woman literally has no clue what typical reading development looks like, but based on what the OP has said, she’s probably just extremely competitive.

Again, this "
I first noticed it around early 1st grade. Her daughter came out nose in a book, reading a pretty advanced, Harry Potter-level chapter book and I remarked about it and she replied something like, “Yep! Why, isn’t Larla reading chapter books yet?” "

does not seem "bad" UNLESS your child was not reading chapter books at this age and you were offended. Lots of kids have reading problems. I have girls and since they were born I've been reading to them and they devour books. It may seem like bragging or competition to you that they read ch. books in 1st but most kids in the upper middle class burbs do. They also can write multiple page stories at this age as well.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Met her in the line at preschool and things were budding and fine between us until first grade. Now everything feels to me like a competition, or nose-rubbing event with her. I may have experienced the last straw.

I first noticed it around early 1st grade. Her daughter came out nose in a book, reading a pretty advanced, Harry Potter-level chapter book and I remarked about it and she replied something like, “Yep! Why, isn’t Larla reading chapter books yet?” It made me question everything. Ever since then it’s been much of the same: If it’s not comments about academics and how advanced her kids are, it’s about how they overachieve in other areas. I’m sick of it.

Today I was shamed for still folding and putting away my 8yo clothes. Of course, she doesn’t do that for her kids.

Wait, maybe I'm competitive but I don't see why her response wasn't valid? I was telling my friend that both of my kids were reading chapter books by 1st grade. Maybe it was the last straw for you though. In general I think the realtionships are natured that way bc everyone is in the same swim lane. It's not taht it is a competition but what else can you talk about and share/compare. I haven't figured this out yet, maybe some are better than others on how to communicate without inciting competition.

OP is always free to distance themselves from any friend, but I agree with Pp here that I find the other parent’s comment perfectly reasonable. It’s fine for a parent to be proud of their kid’s advanced reading ability, and I’m a little confused why OP’s first reaction is to push the friend away instead of learning how the other child managed to have such a fantastic love of reading, or how they got motivated to put their own clothes away. But OP is their own person so it’s their choice.

The very nature of someone asking a question like "Why isn't Larla reading chapter books yet?" is weird. She could have just said "Yep!" I mean there's no way to answer that, with a reasonable response, that makes sense. What is the OP supposed to say, "Oh she's just not as smart as your child!" or "I'm just not a good parent!" like WHAT kind of an answer is the other mom looking for? It's the type of question that's only meant to make the other person feel less-good, and not the type that is asking for an actual answer. It's BS and I know people who behave this way, and frankly I let it fall under the category of it is a "them" issue, not a "me" issue. I mean good lord.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Met her in the line at preschool and things were budding and fine between us until first grade. Now everything feels to me like a competition, or nose-rubbing event with her. I may have experienced the last straw.

I first noticed it around early 1st grade. Her daughter came out nose in a book, reading a pretty advanced, Harry Potter-level chapter book and I remarked about it and she replied something like, “Yep! Why, isn’t Larla reading chapter books yet?” It made me question everything. Ever since then it’s been much of the same: If it’s not comments about academics and how advanced her kids are, it’s about how they overachieve in other areas. I’m sick of it.

Today I was shamed for still folding and putting away my 8yo clothes. Of course, she doesn’t do that for her kids.

Wait, maybe I'm competitive but I don't see why her response wasn't valid? I was telling my friend that both of my kids were reading chapter books by 1st grade. Maybe it was the last straw for you though. In general I think the realtionships are natured that way bc everyone is in the same swim lane. It's not taht it is a competition but what else can you talk about and share/compare. I haven't figured this out yet, maybe some are better than others on how to communicate without inciting competition.

OP is always free to distance themselves from any friend, but I agree with Pp here that I find the other parent’s comment perfectly reasonable. It’s fine for a parent to be proud of their kid’s advanced reading ability, and I’m a little confused why OP’s first reaction is to push the friend away instead of learning how the other child managed to have such a fantastic love of reading, or how they got motivated to put their own clothes away. But OP is their own person so it’s their choice.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Met her in the line at preschool and things were budding and fine between us until first grade. Now everything feels to me like a competition, or nose-rubbing event with her. I may have experienced the last straw.

I first noticed it around early 1st grade. Her daughter came out nose in a book, reading a pretty advanced, Harry Potter-level chapter book and I remarked about it and she replied something like, “Yep! Why, isn’t Larla reading chapter books yet?” It made me question everything. Ever since then it’s been much of the same: If it’s not comments about academics and how advanced her kids are, it’s about how they overachieve in other areas. I’m sick of it.

Today I was shamed for still folding and putting away my 8yo clothes. Of course, she doesn’t do that for her kids.

Wait, maybe I'm competitive but I don't see why her response wasn't valid? I was telling my friend that both of my kids were reading chapter books by 1st grade. Maybe it was the last straw for you though. In general I think the realtionships are natured that way bc everyone is in the same swim lane. It's not taht it is a competition but what else can you talk about and share/compare. I haven't figured this out yet, maybe some are better than others on how to communicate without inciting competition.

OP is always free to distance themselves from any friend, but I agree with Pp here that I find the other parent’s comment perfectly reasonable. It’s fine for a parent to be proud of their kid’s advanced reading ability, and I’m a little confused why OP’s first reaction is to push the friend away instead of learning how the other child managed to have such a fantastic love of reading, or how they got motivated to put their own clothes away. But OP is their own person so it’s their choice.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Met her in the line at preschool and things were budding and fine between us until first grade. Now everything feels to me like a competition, or nose-rubbing event with her. I may have experienced the last straw.

I first noticed it around early 1st grade. Her daughter came out nose in a book, reading a pretty advanced, Harry Potter-level chapter book and I remarked about it and she replied something like, “Yep! Why, isn’t Larla reading chapter books yet?” It made me question everything. Ever since then it’s been much of the same: If it’s not comments about academics and how advanced her kids are, it’s about how they overachieve in other areas. I’m sick of it.

Today I was shamed for still folding and putting away my 8yo clothes. Of course, she doesn’t do that for her kids.

Wait, maybe I'm competitive but I don't see why her response wasn't valid? I was telling my friend that both of my kids were reading chapter books by 1st grade. Maybe it was the last straw for you though. In general I think the realtionships are natured that way bc everyone is in the same swim lane. It's not taht it is a competition but what else can you talk about and share/compare. I haven't figured this out yet, maybe some are better than others on how to communicate without inciting competition.

NP - you really haven’t figured out how to have conversations with friends that don’t revolve around comparison? Really? That sounds like a nightmare.

The non-competitive response the OP’s friend could have given would be something like, “yeah, she loves to read. [insert topic change]”

My oldest was an early, advanced reader like this kid. Because I knew that, and because I don’t like to compete with my friends, I gave some variation of that response often. It’s possible this woman literally has no clue what typical reading development looks like, but based on what the OP has said, she’s probably just extremely competitive.

All of this.

I wish people would learn that this is not the only way to have a conversation with a friend:

Person A: Shares info about specific aspect of their life (child, work, family, etc.)
Person B: Shares detail about same specific aspect of life, sometimes as a direct comparison, sometimes as "maybe you should do this"

Some people do this instinctively, with everything. Like I'll say "yeah, my sister and I haven't been getting along well lately, it's really frustrating." And they'll respond "really, my sister and I never have arguments like that." Like... okay? It's not really relevant is it? You aren't having an issue with your sister, so it's really not necessary to discuss it. You asked what was going on in my life and this thing with my sister has been weighing on me. You can just listen, you don't have to compare.

And yes, it gets so much worse with kids. I'll say "we've been having issues with the school -- they never do outdoor recess in the winter, even on nice days, and it's frustrating because the kids need time outside." And I'll get "huh our school always does outdoor recess, that's never been an issue." Like, okay, I get that me talking about recess made you think immediately of your own experience. But it's okay not to say the first thing that pops into your brain. You can keep that to yourself and say "wow, that sounds frustrating -- I totally agree about kids needing outside time." It doesn't have to be a comparative conversation at all.

But I think a lot of people don't practice choosing not to share the first (and usually more self-centered) thing that pops into their head and instead focus the conversation on the actual subject. So a lot of conversations with fellow parents just wind up being an exchange of details about identical subjects. There's no actual conversing happening. This is why so many playground conversations are draining, folks. People are just speaking without thinking, and they are focusing on themselves and never taking a moment to focus on the person they are speaking to. This is why so often it feels like a competition. So much of our interactions are just thoughtless and transactional, with no real effort to understand each other or connect on an emotional level.

PP you’re quoting and YES - you nailed it with the bolded especially. I remember once sharing on a FB Mom group that I was struggling with supply and a woman I actually knew IRL replied, “I don’t have that problem! I pump every night and I’m already up to 100 ounces!” I literally burst into tears - such thoughtless reply.

I’m pretty self-aware, and have a few friends who have stronger competitive streaks than others. Those are the ones I really have to watch my responses, because it’s easy to get into to the back and forth transactions. Instead, you have to focus on *listening* to the other person and responding empathically, especially if they’re sharing about a struggle. Even if it’s not an issue for you/your kid at all, don’t immediately pull the conversation back to you. If a friend comments on something that is a strength for your child, acknowledge it and then move on. The disingenuous “why, is your kid not doing that yet?” Is just such nonsense.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Met her in the line at preschool and things were budding and fine between us until first grade. Now everything feels to me like a competition, or nose-rubbing event with her. I may have experienced the last straw.

I first noticed it around early 1st grade. Her daughter came out nose in a book, reading a pretty advanced, Harry Potter-level chapter book and I remarked about it and she replied something like, “Yep! Why, isn’t Larla reading chapter books yet?” It made me question everything. Ever since then it’s been much of the same: If it’s not comments about academics and how advanced her kids are, it’s about how they overachieve in other areas. I’m sick of it.

Today I was shamed for still folding and putting away my 8yo clothes. Of course, she doesn’t do that for her kids.

Yes, drop her. Just ghost and don't explain. I have known people like that, very few, but they never improve. Never. And the kids are no picnic either.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Met her in the line at preschool and things were budding and fine between us until first grade. Now everything feels to me like a competition, or nose-rubbing event with her. I may have experienced the last straw.

I first noticed it around early 1st grade. Her daughter came out nose in a book, reading a pretty advanced, Harry Potter-level chapter book and I remarked about it and she replied something like, “Yep! Why, isn’t Larla reading chapter books yet?” It made me question everything. Ever since then it’s been much of the same: If it’s not comments about academics and how advanced her kids are, it’s about how they overachieve in other areas. I’m sick of it.

Today I was shamed for still folding and putting away my 8yo clothes. Of course, she doesn’t do that for her kids.

For context, I usually roll my eyes at this thread, or think there's something equally wrong with OP. Not in this case. That is so rude, and would drop her for that reason.

Anonymous wrote:Met her in the line at preschool and things were budding and fine between us until first grade. Now everything feels to me like a competition, or nose-rubbing event with her. I may have experienced the last straw.

I first noticed it around early 1st grade. Her daughter came out nose in a book, reading a pretty advanced, Harry Potter-level chapter book and I remarked about it and she replied something like, “Yep! Why, isn’t Larla reading chapter books yet?” It made me question everything. Ever since then it’s been much of the same: If it’s not comments about academics and how advanced her kids are, it’s about how they overachieve in other areas. I’m sick of it.

Today I was shamed for still folding and putting away my 8yo clothes. Of course, she doesn’t do that for her kids.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Met her in the line at preschool and things were budding and fine between us until first grade. Now everything feels to me like a competition, or nose-rubbing event with her. I may have experienced the last straw.

I first noticed it around early 1st grade. Her daughter came out nose in a book, reading a pretty advanced, Harry Potter-level chapter book and I remarked about it and she replied something like, “Yep! Why, isn’t Larla reading chapter books yet?” It made me question everything. Ever since then it’s been much of the same: If it’s not comments about academics and how advanced her kids are, it’s about how they overachieve in other areas. I’m sick of it.

Today I was shamed for still folding and putting away my 8yo clothes. Of course, she doesn’t do that for her kids.

Wait, maybe I'm competitive but I don't see why her response wasn't valid? I was telling my friend that both of my kids were reading chapter books by 1st grade. Maybe it was the last straw for you though. In general I think the realtionships are natured that way bc everyone is in the same swim lane. It's not taht it is a competition but what else can you talk about and share/compare. I haven't figured this out yet, maybe some are better than others on how to communicate without inciting competition.

NP - you really haven’t figured out how to have conversations with friends that don’t revolve around comparison? Really? That sounds like a nightmare.

The non-competitive response the OP’s friend could have given would be something like, “yeah, she loves to read. [insert topic change]”

My oldest was an early, advanced reader like this kid. Because I knew that, and because I don’t like to compete with my friends, I gave some variation of that response often. It’s possible this woman literally has no clue what typical reading development looks like, but based on what the OP has said, she’s probably just extremely competitive.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Met her in the line at preschool and things were budding and fine between us until first grade. Now everything feels to me like a competition, or nose-rubbing event with her. I may have experienced the last straw.

I first noticed it around early 1st grade. Her daughter came out nose in a book, reading a pretty advanced, Harry Potter-level chapter book and I remarked about it and she replied something like, “Yep! Why, isn’t Larla reading chapter books yet?” It made me question everything. Ever since then it’s been much of the same: If it’s not comments about academics and how advanced her kids are, it’s about how they overachieve in other areas. I’m sick of it.

Today I was shamed for still folding and putting away my 8yo clothes. Of course, she doesn’t do that for her kids.

Wait, maybe I'm competitive but I don't see why her response wasn't valid? I was telling my friend that both of my kids were reading chapter books by 1st grade. Maybe it was the last straw for you though. In general I think the realtionships are natured that way bc everyone is in the same swim lane. It's not taht it is a competition but what else can you talk about and share/compare. I haven't figured this out yet, maybe some are better than others on how to communicate without inciting competition.

NP - you really haven’t figured out how to have conversations with friends that don’t revolve around comparison? Really? That sounds like a nightmare.

The non-competitive response the OP’s friend could have given would be something like, “yeah, she loves to read. [insert topic change]”

My oldest was an early, advanced reader like this kid. Because I knew that, and because I don’t like to compete with my friends, I gave some variation of that response often. It’s possible this woman literally has no clue what typical reading development looks like, but based on what the OP has said, she’s probably just extremely competitive.

All of this.

I wish people would learn that this is not the only way to have a conversation with a friend:

Person A: Shares info about specific aspect of their life (child, work, family, etc.)
Person B: Shares detail about same specific aspect of life, sometimes as a direct comparison, sometimes as "maybe you should do this"

Some people do this instinctively, with everything. Like I'll say "yeah, my sister and I haven't been getting along well lately, it's really frustrating." And they'll respond "really, my sister and I never have arguments like that." Like... okay? It's not really relevant is it? You aren't having an issue with your sister, so it's really not necessary to discuss it. You asked what was going on in my life and this thing with my sister has been weighing on me. You can just listen, you don't have to compare.

And yes, it gets so much worse with kids. I'll say "we've been having issues with the school -- they never do outdoor recess in the winter, even on nice days, and it's frustrating because the kids need time outside." And I'll get "huh our school always does outdoor recess, that's never been an issue." Like, okay, I get that me talking about recess made you think immediately of your own experience. But it's okay not to say the first thing that pops into your brain. You can keep that to yourself and say "wow, that sounds frustrating -- I totally agree about kids needing outside time." It doesn't have to be a comparative conversation at all.

But I think a lot of people don't practice choosing not to share the first (and usually more self-centered) thing that pops into their head and instead focus the conversation on the actual subject. So a lot of conversations with fellow parents just wind up being an exchange of details about identical subjects. There's no actual conversing happening. This is why so many playground conversations are draining, folks. People are just speaking without thinking, and they are focusing on themselves and never taking a moment to focus on the person they are speaking to. This is why so often it feels like a competition. So much of our interactions are just thoughtless and transactional, with no real effort to understand each other or connect on an emotional level.