Anonymous
01/22/2023 19:39
Subject: When do you let kids take over certain responsibilities
I have 3 kids and each kid packs their own lunch during dinner cleanup. No tv/screens till everything is ready for the next day including clothes chosen, lunches ready, homework done.
Anonymous
01/22/2023 19:37
Subject: When do you let kids take over certain responsibilities
As a single mom by choice I taught my daughter to help out with pretty much everything. She loves helping mom and being part of "our team."
Anonymous
01/22/2023 18:40
Subject: Re:When do you let kids take over certain responsibilities
I feel like this falls under “ do what works four your family” as far as parenting. I make my 10yo her lunch at the same time I make mine. On work nights she is in the shower when I’m doing this. I would rather have the time to read in bed together than make an issue out of her making her own lunch…… she knows how to make a sandwich bit for us, this is what works. So much judgement on this thread, do what works for you, it’s not wrong if it’s working.
Anonymous
01/22/2023 18:37
Subject: Re:When do you let kids take over certain responsibilities
the benefit is it’s quicker and easier for me to do it right now.Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:mAnonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:We had a college aged nanny as a live in during COVID. I bought her a new mattress and lugged it into her room about a month in. She slept on the bare mattress for two weeks before telling me she didn't know how to put sheets on and needed help.
So you hired a very unintelligent nanny. She could’ve easily figured it out if she’d tried or she could’ve even googled it if she really didn’t get it. This sounds made up.
Yeah, she was AAP and attending a top 50 college before taking a break for COVID. (She was a science major and didn't want to take virtual labs ).
She also asked for directions to use the world's simplest toaster.
Doing things for yourself before you're 23 is a good thing.
Yes, that’s true, when it comes to things that are actually sometimes tricky to do like budgeting, saving/investing wisely, getting the right health insurance, buying a good used car, doing basic home repairs, basic car repairs, etc things that adults actually struggle with. Adults don’t struggle with putting sheets on a bed or using a toaster unless they are intellectually challenged or have other actual issues keeping them from doing basic tasks.
+1. Adults also don’t struggle with making their own lunch. It’s just not a hard thing to learn or do. So stop acting like you need to have your kids making their own lunch in 1st grade so they don’t become adults incapable of making a lunch. That’s nutty.
Okay so maybe you can do it as an adult. But why can't they do it in first grade? What is the problem with that? What is the benefit of having them wait until 18?
Anonymous
01/22/2023 18:36
Subject: When do you let kids take over certain responsibilities
Anonymous wrote:DCUM always responds in that silly way (see above). Yet it makes no difference at all when they're older, because chores are by definition not hard to learn or implement. I never lifted a finger in the house as a child, yet was perfectly able to cook, clean and organize my home when I move out. My kids started helping out in middle school, but only sporadically, and they will be perfectly responsible young adults when they leave my house. Because they're not stupid.
This isn't rocket science. You don't need to force yourself to teach them when they're young if it complicates your life. If you enjoy it, sure, go ahead, but please remind yourself that you're not a better parent or more enlightened human just because you started your kids young on chores. That would be patting yourself on the back for no reason at all.
This!! My 5th grader does her backpack but I do her lunch. Totally don’t mind doing it, I usually do her snd my lunch at the sane time I’m making dinner so it’s one clean up. She is capable of making a sandwich though and has. She makes he bed, puts laundry away, brings in trash/recycle bins, empties the dishwasher and feeds the dog. She’s not irresponsible and she is also independent. They don’t have to do everything early to be able to do it later.
Anonymous
01/22/2023 18:15
Subject: When do you let kids take over certain responsibilities
My DD (6) helps me around the house, helps put away groceries, cook, clean. She helps my wife and I garden. She helps me split firewood. She will grab the dustbuster to clean up a random mess. I make her lunch, since we do fresh veggies and sandwiches, etc. Maybe soon we'll get her involved, but as some have said, "it's an act of love" and I may be sending her lunches when she's in college 
Anonymous
01/22/2023 18:06
Subject: Re:When do you let kids take over certain responsibilities
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:What are your kids used to? Delicious home cooked hot meals? Clean house? Laundered clothes? Clean bed sheets? Lots of socializing at home? DH and I were raised by moms who pampered us and we grew up in well run households without lifting a finger to do chores. We were able to do all of that when we launched. You learn from observing at home. If small kids are responsible for their own meals, they are not observing daily cooking at home or learned the taste of good food. So sad.
She didn't raise you to be a critical thinker though and that's sad
No, there is a big difference between delegating chores to children to teach them under supervision, and dereliction of parental duties. Your mother should have kept her legs shut and not given birth to a POS human.
It's not dereliction of duty please don't use words and phrases you don't understand. Your mom didn't teach you the basic skills or how to think critically. Nor did she teach you to disagree respectfully. Now that is sad.
Anonymous
01/22/2023 18:05
Subject: When do you let kids take over certain responsibilities
Anonymous wrote:DCUM always responds in that silly way (see above). Yet it makes no difference at all when they're older, because chores are by definition not hard to learn or implement. I never lifted a finger in the house as a child, yet was perfectly able to cook, clean and organize my home when I move out. My kids started helping out in middle school, but only sporadically, and they will be perfectly responsible young adults when they leave my house. Because they're not stupid.
This isn't rocket science. You don't need to force yourself to teach them when they're young if it complicates your life. If you enjoy it, sure, go ahead, but please remind yourself that you're not a better parent or more enlightened human just because you started your kids young on chores. That would be patting yourself on the back for no reason at all.
I agree to a degree.
I didn't make my do chores per se. They made their own lunches by middle school because they wanted to. Cooked plenty on their own because they wanted to. Did their own laundry by middle school. Complaints have consequences, not arguments. We never paid our kids for chores or called them chores. My boys just took out the garbage, whoever up first got the dishwasher. Rooms up to them.
What I disagree with is raising entitled brats which my guess is you raised. Because your response is absurd. Your kids are part of the family nothing wrong with them helping at all.
Anonymous
01/22/2023 18:03
Subject: Re:When do you let kids take over certain responsibilities
Anonymous wrote:mAnonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:We had a college aged nanny as a live in during COVID. I bought her a new mattress and lugged it into her room about a month in. She slept on the bare mattress for two weeks before telling me she didn't know how to put sheets on and needed help.
So you hired a very unintelligent nanny. She could’ve easily figured it out if she’d tried or she could’ve even googled it if she really didn’t get it. This sounds made up.
Yeah, she was AAP and attending a top 50 college before taking a break for COVID. (She was a science major and didn't want to take virtual labs ).
She also asked for directions to use the world's simplest toaster.
Doing things for yourself before you're 23 is a good thing.
Yes, that’s true, when it comes to things that are actually sometimes tricky to do like budgeting, saving/investing wisely, getting the right health insurance, buying a good used car, doing basic home repairs, basic car repairs, etc things that adults actually struggle with. Adults don’t struggle with putting sheets on a bed or using a toaster unless they are intellectually challenged or have other actual issues keeping them from doing basic tasks.
Do you'd rather teach your 3rd grader to do taxes than pack a lunch
Anonymous
01/22/2023 18:02
Subject: Re:When do you let kids take over certain responsibilities
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:We had a college aged nanny as a live in during COVID. I bought her a new mattress and lugged it into her room about a month in. She slept on the bare mattress for two weeks before telling me she didn't know how to put sheets on and needed help.
So you hired a very unintelligent nanny. She could’ve easily figured it out if she’d tried or she could’ve even googled it if she really didn’t get it. This sounds made up.
Yeah, she was AAP and attending a top 50 college before taking a break for COVID. (She was a science major and didn't want to take virtual labs ).
She also asked for directions to use the world's simplest toaster.
Doing things for yourself before you're 23 is a good thing.
Nope. This didn’t happen. There’s no top college graduate who can’t figure out how to put sheets on a bed or use a toaster. That just isn’t reality.
It is negligent trash parents trying to create a narrative about why they are not taking are of their kids.
So now it's negligence to teach your kids to pack their own lunch? That's rich! You mommy martyrs are a trip!
Anonymous
01/22/2023 18:00
Subject: Re:When do you let kids take over certain responsibilities
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:mAnonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:We had a college aged nanny as a live in during COVID. I bought her a new mattress and lugged it into her room about a month in. She slept on the bare mattress for two weeks before telling me she didn't know how to put sheets on and needed help.
So you hired a very unintelligent nanny. She could’ve easily figured it out if she’d tried or she could’ve even googled it if she really didn’t get it. This sounds made up.
Yeah, she was AAP and attending a top 50 college before taking a break for COVID. (She was a science major and didn't want to take virtual labs ).
She also asked for directions to use the world's simplest toaster.
Doing things for yourself before you're 23 is a good thing.
Yes, that’s true, when it comes to things that are actually sometimes tricky to do like budgeting, saving/investing wisely, getting the right health insurance, buying a good used car, doing basic home repairs, basic car repairs, etc things that adults actually struggle with. Adults don’t struggle with putting sheets on a bed or using a toaster unless they are intellectually challenged or have other actual issues keeping them from doing basic tasks.
+1. Adults also don’t struggle with making their own lunch. It’s just not a hard thing to learn or do. So stop acting like you need to have your kids making their own lunch in 1st grade so they don’t become adults incapable of making a lunch. That’s nutty.
Okay so maybe you can do it as an adult. But why can't they do it in first grade? What is the problem with that? What is the benefit of having them wait until 18?
Anonymous
01/22/2023 17:58
Subject: Re:When do you let kids take over certain responsibilities
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:We had a college aged nanny as a live in during COVID. I bought her a new mattress and lugged it into her room about a month in. She slept on the bare mattress for two weeks before telling me she didn't know how to put sheets on and needed help.
So you hired a very unintelligent nanny. She could’ve easily figured it out if she’d tried or she could’ve even googled it if she really didn’t get it. This sounds made up.
Yeah, she was AAP and attending a top 50 college before taking a break for COVID. (She was a science major and didn't want to take virtual labs ).
She also asked for directions to use the world's simplest toaster.
Doing things for yourself before you're 23 is a good thing.
Nope. This didn’t happen. There’s no top college graduate who can’t figure out how to put sheets on a bed or use a toaster. That just isn’t reality.
You'd like to think that, but I can believe it to be true. I've met one too many 18 to 25 year olds who have been over parented and really struggle with what should be basic skills.
I mean right on this board we have parents asking about how to get their 19 year old to shower or to call and make appointments
Anonymous
01/22/2023 17:56
Subject: Re:When do you let kids take over certain responsibilities
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:We had a college aged nanny as a live in during COVID. I bought her a new mattress and lugged it into her room about a month in. She slept on the bare mattress for two weeks before telling me she didn't know how to put sheets on and needed help.
So you hired a very unintelligent nanny. She could’ve easily figured it out if she’d tried or she could’ve even googled it if she really didn’t get it. This sounds made up.
Yeah, she was AAP and attending a top 50 college before taking a break for COVID. (She was a science major and didn't want to take virtual labs ).
She also asked for directions to use the world's simplest toaster.
Doing things for yourself before you're 23 is a good thing.
Nope. This didn’t happen. There’s no top college graduate who can’t figure out how to put sheets on a bed or use a toaster. That just isn’t reality.
It is negligent trash parents trying to create a narrative about why they are not taking are of their kids.
Anonymous
01/22/2023 17:56
Subject: Re:When do you let kids take over certain responsibilities
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:We had a college aged nanny as a live in during COVID. I bought her a new mattress and lugged it into her room about a month in. She slept on the bare mattress for two weeks before telling me she didn't know how to put sheets on and needed help.
So you hired a very unintelligent nanny. She could’ve easily figured it out if she’d tried or she could’ve even googled it if she really didn’t get it. This sounds made up.
Yeah, she was AAP and attending a top 50 college before taking a break for COVID. (She was a science major and didn't want to take virtual labs ).
She also asked for directions to use the world's simplest toaster.
Doing things for yourself before you're 23 is a good thing.
Please tell me you didn't leave her alone with your children! WTF?
Anonymous
01/22/2023 17:54
Subject: When do you let kids take over certain responsibilities
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Personal preference. Yes, kids should know how to do laundry, cook, pack a lunch, etc. But that doesn’t mean they must do it everyday.
Also, what kind of stuff are they packing from a bin that constitutes a complete, healthy meal? They would still need to make themselves sandwiches, or heat up leftovers for thermoses, cut up fruit, etc, which might be a lot for a 6 yo.
Yeah what is this “picking items from a bin”? What are they packing: granola bars and applesauce pouches? Doesn’t seem like a very healthy or nutritious meal can be made from prepackaged bin items. I make my kids sandwiches and cut up fruits and vegetables for them. They are 2nd grade and k. Could they do it themselves? Yes, of course. But it would take 2x as long and I prefer our time in the mornings before school be more relaxing and less rushed/stressful for them.
Have you never heard of carrot sticks celery sticks and apple slices that are precut? Cutie oranges? Yogurt cups?
An 8 year old can certainly make a sandwich given the materials and can spoon leftover pasta sauce and noddles into a container. A 6 year old might need more guidance but is capable
Precut fruits and vegetables don’t taste good. Cutie oranges and yogurts- fine I’ll give you those. And of course they can make their own sandwiches and my 8 year old frequently does make his own sandwiches for lunch on weekends. It’s just not something I feel is important to have them spend time on on school mornings/weekdays.
Great but op is asking how to have her kids start doing those things so it doesn't matter if you think it's important