Anonymous wrote:Thanks for the ideas and the empathy. I do have a friend or two I can reach out to. It’s embarrassing, but it would be helpful as I finish active treatment. He does have a counselor and sees her regularly. I don’t know what they talk about since he’s past the age where she has to tell me. I just don’t know where I got this kid with no empathy.

It’s very normal for a teen to lack empathy. They are very selfish and it’s a developmentally normal part of pulling away. It’s unfortunate timing but he literally cannot put his brain development on hold for your crisis. I don’t think you can rely on any adolescent for support for what you are going through, it’s not fair to ask them that. Instead you each need separate support for this unfortunate family crisis. Def reach out to friends/family who could spend significant amounts of time with him. I would also strongly consider asking him if he’d like to reach out to his dad at this time. Good luck to you both.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Call child welfare.

Do not do this.

Yes, she should do this. There is an entire division of CPS dedicated to helping parents get placements for their child - either residential treatment, group homes, or temporary foster placements while parents heal from medical issues.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m no expert in any of this but want to let you known that I’m so sorry. I’m sorry for you and I’m sorry for him. He sounds like a typical teenager but you are not in a position to handle it. Please reach out to somebody who knows you both. If I were you I would reach out to your doctor who might be able to refer you to someone who could help. Not necessarily get him adopted but someone who could help you both cope with this very difficult and sad stage in your lives. He knows you’re sick and he’s acting out. Help him find help.

Much love to you both.

Why do some people think "raging teens" is typical. I have two teens. Neither one are ragey. They can be annoying and sometimes difficult, but they aren't raging. Something is off if they are raging.

“Does not apply to my experience of two kids” is not the same as unusual. Many (not all, or even most, but enough so it isn’t unusual) teenagers act out; this kid also has a mom with a scary diagnosis and apparently no father figure or extended family support.

Raging is not normal. But yes, as I stated. "something is off" with him, and I'm sure it's due to OP's cancer.

But raging is not typical teen behavior. Please. Otherwise, all teens and their families would be in therapy.

DP. “Raging” isn’t exactly a technical term, so what OP or anyone else refers to as “raging” is not necessarily how you or I thinks of “raging.” That is particularly the case where the person making the subjective assessment is going through a medical crisis herself and her emotional resources to cope with her son’s emotions may be lowered.

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for the ideas and the empathy. I do have a friend or two I can reach out to. It’s embarrassing, but it would be helpful as I finish active treatment. He does have a counselor and sees her regularly. I don’t know what they talk about since he’s past the age where she has to tell me. I just don’t know where I got this kid with no empathy.

I can relate a bit about not feeling any empathy... I never felt like I had a close relationship with my grandmother as my cousins did so when she got Cancer the whole family united and cared for her. Lots of family reunions, lots of family events. Everyone was around her all the time, etc.... All I wanted to do was to hide and disassociate myself from her and everyone, I was angry, not sure why. Of course, there was no therapy talk then so I was just the "black sheep" and the kid with no empathy. The more people/family pushed me to feel empathy the more I felt numbed. I honestly don't know why but for whatever reason, I was just not emotionally available.

Not everyone is born empathetic. Normally children learn empathy through their parents ,society and their surroundings.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m no expert in any of this but want to let you known that I’m so sorry. I’m sorry for you and I’m sorry for him. He sounds like a typical teenager but you are not in a position to handle it. Please reach out to somebody who knows you both. If I were you I would reach out to your doctor who might be able to refer you to someone who could help. Not necessarily get him adopted but someone who could help you both cope with this very difficult and sad stage in your lives. He knows you’re sick and he’s acting out. Help him find help.

Much love to you both.

Why do some people think "raging teens" is typical. I have two teens. Neither one are ragey. They can be annoying and sometimes difficult, but they aren't raging. Something is off if they are raging.

“Does not apply to my experience of two kids” is not the same as unusual. Many (not all, or even most, but enough so it isn’t unusual) teenagers act out; this kid also has a mom with a scary diagnosis and apparently no father figure or extended family support.

Raging is not normal. But yes, as I stated. "something is off" with him, and I'm sure it's due to OP's cancer.

But raging is not typical teen behavior. Please. Otherwise, all teens and their families would be in therapy.

Anonymous wrote:I just watched a Taiwanese film on Netflix about a 13 yo going through her mom’s breast cancer. She was a brat. It is called American Girl.

Oh, you watched a movie once? You must be an expert. 🙄

Anonymous wrote:Having him adopted might destroy him. Was he like this before you were diagnosed? Maybe his counselor has ideas?

This has been asked several times, no answers though.

I just watched a Taiwanese film on Netflix about a 13 yo going through her mom’s breast cancer. She was a brat. It is called American Girl.

Anonymous wrote:You can only pour from a full cup. OP has advanced breast cancer. She needs support.

How do you know it's advanced? Did I miss that in her posts?

Op, any chance you in the past have tried to mini-wife your son? Google it. It can apply to boys too. He is your son not your spouse. It’s not his job to give you support when you have cancer.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m no expert in any of this but want to let you known that I’m so sorry. I’m sorry for you and I’m sorry for him. He sounds like a typical teenager but you are not in a position to handle it. Please reach out to somebody who knows you both. If I were you I would reach out to your doctor who might be able to refer you to someone who could help. Not necessarily get him adopted but someone who could help you both cope with this very difficult and sad stage in your lives. He knows you’re sick and he’s acting out. Help him find help.

Much love to you both.

Why do some people think "raging teens" is typical. I have two teens. Neither one are ragey. They can be annoying and sometimes difficult, but they aren't raging. Something is off if they are raging.

“Does not apply to my experience of two kids” is not the same as unusual. Many (not all, or even most, but enough so it isn’t unusual) teenagers act out; this kid also has a mom with a scary diagnosis and apparently no father figure or extended family support.

Having him adopted might destroy him. Was he like this before you were diagnosed? Maybe his counselor has ideas?

What county are you in so we can link resources.

Many ideas you could try listed above. I am so sorry and wish you much strength.

Anonymous wrote:You can only pour from a full cup. OP has advanced breast cancer. She needs support.

So does her son.