I would consider that I have failed as a parent if they wanted a large brood, got a pitbull, or got into debt to get a college degree .

But let’s assume that they ended up having triplets after having a single kid. Let’s also assume that they could not reduce the number of multiples due to medical reasons.

I think at that time I would suggest that they buy a large home, maybe a multi gen home with everyone pooling their resources. Outsource as much as possible. Childcare at home with a full time nanny. One parent sah, or with wfh hybrid. Live frugally after that. No luxury vacations. In state public colleges, public schools for k-12. Parents and grandparents prioritize health… of their own health, habits and exercise. Loads and loads of insurance. Second hand clothes and everything else.

Anonymous wrote:Marry rich and start young

This. As someone who wanted kids and was unable to have them: you need to start young and start dating young. And, you need a fair amount of money.

Anonymous wrote:Live somewhere with a moderate or low cost of living and good public schools. Bonus if one or both parents are in the medical field, because that's a) portable, and b) flexible for working more or less, as needed.

I have just three kids, live outside Fredericksburg (don't commute to DC), and we have plenty of money, and more than enough to have had a fourth (I now regret not having a 4th).

Or SAHP + homeschool, or a place with access to privates that offer big extra child discounts.

Marry rich and start young

I’d say just wait until you have one to decide.

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't say much of anything if they haven't even had their 1st yet. Minds change quickly after that.

I told my DH while we were dating I wanted 3 or 4. I told him we’d discuss after we had 2 (his preference).

After I had that 2nd one I got humbled REAL QUICK. We have just 2 delightful children. The person who wanted 4 was delusional and 25 years old.

Anonymous wrote:She's just pushing your buttons, OP. Your daughter knows you'd become hysterical at the thought of a litter of grandchildren. Quite likely she'll have one or two, if at all.

Breathe.

Man I’d be ecstatic if I got this many grandkids assuming I got the grandparent role and not parent role.

She's just pushing your buttons, OP. Your daughter knows you'd become hysterical at the thought of a litter of grandchildren. Quite likely she'll have one or two, if at all.

Breathe.

Anonymous wrote:So I would take off my elite DCUM hat and say, you can have a family of 4 but you'll want to marry very, very young. You'll want to live in a town that isn't as expensive as here. If you pursue higher ed, realize that your partner will take on the vast majority of raising a family. Realize that many young marriages don't last past kid 2.

Then also realize that a family of 4 might mean you actually had and lost 3 of 7 children you conceived. You might have a child with special medical issues that never leaves your home. You might have healthy children that never truly launch. You may have children that are drug addicts. You may have to take custody of one of your grandchildren. You may have all of this and your partner died 10 years prior like my Aunt.

The more kids you have the more real the possibilities that you have a lifelong commitment to thise kids. Unless you take the traditional Irish approach and tell them to F off when they turn 18. Not your problem.

I agree with all of this. I wouldn't emphasize that they need to marry young, and instead I would emphasize that they need to ensure that they have an extremely strong relationship with their spouse. They can't be one of those couples that has a lot of drama when they are unmarried and childless, who thinks that the drama means "they can get through anything" (eyeroll). I would tell my children that if they want to give their kids the same kind of childhood they experienced (nice but modest home in Potomac, well-regarded "W" public school, lots of after school activities, one trip a year by plane, lots of trips to the family beach house every summer, college paid for, etc.), they will need to make a LOT of money.

I think it's pretty interesting how some DCUM posters are always pushing this narrative that less kids/no kids is the way to go.

I agree that people with limited resources should not aim to have a dozen children. Not judging, just saying life is hard when you have a lot of children without at least the basic resources to care for them (such as grocery money for a very basic point).

The average DCUM reader/poster is rather well educated, decent critical thinking skills and I feel they are the kind of people who probably don't need to be told to quit having kids when you already have 6 and don't have the resources to feed/clothe/house.

Anonymous wrote:More power to them and I think it's great. I have an extended family and think those relationships are a real gift. I do believe those of us with 4+ kids raise our kids with a bit of a different value set and order of priorities. Large families develop a certain emotional intelligences in kids that are fading fast in our individual-focused society. It's a view that's tiresome to defend to others who don't share it so I'll just leave it at IYKYK.

But for some of the rude commenters here, I wouldn’t have thought that people can be so judgmental. I think it’s great for people who can handle it but if kids weren’t that expensive and exhausting (so much work), I would have had more myself. I do think that it’s important for parents of large families to be extroverted because the lack of quiet alone time in large families can be very difficult for introverts.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do they care about the future of the planet?

Lots of children will mean a lot of future resources depleted, and then their kids and their kids...multiplier effect is real.

Hi Klaus!

Do you mean Knaus?

Anonymous wrote:Tell them they are selfish and willfully clueless because overpopulation is the single most important contributor to environmental collapse. Including that favorite hashtag of GenZ, climate change.

I would also add that they’d not Golden Retrievers so why are they intending to breed as if they were kennel dogs?

Don’t believe me? Try this: what would you say to another adult who told you their plan was to acquire 4-6 Golden Retrievers in the next few years? And thereafter always live in a household with six large dogs? Not as a business but just a home with 4-6 dogs cause you just always wanted a lot of dogs?

I am so glad that I have my mom and not a rude, crass judgmental weirdo like you as a mother/father. What a horrible way to talk to your daughter.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am one of four kids, DH is one of four kids, and we have 4 kids. A large family is a joy, and it’s a value that drew us together.

All that being said, we initially thought we would have 2-3, and then when we had the third, we thought having a fourth would be great. We were also financially in a better position by the time DC3 was born compared to DC1.

I have plenty of friends who thought they would have 2 or 3 and then ended up having one 1 or 3 kids because they realized they would be happier with a smaller family.

So agree plans will change as they experience parenthood.

How many cousins do your kids have?

DP. I have 17 first-cousins. I love it.

Anonymous wrote:I am one of four kids, DH is one of four kids, and we have 4 kids. A large family is a joy, and it’s a value that drew us together.

All that being said, we initially thought we would have 2-3, and then when we had the third, we thought having a fourth would be great. We were also financially in a better position by the time DC3 was born compared to DC1.

I have plenty of friends who thought they would have 2 or 3 and then ended up having one 1 or 3 kids because they realized they would be happier with a smaller family.

So agree plans will change as they experience parenthood.

How many cousins do your kids have?