Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

He was asked to interview for a position in his company that, according to him, is a 6 month trial with no pay raise, but it puts him in front of people like the CEO, and gives him management experience. It is VERY demanding, will have zero flexibility on scheduling, and will require travel. In his words, it could either make or break his career - if he does well, it could lead to a permanent position with a very significant pay raise, or if he does poorly, he will basically be stuck in his current role permanently.

I was blunt and told him that his time management sucks, he is lazy

There is a very obvious contradiction here. He would not even be considered for such a position if his time management sucks and he is lazy.

This just sounds like the standard DW whine that DH is not doing everything she wants exactly as she wants it done and (stamps foot) this means he is a good-for-nothing man-baby. Whatever. Go ahead and blow up your family because there are some dirty dishes on the counter.

Oh stop. We literally have zero toilet paper and have had to shower after pooping and I am using my kids’ toothpaste because H didn’t follow through on restocking when he volunteered for the task. Most days he either sleeps in until 10am, or locks himself in the bedroom in the evening to nap until 9pm. This is WAY beyond a few dishes left on the counter.

But you know he does nothing. Why did you not have TP delivered? Why do you keep wasting precious time and energy on charts and cards that cannot fix his fundamental selfish laziness? He understands that it is not fair, he is not willing to change.

He said he wanted to take on restocking home supplies. I had no idea we were out until it was literally all gone. Obviously now I have to take back that job, too.

The issue is he’s angry I’m not supporting him in this job. I don’t support him, because I know the little he does do will also be dropped. Why should I be excited for him? I don’t think it’s wrong for me to point out he can barely manage as it is, he’s not going to be able to manage when his workload doubles.

Also, I can’t afford to have things delivered. I am on a shoestring budget as it is because he can’t manage his money.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

He was asked to interview for a position in his company that, according to him, is a 6 month trial with no pay raise, but it puts him in front of people like the CEO, and gives him management experience. It is VERY demanding, will have zero flexibility on scheduling, and will require travel. In his words, it could either make or break his career - if he does well, it could lead to a permanent position with a very significant pay raise, or if he does poorly, he will basically be stuck in his current role permanently.

I was blunt and told him that his time management sucks, he is lazy

There is a very obvious contradiction here. He would not even be considered for such a position if his time management sucks and he is lazy.

This just sounds like the standard DW whine that DH is not doing everything she wants exactly as she wants it done and (stamps foot) this means he is a good-for-nothing man-baby. Whatever. Go ahead and blow up your family because there are some dirty dishes on the counter.

Oh stop. We literally have zero toilet paper and have had to shower after pooping and I am using my kids’ toothpaste because H didn’t follow through on restocking when he volunteered for the task. Most days he either sleeps in until 10am, or locks himself in the bedroom in the evening to nap until 9pm. This is WAY beyond a few dishes left on the counter.

But you know he does nothing. Why did you not have TP delivered? Why do you keep wasting precious time and energy on charts and cards that cannot fix his fundamental selfish laziness? He understands that it is not fair, he is not willing to change.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

He was asked to interview for a position in his company that, according to him, is a 6 month trial with no pay raise, but it puts him in front of people like the CEO, and gives him management experience. It is VERY demanding, will have zero flexibility on scheduling, and will require travel. In his words, it could either make or break his career - if he does well, it could lead to a permanent position with a very significant pay raise, or if he does poorly, he will basically be stuck in his current role permanently.

I was blunt and told him that his time management sucks, he is lazy

There is a very obvious contradiction here. He would not even be considered for such a position if his time management sucks and he is lazy.

This just sounds like the standard DW whine that DH is not doing everything she wants exactly as she wants it done and (stamps foot) this means he is a good-for-nothing man-baby. Whatever. Go ahead and blow up your family because there are some dirty dishes on the counter.

Oh stop. We literally have zero toilet paper and have had to shower after pooping and I am using my kids’ toothpaste because H didn’t follow through on restocking when he volunteered for the task. Most days he either sleeps in until 10am, or locks himself in the bedroom in the evening to nap until 9pm. This is WAY beyond a few dishes left on the counter.

But you know he does nothing. Why did you not have TP delivered? Why do you keep wasting precious time and energy on charts and cards that cannot fix his fundamental selfish laziness? He understands that it is not fair, he is not willing to change.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

He was asked to interview for a position in his company that, according to him, is a 6 month trial with no pay raise, but it puts him in front of people like the CEO, and gives him management experience. It is VERY demanding, will have zero flexibility on scheduling, and will require travel. In his words, it could either make or break his career - if he does well, it could lead to a permanent position with a very significant pay raise, or if he does poorly, he will basically be stuck in his current role permanently.

I was blunt and told him that his time management sucks, he is lazy

There is a very obvious contradiction here. He would not even be considered for such a position if his time management sucks and he is lazy.

This just sounds like the standard DW whine that DH is not doing everything she wants exactly as she wants it done and (stamps foot) this means he is a good-for-nothing man-baby. Whatever. Go ahead and blow up your family because there are some dirty dishes on the counter.

Oh stop. We literally have zero toilet paper and have had to shower after pooping and I am using my kids’ toothpaste because H didn’t follow through on restocking when he volunteered for the task. Most days he either sleeps in until 10am, or locks himself in the bedroom in the evening to nap until 9pm. This is WAY beyond a few dishes left on the counter.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think he has secondary depression from ADHD. He needs a stimulant, not an ssri--which is probably killing his libido and one of the reasons he's spending more time on the phone. I'm a little evangelic about this bc I just got diagnosed and started meds (at age 38) and it's been life-changing.

If he is diagnosed, he can easily take and benefit from both and many people do.

Anonymous wrote:Hire help and stop expecting your husband to change. As you say, he does not care. You can’t change him and he is not motivated to do anything differently. I’m sorry.

Anonymous wrote:I would support him in the job. If you don’t, he could resent you for it the rest of his life. He isn’t helping now anyway. If he takes this job, at least he will be working instead of napping. It might make you both less resentful.

Also, friend, you need to step it up and take care of your house and children. Your kids shouldn’t grow up in a house where they have to eat in a dirty kitchen or shower after they poop because their parents are engaged in some kind of passive aggressive battle of wills and neither of them wants to be the first to break and clean the kitchen or buy the toilet paper.
Get rid of the Fair Play cards. They aren’t helping. Figure out systems to get things done around your house without his help. He isn’t going to help. And be nice. Act how you want your kids’ spouses to treat them. It takes two people to have a screaming match. Stop your part.

I realize that it sounds like you will be falling into old fashioned gender roles where he is at work all of the time and you are taking care of everything at home, and that feels like you failed in some way, but you have to do what works for your family, and what you are doing now isn’t working for anyone.

Anonymous wrote:I think he has secondary depression from ADHD. He needs a stimulant, not an ssri--which is probably killing his libido and one of the reasons he's spending more time on the phone. I'm a little evangelic about this bc I just got diagnosed and started meds (at age 38) and it's been life-changing.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Would he consider being evaluated for adhd? Depression? Seems like something might be getting in the way of his ability to complete tasks.

OP. He is medicated for depression and sees a therapist. I don’t know if he has ADHD. But honestly most of it, to me, is that he just doesn’t care. He sleeps a lot and watches sports a lot. He’s just…lazy.