Anonymous
Post 12/23/2022 15:06     Subject: Re:Number of kids
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Am friends with a lot of people with ~10 year old kids.

Those with 1 kid only? Marriage and life is good.

Those with 2 kids all girls? Marriage and life is good.

Those with 2 kids all boys? Marriage in the shitter.

No kidding, but I've had the convo with multiple friends in the last 2 months about how much more horrible 2 boys is versus all the other possibilities. No sex, verge of divorce, household is constant state of stress, yelling and chaos. But 2 girls in and around age 10? It's like there are three moms - making dinner, cleaning, and doing compliant work to make the house hold run better. Boys is literally what's pushing my friends to divorce.


Not true for everyone. We have 2 boys and yes it's challenging with the constant high energy. But DH has a ton of fun with them and our marriage is fine.


+1
3 boys (one with considerable SN), 1 girl. But we both have healthy senses of humor and are happy as a family and as a couple.
I wouldn’t say my daughter is a third parent/housekeeper though! Ha!
Anonymous
Post 12/23/2022 14:09     Subject: Re:Number of kids
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Thats cute several posters know what having only is without having an only We stopped with one as life is crazy busy and one is more than enough for us!


I am a PP and several of my close friends have an only.

Your life isn’t that crazy busy. Also it’s not a competition. It’s okay and normal that one child would be less work than more children. How would it not be?

Wow PP are you for real?! You are not living the life of your friends and you don't really know what is going on in other peoples lives. It's ok to be less or more busy how many ever kids you have, its not a competition. You cannot live all possible life experiences so the least you could be is try to be more open minded and not discount others.
Anonymous
Post 12/23/2022 13:58     Subject: Number of kids
Anonymous wrote:This all depends on the temperament of the kids, not the gender of the kids. Surely you see this right?



+ 1 million.

Mom of 2 girls and 2 boys . Who wouldn’t change it for the world .
Anonymous
Post 12/23/2022 13:53     Subject: Re:Number of kids
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Having one is not a breeze if you wanted two, and can't. Then you get to parent one with crippling grief.


Please get therapy. You are going to transmit to your child the fact that he/she is not enough for you and that is going to leave scars. You deserve better and so does your child.


PP here. Working on it. Parenting *through* the crippling grief is more accurate. It takes a lot to hide it and manage it and process it so it doesn't leave scars. It's getting better, but only because it reduced to me to nothing. Only now can I rebuild.

I was just posting in response to the "one is so easy" posts. One doesn't = easy breezy.


It will. You need to give it time and focus on what you can control; the benefits of your family size and love you can create. We’re pushing because we’ve been in your shoes. You’ll get there.
Anonymous
Post 12/23/2022 13:13     Subject: Re:Number of kids
I'm one of 3 and think it's a challenging number, often one of the three can feel like an outsider, at least that's how it was for my brother while my sister and I were super close.

If money and she were no object, I'd have loved to have 4. But, they were so we have two. I do love the hustle and bustle of a larger family. But all in all happy with our two, boy and girl close in age.
Anonymous
Post 12/23/2022 13:13     Subject: Number of kids
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I have 3. It is a lot. I don’t understand why someone would purposely have 4+


Yup. May be in pre birth-control option era but now?

Really? There are tons of good reasons people want large families. The only thing this tells me is you need to get out of your little bubble.
Anonymous
Post 12/23/2022 13:07     Subject: Re:Number of kids
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Am friends with a lot of people with ~10 year old kids.

Those with 1 kid only? Marriage and life is good.

Those with 2 kids all girls? Marriage and life is good.

Those with 2 kids all boys? Marriage in the shitter.

No kidding, but I've had the convo with multiple friends in the last 2 months about how much more horrible 2 boys is versus all the other possibilities. No sex, verge of divorce, household is constant state of stress, yelling and chaos. But 2 girls in and around age 10? It's like there are three moms - making dinner, cleaning, and doing compliant work to make the house hold run better. Boys is literally what's pushing my friends to divorce.


Okay I was giving you the benefit of the doubt and then got to the part about how the daughters are cooking and cleaning. What the actual F.


I’m the PP you’re responding to. Like it or not, my friends with daughters - the daughters are big into being people pleasers at that age. Whether they clean and cook (and do their homework, and make their bed, and all the other Bs) without asking because they’re trying to keep the parents happy, or they’re doing it compliantly after being asked…. In either case, the girls are being little adult contributors to the house. Per dcum, most of your dhs aren’t doing that. So yeah, for better or worse, my description of being extra moms helping around the house stands.


I have a daughter. Please send me one of your friend's daughters immediately. She is wonderful but she is nothing at all like what you describe.

The idea that girls are all somehow just born people pleasers is pretty F-ed up. Probably a lot more at play here if you want to go ahead and give it some thought.
Anonymous
Post 12/23/2022 11:34     Subject: Re:Number of kids
Anonymous wrote:Am friends with a lot of people with ~10 year old kids.

Those with 1 kid only? Marriage and life is good.

Those with 2 kids all girls? Marriage and life is good.

Those with 2 kids all boys? Marriage in the shitter.

No kidding, but I've had the convo with multiple friends in the last 2 months about how much more horrible 2 boys is versus all the other possibilities. No sex, verge of divorce, household is constant state of stress, yelling and chaos. But 2 girls in and around age 10? It's like there are three moms - making dinner, cleaning, and doing compliant work to make the house hold run better. Boys is literally what's pushing my friends to divorce.


People are taking issue with the "little mothers" gender stereotypes but there's a grain of truth here. I told my DH I would gladly have a second kid if I could guarantee it was another easy girl.
Anonymous
Post 12/23/2022 11:24     Subject: Re:Number of kids
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Having one is not a breeze if you wanted two, and can't. Then you get to parent one with crippling grief.


Please get therapy. You are going to transmit to your child the fact that he/she is not enough for you and that is going to leave scars. You deserve better and so does your child.


PP here. Working on it. Parenting *through* the crippling grief is more accurate. It takes a lot to hide it and manage it and process it so it doesn't leave scars. It's getting better, but only because it reduced to me to nothing. Only now can I rebuild.

I was just posting in response to the "one is so easy" posts. One doesn't = easy breezy.
Anonymous
Post 12/23/2022 10:24     Subject: Re:Number of kids
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Having one is not a breeze if you wanted two, and can't. Then you get to parent one with crippling grief.


Please get therapy. You are going to transmit to your child the fact that he/she is not enough for you and that is going to leave scars. You deserve better and so does your child.


This is exactly correct. PP, you need to shift the mental energy you put into having a second into embracing your single child family. It takes a ton of grit and determination to go through infertility. Use that same grit and determination to now embrace the family you have and move on from the loss. It’s truly the difference in raising your child in a happy home or raising them with trauma. If it’s been more than two years and you’re still feeling this way, you need help for your family’s sake.
Anonymous
Post 12/23/2022 10:13     Subject: Number of kids
Anonymous wrote:I have 3. It is a lot. I don’t understand why someone would purposely have 4+


Yup. May be in pre birth-control option era but now?
Anonymous
Post 12/23/2022 10:12     Subject: Number of kids
Anonymous wrote:I really do respect everyone's choices in the number of children they have.

But for me, I have to say that 2 is enough!

One would have been a breeze, 2 is much crazier and I just can't even imagine 3 or more.

That is all. And I am 1 of 3.


Yup, for your mental, physical and financial health, none, one or max two works best.
Anonymous
Post 12/23/2022 09:59     Subject: Number of kids
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Jim Gaffigan said they having the 4th kid (or was it the 5th?) is as if you are drowning and someone hands you a baby.


Ehh, kinda. There's a reason he's popular with TradCaths and Mormons if that makes a difference to you. He's pretty disingenuous on the kid front and that's a nice quip but it's his schtick.


What an odd thing to say. It doesn’t make a difference to me.
Anonymous
Post 12/23/2022 09:48     Subject: Re:Number of kids
Anonymous wrote:Having one is not a breeze if you wanted two, and can't. Then you get to parent one with crippling grief.


Please get therapy. You are going to transmit to your child the fact that he/she is not enough for you and that is going to leave scars. You deserve better and so does your child.
Anonymous
Post 12/23/2022 09:20     Subject: Re:Number of kids
Anonymous wrote:Am friends with a lot of people with ~10 year old kids.

Those with 1 kid only? Marriage and life is good.

Those with 2 kids all girls? Marriage and life is good.

Those with 2 kids all boys? Marriage in the shitter.

No kidding, but I've had the convo with multiple friends in the last 2 months about how much more horrible 2 boys is versus all the other possibilities. No sex, verge of divorce, household is constant state of stress, yelling and chaos. But 2 girls in and around age 10? It's like there are three moms - making dinner, cleaning, and doing compliant work to make the house hold run better. Boys is literally what's pushing my friends to divorce.


Ugh. This notion that girls are just little mommies is so wrong, or at least not the case in my house! Try having a very bright and highly emotional daughter with ADHD inattentive whose extremely jealous of her younger sibling. She does.no chores (I've tried, but she fights everything). She screams and shoves her toddler brother and is constantly needing emotional support. It's hard. And she's 9. My toddler son is emotionally less complex but never stops moving and requires constant supervision as he's always finding ways to destroy the house or hurt himself.