The other danger here is that OP stays with him and continues to denigrate and punish him for having a mental illness instead of being accepting or supportive, that will make him worse for sure. People torture people with mental illness often by accepting only what they love about them and then hating the things they knew about going in that cannot change.

Anonymous wrote:Good people break up before Xmas

Bad people breakup after Xmas

Alternatively since you seem super wimpy and afraid of confrontation you breakup after and give the gift back.

People with kids also break up after Xmas that doesn’t make them bad people.

I have a bi-polar family member. What you are doing OP is pretty crappy. If you don't have it in you to be with him because of his mental health issues (which I get - it's a challenge), just end it already so he can start moving on.

At least he just has a mental illness.. You are a bad person.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I can’t break up with him before the holidays because he will be spending the holidays with my family, so that is not an option. He doesn’t have family living locally and wouldn’t have plans otherwise.

Once you know you are going to break up with someone, the kindest thing to do is to just DO IT. After the holidays is not the "more kind" option here. Because he will spend the whole time with your family thinking about how this is his forever family, etc.

You already know this relationship is done. It is absolutely cruel to drag it out over the next 3 weeks.

Break up with him today, do not accept the gift.

He will be upset. That's ok.

my friend just broke up with her partner and she's pretty devastated. it's devastating at any time of the year.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I can’t break up with him before the holidays because he will be spending the holidays with my family, so that is not an option. He doesn’t have family living locally and wouldn’t have plans otherwise.

Dear lord, you need to break up with him. If you are correct in your assessment of the situation, wanting to marry you + expensive jewelry purchase + spending Christmas with your family could very well mean he plans to propose to you in front of your family. If you wouldn’t say yes, you need to head this off now.

He’s on a manic phase. That tracks.

+1

I think you think you’re being nice by waiting until after Christmas but you’re not. Why haven’t already broken up with him?

Anonymous wrote:Gee, who could have foreseen that he would have bought you a gift in December for the holidays?! Gosh, golly, gee, don't we all feel so bad for YOU. What could you possibly have done to prevent this conundrum?

+1

NP here. This happened to me about six months ago. I was dating a woman who seemed very nice and genuine and got a thoughtful gift in preparation for a trip that we had planned (where we discussed getting engaged). She accepted the gift and acted very appreciative about it. The next day, she broke up with me over the phone, and tore me apart as she did it. It was heartbreaking. Just break up with him if you have doubts and move on.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I can’t break up with him before the holidays because he will be spending the holidays with my family, so that is not an option. He doesn’t have family living locally and wouldn’t have plans otherwise.

You actually can have the talk now and he can come over for the holidays.

I’ve never broken up and then ghosted a person, that’s cold.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I can’t break up with him before the holidays because he will be spending the holidays with my family, so that is not an option. He doesn’t have family living locally and wouldn’t have plans otherwise.

He will find alternative arrangements. Break up with him now, before he arrives.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have an adult son with bipolar. I get not being able to commit. But you really need to set some parameters and hard lines before Christmas. If you go into the holidays without this, you could be the start of a heavy duty spiral that destroys his life. That would be so unbelievably cruel and you could destroy his life for years to come. Bipolar is no joke.

This is not fair to her. She is not sure what she wants to do. She’s entitled to think about it to make sure.

She’s sure, she just walked it back after people rightfully slammed her for not breaking up with him before the ENTIRELY PREDICTABLE HOLIDAY TIMING was upon us. What, she didn’t realize December was coming in, say, November or October?

“Guy I’m about to break up with bought me an expensive gift” is the thread title. Don’t fall for OP’s faux wishy washy antics that she pulled AFTER people called her out for being an irresponsible, uncaring person.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I can’t break up with him before the holidays because he will be spending the holidays with my family, so that is not an option. He doesn’t have family living locally and wouldn’t have plans otherwise.

Don’t be a coward. A breakup in January during the letdown from the holidays will be even harder—and probably more confusing because what happened?! We just spent holidays together with her family!? Spending Christmas together first is worse than ripping off the bandaid now because he’s going to see that time/togetherness of a sign toward commitment. Then boom!

Breakups are hard. There is no way a breakup won’t cause him pain. But you are trying to avoid pain and put it off—and that will cause him more pain. The sooner you breakup, the sooner he can move on from it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I can’t break up with him before the holidays because he will be spending the holidays with my family, so that is not an option. He doesn’t have family living locally and wouldn’t have plans otherwise.

Dear lord, you need to break up with him. If you are correct in your assessment of the situation, wanting to marry you + expensive jewelry purchase + spending Christmas with your family could very well mean he plans to propose to you in front of your family. If you wouldn’t say yes, you need to head this off now.

He’s on a manic phase. That tracks.

Good people break up before Xmas

Bad people breakup after Xmas

Alternatively since you seem super wimpy and afraid of confrontation you breakup after and give the gift back.