Anonymous wrote:I don’t mind a gift of time. I asked my husband for new running shoes, but also for him to make an appointment for me at a local running store and arrange plans with the kids so I can go and shop on a relaxed timeline without feeling rushed.

I think your relative’s requests are excessive because they are regular occurrences. I wouldn’t mind if it was one show at the Kennedy center or one dinner or one weekend getaway.

Anonymous wrote:To preface this, I have asked to stop exchanging Christmas gifts among adults and no one agreed.

This year the older adults on both sides (parents and inlaws and one aunt) all said that the only thing they want for Christmas is a specific way of spending time with us. One asked for monthly video calls, one asked for dinners out together, one asked to vacation together. This sucks. First of all there is nothing to unwrap, when they are getting my family many things to unwrap, so that doesn't work. Second, these are people I already call weekly or see at least monthly, so it's kind of insulting for them to ask for this time as a gift, as if we ignore them. And third -- if we wanted to do these things we'd be doing them: the kids don't do well on video calls, we are not dining indoors yet, etc. It feels manipulative.

I am an adult with a good income to buy what I want for my family, but I still put together a small list of physical gifts when relatives ask what my family would like. Sometimes this means postponing a purchase it would be more convenient to make myself, but I do it so they can give a wrapped gift like they want to. I wish they'd be mature enough to do the same -- OR stop exchanging gifts.

Anonymous wrote:I'd give them all books you like and tell them you look forward to discussing the books with them, on the phone or in person, after they've read them. Choose long books. I feel like that will get you off the hook.

Anonymous wrote:To preface this, I have asked to stop exchanging Christmas gifts among adults and no one agreed.

This year the older adults on both sides (parents and inlaws and one aunt) all said that the only thing they want for Christmas is a specific way of spending time with us. One asked for monthly video calls, one asked for dinners out together, one asked to vacation together. This sucks. First of all there is nothing to unwrap, when they are getting my family many things to unwrap, so that doesn't work. Second, these are people I already call weekly or see at least monthly, so it's kind of insulting for them to ask for this time as a gift, as if we ignore them. And third -- if we wanted to do these things we'd be doing them: the kids don't do well on video calls, we are not dining indoors yet, etc. It feels manipulative.

I am an adult with a good income to buy what I want for my family, but I still put together a small list of physical gifts when relatives ask what my family would like. Sometimes this means postponing a purchase it would be more convenient to make myself, but I do it so they can give a wrapped gift like they want to. I wish they'd be mature enough to do the same -- OR stop exchanging gifts.

Anonymous wrote:You're not dining indoors yet?

Anonymous wrote:I hate gift giving between adults. I find it SO tedious and sort of demeaning. My MIL insists. I pass this off the my DH every year, but it's so awkward and weird. She makes us sit around and open one at a time and while this makes sense to me for children or a small group, with a very large group it's SO annoying.

If I wander away to tend to a kid, or get a drink, or use the bathroom it's always "Where is she? What is she doing? It's her turn. She missed Aunt Millie opening the waffle iron I bought her off her Amazon list, she has to see it!"

Down with adult gift giving! Focus on the kids and then let's free ourselves up to just buy ourselves something we've wanted to celebrate Christmas.

Anonymous wrote:If you are putting together wishlists that are inconvenient - aren't they all? adults just buy what they want when they want-- then when someone asks for a wishlist we all need a better answer...

What say you, DCUM? Someone asks for a wishlist you say

1. We are blessedly able to purchase all we need have have no list
2. We are adults, trish, so we just buy what we need and suggest you do the same.
3. Awww so sweet of you to think of us. We have what we need, but if you want to pick up the tab for the kids 4K summer camp, that would be PRIMO.
4. Just cash thanks

Anonymous wrote:I hate gift giving between adults. I find it SO tedious and sort of demeaning. My MIL insists. I pass this off the my DH every year, but it's so awkward and weird. She makes us sit around and open one at a time and while this makes sense to me for children or a small group, with a very large group it's SO annoying.

If I wander away to tend to a kid, or get a drink, or use the bathroom it's always "Where is she? What is she doing? It's her turn. She missed Aunt Millie opening the waffle iron I bought her off her Amazon list, she has to see it!"

Down with adult gift giving! Focus on the kids and then let's free ourselves up to just buy ourselves something we've wanted to celebrate Christmas.

Anonymous wrote:If you are not dining indoors yet, definitely just say no to that request.

Anonymous wrote:I find it really odd that several relatives are asking for this. Was there some article in last month’s AARP magazine with this suggestion?