Can you look at care.com and specifically screen for backup sick day providers?

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, it sucks, but there’s not really much you can do. We approach it the same way you do: WFH, take turns on child care, and work late to make up the time. That’s how pretty much every family I know figures it out. It’s awful and it definitely pushes us into survival mode, but it is what it is. It’s not forever. Your husband seems like a baby, though. Pushing the problem on to you is bullshit.

+1000

We have a 4yo and almost 2yo. Husband makes significantly more than me, but we are a partnership. We rotate taking days off or split the coverage so we each can attend our most important work meetings and then triage down from there. Your DH's lack of respect for you and your career is gross.

Pp here. On and I make 50% than DH and could make more but i choose to stay where i have a lot of good will and seniority (and frankly a boss in another state) so i can manage these next couple years with kids. I still perform well overall but there are days when jts less than stellar.

This is the hardest part of daycare. The first winter is the wirst and this year is worse because of covid and post covid viruses. Most people i know with dual working parents just middle through. Split shift, make up at work. Take leave, take less vacation that year etc. dh and i are in the same spot with our youngest in preschool after years with a nanny. Dh gets up and works 5-8 so he can do some childcare during the day when i go into the office for part of the day. The worst is when inevitably I get sick with kid germs. There is no magic solution. Most babysitters wont watch sick kids and 5 and under only want mom.

OP, are you making the same amount of money working full-time at your "dream job" as you were working part-time at a not-dream-job? Because if so I can see why your husband is pissed here. If you can work part time at a job you like less but would get paid more for, go do that. If you can't, then you need to keep muddling through this, or perhaps find a daycare with more lax sick policies than your current one.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would look at au pair or try to make a connection on care.com for a college kid who has some flexibility that could help at least part of those days.

A college kid won't want to take care of a sick kid, and risk getting sick themselves.

It probably depends on how sick. For enough money, babysitting someone with an undefined minor illness that adults aren't likely to catch vs COVID? Like the one-day illnesses? That should be doable, especially if OP and DH are in the house to supervise, take breaks and assist with annoying things like potty.

OP, our DC is older but when he was a toddler stage sick days were hard. My DH is like yours brings in most of the $ and I am at a job that I love that doesn't pay well. But what I realized was that I had to make the work adjustment as we could not survive without DH income and we both couldn't claim inflexible jobs. So I went part-time for a couple of years until he got to elementary and then made switch to full time. The key is to have flexibility to take days off. I would also consider going SAHM if you can easily go back to your job after a small gap. Its not paying well so you are not losing much income anyway. Its a short period in your lives and your marriage is most important for your family.

For what it's worth I once desperately needed care for a next day doctor's appointment and was able to find someone on sitter city (DH wsas home but working) who was a student home on break, who watched the kids, tidied up and that was that.

I did offer a higher hourly rate than I'd offer otherwise. But as long as you just need someone there, to supervise them without the requirement of enrichment and early childhood education, you might have good luck.

Anonymous wrote:I would look at au pair or try to make a connection on care.com for a college kid who has some flexibility that could help at least part of those days.

A college kid won't want to take care of a sick kid, and risk getting sick themselves.

OP, you don't mention outsourcing non-child care here. Maybe you could find a neighbor nanny or college student or mature HS student to come in after dinner for an hour. You all go to a different area of the house and s/he could start a load of laundry, clean up the kitchen, tidy up the other common areas of the house, etc. That takes a load off DH and keeps the house from being a disaster. Order groceries online for delivery or at least pick up outside. That would take another task off DH, right? Give yourself permission to order delivery for dinner which would probably give you lunch for the next day too. With all these new apps there really are some healthy options for that.

We did split shifts caring for a sick kid, and made up work in the evenings. I didn't want to foist a vomiting/feverish child on an outside caregiver nor did my toddler want this. Our jobs were understanding as long as we kept up. It's stressful but it's life with two working parents and young children and like others say it gets better with time. I don't think this is really about wealth but more about dual workforce families.

I agree that this fall has been particularly bad for viral illnesses in kids.

Au pair won’t work - by the time she gets here it will be April and the problem is over.

OP, we do what you are doing. But this is such a time limited problem. Your second must be at least one, so you just have to get to March. And save all time for fall/winter illnesses next year and then you’re through it.

You can also get more flexible on when you send the kid to daycare. Public health is a concern many of us simply can’t afford.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you get a nanny for 3/4 hours a day? And get work done, then for rest of the day share the child responsibilities depending on who has meetings that day etc?

You actually believe that a nanny can live on only working 15-20 hours a week? Not to mention finding a nanny who will take a job with both parents working from home?!?!

OP would have to pay $50 or more per hour.

Not all nannies are trying to live solely on that money. Don’t be naive.

How old are you? How long have you been working at your job?

I am in a similar situation with a closed daycare (my kid isn't even sick!) today and I am "working" from home with a 2 year old running around destroying the house. BUT I have been with my job for 12 years and have built up a ton of capital with my colleagues and work so I can flex as much time as needed. I was paid sh*t for over 10 years while I had babies just so I could stay in my position. I now am a manger and make around $100,000.

DH has a super stressful high paying job and never does any sick days. But I knew that because he makes 5X what I make.

I would look at au pair or try to make a connection on care.com for a college kid who has some flexibility that could help at least part of those days.