Anonymous
12/11/2022 11:45
Subject: First semester freshman grades - 2.0
Anonymous wrote:Did she go to a rigorous high school?
If she went to a public high school, this may not be her fault.
I remember the valedictorian at Wilson, or maybe he was salutatorian, wine to a top ten university. He was super smart and driven but got bad grades freshman year. He just wasn’t adequately prepared by his high school.
It would be really inappropriate to send her to a high school thwt didn’t prepare her for college and then get mad at her for performing poorly her first semester.
+1
This was my freshman year roommate. She had come from a huge CA public school with straight A’s. She had gotten through high school on memorization and standardized tests. She had never been taught good time management skills bc she had always been able to do her required work quickly, and she had never been taught good writing skills. It was painful to watch her family berate her and kill her confidence more. I had come from one of the well known privates in this area and compared to my high school, college was less work and easy. It was really unfair to see the disparity in how we were prepared from our high schools. My roommate had to spend an inordinate amount of time arguing and defending herself w/ her tiger parents. Please don’t be those parents! I’d just offer to pay for whatever outside tutoring is needed and make sure your dd is proactively reaching out to her advisor and professors and using any resources available at the school.
Anonymous
12/11/2022 10:52
Subject: First semester freshman grades - 2.0
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:We can afford. One idea to take the $9000 (the merit) out of her bank account as a way of getting “skin in the game”
She is not a partier, like at all. She is introverted and has a bad case of ADD. She did not take advantage of any of the supports in the school, or what they had to offer. In terms of accommodations, even though she was entitled to some like extended test time. She said socially, She loves it.
Don’t punish her. It sounds like she needs support to figure out what happened. Help her find solutions.
THIS^^^
An introvert with ADD will likely find college hugely different than HS. It's hard to ask for the help needed, and then as they "do worse" it gets even harder---it becomes a downward spiral for many kids with ADHD/ADD. Also, may kids with ADD/ADHD also have some level of anxiety. So when things get out of control the anxiety kicks in and renders them damn near helpless (Signed a parent of a kid diagnosed with ADHD during freshman year of college who had to change majors but graduated on time and started first job 2 weeks after graduation).
Help her come up with a plan for how to "right the ship" next semester (start using the support system the school offers). Then you may need to be a bit more involved and help her stay on track. She needs your support right now, not to be punished/told to figure it out alone.
This. Sit down with her over this break and really talk about what she learned about herself this past semester and how things can be different next semester in order for her to do better academically. Tell her you are going to commit to helping her through spring semester provided she commits to helping herself. You can check in regularly to keep her on track but she’s the one who’s gonna need to get herself to study groups and support services appointments, take meds or whatever else she does to control her ADD, etc. Ask for login so you can see her class portal and monitor it. Remind her that it’s going to be a little “big brother“ for now but you’re doing this to help her get a handle on it so she can manage it herself in years to come.
Anonymous
12/10/2022 19:40
Subject: First semester freshman grades - 2.0
I would not get angry , nor would I take money from her (assuming you can afford to cover the cost without her money). But I would have a heart to heart about what went wrong, and as a condition of my additional financial support, I would insist on a few things, including meeting with advisor, taking advantage of supports offered, etc.
My first semester in college I got an A, a B, and 2 D's. But I graduated with a 3.2, and a 3.8 in my major, and then went on to grad school.
My first semester in college I got an A, a B, and 2 D's. But I graduated with a 3.2, and a 3.8 in my major, and then went on to grad school.
Anonymous
12/10/2022 19:23
Subject: Re:First semester freshman grades - 2.0
Anonymous wrote:Montgomery County schools eliminated final exams years ago.
I didn't have final exams in HS in Minnesota over two decades ago. I was always the star student in HS but had a tough time my first college semester because I misjudged how to best allocate my time. I learned quickly and got into a good graduate program.
A 2.0 is a learning experience. It is how she responds that matters. I wouldn't do anything different for now.
Anonymous
12/10/2022 17:56
Subject: First semester freshman grades - 2.0
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:We can afford. One idea to take the $9000 (the merit) out of her bank account as a way of getting “skin in the game”
She is not a partier, like at all. She is introverted and has a bad case of ADD. She did not take advantage of any of the supports in the school, or what they had to offer. In terms of accommodations, even though she was entitled to some like extended test time. She said socially, She loves it.
OP, it's great that your DD is happy. I would keep encouraging her to get more supports for her ADD and take advantage of the supports others have mentioned like office hours, TA tutoring, etc.
What is her major? If it's a STEM major, Cs in those initial classes are not uncommon. However, if, after the Spring semester, things don't improve, make sure you really explore with her why she is struggling and whether she using every support available to her. If she is not, then perhaps a gap semester is in order.
I just went through this with my son, who wound up withdrawing his sophomore year. He has ADD and severe anxiety, and after having the end of high school entirely virtual, he can't seem to ask for help when he needs it. He is taking time to work on these issues to figure out how to deal with people before returning to college makes sense for him.
Thank you. There are so many supports. I don’t even think she’s met her advisor! You can lead a horse to water…
Are you confident that your son will go back? How is he doing? What is he doing for friends?
These are all questions I ask myself if my daughter did withdraw.
Well, my son was not connecting in college, unlike your daughter, so that made our decision to withdraw easier. I am very concerned about social connections now that he is home, but he will be working at a retail job, so hopefully he will meet people there. He has siblings, and as a family, we have a decent social circle, so he will have some built-in connections. I am fairly confident that he will go back but was such a leap of faith to support his withdrawal. I'm not sure we could have supported the decision had I not spoken with his advisor and therapist and understood how lost he is. In retrospect, he was one of those kids for whom remote school was terrible. During that year plus, he completed college coursework and got good grades, but he went from being a moderately anxious kid to being almost completely incapacitated by any social situation outside of our extended family. Because we are close family and he was happy at home, I didn't see how emotionally and socially unprepared he was until it was too late. Removing the pressure of school frees him to concentrate on his mental and physical health (while working) to prepare him to resume classes again. He seems upbeat about working, so that's a good thing (fingers crossed).
Ugh. Sorry PP. And it’s not like they actually tell us what’s really going on.
Anonymous
12/10/2022 16:52
Subject: First semester freshman grades - 2.0
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:We can afford. One idea to take the $9000 (the merit) out of her bank account as a way of getting “skin in the game”
She is not a partier, like at all. She is introverted and has a bad case of ADD. She did not take advantage of any of the supports in the school, or what they had to offer. In terms of accommodations, even though she was entitled to some like extended test time. She said socially, She loves it.
OP, it's great that your DD is happy. I would keep encouraging her to get more supports for her ADD and take advantage of the supports others have mentioned like office hours, TA tutoring, etc.
What is her major? If it's a STEM major, Cs in those initial classes are not uncommon. However, if, after the Spring semester, things don't improve, make sure you really explore with her why she is struggling and whether she using every support available to her. If she is not, then perhaps a gap semester is in order.
I just went through this with my son, who wound up withdrawing his sophomore year. He has ADD and severe anxiety, and after having the end of high school entirely virtual, he can't seem to ask for help when he needs it. He is taking time to work on these issues to figure out how to deal with people before returning to college makes sense for him.
Thank you. There are so many supports. I don’t even think she’s met her advisor! You can lead a horse to water…
Are you confident that your son will go back? How is he doing? What is he doing for friends?
These are all questions I ask myself if my daughter did withdraw.
Well, my son was not connecting in college, unlike your daughter, so that made our decision to withdraw easier. I am very concerned about social connections now that he is home, but he will be working at a retail job, so hopefully he will meet people there. He has siblings, and as a family, we have a decent social circle, so he will have some built-in connections. I am fairly confident that he will go back but was such a leap of faith to support his withdrawal. I'm not sure we could have supported the decision had I not spoken with his advisor and therapist and understood how lost he is. In retrospect, he was one of those kids for whom remote school was terrible. During that year plus, he completed college coursework and got good grades, but he went from being a moderately anxious kid to being almost completely incapacitated by any social situation outside of our extended family. Because we are close family and he was happy at home, I didn't see how emotionally and socially unprepared he was until it was too late. Removing the pressure of school frees him to concentrate on his mental and physical health (while working) to prepare him to resume classes again. He seems upbeat about working, so that's a good thing (fingers crossed).
Anonymous
12/10/2022 16:05
Subject: First semester freshman grades - 2.0
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:We can afford. One idea to take the $9000 (the merit) out of her bank account as a way of getting “skin in the game”
She is not a partier, like at all. She is introverted and has a bad case of ADD. She did not take advantage of any of the supports in the school, or what they had to offer. In terms of accommodations, even though she was entitled to some like extended test time. She said socially, She loves it.
OP, it's great that your DD is happy. I would keep encouraging her to get more supports for her ADD and take advantage of the supports others have mentioned like office hours, TA tutoring, etc.
What is her major? If it's a STEM major, Cs in those initial classes are not uncommon. However, if, after the Spring semester, things don't improve, make sure you really explore with her why she is struggling and whether she using every support available to her. If she is not, then perhaps a gap semester is in order.
I just went through this with my son, who wound up withdrawing his sophomore year. He has ADD and severe anxiety, and after having the end of high school entirely virtual, he can't seem to ask for help when he needs it. He is taking time to work on these issues to figure out how to deal with people before returning to college makes sense for him.
Thank you. There are so many supports. I don’t even think she’s met her advisor! You can lead a horse to water…
Are you confident that your son will go back? How is he doing? What is he doing for friends?
These are all questions I ask myself if my daughter did withdraw.
Anonymous
12/10/2022 15:59
Subject: Re:First semester freshman grades - 2.0
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:My son had a 1.8 2nd semester but a 2.5 1st so the year ended up 2.1 at a T30 school.
He graduated last year and said to me, you never mentioned my 1.8 to me that summer after freshman year, why?
I guess I just knew you knew you had to fix it or the next year you’d be coming home to go to a state school and either you’d fix it or you wouldn’t and there was nothing I could do to make that happen.
I can’t promise you she will fix it.
My youngest got a sub 3.0 and was kicked out of the business school so he changed to communication and had to either sink or swim. We did discuss what would be options for a new major. He was sad.
I don’t advocate for coming down hard.
The natural consequence are pretty apparent.
Do you think your child might have done better (felt more confident/competent) at a lower ranked school?
I wonder this if parents pull out every stop (test prep, consultants, etc) to get them into a school that is a reach.
Definitely not. The school was a good fit her. It takes a wide range of kids, a large public out of state university. Her test scores were slightly above the 75th percentile, GPA perfectly within the 25-75. A target school, and perhaps even borderline safety school. She got into “better” schools.
I agree that parents sometimes pull out all the stops to get their kids into a higher rank school. That is not us.
She will get there. She just needs to learn to use the supports the school offers or get an outside tutor early.
I have an ADHD/dyslexic applying to college now, so I’m very sympathetic. Our kids can do it!
Did OP say her DD was pre med, though? Hope you rethink that. Premeds need A’s all through college plus research experience plus some type of service and leadership experience plus some type of clinical experience (EMT, shadowing, scribing etc).
No. She said she was a psych major.
Yes and somewhere along she posted that she was premed.
OP here. Definitely not premed. Psychology.
I see the private v public high school debate going on here and it is valid. She went to large MCPS school. No exams and was aloud to retake tests and turn in work late for full credit. I did remind her before going to school that this doesn’t fly at the college level. But I could only say it once, or it would turned in to nagging, and then a fight.
I just plan to talk to her when she comes home in a few days and see what we can do better next semester. I really appreciate everyone’s comments, namely, that I shouldn’t be too hard on her, and that the natural consequence is obvious enough (I actually loved that someone pointed that out to me.)
Anonymous
12/10/2022 14:14
Subject: Re:First semester freshman grades - 2.0
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:My son had a 1.8 2nd semester but a 2.5 1st so the year ended up 2.1 at a T30 school.
He graduated last year and said to me, you never mentioned my 1.8 to me that summer after freshman year, why?
I guess I just knew you knew you had to fix it or the next year you’d be coming home to go to a state school and either you’d fix it or you wouldn’t and there was nothing I could do to make that happen.
I can’t promise you she will fix it.
My youngest got a sub 3.0 and was kicked out of the business school so he changed to communication and had to either sink or swim. We did discuss what would be options for a new major. He was sad.
I don’t advocate for coming down hard.
The natural consequence are pretty apparent.
Do you think your child might have done better (felt more confident/competent) at a lower ranked school?
I wonder this if parents pull out every stop (test prep, consultants, etc) to get them into a school that is a reach.
Definitely not. The school was a good fit her. It takes a wide range of kids, a large public out of state university. Her test scores were slightly above the 75th percentile, GPA perfectly within the 25-75. A target school, and perhaps even borderline safety school. She got into “better” schools.
I agree that parents sometimes pull out all the stops to get their kids into a higher rank school. That is not us.
She will get there. She just needs to learn to use the supports the school offers or get an outside tutor early.
I have an ADHD/dyslexic applying to college now, so I’m very sympathetic. Our kids can do it!
Did OP say her DD was pre med, though? Hope you rethink that. Premeds need A’s all through college plus research experience plus some type of service and leadership experience plus some type of clinical experience (EMT, shadowing, scribing etc).
No. She said she was a psych major.
Yes and somewhere along she posted that she was premed.
Anonymous
12/10/2022 14:12
Subject: First semester freshman grades - 2.0
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Did she go to a rigorous high school?
If she went to a public high school, this may not be her fault.
I remember the valedictorian at Wilson, or maybe he was salutatorian, wine to a top ten university. He was super smart and driven but got bad grades freshman year. He just wasn’t adequately prepared by his high school.
It would be really inappropriate to send her to a high school thwt didn’t prepare her for college and then get mad at her for performing poorly her first semester.
GO away TROLL
I’m not a troll. He finished first or second in his class at Wilson, is now a successful person, but did poorly his first year at Duke. Despite working hard in high school. Wilson didn’t prepare him well.
Plenty of people attend Public HS and do well in college. In fact, majority of students attend public high schools (or private religious schools that are not elite HS).
Our private religious HS has midterms and finals. Our public does not. I've had kids at both, and taking away the stress of tests has exponentially increased anxiety for kids at public HS. It is night and day. "Oh you poor incompetent helpless babies who are too fragile to take a test" is the message they are receiving. I'm glad I pulled #2 out of public school, and #1 who is now in college is realizing the disservice the public schools did with removing finals, midterms, attendance requirements, testing with no retakes, etc.
I’m the person who posted about the friend of mine at Wilson. I also remember when I got to college seeing the tremendous difference freshman year between people who went to hard private schools and people who went to public schools. There is often a learning curve. I’m not saying the private schools kids were ultimately more successful but they certainly seemed to have an easier time adjusting to the work load of college.
Anonymous
12/10/2022 14:11
Subject: Re:First semester freshman grades - 2.0
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:My son had a 1.8 2nd semester but a 2.5 1st so the year ended up 2.1 at a T30 school.
He graduated last year and said to me, you never mentioned my 1.8 to me that summer after freshman year, why?
I guess I just knew you knew you had to fix it or the next year you’d be coming home to go to a state school and either you’d fix it or you wouldn’t and there was nothing I could do to make that happen.
I can’t promise you she will fix it.
My youngest got a sub 3.0 and was kicked out of the business school so he changed to communication and had to either sink or swim. We did discuss what would be options for a new major. He was sad.
I don’t advocate for coming down hard.
The natural consequence are pretty apparent.
Do you think your child might have done better (felt more confident/competent) at a lower ranked school?
I wonder this if parents pull out every stop (test prep, consultants, etc) to get them into a school that is a reach.
Definitely not. The school was a good fit her. It takes a wide range of kids, a large public out of state university. Her test scores were slightly above the 75th percentile, GPA perfectly within the 25-75. A target school, and perhaps even borderline safety school. She got into “better” schools.
I agree that parents sometimes pull out all the stops to get their kids into a higher rank school. That is not us.
She will get there. She just needs to learn to use the supports the school offers or get an outside tutor early.
I have an ADHD/dyslexic applying to college now, so I’m very sympathetic. Our kids can do it!
Did OP say her DD was pre med, though? Hope you rethink that. Premeds need A’s all through college plus research experience plus some type of service and leadership experience plus some type of clinical experience (EMT, shadowing, scribing etc).
No. She said she was a psych major.
Anonymous
12/10/2022 14:06
Subject: Re:First semester freshman grades - 2.0
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:My son had a 1.8 2nd semester but a 2.5 1st so the year ended up 2.1 at a T30 school.
He graduated last year and said to me, you never mentioned my 1.8 to me that summer after freshman year, why?
I guess I just knew you knew you had to fix it or the next year you’d be coming home to go to a state school and either you’d fix it or you wouldn’t and there was nothing I could do to make that happen.
I can’t promise you she will fix it.
My youngest got a sub 3.0 and was kicked out of the business school so he changed to communication and had to either sink or swim. We did discuss what would be options for a new major. He was sad.
I don’t advocate for coming down hard.
The natural consequence are pretty apparent.
Do you think your child might have done better (felt more confident/competent) at a lower ranked school?
I wonder this if parents pull out every stop (test prep, consultants, etc) to get them into a school that is a reach.
Definitely not. The school was a good fit her. It takes a wide range of kids, a large public out of state university. Her test scores were slightly above the 75th percentile, GPA perfectly within the 25-75. A target school, and perhaps even borderline safety school. She got into “better” schools.
I agree that parents sometimes pull out all the stops to get their kids into a higher rank school. That is not us.
She will get there. She just needs to learn to use the supports the school offers or get an outside tutor early.
I have an ADHD/dyslexic applying to college now, so I’m very sympathetic. Our kids can do it!
Did OP say her DD was pre med, though? Hope you rethink that. Premeds need A’s all through college plus research experience plus some type of service and leadership experience plus some type of clinical experience (EMT, shadowing, scribing etc).
Anonymous
12/10/2022 12:52
Subject: First semester freshman grades - 2.0
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Did she go to a rigorous high school?
If she went to a public high school, this may not be her fault.
I remember the valedictorian at Wilson, or maybe he was salutatorian, wine to a top ten university. He was super smart and driven but got bad grades freshman year. He just wasn’t adequately prepared by his high school.
It would be really inappropriate to send her to a high school thwt didn’t prepare her for college and then get mad at her for performing poorly her first semester.
GO away TROLL
I’m not a troll. He finished first or second in his class at Wilson, is now a successful person, but did poorly his first year at Duke. Despite working hard in high school. Wilson didn’t prepare him well.
Plenty of people attend Public HS and do well in college. In fact, majority of students attend public high schools (or private religious schools that are not elite HS).
Our private religious HS has midterms and finals. Our public does not. I've had kids at both, and taking away the stress of tests has exponentially increased anxiety for kids at public HS. It is night and day. "Oh you poor incompetent helpless babies who are too fragile to take a test" is the message they are receiving. I'm glad I pulled #2 out of public school, and #1 who is now in college is realizing the disservice the public schools did with removing finals, midterms, attendance requirements, testing with no retakes, etc.
Anonymous
12/10/2022 12:51
Subject: First semester freshman grades - 2.0
Anonymous wrote:We can afford. One idea to take the $9000 (the merit) out of her bank account as a way of getting “skin in the game”
She is not a partier, like at all. She is introverted and has a bad case of ADD. She did not take advantage of any of the supports in the school, or what they had to offer. In terms of accommodations, even though she was entitled to some like extended test time. She said socially, She loves it.
OP, it's great that your DD is happy. I would keep encouraging her to get more supports for her ADD and take advantage of the supports others have mentioned like office hours, TA tutoring, etc.
What is her major? If it's a STEM major, Cs in those initial classes are not uncommon. However, if, after the Spring semester, things don't improve, make sure you really explore with her why she is struggling and whether she using every support available to her. If she is not, then perhaps a gap semester is in order.
I just went through this with my son, who wound up withdrawing his sophomore year. He has ADD and severe anxiety, and after having the end of high school entirely virtual, he can't seem to ask for help when he needs it. He is taking time to work on these issues to figure out how to deal with people before returning to college makes sense for him.
Anonymous
12/10/2022 12:34
Subject: Re:First semester freshman grades - 2.0
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:My son had a 1.8 2nd semester but a 2.5 1st so the year ended up 2.1 at a T30 school.
He graduated last year and said to me, you never mentioned my 1.8 to me that summer after freshman year, why?
I guess I just knew you knew you had to fix it or the next year you’d be coming home to go to a state school and either you’d fix it or you wouldn’t and there was nothing I could do to make that happen.
I can’t promise you she will fix it.
My youngest got a sub 3.0 and was kicked out of the business school so he changed to communication and had to either sink or swim. We did discuss what would be options for a new major. He was sad.
I don’t advocate for coming down hard.
The natural consequence are pretty apparent.
Do you think your child might have done better (felt more confident/competent) at a lower ranked school?
I wonder this if parents pull out every stop (test prep, consultants, etc) to get them into a school that is a reach.
Definitely not. The school was a good fit her. It takes a wide range of kids, a large public out of state university. Her test scores were slightly above the 75th percentile, GPA perfectly within the 25-75. A target school, and perhaps even borderline safety school. She got into “better” schools.
I agree that parents sometimes pull out all the stops to get their kids into a higher rank school. That is not us.
She will get there. She just needs to learn to use the supports the school offers or get an outside tutor early.
I have an ADHD/dyslexic applying to college now, so I’m very sympathetic. Our kids can do it!