Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mind your own business and stop trying to one up your sister. We get it. You’re the best mom.

This. You might be surprised how it all turns out in the end. I leaned in hard during the early years (which my kids do not remember) and now have the wealth and flexibility to be very involved in the teenage years as a result. My teenagers are well adjusted and excelling in school/sports. I got a lot of harpy comments like yours, and I’m glad I ignored them.

Some parents do better with different ages. My husband was good with babies, impatient with toddlers, and excellent with teens. Toddlers and elementary school ages are my favorite, so it worked out for us.

+1, I was the go to when the kids were under 2, my DH was way better with the kids when they were 3-7 (those ages drove me nuts), and they are now tweens and I love spending time with them as does my DH. They have personalities and interests and aren’t angsty yet, if I could have them stay at this age for a while I would. But someone that knew me when they were toddlers/early ES would probably be shocked that I’ve leaned back from my career and enjoy the kids and their activities. 1,3, and 6 are rough ages.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MYOB. One of my mentors had 4 kids plus a very big career. They always had a lot of help. All 4 of her kids are seemingly doing very well now and have a good relationship with both of their parents.

Why have kids to let other people raise them?

Anonymous wrote:A 1yo at before care? That is sad!

Anonymous wrote:A 1yo at before care? That is sad!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mind your own business and stop trying to one up your sister. We get it. You’re the best mom.

This. You might be surprised how it all turns out in the end. I leaned in hard during the early years (which my kids do not remember) and now have the wealth and flexibility to be very involved in the teenage years as a result. My teenagers are well adjusted and excelling in school/sports. I got a lot of harpy comments like yours, and I’m glad I ignored them.

Some parents do better with different ages. My husband was good with babies, impatient with toddlers, and excellent with teens. Toddlers and elementary school ages are my favorite, so it worked out for us.

Anonymous wrote:MYOB. One of my mentors had 4 kids plus a very big career. They always had a lot of help. All 4 of her kids are seemingly doing very well now and have a good relationship with both of their parents.

Anonymous wrote:My sister has a 1,3, and 6 year old. She has leaned hard into her career since becoming a mom and never sees her children in the mornings during the week because she gets up early to go to the gym to work out and start her work day ahead of her colleagues. Their dad takes the kids to before care where they get breakfast. The kids are all in before care and after care. She usually sees them at night when she does pick up and dinner, but at least 1-2 times a week she goes out and dad or a babysitter watches the kids. Sometimes it is work events, more often it is girl’s dinners or date nights. On these days (about 1-2 times a week) she literally does not see her kids at all for the entire day, and the next day does not see them until the evening when she is picking them up from aftercare. She and her husband also regularly trade weekends away, and she minimizes her kids illnesses and injuries, sending them to daycare with Tylenol if they have a fever, etc. It bothers me, especially because she will make disparaging comments about me because I have leaned back in my career and prioritized my schedule to give my kids as much time at home with us as possible. And I find it hard to prioritize time for myself to work out or have time with friends. Sometimes she will say something mean to her kids or my kids when they get hurt or are crying, like “you’re just trying to get attention.” On social media she constantly posts all the things that she does with the kids, even though she’s hardly ever around and doesn’t act very lovingly toward them. It bothers me a lot that she’s like this, but I don’t feel like it’s my place to say anything. What would you do in this situation?

Anonymous wrote:Sounds a bit like city mouse & country mouse to me. You both have some parts of the other's lifestyle that you are a little jealous about. Quit busting each other's b*lls.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My sister has a 1,3, and 6 year old. She has leaned hard into her career since becoming a mom and never sees her children in the mornings during the week because she gets up early to go to the gym to work out and start her work day ahead of her colleagues. Their dad takes the kids to before care where they get breakfast. The kids are all in before care and after care. She usually sees them at night when she does pick up and dinner, but at least 1-2 times a week she goes out and dad or a babysitter watches the kids. Sometimes it is work events, more often it is girl’s dinners or date nights. On these days (about 1-2 times a week) she literally does not see her kids at all for the entire day, and the next day does not see them until the evening when she is picking them up from aftercare. She and her husband also regularly trade weekends away, and she minimizes her kids illnesses and injuries, sending them to daycare with Tylenol if they have a fever, etc. It bothers me, especially because she will make disparaging comments about me because I have leaned back in my career and prioritized my schedule to give my kids as much time at home with us as possible. And I find it hard to prioritize time for myself to work out or have time with friends. Sometimes she will say something mean to her kids or my kids when they get hurt or are crying, like “you’re just trying to get attention.” On social media she constantly posts all the things that she does with the kids, even though she’s hardly ever around and doesn’t act very lovingly toward them. It bothers me a lot that she’s like this, but I don’t feel like it’s my place to say anything. What would you do in this situation?

What would you think about your sister's situation if not for the bolded sentence above?

That her kids are treated like accessories (she uses them for a perfect Instagram image of a happy working mom) and that she ignores their illnesses and injuries because they take away from work and her social life, which are her priority. That her kids are constantly begging for her attention (even when they cry or fight) and she doesn’t engage with them unless it’s for social media. When she’s around them, she fills her time with entertaining, cleaning, shopping, and decorating. She doesn’t play with them, she doesn’t supervise their play, rarely has one on one conversations, they are just treated as background noise. It’s painful for me to see them try and get her attention and not to get it. I try to give it to them but I’m not mom, and that’s whose attention they want. It wouldn’t be so bad if my brother in law engaged but he’s basically super resentful at her for trying to make him default parent so the dynamic of their relationship seems to be each person trying to be busier so the other person has to watch the kids. The oldest child is already getting in trouble at school and acting out.

And no, I don’t think I’m a better mom. I could do better to prioritize myself, sure. But it’s hard to see kids desperate for attention and not getting it. I mean, she will sit the youngest in a high chair with food and leave them alone to eat. It’s stuff like that that I just see as kind of neglectful.

I’m a SAHM and I don’t play with my kids or supervise their play either. I honestly find it weird when moms do.