Anonymous wrote:I admit I’m just skimming but I still don’t understand the dynamics - this is a confiding thread and I can’t make heads or tales of it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was actually with you until you said “My friend started mentioning her husband even though I know him more”. Really op? How exactly do you know her husband?

My husband has a female friend he’s known since elementary school. She’s really good about recognizing my place as his wife.. she told a story about something he did in sixth grade, how impressed she was, and it was totally fine, it made me wish I’d known him back then, but in a good way. You can bet your behind that if she told the story a little differently, (and I asked questions about what happened because of course I wasn’t there), that she’d be out of our lives. No way would I tollerate a woman hanging around minimizing my bond with my husband because she happened to meet him first.
It doesn’t matter how long you’ve known anybody’s husband, they are not married to you and as such, you are a distant second place, or you should be. If you’re not, no wonder the women don’t like you. I wouldn’t.
As an aside, I haven’t known a divorced woman yet who doesn’t ct like a teenager at least for a time, though a teenager you can’t influence or discipline. They are self-centered, self-focused, are doing things I can’t relate to and have no interest in doing, why would I hang around them. I have a teenager, an actual teenager, I don’t need an adult woman acting like one in my life.

The good news for you op is that things should settle down. Give it a couple years, stay away from the married men, even for g-rated boy jobs, and in a couple years things will find their new norm.

More is the wrong word. I meant longer. I've known him for decades through school. He actually dated a very good friend of mine as well so it's kind of silly that she would be possessive because our friends are so intertwined. She likes to call him "my husband" even though I've known him longer. She likes to talk about her marriage a lot and even her sex life even though I don't invite any of this. I think she just really values marriage and since I'm not in one she thinks less of me. She keeps encouraging me to date again. It's just kind of weird.

If you’ve known him longer and an are closer to him than to her, why are you socializing with her and not him? There’s your answer.

Well he was never a close friend. He's just friends with a lot of my friends. I have mostly girlfriends. I was married and don't have a lot of guy friends. I really don't care about him that much other than when I see him or the two of them at an activity the kids do together. I mean he's a nice guy that happens to live nearby is all. I was good friends with his girlfriend and so figured I would be good friends with his wife too. I just think it's funny when she doesn't use his name. She just makes every discussion about him in a weird way lately. I talk about
my divorce. She talks about the time she hooked up with him after his divorce. Just weird connections like this that are all about her.

OP, you are acting strangely territorial about her husband in this thread. She is probably picking up on the same thing in your interactions with her.

Anonymous wrote:I was actually with you until you said “My friend started mentioning her husband even though I know him more”. Really op? How exactly do you know her husband?

My husband has a female friend he’s known since elementary school. She’s really good about recognizing my place as his wife.. she told a story about something he did in sixth grade, how impressed she was, and it was totally fine, it made me wish I’d known him back then, but in a good way. You can bet your behind that if she told the story a little differently, (and I asked questions about what happened because of course I wasn’t there), that she’d be out of our lives. No way would I tollerate a woman hanging around minimizing my bond with my husband because she happened to meet him first.
It doesn’t matter how long you’ve known anybody’s husband, they are not married to you and as such, you are a distant second place, or you should be. If you’re not, no wonder the women don’t like you. I wouldn’t.
As an aside, I haven’t known a divorced woman yet who doesn’t ct like a teenager at least for a time, though a teenager you can’t influence or discipline. They are self-centered, self-focused, are doing things I can’t relate to and have no interest in doing, why would I hang around them. I have a teenager, an actual teenager, I don’t need an adult woman acting like one in my life.

The good news for you op is that things should settle down. Give it a couple years, stay away from the married men, even for g-rated boy jobs, and in a couple years things will find their new norm.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was actually with you until you said “My friend started mentioning her husband even though I know him more”. Really op? How exactly do you know her husband?

My husband has a female friend he’s known since elementary school. She’s really good about recognizing my place as his wife.. she told a story about something he did in sixth grade, how impressed she was, and it was totally fine, it made me wish I’d known him back then, but in a good way. You can bet your behind that if she told the story a little differently, (and I asked questions about what happened because of course I wasn’t there), that she’d be out of our lives. No way would I tollerate a woman hanging around minimizing my bond with my husband because she happened to meet him first.
It doesn’t matter how long you’ve known anybody’s husband, they are not married to you and as such, you are a distant second place, or you should be. If you’re not, no wonder the women don’t like you. I wouldn’t.
As an aside, I haven’t known a divorced woman yet who doesn’t ct like a teenager at least for a time, though a teenager you can’t influence or discipline. They are self-centered, self-focused, are doing things I can’t relate to and have no interest in doing, why would I hang around them. I have a teenager, an actual teenager, I don’t need an adult woman acting like one in my life.

The good news for you op is that things should settle down. Give it a couple years, stay away from the married men, even for g-rated boy jobs, and in a couple years things will find their new norm.

More is the wrong word. I meant longer. I've known him for decades through school. He actually dated a very good friend of mine as well so it's kind of silly that she would be possessive because our friends are so intertwined. She likes to call him "my husband" even though I've known him longer. She likes to talk about her marriage a lot and even her sex life even though I don't invite any of this. I think she just really values marriage and since I'm not in one she thinks less of me. She keeps encouraging me to date again. It's just kind of weird.

If you’ve known him longer and an are closer to him than to her, why are you socializing with her and not him? There’s your answer.

Well he was never a close friend. He's just friends with a lot of my friends. I have mostly girlfriends. I was married and don't have a lot of guy friends. I really don't care about him that much other than when I see him or the two of them at an activity the kids do together. I mean he's a nice guy that happens to live nearby is all. I was good friends with his girlfriend and so figured I would be good friends with his wife too. I just think it's funny when she doesn't use his name. She just makes every discussion about him in a weird way lately. I talk about
my divorce. She talks about the time she hooked up with him after his divorce. Just weird connections like this that are all about her.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was actually with you until you said “My friend started mentioning her husband even though I know him more”. Really op? How exactly do you know her husband?

My husband has a female friend he’s known since elementary school. She’s really good about recognizing my place as his wife.. she told a story about something he did in sixth grade, how impressed she was, and it was totally fine, it made me wish I’d known him back then, but in a good way. You can bet your behind that if she told the story a little differently, (and I asked questions about what happened because of course I wasn’t there), that she’d be out of our lives. No way would I tollerate a woman hanging around minimizing my bond with my husband because she happened to meet him first.
It doesn’t matter how long you’ve known anybody’s husband, they are not married to you and as such, you are a distant second place, or you should be. If you’re not, no wonder the women don’t like you. I wouldn’t.
As an aside, I haven’t known a divorced woman yet who doesn’t ct like a teenager at least for a time, though a teenager you can’t influence or discipline. They are self-centered, self-focused, are doing things I can’t relate to and have no interest in doing, why would I hang around them. I have a teenager, an actual teenager, I don’t need an adult woman acting like one in my life.

The good news for you op is that things should settle down. Give it a couple years, stay away from the married men, even for g-rated boy jobs, and in a couple years things will find their new norm.

More is the wrong word. I meant longer. I've known him for decades through school. He actually dated a very good friend of mine as well so it's kind of silly that she would be possessive because our friends are so intertwined. She likes to call him "my husband" even though I've known him longer. She likes to talk about her marriage a lot and even her sex life even though I don't invite any of this. I think she just really values marriage and since I'm not in one she thinks less of me. She keeps encouraging me to date again. It's just kind of weird.

If you’ve known him longer and an are closer to him than to her, why are you socializing with her and not him? There’s your answer.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was actually with you until you said “My friend started mentioning her husband even though I know him more”. Really op? How exactly do you know her husband?

My husband has a female friend he’s known since elementary school. She’s really good about recognizing my place as his wife.. she told a story about something he did in sixth grade, how impressed she was, and it was totally fine, it made me wish I’d known him back then, but in a good way. You can bet your behind that if she told the story a little differently, (and I asked questions about what happened because of course I wasn’t there), that she’d be out of our lives. No way would I tollerate a woman hanging around minimizing my bond with my husband because she happened to meet him first.
It doesn’t matter how long you’ve known anybody’s husband, they are not married to you and as such, you are a distant second place, or you should be. If you’re not, no wonder the women don’t like you. I wouldn’t.
As an aside, I haven’t known a divorced woman yet who doesn’t ct like a teenager at least for a time, though a teenager you can’t influence or discipline. They are self-centered, self-focused, are doing things I can’t relate to and have no interest in doing, why would I hang around them. I have a teenager, an actual teenager, I don’t need an adult woman acting like one in my life.

The good news for you op is that things should settle down. Give it a couple years, stay away from the married men, even for g-rated boy jobs, and in a couple years things will find their new norm.

More is the wrong word. I meant longer. I've known him for decades through school. He actually dated a very good friend of mine as well so it's kind of silly that she would be possessive because our friends are so intertwined. She likes to call him "my husband" even though I've known him longer. She likes to talk about her marriage a lot and even her sex life even though I don't invite any of this. I think she just really values marriage and since I'm not in one she thinks less of me. She keeps encouraging me to date again. It's just kind of weird.

Anonymous wrote:I was actually with you until you said “My friend started mentioning her husband even though I know him more”. Really op? How exactly do you know her husband?

My husband has a female friend he’s known since elementary school. She’s really good about recognizing my place as his wife.. she told a story about something he did in sixth grade, how impressed she was, and it was totally fine, it made me wish I’d known him back then, but in a good way. You can bet your behind that if she told the story a little differently, (and I asked questions about what happened because of course I wasn’t there), that she’d be out of our lives. No way would I tollerate a woman hanging around minimizing my bond with my husband because she happened to meet him first.
It doesn’t matter how long you’ve known anybody’s husband, they are not married to you and as such, you are a distant second place, or you should be. If you’re not, no wonder the women don’t like you. I wouldn’t.
As an aside, I haven’t known a divorced woman yet who doesn’t ct like a teenager at least for a time, though a teenager you can’t influence or discipline. They are self-centered, self-focused, are doing things I can’t relate to and have no interest in doing, why would I hang around them. I have a teenager, an actual teenager, I don’t need an adult woman acting like one in my life.

The good news for you op is that things should settle down. Give it a couple years, stay away from the married men, even for g-rated boy jobs, and in a couple years things will find their new norm.

Anonymous wrote:I was actually with you until you said “My friend started mentioning her husband even though I know him more”. Really op? How exactly do you know her husband?

My husband has a female friend he’s known since elementary school. She’s really good about recognizing my place as his wife.. she told a story about something he did in sixth grade, how impressed she was, and it was totally fine, it made me wish I’d known him back then, but in a good way. You can bet your behind that if she told the story a little differently, (and I asked questions about what happened because of course I wasn’t there), that she’d be out of our lives. No way would I tollerate a woman hanging around minimizing my bond with my husband because she happened to meet him first.
It doesn’t matter how long you’ve known anybody’s husband, they are not married to you and as such, you are a distant second place, or you should be. If you’re not, no wonder the women don’t like you. I wouldn’t.
As an aside, I haven’t known a divorced woman yet who doesn’t ct like a teenager at least for a time, though a teenager you can’t influence or discipline. They are self-centered, self-focused, are doing things I can’t relate to and have no interest in doing, why would I hang around them. I have a teenager, an actual teenager, I don’t need an adult woman acting like one in my life.

The good news for you op is that things should settle down. Give it a couple years, stay away from the married men, even for g-rated boy jobs, and in a couple years things will find their new norm.

Anonymous wrote:Man this thread is exhausting.

Anonymous wrote:I agree your post is long and hard to read. I lost some friends when my ex and I got our divorce. I also made new friends later. I kept some friends too. It does change dynamics, so I would be prepared for that type of thing, but know others have been there too. The majority of friends that faded into the distance for me were friends I had made with my husband. It was sad for me but it got better.

Anonymous wrote:People are weird about divorce, especially women. Women who distance themselves from you, suddenly need to remind you constantly that they are married, act like divorce is contagious- it says a lot more about what’s going on in their lives and the strength of their marriage than it says about you and your friendship with them.

People are also really weird about abuse and addiction. Same for a terminally ill child, mental illness, and special needs kids.
People don’t know what to say, so they often say nothing.
Even if they don’t acknowledge it, they are likely subconsciously looking for ways to insulate themselves or convince themselves it can’t happen to them. The idea that bad things happen to good people and that it couldn’t have been predicted or prevented is quite scary.
Everyone thinks if it was them, they would leave an abusive situation easily and immediately. Unless they or someone they are very close to has experienced it, it seems so black and white to them.
Most people haven’t been in your shoes, so they may say awkward or hurtful things. You will have to rely on your knowledge of their character whether they meant to be hurtful or if they are just handling a sensitive topic awkwardly.