I am not Indian. My son has a few Indian friends and we have been invited to Diwali parties. My kid is in Science Olympiad and half the team is Indian.

Do you want Indian culture or exposure to Indians?

Anonymous wrote:Some PPs have good advice, but I wanted to encourage OP (if she is still reading) to not think she needs to lift some giant burden of making sure her child fits into the Indian culture in just a certain way or she will be missing out in life.

This thread alone proves that there are many different ways to "Indian" in this country.

I'm the child of 2 immigrated Indian-Americans married to another of the same. My parents took me back to India frequently so I could be close to my cousins (it worked ), and gave me as Indian of an upbringing as some of these poster mention. But I don't currently eat a lot of traditional foods or wear traditional clothing. That's what works for me now and honestly I don't always feel like I fit into all Indian communities, but I'm middle aged and long past looking for my identity. I know who I am. I don't think you are behind in sharing your DD's heritage with her. Some people will always comment on how you are doing it wrong as they do for me as well. They are looking through their lens. That's okay but that doesn't mean they are correct when it comes to your DD.

If she has family on her father's side, make sure she is close to them and can speak some of the language. Especially for the older family members. Being able to communicate with your loved ones is very important. Take her for a visit to see family if anyone is still in India. Connections with people are what matter in the long term, not what food she eats, etc

She will find her way, because even in the most correctly brought up Indian American households, the child decides as they become an adult how much of their parent's teaching and traditions they want to follow.

This is so true. I am one of the PP who was born here to Indian immigrants and married a white man. My family was so traditional and strict. We socialized with Indians every weekend, ate Indian food every night, had long pujas for every religious occasion, went to India every other summer, learned Indian dance, and on and on. It’s hard to overcome the dominant American culture as an influence on a child born and raised in this country.

OP, another challenges is that Indian culture is not a monolith. Each region can have a different language, food, religious customs and cultural events. Do what you can but don’t stress about it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you have Indian friends? Go to Indian restaurants? What culture aspect are you looking for exactly?

Yes. She loves chicken tikka masala but don’t most people? Looking for something more, I guess.

umm. chicken tikka masala is not really indian food.. its anglo indian food at best.. does she like dal? What part of India?

My DH is Middle Eastern (born and raised in Middle East), I’m French and German heritage. We don’t do anything in particular with any of these cultures with our children. We just do what we like and what suits are family without regard to country of origin or heritage. Kids are happy, we are happy. No issues. My DH will make food from his home country now and then, but that’s about it. I really don’t understand the need to hold on to the past.

Anonymous wrote:I would also recommend cultural events for some of the fun Hindu holidays like Navratri and Holi. The events themselves are often secular especially if they are hosted outside of temples (like at a local HS gym for example).

Second the suggestions of books and magazines for that age.

I empathize OP. I'm also in an interracial marriage and it isn't easy to have the exposure be intentional but not feel forced.

Same PP - have you taken DD to India? A really thoughtful trio focused on her family and specific heritage and other sights would probably make her more interested / excited than some of the ideas like Hindi classes.(which I personally found to be a real bore!)

I would also recommend cultural events for some of the fun Hindu holidays like Navratri and Holi. The events themselves are often secular especially if they are hosted outside of temples (like at a local HS gym for example).

Second the suggestions of books and magazines for that age.

I empathize OP. I'm also in an interracial marriage and it isn't easy to have the exposure be intentional but not feel forced.

I’m white and married to an Indian (raised here). A number of odd responses to the post!

Where I live the Indians are very welcoming and I have a close friend who is an Indian immigrant. In terms of culture, it’s hard to completely separate it from religion IMO. Is your DH’s family Hindu? Do they speak Hindi or another Indian language (there are several). And which region are they from (traditions differ).

I would do some Google searching if traditions that are from the region of India your DH is from and try to incorporate those that appeal to you. I would also do some cooking - you can likely find lessons you can take together if your in laws can’t do the teaching. Or YouTube also has many step by step instructions. Visit an India grocery store for ingredients. And pick 1-2 additional holidays to celebrate throughout the year.

I don’t think you need to do a ton. Just what you feel comfortable with. As your daughter gets older if she wants to explore further, you can try to help.

Some PPs have good advice, but I wanted to encourage OP (if she is still reading) to not think she needs to lift some giant burden of making sure her child fits into the Indian culture in just a certain way or she will be missing out in life.

This thread alone proves that there are many different ways to "Indian" in this country.

I'm the child of 2 immigrated Indian-Americans married to another of the same. My parents took me back to India frequently so I could be close to my cousins (it worked ), and gave me as Indian of an upbringing as some of these poster mention. But I don't currently eat a lot of traditional foods or wear traditional clothing. That's what works for me now and honestly I don't always feel like I fit into all Indian communities, but I'm middle aged and long past looking for my identity. I know who I am. I don't think you are behind in sharing your DD's heritage with her. Some people will always comment on how you are doing it wrong as they do for me as well. They are looking through their lens. That's okay but that doesn't mean they are correct when it comes to your DD.

If she has family on her father's side, make sure she is close to them and can speak some of the language. Especially for the older family members. Being able to communicate with your loved ones is very important. Take her for a visit to see family if anyone is still in India. Connections with people are what matter in the long term, not what food she eats, etc

She will find her way, because even in the most correctly brought up Indian American households, the child decides as they become an adult how much of their parent's teaching and traditions they want to follow.

Food and festivals (all tied to religion so you can’t really avoid it) - very important aspects. You miss those and you miss Indian culture.

Anonymous wrote:DH can afford to be "American" because he actually has the same culture at home. The culture of his Indian parents. The DD needs to be exposed to both because her home culture is mixed. She is biracial and bicultural. There is no harm in knowing elements of both. When is knowledge useless? It will just make her more well-rounded. Learning a new language expands her horizons. I mean my Indian-American kid has learned Spanish in school. How has that harmed him?

We are a Chinese-American family with a Chinese dad and a white mom. It’s so hard for me as the mom to give my daughter an upbringing that includes Chinese culture and language, because my DH wants nothing to do with it. But he has access to the language, the food, etc. He isn’t giving my DD that choice. So I’m in charge of virtual language school (our area offers only Mandarin, which is not our Chinese language), cooking, holidays, and keeping the aunties happy. I wish we did better on language and cultural activities- my DH refuses to let DD join the Chinese dance troupes that are popular near us and avoids befriending anyone who looks a tiny bit Asian.

OP, one thing I’m careful to do and which is easier within our particular smaller language/cultural diaspora is to find families and friends with similar backgrounds. My DD may not celebrate mid-autumn festival perfectly, but she at least has friends to do lanterns with. She doesn’t go to in-person Chinese school, but half her gymnastics team is Chinese-American and many have parents who speak our form of the language. This is probably harder within Indian communities because they are more concentrated and tight-knit. OP, I know the hurt and anxiety that comes from both dealing with the gatekeepers of the culture that you married into, who are always telling you that you’re not doing enough and you’re doing it wrong, too. Keep persisting, find social connections with a similar cultural background, and if all else fails, make sure your DD is at a school where she is never the “only” but also never socially on the outside of a big group of Indian-Americans. My DD is at a school that is 30% mixed race so the idea that there is a right and wrong way to be South Asian, East Asian, black, etc. is just not a thing. It’s super fragmented and that’s a positive.

Anonymous wrote:OP, I second Amar Chitra Katha! I loved thise comic books when was growing up as a child of Indian immigrants. I think language classes are a good idea, if yiur child is interested. And always food!

But, in our area, there are so many Indian immigrants and they are not very welcoming to outsiders (as this thread demonstrates). I was born and raised here and am married to a white man so my kids know come Indian culture and religion and definitely food but don’t really identify as Indian and that’s okay. That’s what happens with immigrants throughout American history.

+1

I don't know why everyone is blaming the Indian dad. I'm an Indian mom but we're in the same situation as OP.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are a mixed (white American/ Indian American) family. I recently realized that our 11 year old daughter doesn’t get much exposure to Indian culture. I am looking for some ideas of extra curricular activities to enroll her in to increase her exposure to the culture but do not want anything related to dance (she HATES dancing!) or religion (totally secular family). Any ideas? Tia.

She’s already 11 and has no exposure to Indian culture? That means the Indian parent has taken no interest in exposing her to any Indian classes (singing, dancing, instrument, religious) so what’s the point? It’s too late and your daughter isn’t going to keep up with it. Who’s white, mom or dad?

NP but if you don't have any family in the area or friends who are Indian, you have no idea how hard it is to expose your child to your culture. I get it, OP.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also, do girls also play cricket? I thought it was a boys sport.

Yes, they do. The international and National womens cricket teams have World Cups etc. They will be starting the Indian Premier League for Women next year..which will increase its popularity 10 fold.

OP, I am sorry for all the negative remarks above by other posters. Both my husband and I are Indian immigrants, professionals, and also not very traditionally Indian, and it has been super challenging to do many things described about for our children to immerse them more in our culture. We tried Indian dance- both traditional and Bollywood…one kid just was not into dance and the other one not very good at it- it is very time consuming unless u are talented or super interested- so we let that go. we tried Hindi classes locally as a Saturday school- but it was taught slowly and the pandemic made it virtual class and we stopped that too.

Both my husband and I met in India at Unviersity and have different Indian languages ( not dialects) that we spoke at home, so we basically always communicated in English, and continued to do so when we immigrated to the US. It has been very difficult for us to talk to our kids in our language when both of us are communicating in English.

We are also not religious, which takes always all the aspects of that part of the culture for us as a family. We do celebrate Diwali, but as cultural rather than religious day.

I rarely eat Indian food, but my husband eats it most days, so our kids are exposed to Indian cuisine and cooking at home and they love to help us out sometimes. They also love other international cuisines, and I always make non Indian food for the school lunches.

I also think when children become more curious about a culture, they seem to learn more and quickly. I am waiting for my children to be in their early teens, to start the more concise and quick language course ( Hindi)- even though Hindi is neither my DH nor my mother tongue 😅

OP- I think the fact that you are interested and looking into options, says a lot about you as a parent…good luck and hope you find something that works.

+1
I could have written this post. I am the poster who wrote about Amar Chitra Katha and Bharat Ek Khoj. I made a lot of attempts to teach Indian culture, history etc to my kids though it is very hard when you are not immersed in the culture like when you are living in India. One way that people have instilled Indian culture in their kids have been through a lot of exposure to "Bollywood" and TV serials. I have not been able to do that because a lot of what Bollywood is showing is horrifying. It is like teaching American culture by showing people KUWTK. I also don't want my kids to remain Indian in the same way that we are. They are 2nd gen immigrant and they will continue to be more and more Americanized.

Even if the kid learns the language, and knows the religion, the viewpoint remains very American. In any case, one can probably teach the children Language, Cuisine, History, Mythology, Cinema.

I wonder if my kids will know how to make social connections and have a large group of friends. We carry a lot of socialization and hosting traditions from India and with other Indians we follow the same social norms. It is often that when we host or entertain non-Indians, we are shocked that there is zero reciprocity, We do not face this with other Indians because we all know that we have to reciprocate (even if we do not want to, we will "return" the dinner invite). But, with our kids, I wonder if they will find friends who will at least follow the social norms that we are used to and be reciprocal and inclusive.

I remember being shocked when an American friend of DC's told him that he could not join him and shoot hoops with him because he was having a playdate with another kid! I realized that such exclusion is part and parcel of American Individualism. I would hate it if my kids did not have a circle of friends that were inclusive and present in their lives, just like I have with my Indian circle of friends here. I know that if I ever have a need, at least 30 families will be there to support me within an hour. That means something to me.

It’s fine. My daughters are the same. They’re happy, well adjusted and fully comfortable with their blended identities. Their grandparents immigrated from India and, like most third generation immigrants, their identity is American first, and their various ethnicities a far second.