Anonymous
Post 12/03/2022 16:22     Subject: Second date or no?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I don't think there is a right answer here. He may have felt uncomfortable or thought you'd find him creepy for "following you" to your car. I agree he should have asked, but it cannot hurt to give it another try.


I don’t get this. He could just ask “would you like me to walk you to your car?” And if she said no, he would say goodbye. What’s creepy about that? Creepy would be walking her if she declined.


Asking that question could be extremely patronizing, depending on your view.


I think it’s a good question. The kind of guy who would ask isn’t a match for the kind of woman who would find the mere offer to be patronizing rather than a sign of manners.
Anonymous
Post 12/03/2022 16:05     Subject: Second date or no?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I don't think there is a right answer here. He may have felt uncomfortable or thought you'd find him creepy for "following you" to your car. I agree he should have asked, but it cannot hurt to give it another try.


I don’t get this. He could just ask “would you like me to walk you to your car?” And if she said no, he would say goodbye. What’s creepy about that? Creepy would be walking her if she declined.


Asking that question could be extremely patronizing, depending on your view.
Anonymous
Post 12/03/2022 16:04     Subject: Second date or no?
Anonymous wrote:Definitely dont write him off on the car thing, alone. There are too many (good) reasons that he could have thought it would be presumptuous or make you uncomfortable.

If you aren’t feeling a spark and aren’t interested in another date that’s ok, too.


+1
Anonymous
Post 12/03/2022 11:54     Subject: Second date or no?
Anonymous wrote:I don't think there is a right answer here. He may have felt uncomfortable or thought you'd find him creepy for "following you" to your car. I agree he should have asked, but it cannot hurt to give it another try.


I don’t get this. He could just ask “would you like me to walk you to your car?” And if she said no, he would say goodbye. What’s creepy about that? Creepy would be walking her if she declined.
Anonymous
Post 12/03/2022 11:52     Subject: Second date or no?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Yeah I would have HATED him walking me to my car - like he is trying to prolong the date, trying to get invited back to my place. I already said goodby, so goodbye!!

- 40 yo female


Agree with this.


I also agree. Woman age 45. Please DO NOT walk me to my car.


Woman age 44. His not asking to walk me to my car would be a deal breaker. I think in the end we are just screening for two different types of men. And that’s ok.
Anonymous
Post 12/03/2022 10:42     Subject: Second date or no?
Anonymous wrote:Yeah I would have HATED him walking me to my car - like he is trying to prolong the date, trying to get invited back to my place. I already said goodby, so goodbye!!

- 40 yo female


What a bizarre outlook. When I take a woman on a date, she spent time getting ready and is with another human being who is physically more imposing. The least I can do is walk her to her car and make sure she leaves safely. I'm not trying to prolong anything.
Anonymous
Post 12/03/2022 09:19     Subject: Re:Second date or no?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I have had women snarl at me after an expensive first date dinner when I suggested walking them back to their car. And I have had other first dates where walking them to their car turns into a make-out session and finger-banging.


Ok- an aside. Who among you likes to get “finger banged” as an isolated sexual act? This sounds terrible to me but it must be a thing, right?


I enjoy an impromptu finger bang.


I have really big hands....
Anonymous
Post 12/03/2022 08:59     Subject: Re:Second date or no?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I have had women snarl at me after an expensive first date dinner when I suggested walking them back to their car. And I have had other first dates where walking them to their car turns into a make-out session and finger-banging.


Ok- an aside. Who among you likes to get “finger banged” as an isolated sexual act? This sounds terrible to me but it must be a thing, right?


I enjoy an impromptu finger bang.
Anonymous
Post 12/02/2022 20:19     Subject: Second date or no?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My now DH didn’t wait with me for my cab home from DC on the 3rd date and I *almost* dumped him for not being gentlemanly. But rather than doing something rash, the next time he contacted me I let him know (nicely) that I didn’t appreciate that and felt unsafe. He felt so bad and never made that mistake again, and he still doesn’t like me telling that story after all these years (I think it’s funny now!) because he feels so bad. I’m sooo grateful now I didn’t dump him because he is actually an amazing, protective husband but I think he legit didn’t think about it at the time.

I’d say if you think he’s a good guy otherwise, speak up! And if he doesn’t correct himself, then dump him. Some men are capable of rising to standards, if you just let him know what they are.


My husband did not wait for my Uber at the end of our second date. Just left me standing on the street waiting while he dashed off to the metro. He still is not very gentlemanly or protective or well mannered. Like he will get in the car and get settled in and buckled in while I am waiting outside the car, locked out, waiting for him to unlock it so I can get in (yes I have addressed this with him many times - he thinks I’m being dumb to care).

So, it could be a red flag. I find this part of my husband very annoying and it makes me feel a little uncared for.

You should have dumped him after the second time it happened, girlfriend! Or as soon as he told your feelings are dumb. It’s too late for you, but OP still is free and able to sniff out this guy.


Yea, you may be right. I’m posting this to shore up the argument that such things should be noted and not just brushed off entirely.



I appreciate your honesty.so.many posters here throw a fit if a woman doesn't want to give a man multiple chances or train him to be thoughtful
Anonymous
Post 12/02/2022 20:14     Subject: Second date or no?
I think it's petty to write off a second date just because of that. I would go out with him again and see if he walks you to your car this time if not ask him too. Men are not mind readers you have to be direct. This is maturity. Just ghosting him for this is really immature.
Anonymous
Post 12/02/2022 20:05     Subject: Re:Second date or no?
Anonymous wrote:I have had women snarl at me after an expensive first date dinner when I suggested walking them back to their car. And I have had other first dates where walking them to their car turns into a make-out session and finger-banging.


Ok- an aside. Who among you likes to get “finger banged” as an isolated sexual act? This sounds terrible to me but it must be a thing, right?
Anonymous
Post 12/02/2022 19:55     Subject: Re:Second date or no?
I have had women snarl at me after an expensive first date dinner when I suggested walking them back to their car. And I have had other first dates where walking them to their car turns into a make-out session and finger-banging.
Anonymous
Post 12/02/2022 19:54     Subject: Second date or no?
this person is essentially a stranger to you. they are actually a bigger threat to your safety than some random person in the garage. so no i dont thinks its disrespectful to on a first date (with limited sparks) just say goodbye at the venue. i say maybe do the 2nd date. but bigger picture dont settle for someone who doesnt work for you. being single really is not the worst thing ever.
Anonymous
Post 12/02/2022 19:44     Subject: Second date or no?
Definitely dont write him off on the car thing, alone. There are too many (good) reasons that he could have thought it would be presumptuous or make you uncomfortable.

If you aren’t feeling a spark and aren’t interested in another date that’s ok, too.
Anonymous
Post 12/02/2022 19:32     Subject: Second date or no?
I don't think there is a right answer here. He may have felt uncomfortable or thought you'd find him creepy for "following you" to your car. I agree he should have asked, but it cannot hurt to give it another try.