Anonymous wrote:Everyone in this thread is massively overreacting

So...it's okay for a father to cuss at an 8 year old and to grab the same 8 yo by the throat and toss them onto a bed? My kids are 13 and 15 and we have never even come close to cussing them and have never been violent to them.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone in this thread is massively overreacting

agree

+1

Your DH and DS both need therapy.

Anonymous wrote:Everyone in this thread is massively overreacting

agree

Anonymous wrote:I have a child who is violent. I remember the shock I felt when it started. I wish that we had the perfect reactions - but I’m not really sure what that would have been. Over time and through a lot of medical treatment with my son, we got better at anticipating and avoiding.

I say this to point out that you have a child that crossed a hard line. Your husband may have reacted badly. It’s time to discuss bringing the professionals and, in a calmer time, discuss boundaries. But there is a lot of heat of the moment reactions that will never be perfect. And everyone who is now saying run and divorce probably don’t have violent kids. But you do.

I agree with this. The kid is also the issue here. Even if it’s related to the mood in the house, there is more to this than just “file a police report leave and divorce now.”

Everyone in this thread is massively overreacting

At minimum, your husband needs to take an anger management class and get evaluated by a therapist skilled in trauma. It sounds like something besides his rational mind ruled his responses when he was triggered and that is not ok. I would demand that or threaten divorce or CPS.

For your son, you and your husband should take PCIT classes to learn a systematic way to deal with these infractions. For older children (eg 5+) where physical restraint is not practical without harm other consequences beyond time out are recommended, such as loss of various privileges. But PCIT is a whole program that involves other coaching so I really recommend it if your child is showing this level of defiance.

I am sure you have seen your husband in rages over minor things and have witnessed the inappropriate eff you’s before. Get your son some therapy and stop letting him play violent video games. The court will order anger management for your husband- he is unlikely to agree to therapy. I would calmly make plans for divorce without escalating the current situation.

You get out OP. I did not. I regret that decision. It’s going to be soooo hard. Do it.

He won’t change. You can’t change him.

You know it when you see it. Many of us deny what’s really going on.

Op I’ve been in a similar situation. Child on the spectrum with high impulse adhd. Had been out of control. Dad with Ashdod and high anxiety easily triggered. A younger sibling who is sometimes the object of older child’s anger. And me in the middle of it. No east answers.

Divorce means my kid is with dad half the time . No go, as stress exacerbates their conflict and I’m
Not there to mediate or prevent or head off.

Therapy for child with strategies for appropriate way to vent anger but also how to get support, call me, call others.

Dh promised he would get therapy, I’m
Still waiting. Told him if he put hands on child again he would have to leave. It’s thr bigest disappointment in my
Marriage. He is obviously not like this all the time but he loses his shit too much and it’s toxic.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a child who is violent. I remember the shock I felt when it started. I wish that we had the perfect reactions - but I’m not really sure what that would have been. Over time and through a lot of medical treatment with my son, we got better at anticipating and avoiding.

I say this to point out that you have a child that crossed a hard line. Your husband may have reacted badly. It’s time to discuss bringing the professionals and, in a calmer time, discuss boundaries. But there is a lot of heat of the moment reactions that will never be perfect. And everyone who is now saying run and divorce probably don’t have violent kids. But you do.

An 8 year old fighting his little brother is not necessarily a violent child. Boys fight, you have to make sure they are safe. You don’t do that by putting your hands on someone’s neck. Ever.

It's completely not acceptable for kids to fight. It's a parenting issue if you re allowing it in your home. Dad was right to stop it.

This is ridiculous. It's completely normal for kids to fight, especially kids that young. Yes, a parent should intervene to stop the fighting, but it's to avert serious injury (doubtful anyway given the kids' age) and to teach them better behavior, not to strangle them. There was no need to grab the kid by the neck to restrain him. The dad sounds seriously messed up and dangerous.

OP doesn’t seem to be a reliable narrator here. It doesn’t even sound like she saw anything.

Anonymous wrote:OP there's no easy way to say this... your kid sucks. Your DH is on the is more than a little bit on the psycho side...As a grown man if I ever have to seriously defend myself from " haymaker's" thrown by an 8-year-old I'm turning in my man card. Considering that this is escalating from cussing at the child which shows a clear lack of self control, and for what? He got hurt wrestling with his kid... your husband has the selfcontrol of a child himself and this is likely where your son has learned this behavior. Dude just sounds like a baby back b@#$+ to me...

+1

OP there's no easy way to say this... your kid sucks. Your DH is on the is more than a little bit on the psycho side...As a grown man if I ever have to seriously defend myself from " haymaker's" thrown by an 8-year-old I'm turning in my man card. Considering that this is escalating from cussing at the child which shows a clear lack of self control, and for what? He got hurt wrestling with his kid... your husband has the selfcontrol of a child himself and this is likely where your son has learned this behavior. Dude just sounds like a baby back b@#$+ to me...

Was there an opportunity for Dad to convince him to say there was no strangling or pressure?

Anonymous wrote:So there are a lot of studies that show a high level of correlation between strangling and future homicide. Your next steps couldn’t be more clear.

+1
Came here to say this.