we have a terrier who is pretty independent. She'll lay next to us on the couch sometimes, but often she'll just move off and do her own thing. During the day when I'm trying to work, though? That's when she's marching around trying to get me to play.

Anonymous wrote:We adopted an adult rescue. He is affectionate but it’s very much on his own terms. He wants pets and attention when he sees us first thing in the morning or coming home from work/school. Sometimes he wants pets at other times and will whine until we pet him. He likes to be rubbed on his chest and belly if he exposes it to you. But he’s not a Velcro dog. Once he gets his pets, he’s fine going off to do his own thing. He’s not the kind of dog who wants to be with his humans 24/7.

In particular, he never wants to “cuddle.” He doesn’t like to be hugged or hanged on or spooned. I pictured getting a dog and snuggling up together on the couch. He rarely wants to do that. He is clear about protecting his personal space boundaries when he doesn’t want pets, especially at night when tired. If you come over to him when he is cyrcked up in a ball trying to sleep, and he doesn’t want pets, he will tense and give a low rumble. If you persist, he might air snap. He’s never bitten or nipped us because we’ve learned to back off at the rumble. It’s not quite a growl but approaching that.

Is any of this unusual or concerning? I don’t have much prior experience with dogs. Other than not being very cuddly, he is a good easy dog to take care of.

The dog is normal but OP is a terrible owner. You NEVER harass a dog when it is sleeping or tired, that is nuts. Haven’t you ever heard “let sleeping dogs lie?!?” A growl from a dog is a warning: leave me alone. If you “persist” of course it will snap at you! The next step is an actual bite and it would be 100% OP’s fault. It already gave you a “verbal” warning.

You need to read more about dogs or something OP. These are not toys; they are living creatures and YOU have to work to rebuild trust with the animal. You have already stepped over his boundaries many times and stressed him out. No wonder he doesn’t want to cuddle with you; I wouldn’t either.

My cat loves snuggles, the dog isn’t really interested. Your dog sounds normal.

I have a dog I adopted at 10-12 weeks and he is not a cuddler and often goes into a separate room to sleep alone (rather than stay in the room a human is in). He doesnt growl or snap, though, that would concern me.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The dog is normal. You are weird.

I'm on the fence about the growl and snap. My general position is to not tolerate a family dog that snaps when you wake him up or groom him or other things he happens not to like. However, I also don't hassle a dog or squeeze him to me so it's hard to say how egregious his response is.

I make sure that all kinds of touching, including during sleep, are part of puppy training. I use positive reinforcement and ongoing conditioning so that the puppy learns to expect and tolerate a lot of touching.

That’s not really fair to an adult adoptee though unless you’re really committed to training it slowly, building over time, with positive reinforcement.

I'm the PP you're responding to, and I have an adult adoptee who doesn't snap when woken or picked up. I tell my kid not to wake her - let's not tempt fate - but a family-safe dog has some buffer. It should not snap if woken, stepped on, brushed, picked up, etc.

But like I said, I'm on the fence here as to whether the dog is really unsafe. Any dog will snap if pushed far enough and given no way out.

Bets on OP's narrative?

She wanted a doggy, and adopted one she thought was super cute, without doing research on this specific dog's personality (not just the breed)

Now she's going to resent the dog who doesn't cuddle, and become one of those ahole dog owners who walks their dog on a long leash while zonked out on their phone, as the dog goes on people's yards and plants because the resentful owner couldn't be bothered to be responsible for the animal they chose to adopt.

Eh, I get you OP. Dogs have their own temperaments and personalities and it's really hard to change that. The only thing you can kind of do is try to stack the deck in your favor. I do Goldens and they think they're lap dogs and have all been certified as therapy dogs. No guarantee, but it's worked well for me if you want a dog that likes things like hugs and kisses and snuggles and doesn't have these apparently common "triggers" PPs are citing.

We have two dogs, both rescues - our first we got as a puppy. He is a beagle mix and though he is a love, adores pets and belly rubs, and does follow us around all the time, he’s not a cuddler. He won’t just sit next to you on the couch - in fact, if you sit next to him while he’s resting he will get up and move 😜 if you bring him in bed with you, he will lay nicely for about 15 mins and then he will go back downstairs to his own bed. That’s just him.

Our second is a chihuahua mix who we adopted a little over a year old. She is the cuddliest dog ever - she practically begs people to sit down so she can sit on a lap. She sleeps in bed all under the covers and won’t go to bed until someone else does.

Totally personality dependent. And possible breed, but not always. Our hound mix was not bred to be a lap dog and it shows!

Ours is not cuddly either and we got her as a puppy and its a cuddly breed. She cuddles when she wants to but otherwise close.

American Kennel Club on dogs and hugs:

https://www.akc.org/expert-advice/lifestyle/should-you-give-your-dog-hugs/

"It’s completely natural for humans to hug somebody to express affection. Just as natural as dogs sniffing rear ends to say hello. Of course, people don’t share dogs’ love of sniffing behinds. And to the same degree, dogs don’t share our love of hugs. We speak different languages and use different behaviors to communicate. In fact, misreading your dog and subjecting them to hugs can stress them and even result in a bite. So, although it’s instinctive to hug and squeeze what you adore, particularly for children, it’s important to find other more dog-appropriate ways to show your dog you care.

Dogs Don’t Like Hugs
If you watch dogs interact, you’ll notice they don’t embrace each other. They might pin each other to the ground, but it’s in only one of two contexts: play fighting or real fighting. So, when you hug a dog, they don’t understand what you’re trying to say. In fact, you’re essentially trapping them. They can’t get away from anything that scares them or makes them uncomfortable while in your arms. And as hugging is often accompanied by direct staring and putting your face next to the dog’s, they might also interpret your actions as aggressive or threatening. It’s no wonder they don’t enjoy the squeezing sensation of a hug."

I've had my doodle since she was a puppy. Like most dogs, she doesn't like being hugged or spooned. If anyone tries, she will move away. She likes to sit or lie down next to us but hugs? No thank you.

It’s luck of the draw. We have two dogs we bought as puppies when they were 8 weeks old. The first one we bought likes to be scratched but doesn’t like to be hugged. We bought the second dog a year later and she is a cuddled bug. Loves to be hugged and is like Velcro to us. When we watch tv she has to be touching one of us. When we sleep she has to be right next to us cuddled up in the crook of our legs or against our backs. She would be OP’s dream dog.

Everything you describe is perfectly normal. Even the growling is a normal, typical reaction from a dog who feels trapped and doesn’t like it. Please make sure that when there is growling you immediately back off so the dog knows his growl is enough and doesn’t resort to biting.

I’d read up on dog body language and relationship building training games. You may be able to build a desire for closeness if you work bonding exercises daily, but you will probably never have a super cuddly dog.

—trainer

Sounds like a great dog. Velcro gets tiring.

Anonymous wrote:Is it normal for the dog to growl just because op is trying to hug or cuddle it?

I could lay down on my childhood dog (lab) and she wouldn’t do anything.

This dog sounds aggressive.

Well, how is is the dog supposed to tell you they don’t like that and not to do it again?