Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Fiancé of many years?

OP here.

I’m 48 soon to be 49. Our youngest is 7. We’ve been engaged 7 1/2 years. I have a 12 year old and a 15 year old. His two older children are 27 and 25.

You are crazy to be engaged this long. If he would not marry you 7 years ago, you should have left them. You do not have any marital assets and have lived with him for 7 years!?? Where is your brain?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Fiancé of many years?

OP here.

I’m 48 soon to be 49. Our youngest is 7. We’ve been engaged 7 1/2 years. I have a 12 year old and a 15 year old. His two older children are 27 and 25.

You need to get a job; this man is not intending to take care of you.

After 7.5 years and one child, he isn't going to marry you. You have three kids. You need to protect yourself, get a full time job, save as much as you can and move on. File for child support as well.

Anonymous wrote:If you are not on the mortgage but on the deed and you get divorced he could be screwed if he wants to sell the house and you don’t. What is your income and retirement apart from him?

They’re not married. So divorce isn’t an issue. That means that she’s probably not eligible for any social security or pension benefits based on her boyfriend’s income.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I guess I’m the lone dissenter but I think he sounds like a jerk. My spouse put me on everything even though she made twice as much money as me and would be paying more towards it. We couldn’t get married legally until 2013 ( gay marriage) you need to have a serious conversation with him, if gd won’t get married or put you on the title you need to consider your next steps. Either stay and be ok with it, or leave..

He's a jerk. He should be taking steps to protect the mother of his youngest child and to protect his older children. He should be balancing it out.

You /we don’t know whether he’s a jerk or not. He might have life insurance with the youngest child an/or the OP as a beneficiary.
While he might be a jerk, he also is recognizing that the OP is not in a position to pay the mortgage, taxes, upkeep on the house. Putting the house in her name could well mean that everyone— including the OP and her child — loses out if the OP is unable to handle the bills.

You make it sound like there’s some advantage to OP by not being on the deed. There is literally no advantage. Even if she couldn’t pay the mortgage. None at all.

I think the —possible —advantage is that she’s not responsible for a mortgage and taxes that she can’t afford to pay — and I can imagine some awful scenarios because of that, particularly if there’s little equity in the house or if the mortgage is underwater. She also would — at best — co-own the house with the current owner’s legal heirs. Not only would the house have to be sold, she would be at least partly responsible for any debts associated with the house. So it’s potentially a very messy, very expensive “advantage” that could leave her with no home, significant legal bills, and expenses related to the house that may not have much equity. While there are, of course, other possible scenarios,
If this is wrong — please point out what’s incorrect.





Personally I think she should see a lawyer, who can explain the legal implications of marriage— and the legal implications of not being married in whatever state she lives in. I also think that she should get a job to allow herself some independent options.

If you are not on the mortgage but on the deed and you get divorced he could be screwed if he wants to sell the house and you don’t. What is your income and retirement apart from him?

Fiancé means you are engaged to be married. If you’re not planning on marrying, he’s a boyfriend. Sorry, OP.

Anonymous wrote:If it were me, and this was my second marriage, I too would leave everything I had to my kids and not my spouse. I would not want everything I worked for to go to my 2nd husband and leave my kids with nothing. I would not trust the spouse to take care of my kids who are not his father. I am in agreement with the fiancé.

They have at least one child together. If he died tomorrow, his minor child would basically be homeless.

OP - you are screwed. You need to get a job.

Anonymous wrote:Fiancé of many years is buying a house (second home). He refuses to put me on the title and says it’s because I can’t pay the mortgage (I’m a stay at home mom and work part time). I’m not on the title of the house we reside in currently either. I guess if something happens to him, his older kids (he was married once before) will inherit the houses and I’ll be left with nothing. What happens in this situation? I am almost 50 and he’s five years older. I’m not money hungry but am very concerned that I won’t have a place to live with my kids (one of which is his) if something happens to him.

You're not money hungry.... but your entire fact pattern says you're wholly dependent on his money and want even more of it.

Get a job and get your own house.

Who takes care of your older children? Do you get child support from your ex? How long were you engaged to THEIR father?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Fiancé of many years?

OP here.

I’m 48 soon to be 49. Our youngest is 7. We’ve been engaged 7 1/2 years. I have a 12 year old and a 15 year old. His two older children are 27 and 25.

Hahaha. You're not engaged.

Why aren't you married to him, sugar?

Is he still married?

If it were me, and this was my second marriage, I too would leave everything I had to my kids and not my spouse. I would not want everything I worked for to go to my 2nd husband and leave my kids with nothing. I would not trust the spouse to take care of my kids who are not his father. I am in agreement with the fiancé.

OP - consult a lawyer. Maybe you could prove that he owes you a compensation for your contribution in household, or if you have extended homestead tenancy rights in the houses, or able to provide proof of your contribution into joint expenses. Simply by googling "States that still have common law marriages are Colorado, Iowa, Kansas, Montana, New Hampshire, Oklahoma, Rhode Island, South Carolina, Texas, Utah and the District of Columbia."

You need to leave. File for child support ASAP.