Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My spouse's nephew lives few hours away, he visits our town almost every month for one reason or the other and stays for few days. I like him and his wife and wouldn't mind once or twice every year but i don't appreciate them treating our home as free Airbnb. We've to get room and bathroom ready, provide food and company and sometimes ride to and from airport AND clean again once the leave. What would be a polite way to make them realize they are unintentionally taking advantage of us.

I believe these are the key words here. You believe you have to entertain them like they aren't close family. Why not treat them like close family? Your "spouse's nephew" is also your nephew you know? Treat him like you would treat your "blood" nephew.

If my nephew visited a dozen times a year and stayed several days, i would discuss it with him. My husband can't. Its not that he isn't bothered by it. To be honest, i only hardly saw his nephew or his mom few times in my life before he moved to our state so I don't have any emotional attachment to them.

So in other words, I am right. you don't consider him your family. That is really bad.

She was not put on earth to save DH nephew money. Yes it is dh’s nephew. Freeloaders suck!

OP not coming back to answer questions bugs.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think he wants to take advantage of us but it saves him money to have a free place here to live and eat.

OK, so he's young and a little thoughtless because he has not yet had the experience of having to host repeated guests. There is no reason to think he will react badly to gently being told the truth. "Larlo, we've enjoyed seeing you but honestly we're getting older and hosting all these visits is a bit much. The extra driving, cooking, and cleaning is starting to take a toll on me. We'd love to keep hosting you, but need to start limiting it to a couple times of year. November and May are the best months for us."

If he is a decent person he will agree. If he is immature or selfish, he will argue, so you need to be prepared to stick to your guns. I mean, he is a grown up. He can pay for a hotel and restaurants.

This. He sounds clueless and needs a nudge to grow up a little. If he reacts poorly to your setting boundaries, then all the more reason to stick to them.

Anonymous wrote:I don't think he wants to take advantage of us but it saves him money to have a free place here to live and eat.

OK, so he's young and a little thoughtless because he has not yet had the experience of having to host repeated guests. There is no reason to think he will react badly to gently being told the truth. "Larlo, we've enjoyed seeing you but honestly we're getting older and hosting all these visits is a bit much. The extra driving, cooking, and cleaning is starting to take a toll on me. We'd love to keep hosting you, but need to start limiting it to a couple times of year. November and May are the best months for us."

If he is a decent person he will agree. If he is immature or selfish, he will argue, so you need to be prepared to stick to your guns. I mean, he is a grown up. He can pay for a hotel and restaurants.

Anonymous wrote:Why do you have to clean the bathroom after they leave? Clean the bathroom in the normal cleaning schedule. Same for the room and their sheets.

Ditto for dinner. Feed them what you feed yourself. You are creating drama because you seem to be a penny pincher. I see no problems with anyone coming to our house. You are family and I have a normal casual lifestyle.

The more people come to my house the better it is. We welcome people coming to our house and staying over. We do not go crazy trying to entertain them and host them if they are family. Mi casa is su casa.

Everyone is different and has varying degrees of closeness with their relatives. It’s OK if OP isn’t up for frequent visits from her nephew. It’s OK if you like having a lot of guests in your home. She doesn’t have to follow your lead.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My spouse's nephew lives few hours away, he visits our town almost every month for one reason or the other and stays for few days. I like him and his wife and wouldn't mind once or twice every year but i don't appreciate them treating our home as free Airbnb. We've to get room and bathroom ready, provide food and company and sometimes ride to and from airport AND clean again once the leave. What would be a polite way to make them realize they are unintentionally taking advantage of us.

I believe these are the key words here. You believe you have to entertain them like they aren't close family. Why not treat them like close family? Your "spouse's nephew" is also your nephew you know? Treat him like you would treat your "blood" nephew.

If my nephew visited a dozen times a year and stayed several days, i would discuss it with him. My husband can't. Its not that he isn't bothered by it. To be honest, i only hardly saw his nephew or his mom few times in my life before he moved to our state so I don't have any emotional attachment to them.

So in other words, I am right. you don't consider him your family. That is really bad.

If she did maybe she wouldn’t be doing a mopping deep clean every time they leave the house, lol

Why do you have to clean the bathroom after they leave? Clean the bathroom in the normal cleaning schedule. Same for the room and their sheets.

Ditto for dinner. Feed them what you feed yourself. You are creating drama because you seem to be a penny pincher. I see no problems with anyone coming to our house. You are family and I have a normal casual lifestyle.

The more people come to my house the better it is. We welcome people coming to our house and staying over. We do not go crazy trying to entertain them and host them if they are family. Mi casa is su casa.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My spouse's nephew lives few hours away, he visits our town almost every month for one reason or the other and stays for few days. I like him and his wife and wouldn't mind once or twice every year but i don't appreciate them treating our home as free Airbnb. We've to get room and bathroom ready, provide food and company and sometimes ride to and from airport AND clean again once the leave. What would be a polite way to make them realize they are unintentionally taking advantage of us.

I believe these are the key words here. You believe you have to entertain them like they aren't close family. Why not treat them like close family? Your "spouse's nephew" is also your nephew you know? Treat him like you would treat your "blood" nephew.

If my nephew visited a dozen times a year and stayed several days, i would discuss it with him. My husband can't. Its not that he isn't bothered by it. To be honest, i only hardly saw his nephew or his mom few times in my life before he moved to our state so I don't have any emotional attachment to them.

So in other words, I am right. you don't consider him your family. That is really bad.

Ask for their per diem.

Next time he asks or informs you he is coming just say guest room booked. He may take the hint, or at the very least learn he cannot always expect your home as his plan. If he has never been told no, he thinks his idea to stay with you is working for everyone. Say no a few times.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My spouse's nephew lives few hours away, he visits our town almost every month for one reason or the other and stays for few days. I like him and his wife and wouldn't mind once or twice every year but i don't appreciate them treating our home as free Airbnb. We've to get room and bathroom ready, provide food and company and sometimes ride to and from airport AND clean again once the leave. What would be a polite way to make them realize they are unintentionally taking advantage of us.

I believe these are the key words here. You believe you have to entertain them like they aren't close family. Why not treat them like close family? Your "spouse's nephew" is also your nephew you know? Treat him like you would treat your "blood" nephew.

If my nephew visited a dozen times a year and stayed several days, i would discuss it with him. My husband can't. Its not that he isn't bothered by it. To be honest, i only hardly saw his nephew or his mom few times in my life before he moved to our state so I don't have any emotional attachment to them.

I have entitled relatives too, so I feel your pain.

However, you and your H really need to stand up for yourselves. Nephew and wife are able bodied adults who don't clean up after themselves AND expect you to feed them every time? No, in no universe would that be acceptable.

We've had to set some boundaries with my SIL's adult kids, who feel entitled to our home and who are great slobs that do not respect other people's property (they've damaged furniture and floorings). The first time we said no it was very unpleasant. They reacted poorly. That just made us more determined to stand by our boundary. These people are takers if you let them. We reached our limit and stood by our boundary and it's gotten much better since then.

Just remember, no one can walk all over you unless you let them.

You can start by saying no to their request to visit: Hi Larlo, that weekend will not work. How about the month after? Do this for every other visit, and gradually stretch it out further and further.

Then when they arrive, show them the sheets and cleaning supplies. You can do this!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think i feels worst when i clean bathroom after they leave, they aren't slobs but still its not something we like to do. Husband is too kind to all and scared of backlash from his sister.

FFS THEN WHY DON'T YOU MAKE YOUR HUSBAND CLEAN THE BATHROOM AT THE VERY LEAST? MAKE HIM AFRAID OF *YOU,* NOT HIS SISTER.

Amen!

Anonymous wrote:My spouse's nephew lives few hours away, he visits our town almost every month for one reason or the other and stays for few days. I like him and his wife and wouldn't mind once or twice every year but i don't appreciate them treating our home as free Airbnb. We've to get room and bathroom ready, provide food and company and sometimes ride to and from airport AND clean again once the leave. What would be a polite way to make them realize they are unintentionally taking advantage of us.

I believe these are the key words here. You believe you have to entertain them like they aren't close family. Why not treat them like close family? Your "spouse's nephew" is also your nephew you know? Treat him like you would treat your "blood" nephew.

Anonymous wrote:I think i feels worst when i clean bathroom after they leave, they aren't slobs but still its not something we like to do. Husband is too kind to all and scared of backlash from his sister.

FFS THEN WHY DON'T YOU MAKE YOUR HUSBAND CLEAN THE BATHROOM AT THE VERY LEAST? MAKE HIM AFRAID OF *YOU,* NOT HIS SISTER.