Anonymous wrote:OP, I just want to let you know, I get it. My inlaws live locally and bring my DS new toys every time they see him (once a week). Literally. It's a bunch of old crap that my husband grew up with. I can't say anything because I'm really bad with tone (I know that sounds ridiculous, but my tone is transparent when I'm annoyed). DH is super direct (occasionally verging on rude, but not my problem!) with his parents and will be like "Mom, save that for Christmas. He doesn't need that right now." or something similar. I want my son to feel love and have toys and whatnot, but at a certain point I just feel sick of all the STUFF. It just feels so wasteful.

OP, another vote of support, with 3 kids, local in-laws, and too much stuff (even after regular purges). I get piles of new, cheap toys and clothes from MIL regularly, and she seems to try to outbuy us for every birthday and holiday. Plus I get the demands, months out, for a list of gift ideas from MIL for both her and GMIL, when I haven't even figured out what I'm going to get them yet. I know, I know - first world problems, but at some point it's wasteful and just creates work for me no both ends.

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I replied and clarified some things in comments above.

More so….

I understand that they don’t want to gift experiences. That ship has sailed.

But they’re insistent on toys, and a LOT of them. They want the thrill and praise of the boys unwrapping gifts. And then all year long “I got him that you know”. It’s a whole thing.

Why not spend the $250 on a ninja course for our yard…?

I posted above, but I'll give 2 more pieces of advice. One is that I tend to get those big things myself, knowing that relatives and birthday parties will load them up on the small things. If you aren't buying them toys, then 8 per year per child isn't really that outrageous. The other thing is to have set locations for toys that do not expand in size (a shelf unit, a toy boy, a n open bin). If the kids toys won't fit in there, have them decide which will go. If you put them on your neighborhood listserve, someone will likely take them very quickly if they are in good shape.
PS if they want something to unwrap, they may be able to get some of the pieces for the ninja course.

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I replied and clarified some things in comments above.

More so….

I understand that they don’t want to gift experiences. That ship has sailed.

But they’re insistent on toys, and a LOT of them. They want the thrill and praise of the boys unwrapping gifts. And then all year long “I got him that you know”. It’s a whole thing.

Why not spend the $250 on a ninja course for our yard…?

I hardly think that ship has sailed if your kid is only 7. As your kids get older perhaps they will be able to handle an experience gift.

Tell them the kids don’t play with the toys and you give them away.

Op here. I replied and clarified some things in comments above.

More so….

I understand that they don’t want to gift experiences. That ship has sailed.

But they’re insistent on toys, and a LOT of them. They want the thrill and praise of the boys unwrapping gifts. And then all year long “I got him that you know”. It’s a whole thing.

Why not spend the $250 on a ninja course for our yard…?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How did you come to have so many toys?? Is it solely the fault of grandparents over-buying? We don’t have this problem so it’s hard for me to imagine. My kids were ecstatic when they got toys as gifts!

Why don’t you buy them the soccer goals/equipment?

Also, in a nice and respectful way be very clear with the grandparents. “They’re still playing with all the great toys you got them last time - and our house is getting a little cluttered, would you mind getting them an experience instead?

Yes. 7.5 years and like I said, we have all boys. So it’s the same toys essentially for Christmas and birthdays, 8 years over. They give them each 4 toys for Christmas and birthdays…it totals up to this much, easily.

It sounds like it's the TYPE of toy that is wrong. What about giving them suggestions for more active toys? Stomp rockets are great. Mine got stilts and pogo sticks, a mini trampoline, a swing we installed in the basement for rainy days. I totally get that grandparents don't want to just give experiences -- they feel like that's something they just do anyway. I can remember my grandmother saying "I wanted you to have something under the tree..." even in years where she gave me something like money for something I was saving for, or had bought me something like a new dress before the holiday itself.
Four toys per boy (so 12 total for christmas) does seem a bit much. Maybe you could say you are trying to do the wise man thing -- something gold (flashy and fun), something for the soul (like a book or an experience), soemthing for the body (clothes, etc.).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes. We broke it by literally letting our faces fall and saying "Oh. Thank you but ... we weren't kidding when we said we didn't want the kids to have any more toys and weren't give them anymore. It's REALLY important to us not to raise spoiled children. I hope you don't mind - we'll just put these away in the closet for another time."

They were VERY upset and then got over it.

Except that OP can't really say that -- she wants the grandparents to buy expensive, big-ticket items. It's not about spoiling the kids.

OP here and no, it isn’t.

They probably spend around $200 total…a climbing dome costs that, soccer stuff…

It’s not about money. They specifically want to see them open “a lot of toys”.

Anonymous wrote:Btw, OP -- and I say this genuinely and not with snark -- I'm sure there are lots of kids who would love your excess toys. Check with Head Starts, domestic violence shelters, charities that work with foster kids...etc.

It’s surprisingly hard to donate used toys.

Anonymous wrote:How did you come to have so many toys?? Is it solely the fault of grandparents over-buying? We don’t have this problem so it’s hard for me to imagine. My kids were ecstatic when they got toys as gifts!

Why don’t you buy them the soccer goals/equipment?

Also, in a nice and respectful way be very clear with the grandparents. “They’re still playing with all the great toys you got them last time - and our house is getting a little cluttered, would you mind getting them an experience instead?

Yes. 7.5 years and like I said, we have all boys. So it’s the same toys essentially for Christmas and birthdays, 8 years over. They give them each 4 toys for Christmas and birthdays…it totals up to this much, easily.

Anonymous wrote:Imagine complaining about your children receiving gifts for Christmas from grandparents who love them. Imagine thinking a seven year old is “too old for toys”. I’m sad for those boys. 😞

Ok, ok, hold up.

All I meant was that a baby/toddler has a lot of toys: Tonka trucks, play kitchen, etc etc.

My son is 7 and he has 100+ magnatiles, legos and lego sets galore (all over shelves, bins…) a desk filled with art supplies, snap circuits, an entire closet of playmobile, robots, and easily 400+ Books. He has so many toys. Open ended ones, science kits, and more.

Anonymous wrote:Its because you can have a pile of presents for not much money. Toys are cheap.

OP here. Could be a decent argument, but they probably spend $250 in toys.

Anonymous wrote:Yes. We broke it by literally letting our faces fall and saying "Oh. Thank you but ... we weren't kidding when we said we didn't want the kids to have any more toys and weren't give them anymore. It's REALLY important to us not to raise spoiled children. I hope you don't mind - we'll just put these away in the closet for another time."

They were VERY upset and then got over it.

Except that OP can't really say that -- she wants the grandparents to buy expensive, big-ticket items. It's not about spoiling the kids.

Donating stuff really isn’t that much work esp if you donate it shortly after receiving it while it’s still in its packaging. I always have a box/large bag in my closet and I just add things to it as I come across them (clothing, toys, household items, whatever) for a month or so and then take to donate or put out on the curb if it’s something I think a neighbor might want.

Anonymous wrote:Your 7.5 yr old is nowhere near aging out of toys, unless you either rush or shame him into it. My boys didn't fully stop playing with toys until they were teens.

That said, I understand that you don't want more. Don't buy anything. Make birthday parties "no gifts". Clean out what you have, make sure everything is age appropriate. That's about all you can do though.

Disagree. I also have a 7.5 year old boy and he is all about sports/physical activity, has never really been a toy kid except a trains/tracks phase as a toddler. So he likes sports equipment, trampoline, NERF type stuff, and playing tag or hide and go seek outside with friends. He has zero interest in plastic toys, transformers, toy cars, or in the Pokémon cards his classmates trade. And I’ve tried on numerous occasions to get him into stuff like legos, but he just doesn’t take to them them. He also has no interest in crafty/creative stuff (even with books he likes nonfiction over fiction). He actually likes getting nice athletic clothes (Under Armor, Nike, etc.) more than toys. That doesn’t mean he’s been rushed or shamed.

So most of the toys he receives for his birthday/Christmas get donated new in box (unless it seems like something a younger sibling may grow into). It feels wasteful, but I look at it as we’re helping others.

I get that getting random crap is annoying. I’ve talked my in-laws into experience gifts on rare occasions. My kid is 10 now and last year I asked them to get her a “ really good” laptop to use for school. Hopefully it will see her thru MS if not HS. It helps now if I keep a running kid list on Amazon. When it gets close and they start asking what she would like I send the list. BTW my kid is 10 and still likes toys, magnatiles have been pulled out and played with for about s month now. She likes Lego too, and art stuff, science kits etc….