Anonymous
Post 10/31/2022 10:04     Subject: Do you call your in-laws Mom & Dad?
We call each other’s parents by their grandparent name. Mimi, Papa, Gigi, G’pa Don. The irony here is that our own children call us parents by our first names more than half of the time.

I don’t know what we did before we had kids! I think just avoid it.
Anonymous
Post 10/31/2022 10:01     Subject: Do you call your in-laws Mom & Dad?
Anonymous wrote:I call them Mr. & Mrs. Larloson. They never invited me to call them their first names so I never did. DH and I have been married over a decade now.


Huh. I called them this before we got married. But then I went to First Names. I was 30, so well into adulthood. I guess I could see calling them Mom and Dad if I'd met them when I was younger. But since people get married later for the most part, it seems to be something that's gone away.
Anonymous
Post 10/31/2022 09:56     Subject: Do you call your in-laws Mom & Dad?
Anonymous wrote:OP here. I prefer to be called Mom because it's how it's always been for people in my generation and in our lives. When I sign a card to my daughter and SIL, it's, Love Mom & Dad, not Love Mom/Name & Dad/Name.

It used to be a sign of family welcome when you were asked to start calling your in-laws Mom & Dad. I'm guessing it's not the same anymore, though. I completely agree that no specific title is more indicative of the closeness of the relationship.[/quote

I call my inlaws by their first name, but I still address cards to them as "mom and dad" because that's how DH refers to them and he's signing the card too. If you send a christmas card to the entire family, it's fine to put mom and dad. It's probably better to put grandma and grandpa, but mom and dad is fine.

I would have liked it if they told me to call them whatever I prefer- mom or Barbara.
Anonymous
Post 10/31/2022 09:56     Subject: Do you call your in-laws Mom & Dad?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:It seems like you’re saying both that it’s weird to call your in-laws mom and dad but also that you’re expecting to be called mom and dad.


OP here. It was definitely weird for me back in 1991 when my DH & I were married, because I was young and nervous, and I didn't know how to broach the subject. My in-laws never expressly requested that I call them Mom & Dad, nor were they upfront about anything, so it was confusing. I think communication is the most important thing. I was clear to my son-in-law that, while I'd like to be called Mom, he should do whatever is most comfortable for him.



How is it “confusing” that you were never asked by people who are not your mom or your dad to call them “Mom and Dad”? First names are fine. And 1981 is now more than 40 years ago, so be assured that norms have even further changed, and likely no one who marries into your family will naturally want to call you “Mom,” because you’re not their mom.


I recently married, and call my mother-in-law "Mom." She said I can call her whatever I like, and "Mom" was most comfortable for me.
Anonymous
Post 10/31/2022 09:52     Subject: Do you call your in-laws Mom & Dad?
I call my mil by her first name and my FIL by the name all of his kids and grandkids call him (not dad). My DH’s aunt posted a rant on Facebook shortly after we were married about how people these days have no respect for their elders! Call your in laws Mom and dad or mother and dad! We have lost all decorum in society! I really think it was directed at me because of the timing and due to the fact that her children were still single at the time. Whatever - I can’t stand my mil and will never call her mom. My dh can’t stand her either and usually just refers to her as her grandma name.
Anonymous
Post 10/31/2022 09:48     Subject: Re:Do you call your in-laws Mom & Dad?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:No, call them by their first names.

Me too. I never even considered calling them Mom and Dad. My husband is the same with my parents.


This. My MIL briefly tried to get me to call her Mom and I just ignored that and started calling her by her first name. I now use Grandma a lot, but mostly her first name.

Everyone I know whose in-laws insisted on them using "mom/dad" just don't call them anything, which seems very very awkward to me. Much better to have everyone comfortable.
Anonymous
Post 10/31/2022 09:47     Subject: Do you call your in-laws Mom & Dad?
Anonymous wrote:No, though they asked me to. I just can't--it's odd, they aren't my parents.

Interestingly though, I transitioned to calling my spouse's grandparents "Grammy" and "Pop" without any hesitation. Not sure why that was.


I think it's because those are more like terms of endearment, or nicknames, than "mom and dad". My DD will sometimes affectionately call my DH "Poppy", something she's done since she was a little kid, and it's very sweet. I could see her kids or even her spouse adopting this as a term of endearment for him and it not feeling weird. Even though its a derivative of Papa, I don't think he needs to be your dad to use it. Also, most people won't already have another Poppy in their lives.

But "Dad" is not a term of endearment or a nickname. It's just his name within a specific relationship. Her kids won't call him that and I would not expect her spouse to either -- I think it would feel weird for all involved. And since most adults already have someone they call "Dad", it's extra odd.
Anonymous
Post 10/31/2022 09:40     Subject: Do you call your in-laws Mom & Dad?
Anonymous wrote:OP here. I prefer to be called Mom because it's how it's always been for people in my generation and in our lives. When I sign a card to my daughter and SIL, it's, Love Mom & Dad, not Love Mom/Name & Dad/Name.

It used to be a sign of family welcome when you were asked to start calling your in-laws Mom & Dad. I'm guessing it's not the same anymore, though. I completely agree that no specific title is more indicative of the closeness of the relationship.


Not in my world, ever.

I would never call my ILs Mom & Dad.
Anonymous
Post 10/31/2022 09:39     Subject: Do you call your in-laws Mom & Dad?
No, I use first names. My MIL tried to get me to call her mom but I pushed back. It just didn't feel right to me.
Anonymous
Post 10/31/2022 09:38     Subject: Do you call your in-laws Mom & Dad?
Anonymous wrote:I like my inlaws and I know it hurts them I won't say mom and dad. I just can't. It doesn't feel right to say mom and dad. They asked me multiple times to call them mom and dad, so there was about a decade where I didn't call them anything. Luckily now I can call them grandma and grandpa to get around it. I do call them by their first names too.

My parents always called their inlaws by their first names. And my inlaws even called their inlaws by their first names, so it seems to hypocritical to make me call them mom and dad. I had a Sister in law who got married about 8 years after me and she called my inlaws mom and dad.


I don't think it's hypocritical if they called their inlaws by their first names at the request of their inlaws.
Anonymous
Post 10/31/2022 09:36     Subject: Re:Do you call your in-laws Mom & Dad?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I use Mommy and Daddy for MIL and FIL because that is what DH calls them - admittedly feels a bit weird. My side is Mom and Dad for both of us.

Would never use first names due to culture.




Yep. In my case my siblings and I call my parents mommy and daddy. My DH said there was no way he is calling a grown man " Daddy". So he calls my parents " Mommy insert first name" and " Daddy Mr insert last name" its taken steam in the family and everyone calls my dad that now. 😆
Anonymous
Post 10/31/2022 09:36     Subject: Do you call your in-laws Mom & Dad?
Anonymous wrote:Yes, I call them Mom and Dad and DH does the same for my parents.

Unlike 95% of dcum though, I actually like my inlaws and we genuinely all get along.


I like my in laws too but I don't call them Mom and Dad. My husband's brother's wife - my SIL - does call them Mom and Dad, so it can be done. It just feels weird to me. I call them by their first names. My husband does the same with my parents (he gets along with them, too).
Anonymous
Post 10/31/2022 09:31     Subject: Do you call your in-laws Mom & Dad?
I am very close to my parents. My in laws did this, but it felt strange calling them mom and dad. My mom has now passed so it’s a bit easier, but still awkward. They are nice people but they are not my mom and dad.
Anonymous
Post 10/31/2022 09:23     Subject: Do you call your in-laws Mom & Dad?
No. They are DH’s Mom and Dad, not mine. I call them by their first names and DH calls my parents by their first names.
Anonymous
Post 10/31/2022 09:20     Subject: Re:Do you call your in-laws Mom & Dad?
No, I would but they set up the dynamics with the request to call them by their first name. They sign cards to use Mom/Dad and X/Y.

Both my parents called their ILs mom and dad, so that was my expectation. My ILs referred to their ILs as Mr/Mrs though.