Anonymous
11/14/2022 19:41
Subject: Re:TTC at 45, two healthy kids at 40 & 42
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:As a 31 year old dealing with end of life care for my elderly father, who was 46 when I was born, know that you are making a selfish choice because of your admitted mid-life crisis. I’ve had to unpack a lot of anger and resentment about having old parents in therapy. I am in the prime of my life and have to spend it clouded by acute grief and anticipatory grief and all the logistics. It really sucks.
This was me but a bit older with little ones. No grandparents for my kids and no grandparents for me since I was born to older parents.
Me as well. End of life care for my father when I had preschoolers and now with elementary aged kids my mother is starting to need regular help. None of my friends are dealing with this sandwich generation stuff yet and it’s tiring. I’m not angry or resentful, just burdened and sad that I and my kids had so much less time with them that we should. And grateful that my in-laws are still able to be active grandparents.
We will ALL deal with aging parents. This isn't something that only happens to people born of older parents. And many of us will also have kids to take care of, jobs, personal lives, etc., while juggling elder care.
I don't understand all these resentful PPs who essentially wish that they had not been born at all. You realize that the only other option for your parents was to not have you, right? You don't get magically born earlier. An earlier birth would've been an entirely different person - perhaps your siblings? To recap, you are so angry at your parents that the better alternative would've been non-existence?
Sheesh.
If you can’t see a difference between losing your parents in your 50s vs losing your parents in your 30s then you don’t have much empathy.
So the alternative for those 30 somethings that lost their parents is that their parents aborted and they did not exist at all. Do you get it? The comparison is irrelevant. WE all lose parents. Life is difficult and there is no perfect timing.
Anonymous
11/14/2022 19:34
Subject: TTC at 45, two healthy kids at 40 & 42
Anonymous wrote:It's just so unbelievably arrogant and myopic. A third child at 45 is just a truly dick move to your kids.
I'm certainly not a traditionalist, but the trend of waiting to have children until you are in your 40s is not good. And yes, it is a trend. Reinforced by some kind of weirdly specific competitive streak (There is a running competition in the PAW - princeton alumni weekly - for "oldest mom" in the class notes section) in women and laziness in men.
for one, I'm worried that the genetic material is just subpar. All these ancient eggs and sperm, they just aren't the best. Getting around this issue with PURCHASED generic material - eggs, sperm or womb - is not the solution, it's a second problem.
Then of course....everyone "thinks" they are impervious to aging, illness, dementia, cancer, bad luck - but you aren't. Even something as simple as a bad back or bum knees. Those things are annoying when you have teens or college age kids, but will be a game changer if you have a five year old. Early onset dementia is more common than you'd like to think. And again, a problem when you are retired, but a life-altering complication if you have a teenager at home.
In the end, the real losers in this "trend" are the kids.
No need to be nasty.
Naomi Campbell just had a child in her 50s, Brigitte Neilson at 55, Jane Seymour had twins at 50. Do you think these kids regret being alive or have 'rough lives" Pleeeaaasse!!
Also, why do you care?
Anonymous
11/14/2022 19:31
Subject: TTC at 45, two healthy kids at 40 & 42
It's just so unbelievably arrogant and myopic. A third child at 45 is just a truly dick move to your kids.
I'm certainly not a traditionalist, but the trend of waiting to have children until you are in your 40s is not good. And yes, it is a trend. Reinforced by some kind of weirdly specific competitive streak (There is a running competition in the PAW - princeton alumni weekly - for "oldest mom" in the class notes section) in women and laziness in men.
for one, I'm worried that the genetic material is just subpar. All these ancient eggs and sperm, they just aren't the best. Getting around this issue with PURCHASED generic material - eggs, sperm or womb - is not the solution, it's a second problem.
Then of course....everyone "thinks" they are impervious to aging, illness, dementia, cancer, bad luck - but you aren't. Even something as simple as a bad back or bum knees. Those things are annoying when you have teens or college age kids, but will be a game changer if you have a five year old. Early onset dementia is more common than you'd like to think. And again, a problem when you are retired, but a life-altering complication if you have a teenager at home.
In the end, the real losers in this "trend" are the kids.
I'm certainly not a traditionalist, but the trend of waiting to have children until you are in your 40s is not good. And yes, it is a trend. Reinforced by some kind of weirdly specific competitive streak (There is a running competition in the PAW - princeton alumni weekly - for "oldest mom" in the class notes section) in women and laziness in men.
for one, I'm worried that the genetic material is just subpar. All these ancient eggs and sperm, they just aren't the best. Getting around this issue with PURCHASED generic material - eggs, sperm or womb - is not the solution, it's a second problem.
Then of course....everyone "thinks" they are impervious to aging, illness, dementia, cancer, bad luck - but you aren't. Even something as simple as a bad back or bum knees. Those things are annoying when you have teens or college age kids, but will be a game changer if you have a five year old. Early onset dementia is more common than you'd like to think. And again, a problem when you are retired, but a life-altering complication if you have a teenager at home.
In the end, the real losers in this "trend" are the kids.
Anonymous
11/14/2022 17:49
Subject: TTC at 45, two healthy kids at 40 & 42
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I became a mom at 26 and still find the arguments made to be ridiculous. OP knows she will be an older mom…so what?? And her kids will also have each other later in life.
Congratulations on your BFP, Ms Fertile Myrtle. Lol Out here setting records. Praying this is a sticky one!!
Thank you so much for the supportive message. Unfortunately, I don't think this one is going to stick, but I am not giving up hope yet! Next month is another chance.
PP here, just checking on you.
Anonymous
11/09/2022 22:25
Subject: TTC at 45, two healthy kids at 40 & 42
Anonymous wrote:I became a mom at 26 and still find the arguments made to be ridiculous. OP knows she will be an older mom…so what?? And her kids will also have each other later in life.
Congratulations on your BFP, Ms Fertile Myrtle. Lol Out here setting records. Praying this is a sticky one!!
Thank you so much for the supportive message. Unfortunately, I don't think this one is going to stick, but I am not giving up hope yet! Next month is another chance.
Anonymous
11/05/2022 11:19
Subject: TTC at 45, two healthy kids at 40 & 42
I became a mom at 26 and still find the arguments made to be ridiculous. OP knows she will be an older mom…so what?? And her kids will also have each other later in life.
Congratulations on your BFP, Ms Fertile Myrtle. Lol Out here setting records. Praying this is a sticky one!!
Congratulations on your BFP, Ms Fertile Myrtle. Lol Out here setting records. Praying this is a sticky one!!
Anonymous
11/03/2022 09:40
Subject: Re:TTC at 45, two healthy kids at 40 & 42
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:As a 31 year old dealing with end of life care for my elderly father, who was 46 when I was born, know that you are making a selfish choice because of your admitted mid-life crisis. I’ve had to unpack a lot of anger and resentment about having old parents in therapy. I am in the prime of my life and have to spend it clouded by acute grief and anticipatory grief and all the logistics. It really sucks.
This was me but a bit older with little ones. No grandparents for my kids and no grandparents for me since I was born to older parents.
Me as well. End of life care for my father when I had preschoolers and now with elementary aged kids my mother is starting to need regular help. None of my friends are dealing with this sandwich generation stuff yet and it’s tiring. I’m not angry or resentful, just burdened and sad that I and my kids had so much less time with them that we should. And grateful that my in-laws are still able to be active grandparents.
This was me too. I mean, of course I am happy I was born! But dealing with young children and aging parents was really, really hard. My parents both passed and I miss them every day, but it was very difficult.
Anonymous
11/02/2022 21:12
Subject: Re:TTC at 45, two healthy kids at 40 & 42
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:As a 31 year old dealing with end of life care for my elderly father, who was 46 when I was born, know that you are making a selfish choice because of your admitted mid-life crisis. I’ve had to unpack a lot of anger and resentment about having old parents in therapy. I am in the prime of my life and have to spend it clouded by acute grief and anticipatory grief and all the logistics. It really sucks.
This was me but a bit older with little ones. No grandparents for my kids and no grandparents for me since I was born to older parents.
Me as well. End of life care for my father when I had preschoolers and now with elementary aged kids my mother is starting to need regular help. None of my friends are dealing with this sandwich generation stuff yet and it’s tiring. I’m not angry or resentful, just burdened and sad that I and my kids had so much less time with them that we should. And grateful that my in-laws are still able to be active grandparents.
We will ALL deal with aging parents. This isn't something that only happens to people born of older parents. And many of us will also have kids to take care of, jobs, personal lives, etc., while juggling elder care.
I don't understand all these resentful PPs who essentially wish that they had not been born at all. You realize that the only other option for your parents was to not have you, right? You don't get magically born earlier. An earlier birth would've been an entirely different person - perhaps your siblings? To recap, you are so angry at your parents that the better alternative would've been non-existence?
Sheesh.
If you can’t see a difference between losing your parents in your 50s vs losing your parents in your 30s then you don’t have much empathy.
Anonymous
11/02/2022 21:10
Subject: TTC at 45, two healthy kids at 40 & 42
Just for consideration, back in the day many women did start childbearing younger, but many also kept going for a long time. My grandmother had 6 kids between age 25 and 45. The youngest was in his 40s when she passed away. That is not unnaturally young to lose a parent.
People are overstating the risks as well.
OP you seem genetically well positioned to at least give it a try, but don’t delay further!
People are overstating the risks as well.
OP you seem genetically well positioned to at least give it a try, but don’t delay further!
Anonymous
11/02/2022 20:57
Subject: Re:TTC at 45, two healthy kids at 40 & 42
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:As a 31 year old dealing with end of life care for my elderly father, who was 46 when I was born, know that you are making a selfish choice because of your admitted mid-life crisis. I’ve had to unpack a lot of anger and resentment about having old parents in therapy. I am in the prime of my life and have to spend it clouded by acute grief and anticipatory grief and all the logistics. It really sucks.
This was me but a bit older with little ones. No grandparents for my kids and no grandparents for me since I was born to older parents.
Me as well. End of life care for my father when I had preschoolers and now with elementary aged kids my mother is starting to need regular help. None of my friends are dealing with this sandwich generation stuff yet and it’s tiring. I’m not angry or resentful, just burdened and sad that I and my kids had so much less time with them that we should. And grateful that my in-laws are still able to be active grandparents.
We will ALL deal with aging parents. This isn't something that only happens to people born of older parents. And many of us will also have kids to take care of, jobs, personal lives, etc., while juggling elder care.
I don't understand all these resentful PPs who essentially wish that they had not been born at all. You realize that the only other option for your parents was to not have you, right? You don't get magically born earlier. An earlier birth would've been an entirely different person - perhaps your siblings? To recap, you are so angry at your parents that the better alternative would've been non-existence?
Sheesh.
Anonymous
11/02/2022 20:00
Subject: TTC at 45, two healthy kids at 40 & 42
Anonymous wrote:Anyone who thinks celebs who are “miraculously” pregnant at 40+ is deluded. Those women have significantly more money and schedule flexibility than most people. Frozen eggs, frozen embryos, IVF, donor eggs, surrogates, etc. They have anything at their disposal they want.
Nobody said they were miraculously pregnant. They are examples of people who are doing exactly what she’s considered. does it matter if they use IVF or a surrogate?
People look to celebrities for inspiration in all aspects of their lives.
Anonymous
11/02/2022 19:59
Subject: Re:TTC at 45, two healthy kids at 40 & 42
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:As a 31 year old dealing with end of life care for my elderly father, who was 46 when I was born, know that you are making a selfish choice because of your admitted mid-life crisis. I’ve had to unpack a lot of anger and resentment about having old parents in therapy. I am in the prime of my life and have to spend it clouded by acute grief and anticipatory grief and all the logistics. It really sucks.
This was me but a bit older with little ones. No grandparents for my kids and no grandparents for me since I was born to older parents.
Me as well. End of life care for my father when I had preschoolers and now with elementary aged kids my mother is starting to need regular help. None of my friends are dealing with this sandwich generation stuff yet and it’s tiring. I’m not angry or resentful, just burdened and sad that I and my kids had so much less time with them that we should. And grateful that my in-laws are still able to be active grandparents.
All I'm gonna say is you're not alone. Hugs.
I would never have kids in my mid 40s.
Anonymous
11/02/2022 19:21
Subject: TTC at 45, two healthy kids at 40 & 42
Congratulations! I know a lot of people who had healthy babies in their mid-40s (the old fashioned way). I really hope it works out for you.
Anonymous
11/02/2022 19:08
Subject: TTC at 45, two healthy kids at 40 & 42
Anyone who thinks celebs who are “miraculously” pregnant at 40+ is deluded. Those women have significantly more money and schedule flexibility than most people. Frozen eggs, frozen embryos, IVF, donor eggs, surrogates, etc. They have anything at their disposal they want.
Anonymous
11/02/2022 19:07
Subject: Re:TTC at 45, two healthy kids at 40 & 42
Oh my gosh op I have no idea why people are being so cruel and why they feel the need to comment. I am so happy for you and hope the faint line sticks!!!! Don’t listen to all these people who knows almost nothing about you but seem to think they know better about your own life. Kids face all sorts of risks and pros and cons with the parents they get - it’s crazy to me that people are acting like this is some insane choice - you’re not 60 and trying to adopt or something!