Anonymous
10/21/2022 17:35
Subject: Re:‘Help’ that is not wanted is not help
OP I agree with you! This is not helpful and I would also feel like it's a veiled criticism of my hosting abilities. I would put your foot down here, and let her make the dessert or another meal. Her suggestion to do the whole meal for this event only creates more stress and work for you.
Anonymous
10/21/2022 16:51
Subject: ‘Help’ that is not wanted is not help
OP, it's your own mom??? You can't explain it to her in a way that makes sense to her? "Thank you for the offer, but that would be more stressful for me than just ordering take out. I'd rather just pick up the food and be done with it. I do appreciate the offer though."
Anonymous
10/21/2022 16:44
Subject: ‘Help’ that is not wanted is not help
Anonymous wrote:Maybe they don't like pizza, lasagna, or spaghetti. I don't like lasagna or spaghetti.
Welp, it’s one meal, so presumably they will live. I don’t like the traditional Thanksgiving meal, but I don’t complain, offer to make something else, or generally act put out when someone offers to host my family for Thanksgiving.
When someone hosts you—whether they are cooking for you or are paying for catering—they are extending hospitality, and it is one meal of your life. I assure you, you will live if someone has the audacity to serve you spaghetti.
Anonymous
10/21/2022 16:33
Subject: ‘Help’ that is not wanted is not help
Anonymous wrote:Maybe they don't like pizza, lasagna, or spaghetti. I don't like lasagna or spaghetti.
OP would know if this were the case.
Anonymous
10/21/2022 16:33
Subject: ‘Help’ that is not wanted is not help
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I think it’s really generational and that women back in MIL’s day either didn’t feel comfortable accepting the help of other women and/or felt they had to feign that they didn’t want it so the other woman would “insist.” Mores change. I wouldn’t take it personally at all, and I wouldn’t consider MIL a narcissist or would be martyr. She honestly thinks that deep down you want the help.
But it really is ok to put your foot down and say no thank you. Repeat no over and over, reiterate that you are excited to have the Italian food, and enlist DH’s help as well. I like the idea of redirecting her towards dessert or a breakfast instead.
It's OP's own mother, not her MIL.
Still think it’s generational differences in manners.
Anonymous
10/21/2022 16:21
Subject: ‘Help’ that is not wanted is not help
Maybe they don't like pizza, lasagna, or spaghetti. I don't like lasagna or spaghetti.
Anonymous
10/21/2022 16:05
Subject: Re:‘Help’ that is not wanted is not help
‘Help’ that is not wanted is not help. Yes. It is not. It is just an offer of help. You can refuse. No need to get so pissed. Getting pissed about it shows you are entitled and self-centered. Or at least, you are immature and cannot adult. Let it go.