Anonymous wrote:Anyone want to share dementia care locations in DC that are under 6k?

I doubt one exists.

OP - do you have any family members who can help contribute to her care? Even if they are just contributing 50 -100 a year that could add up if it's from a few people.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm fairly certain that mine basically starved to death. No one could get her to eat at all for the last 6 months

And HOW is that ethical. Elderly care in this country is disgusting.

Understood, but I also question our ethics of keeping people alive - and only alive - without considering if that is what is best for THEM. Life isn't only about quantity.

They keep them alive for money, this is why. This poor woman has been gone for years now.

Wow, how can you think this? There are so many people looking for a memory care beds that there is a steady stream of replacements easily available. So no, they don't need to keep anyone alive for money.

Anyone want to share dementia care locations in DC that are under 6k?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm fairly certain that mine basically starved to death. No one could get her to eat at all for the last 6 months

And HOW is that ethical. Elderly care in this country is disgusting.

Not only is it ethical it is humane. Would you want to be 90 and catatonic with dementia and "live" in that condition for years?

I think anyone who’s been through losing someone to dementia would tell you that force feeding someone who’s nonverbal is cruelty.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm fairly certain that mine basically starved to death. No one could get her to eat at all for the last 6 months

And HOW is that ethical. Elderly care in this country is disgusting.

I’m sorry but I think you have little experience of end of life care. It is very very common for elderly people to stop eating. Guess what? It is also common for other species besides humans, too. The body goes through a natural process of shutting down if one is ‘blessed’ enough to live into the very elderly years.

Having worked 8 years in elder care, mostly hospice status patients, I can attest that there is nothing cruel about refraining from force feeding an elderly person who doesn’t have an appetite. It is an entirely different thing from refusing to feed a healthy younger body. It is not cruelty and having had a number of entirely lucid patients who chose to stop taking nourishment, it is not painful either.

Millions of people- billions, in fact - choose to fast on a regular basis for religious or dietary reasons - do you think these people would do that if refraining from eating was an acutely painful thing? It just isn’t. And when the body is 80+ years old and everything is slowly shutting down, it simply doesn’t hurt to stop eating.

In my experience the most disgusting aspect of elder care in this country is that there are too many doctors nurses aides and family members who coerce patients into every possible treatment to extend their lives even if they are living in despair over their existence which has very little quality of life anymore. That’s what I see all the time, not people suffering because they are allowed to peacefully fade away.
The most

I agree completely with this, based on experience with dying relatives.

A 20% increase in one year is predatory. I would ask them what percentage wage increase the staff will receive.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everything in life is negotiable. Call and ask them if you can do $5500 per month.

Definitely this. Try to negotiate. I am sure their budget is built to expect not everyone paying for freight. I’m sure there are significant costs involved when it comes to losing a patient and bringing on a new patient. Unless you guys are problematic for them I’m sure they would much rather you stay.

Damn right. Ask them for a breakdown of where the additional costs are going.

Some of you are out-of-touch. Inflation for goods and services is averaging close to 13% year-over-year when you include medical supplies, food, office supplies, housekeeping supplies and the assorted costs for running a large business. With higher gas prices, EVERYTHING costs a lot more now because the costs of shipping and freight are factored into all pricing. Add in that many states (including MD) are raising minimum wage, you have a ton of increased prices for businesses to bear just to maintain the status quo and keep in business. While the nursing staff are not minimum wage, there are probably a lot of the clerical, housekeeping, and building maintenance staff that are paid at or near minimum wage and will be getting wage increases based on state law. Additionally, when minimum wages are raised, business often have to raise the higher salaries to keep them commensurately higher than the lowest paid employees or you will not retain the skilled staff that you have. I can easily see how it costs that much more year-over-year compared to last year. My household and business costs are going up. Everything we purchase at work is more expensive and wages are rising.

You don't want to hear that the facility has to scrimp and cut corners or cut back on services for the residents due to trying to meet rising costs.

So, you can discuss financial aid, including possibly gradually increasing the costs rather than a sharp rise, but don't be surprised if they claim they cannot. And definitely don't be belligerent like the "Damn right" PP.

Hi op. If you’d like to place, I would keep her there. A lot of those places are terrible. Also factor in the gas and time would take for you to visit if she was hours away. Also does she have Social Security? I think the cost-of-living adjustment this year is going to be huge. I saw a headline that it was something like 10%. Is her pension also tied to cost of living adjustment?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d start looking for a place. Also start applying for Medicaid if you haven’t yet. It takes awhile.

Thing is this. If she can’t pay and you can’t either, she will be evicted. That takes some time but all they have to do is give a 30 day notice and then find a safe place for her. Problem is that you might not like what is considered safe. If you want any control over where she goes, you need to act now and be prepared.

There was another post here yesterday where someone mentioned medicaid. If OP's mom is getting $6k/month she will not qualify. I think the limit is somewhere under $2k/month.

Yes, her current pension+SS puts her above Medicaid.

However, at age 88, she qualifies for Medicare. If she is not receiving Medicare, then OP should talk to the financial department of the facility about filing for Medicare and then using the combined pension/SS to pay for the costs over the Medicare rate. Medicare could be able to bridge between what OP's mother can afford and their costs. Typically when places avoid Medicare it is because the patients are only relying on Medicare and facilities often cannot operate only on the amount that Medicare pays. But if they can register her as a Medicate patient and allow the patient to supplement the Medicare costs out of pocket, then that could allow her to stay in the same facility.

OP--if you have not, you definitely need to talk to the financial department and inquire about the possibility of filing for Medicare for your mother.

Do you live in MD? They have a small benefit- like $650 a month.

Keep her where she is. But start looking for another spot in case it goes up in a year again. But once my mom started to lose weight she died within a year.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm fairly certain that mine basically starved to death. No one could get her to eat at all for the last 6 months

And HOW is that ethical. Elderly care in this country is disgusting.

Understood, but I also question our ethics of keeping people alive - and only alive - without considering if that is what is best for THEM. Life isn't only about quantity.

They keep them alive for money, this is why. This poor woman has been gone for years now.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hate to ask this, but what is her prognosis vis-a-vis lifespan? Once my mother hit memory care she was only alive for about 9 months.

She has no other health issues, besides losing weight from not eating enough. She started having dementia around 2018 but has had full blown dementia for about three years now. Barely speaks at all. It's very sad. She's really not there anymore. She is 88, but in "good health."

This is a terrible way to exist, she's not really living. Are they forcefully feeding her? She's ready to go.

Anonymous wrote:I’d start looking for a place. Also start applying for Medicaid if you haven’t yet. It takes awhile.

Thing is this. If she can’t pay and you can’t either, she will be evicted. That takes some time but all they have to do is give a 30 day notice and then find a safe place for her. Problem is that you might not like what is considered safe. If you want any control over where she goes, you need to act now and be prepared.

It sounds like income is too high for medicaid.