Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Child care costs went down once one kid was in K but no where near what we hoped. The reason being is that we over estimated that our kid would do ok at the after school care but it was loud and chaotic and by the time we picked our kid up they were overly tired and so were we. After the first month, we hired a part time nanny who also helped out on when school was closed and did pick ups from camps in the summer. All told that year we paid about $2k less than a year of daycare.

I think you lucked out in finding a unicorn. Especially the part about them being available when school was closed.

Definitely not a unicorn. A neighborhood mom's mother who had moved in with them and was looking for part time work. She basically was just an adult in the house and made sure the kids didn't endanger themselves. It wasn't ideal but she was in our budget and she was available full days when school was closed.

It is a unicorn. “Part time nannies” who make part time pay and are willing to give up the middle of their day for school pickups, precluding other jobs of both first and second shift, are very, very rare. It’s what most parents want to hire and very few people want to work with any regularity.

You are fortunate.

+1 that is a unicorn

We stopped at 1 kid for this reason.

For 10 months we had an infant and a toddler in a large center like Bright Horizons/Kindercare. It was over $4k a month. We knew it was coming and saved in advance. We also knew it would end when our toddler moved to preschool.

Since that peak year when our 2nd was born, it’s cost less every year since.
Infant
Toddler
PEAK COST = Toddler + infant
Preschool + toddler in home daycare
Elementary extended day / camp + preschool (x3 years)
Elementary extended day x 2 kids + Summer camp

In the red until both kids were in free-school (kindergarten). I am what DCUM calls a do-gooder, working at a non-profit with a mission I am passionate about, but making very little money. I did the same pre-children.

We absolutely spent more on day care and Preschool than what I was earning, but my husband knew how important it was for me to work, and so we sucked it up for 7 years. No vacations except to visit family, no renovations, remodels, new cars, etc.

Kids are both in college now, and it was worth it. No regrets.

We lowered retirement savings, didn't travel for 5 years. Luckily we had been saving a lot for retirement from when we got jobs out of college so we were ok. Also our incomes increased over those years too.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, but we based our house purchase (when we had one child and had not conceived a second) on what we could afford while also paying for two in daycare.

Same. We chose our house before we even had kids with the anticipation that we would eventually have the daycare costs for two kids. We ended up with a great mortgage payment and used an in-home daycare. Couldn't have been happier with our decisions, especially seeing friends really really stress during those years.

The flip side of this are people that were very conservative in their housing choices who thought they would move up in a few years and now prices and rates have risen to the point where they're stuck. It's all about balance.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Child care costs went down once one kid was in K but no where near what we hoped. The reason being is that we over estimated that our kid would do ok at the after school care but it was loud and chaotic and by the time we picked our kid up they were overly tired and so were we. After the first month, we hired a part time nanny who also helped out on when school was closed and did pick ups from camps in the summer. All told that year we paid about $2k less than a year of daycare.

I think you lucked out in finding a unicorn. Especially the part about them being available when school was closed.

Definitely not a unicorn. A neighborhood mom's mother who had moved in with them and was looking for part time work. She basically was just an adult in the house and made sure the kids didn't endanger themselves. It wasn't ideal but she was in our budget and she was available full days when school was closed.

It is a unicorn. “Part time nannies” who make part time pay and are willing to give up the middle of their day for school pickups, precluding other jobs of both first and second shift, are very, very rare. It’s what most parents want to hire and very few people want to work with any regularity.

You are fortunate.

So many are saying their expenses haven’t gone down that much with kids out of daycare, but I have felt like we have SO much more money now with 2 elementary school kids. At our highest point we were spending over 4K/month for 2 in daycare/preschool (approx 50k/year). Our kids are 2 years apart so there were a couple rough years.

Now we have arranged our schedules so we do not need aftercare (it helps that our kids’ school gets out around 4 and I work from home so I can meet the bus). But even so, $700/month for two kids in aftercare is only about $7k/year had we gone that route.

Right now, we pay for about 7-8 weeks of summer camps, averaging ~1k/week for 2 kids), which brings us to around $8k. Our kids do a few rec sports, so maybe another ~2k/year. Occasionally we do day off camps or get a date night sitter (less than ~3k/year). So our childcare expenses have literally dropped from 50k to $13k for 2 kids. It feels like we got a huge raise. And even if we paid for extended day we’d be at around $20k/year.

I’m sure in the teen years costs could pick up with orthodontics, more specialized activities, sleepaway camp, etc. But I don’t see how we’ll ever be spending close to 50k again. Maybe others have a lot more expenses for their kids?

And OP, to answer your question, we were never “in the red” but we certainly weren’t saving a ton or splurging on nice travel, etc.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, but we based our house purchase (when we had one child and had not conceived a second) on what we could afford while also paying for two in daycare.

Same. We chose our house before we even had kids with the anticipation that we would eventually have the daycare costs for two kids. We ended up with a great mortgage payment and used an in-home daycare. Couldn't have been happier with our decisions, especially seeing friends really really stress during those years.

I know what you’re getting at, but the way this is written it seems like you’re especially happy to see your friends struggle.

I have two in daycare and that’s where my entire take home salary goes. However, that is after healthcare premium, retirement contributions, etc. so I’m still benefiting from working. (Also because I would go crazy being at home all day.)

No, but we cut way back on savings. Basically we had been saving $2Kish per month, and that all just went to daycare bills instead.

As others have said, the expenses do decrease, but they remain throughout childhood. You will need to pay for activities, aftercare, babysitters, sports teams, what not. I did find that after age 3 we were able to start saving again, but the childcare expenses are still pretty high.

So, in other words, make a budget that you can live with for the long term. Don't make a mistake of thinking you'll have a windfall in a couple of years.

Anonymous wrote:No, but we based our house purchase (when we had one child and had not conceived a second) on what we could afford while also paying for two in daycare.

Same. We chose our house before we even had kids with the anticipation that we would eventually have the daycare costs for two kids. We ended up with a great mortgage payment and used an in-home daycare. Couldn't have been happier with our decisions, especially seeing friends really really stress during those years.

We did piecemeal care using parental leaves/flex scheduling/nanny share until our kids were 2.5. And then we did daycare for 2.5 to K.
We weren't in the red during these years but we stopped going out much/shopping etc. and just contributed to retirement match.

Yes. I went in the red for the first two years and then broke even until kindergarten. Now that she’s in kindergarten, I don’t seem to have any more money than I did when she was in daycare, and I don’t know where it’s all going, other than higher food bills.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Child care costs went down once one kid was in K but no where near what we hoped. The reason being is that we over estimated that our kid would do ok at the after school care but it was loud and chaotic and by the time we picked our kid up they were overly tired and so were we. After the first month, we hired a part time nanny who also helped out on when school was closed and did pick ups from camps in the summer. All told that year we paid about $2k less than a year of daycare.

I think you lucked out in finding a unicorn. Especially the part about them being available when school was closed.

Definitely not a unicorn. A neighborhood mom's mother who had moved in with them and was looking for part time work. She basically was just an adult in the house and made sure the kids didn't endanger themselves. It wasn't ideal but she was in our budget and she was available full days when school was closed.

Lol, I didn't mean unicorn in the literal sense (a horse with a horn!) I meant it in the second definition here: https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/unicorn "something unusual, rare, or unique"

And yes, your neighbor's mom fits that description. It's unusual for a parent to move in with their adult child when they are still mentally and physically capable AND looking for work.