Anonymous
10/05/2022 13:16
Subject: Husband Resenting Me
Anonymous wrote:Tell him "we made this decision together, so if you don't like it, leave." What he does will tell you what to do next.
you're not an adult are you? or do you now just live alone with your cats?
Anonymous
10/05/2022 12:59
Subject: Husband Resenting Me
Living far from work when you have kids, and at least one parent works in an office, is awful. Just saying.
Anonymous
10/05/2022 12:57
Subject: Husband Resenting Me
Anonymous wrote:My husband and I had our first baby last month and we lived in a 1bd 1ba apartment, and moved to a 2bd 2ba apartment in the same building. He wanted to buy a condo, but we decided to keep renting. The high rise building we are in is expensive but we have so many amazing amenities, stores within walking distance, and close to both of our work. We plan to have another child within the next two years and then will buy a house. He seemed okay with this situation after some discussions, but now he has again been bringing up the topic of buying a condo. He found a 2b 2ba condo in an elevator building. It is nice but it’s farther from work and in a different area. It doesn’t make sense to buy a condo and then look for a house in 2-3 years. I feel like he is very passive aggressive lately - “wow, this place is small with all the baby stuff”, “man, I wish we had more space”, and “ I wish I had a private balcony”. It’s very irritating and I feel like he now holds it against me. I know we made the right decision. How do I get him to stop making me feel bad for a decision we both agreed upon?
Once kids are toddlers, they will be asleep, in day care, preschool, before school, school, after school, sports, park, activities for most waking hours while you two will be at work, dinning out commuting, shopping,visiting parents/in-laws or hauling kids around. Kids don't really need much space in today's lifestyle, we just think they do. As long as your building as some common spaces and there is a playground nearby, you are good. Just don't collect foo much stuff, they'll quickly outgrow it anyway.
That being said, a condo may not be your dream home but its still your own and helps build equity so it's not a bad idea. Get one, live there until your income and savings are at a level to buy a bigger place. Having your own place gives you security in case life throws curveballs, some of the security is real and some is perceived but both good for mental security.
As a compromise, see if you can buy a condo in your area. Young marriages are a challenge with little babies and financial struggles, only way to come out strong is to join hands. Both of you need to deposit kindness, thoughtfulness and cooperation into marital bank to withdraw.
Anonymous
10/05/2022 11:42
Subject: Husband Resenting Me
Anonymous wrote:Tell him "we made this decision together, so if you don't like it, leave." What he does will tell you what to do next.
Jesus, so much aggressiveness from the women on DCUM – it’s not surprising that there are so many divorcees here.
Anonymous
10/05/2022 10:13
Subject: Husband Resenting Me
Anonymous wrote:My husband and I had our first baby last month and we lived in a 1bd 1ba apartment, and moved to a 2bd 2ba apartment in the same building. He wanted to buy a condo, but we decided to keep renting. The high rise building we are in is expensive but we have so many amazing amenities, stores within walking distance, and close to both of our work. We plan to have another child within the next two years and then will buy a house. He seemed okay with this situation after some discussions, but now he has again been bringing up the topic of buying a condo. He found a 2b 2ba condo in an elevator building. It is nice but it’s farther from work and in a different area. It doesn’t make sense to buy a condo and then look for a house in 2-3 years. I feel like he is very passive aggressive lately - “wow, this place is small with all the baby stuff”, “man, I wish we had more space”, and “ I wish I had a private balcony”. It’s very irritating and I feel like he now holds it against me. I know we made the right decision. How do I get him to stop making me feel bad for a decision we both agreed upon?
He is entitled to his own opinion, you can't control his thoughts but since he agreed, saying told you so is petty.
Anonymous
10/05/2022 08:18
Subject: Husband Resenting Me
Owning in Chicago sux.
Property taxes are sky high, like $25-30k a year in a $750k property. Thus nothing appreciates much in value since they’d price out of the buyer market ($2.5k a month to govt)
HOA fees are ridiculous on new urban condos. $1k a month to HoA, also depresses value of property and suppresses appreciation.
Buy and sell of a pretty only makes sense if you hold it 7+ years to recoup costs and living. 6% to the realtor (to sell, and on buy frankly), 4% govt fees and taxes and titling. Makes no sense to buy an interim condo for 2-4 years. Waste of money and time.
Property taxes are sky high, like $25-30k a year in a $750k property. Thus nothing appreciates much in value since they’d price out of the buyer market ($2.5k a month to govt)
HOA fees are ridiculous on new urban condos. $1k a month to HoA, also depresses value of property and suppresses appreciation.
Buy and sell of a pretty only makes sense if you hold it 7+ years to recoup costs and living. 6% to the realtor (to sell, and on buy frankly), 4% govt fees and taxes and titling. Makes no sense to buy an interim condo for 2-4 years. Waste of money and time.
Anonymous
10/05/2022 07:13
Subject: Re:Husband Resenting Me
What do you want us to do about it, OP? You’ve got what you want, now deal with your husband.
Anonymous
10/05/2022 07:00
Subject: Husband Resenting Me
why don’t you show him the NYT rent v. buy calculator? Should put an end to whether buying a condo worth it or not very quickly.
Anonymous
10/05/2022 05:20
Subject: Husband Resenting Me
OP, first off, congrats on the new baby!
That said, you and your husband are a team. That doesn’t mean you make decisions and he says ok. Both of your desires need to be discussed. This is the first of many decisions that you two will have to make together and saying “but we already decided x” wont help.
That said, you and your husband are a team. That doesn’t mean you make decisions and he says ok. Both of your desires need to be discussed. This is the first of many decisions that you two will have to make together and saying “but we already decided x” wont help.
Anonymous
10/05/2022 00:23
Subject: Husband Resenting Me
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Streeterville...?
I'm sorry. I can't get over this. I haven't lived in Chicago in 10 years, but the below link was my building, on the Mag Mile basically, on LSD barely north of Streeterville. It's practically the same extremely upscale, safe neighborhood with amenities and everything right at your doorstep... High rise, doorman 24/7, etc...
And a 2BR of almost the same size is less than half the price.
https://www.apartments.com/1360-n-lake-shore-dr-chicago-il-unit-1901/w6k9cjj/
Maybe you're just extremely fearful of Chicago that you'd... well, apparently prefer to live in the "safety" of a commercial district or something-- or you think sheer expenditure of cash = safety.
I'm sure your building has a couple more amenities, but...
By my quick search, you must live in one of the literally 2-3 most expensive buildings in Streeterville itself. There's no way you're truly buying significantly better amenities and especially not more safety for the extra $1500-2000+ you're paying over most of the luxury buildings in *Streeterville*.
Your DH is being passive-aggressive, but there does come a time when the sheer amount of money being flushed down the toilet on rent is too mind-boggling to stand. Regardless of your income.
You're saying "Well, the rent is the same as we'd be paying for a mortgage" but you're missing the point that it doesn't HAVE TO. Your case here is poor.
It's like saying, "Well, we eat out every night and it costs us $200, but eating at home also costs us $200, so what's the difference?" Neglecting to mention that your grocery shopping consists of shipping overpriced mid-quality steaks from France to your home because "I trust The French Department of Agriculture more than the USDA." Or something.
I’m from Chicago. I looked up the amenities and area with prices. I think it’s probably this building or a similar one.
https://www.realtor.com/realestateandhomes-detail/514-N-Peshtigo-Ct_Chicago_IL_60611_M76533-59775
https://www.realtor.com/realestateandhomes-detail/514-N-Peshtigo-Ct_Chicago_IL_60611_M76533-59775
If it is, that’s way better than the one PP lived in.
Anonymous
10/05/2022 00:17
Subject: Husband Resenting Me
Anonymous wrote:Streeterville...?
I'm sorry. I can't get over this. I haven't lived in Chicago in 10 years, but the below link was my building, on the Mag Mile basically, on LSD barely north of Streeterville. It's practically the same extremely upscale, safe neighborhood with amenities and everything right at your doorstep... High rise, doorman 24/7, etc...
And a 2BR of almost the same size is less than half the price.
https://www.apartments.com/1360-n-lake-shore-dr-chicago-il-unit-1901/w6k9cjj/
Maybe you're just extremely fearful of Chicago that you'd... well, apparently prefer to live in the "safety" of a commercial district or something-- or you think sheer expenditure of cash = safety.
I'm sure your building has a couple more amenities, but...
By my quick search, you must live in one of the literally 2-3 most expensive buildings in Streeterville itself. There's no way you're truly buying significantly better amenities and especially not more safety for the extra $1500-2000+ you're paying over most of the luxury buildings in *Streeterville*.
Your DH is being passive-aggressive, but there does come a time when the sheer amount of money being flushed down the toilet on rent is too mind-boggling to stand. Regardless of your income.
You're saying "Well, the rent is the same as we'd be paying for a mortgage" but you're missing the point that it doesn't HAVE TO. Your case here is poor.
It's like saying, "Well, we eat out every night and it costs us $200, but eating at home also costs us $200, so what's the difference?" Neglecting to mention that your grocery shopping consists of shipping overpriced mid-quality steaks from France to your home because "I trust The French Department of Agriculture more than the USDA." Or something.
I’m from Chicago. I looked up the amenities and area with prices. I think it’s probably this building or a similar one.
https://www.realtor.com/realestateandhomes-detail/514-N-Peshtigo-Ct_Chicago_IL_60611_M76533-59775
https://www.realtor.com/realestateandhomes-detail/514-N-Peshtigo-Ct_Chicago_IL_60611_M76533-59775
Anonymous
10/04/2022 22:36
Subject: Husband Resenting Me
Streeterville...?
I'm sorry. I can't get over this. I haven't lived in Chicago in 10 years, but the below link was my building, on the Mag Mile basically, on LSD barely north of Streeterville. It's practically the same extremely upscale, safe neighborhood with amenities and everything right at your doorstep... High rise, doorman 24/7, etc...
And a 2BR of almost the same size is less than half the price.
https://www.apartments.com/1360-n-lake-shore-dr-chicago-il-unit-1901/w6k9cjj/
Maybe you're just extremely fearful of Chicago that you'd... well, apparently prefer to live in the "safety" of a commercial district or something-- or you think sheer expenditure of cash = safety.
I'm sure your building has a couple more amenities, but...
By my quick search, you must live in one of the literally 2-3 most expensive buildings in Streeterville itself. There's no way you're truly buying significantly better amenities and especially not more safety for the extra $1500-2000+ you're paying over most of the luxury buildings in *Streeterville*.
Your DH is being passive-aggressive, but there does come a time when the sheer amount of money being flushed down the toilet on rent is too mind-boggling to stand. Regardless of your income.
You're saying "Well, the rent is the same as we'd be paying for a mortgage" but you're missing the point that it doesn't HAVE TO. Your case here is poor.
It's like saying, "Well, we eat out every night and it costs us $200, but eating at home also costs us $200, so what's the difference?" Neglecting to mention that your grocery shopping consists of shipping overpriced mid-quality steaks from France to your home because "I trust The French Department of Agriculture more than the USDA." Or something.
I'm sorry. I can't get over this. I haven't lived in Chicago in 10 years, but the below link was my building, on the Mag Mile basically, on LSD barely north of Streeterville. It's practically the same extremely upscale, safe neighborhood with amenities and everything right at your doorstep... High rise, doorman 24/7, etc...
And a 2BR of almost the same size is less than half the price.
https://www.apartments.com/1360-n-lake-shore-dr-chicago-il-unit-1901/w6k9cjj/
Maybe you're just extremely fearful of Chicago that you'd... well, apparently prefer to live in the "safety" of a commercial district or something-- or you think sheer expenditure of cash = safety.
I'm sure your building has a couple more amenities, but...
By my quick search, you must live in one of the literally 2-3 most expensive buildings in Streeterville itself. There's no way you're truly buying significantly better amenities and especially not more safety for the extra $1500-2000+ you're paying over most of the luxury buildings in *Streeterville*.
Your DH is being passive-aggressive, but there does come a time when the sheer amount of money being flushed down the toilet on rent is too mind-boggling to stand. Regardless of your income.
You're saying "Well, the rent is the same as we'd be paying for a mortgage" but you're missing the point that it doesn't HAVE TO. Your case here is poor.
It's like saying, "Well, we eat out every night and it costs us $200, but eating at home also costs us $200, so what's the difference?" Neglecting to mention that your grocery shopping consists of shipping overpriced mid-quality steaks from France to your home because "I trust The French Department of Agriculture more than the USDA." Or something.
Anonymous
10/04/2022 22:26
Subject: Husband Resenting Me
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:You live in Chicago? That’s a completely crazy rent to be paying, even with those amenities.
Agree it sounds insane, but we don’t know their HHI. Also agree with those who think it’s ridiculous to assume kids would not be ok sharing a 10x12 room for many years.
OP here. How would it work for two kids to share some room when you have a baby constantly waking up, sleep regressions, sleep training, etc.?
How is this a question? The infant sleeps with the parents until they are sleep trained. Are you really that ignorant to the millions and millions of people living in apartments with children worldwide?
OP here. We don’t really believe in that. My husband and I do not have our son in our room. He sleeps in the nursery for night sleep and most of his naps.
Another excuse.
OP here. No. It’s just a parenting choice.
We plan to buy a house for many reasons because this. We want to be a good school district, have a yard, have a guest room for my family, etc.
Well you’ll be dealing with this situation if you plan to have another baby in 1 year but don’t tend to buy a house for 2-3 years.
OP here. We won’t be having a baby in 1 year.
“ We definitely want two kids and we will be trying for a second next year. We may not buy a house in two years, but we will be in the next 3 years. I figured once the kids are toddlers, we will need more space.”
If you’re waiting until they are toddlers to need more space, then you’ll have overlap.
Anonymous
10/04/2022 22:21
Subject: Husband Resenting Me
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:You live in Chicago? That’s a completely crazy rent to be paying, even with those amenities.
Agree it sounds insane, but we don’t know their HHI. Also agree with those who think it’s ridiculous to assume kids would not be ok sharing a 10x12 room for many years.
OP here. How would it work for two kids to share some room when you have a baby constantly waking up, sleep regressions, sleep training, etc.?
How is this a question? The infant sleeps with the parents until they are sleep trained. Are you really that ignorant to the millions and millions of people living in apartments with children worldwide?
OP here. We don’t really believe in that. My husband and I do not have our son in our room. He sleeps in the nursery for night sleep and most of his naps.
Another excuse.
OP here. No. It’s just a parenting choice.
We plan to buy a house for many reasons because this. We want to be a good school district, have a yard, have a guest room for my family, etc.
Well you’ll be dealing with this situation if you plan to have another baby in 1 year but don’t tend to buy a house for 2-3 years.
OP here. We won’t be having a baby in 1 year.
Anonymous
10/04/2022 22:14
Subject: Husband Resenting Me
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:You live in Chicago? That’s a completely crazy rent to be paying, even with those amenities.
Agree it sounds insane, but we don’t know their HHI. Also agree with those who think it’s ridiculous to assume kids would not be ok sharing a 10x12 room for many years.
OP here. How would it work for two kids to share some room when you have a baby constantly waking up, sleep regressions, sleep training, etc.?
How is this a question? The infant sleeps with the parents until they are sleep trained. Are you really that ignorant to the millions and millions of people living in apartments with children worldwide?
OP here. We don’t really believe in that. My husband and I do not have our son in our room. He sleeps in the nursery for night sleep and most of his naps.
Another excuse.
OP here. No. It’s just a parenting choice.
We plan to buy a house for many reasons because this. We want to be a good school district, have a yard, have a guest room for my family, etc.
Well you’ll be dealing with this situation if you plan to have another baby in 1 year but don’t tend to buy a house for 2-3 years.